How I've dealt with being single and the urges and depressive feelings

[cyphercat]

I really started to take control of my emotions when I made the conscious decision to cut off certain avenues that led to depression.

In the past, I have let myself become immediately overwhelmed with emotion when I see a girl I am attracted to. If I believed the girl to actually be a girl I could be with, the attachment was great.

In the past, I let myself become negative towards women in general, God, and the notion of being with someone else. This was before I began cutting off myself from places where I would see girls I would be attracted to.

Now, I first notice an attraction to a girl, but if I consciously catch it, I can contain it and do away with it. I can honestly say that now there is nearly no depression and nearly no anger towards women. As simple as it sounds, all I had to do was cut myself off from places where I might run into attractive girls. I also had to immediately put away from myself any attachment or attraction to a girl.

Cutting off means just not looking at certain things or going certain places. If you think an attractive girl is going to be at a certain place, then ignore it. There is nothing wrong with this. There is nothing negative about looking away. However, there is that old anger and depression with looking.

So what we have is this point where I stopped opening myself up to encountering attractive girls. Then we have what followed, which was the noticeable lack of depression, anger, and every negative feeling I noticed before I started ignoring attractive women.

The simple solution for me was to stop looking, stop thinking, and just move away. It may not be that simple for others, but I think I am typical of this kind of male.

So that is my experience and advice for people who are single and are dealing with depression and anger that can be dealt with by just turning away.

 

[CatHerder]

What am I not understanding in your post?

Since when is it wrong and sinful for a man to be attracted to women? That's the way our Maker designed us. One can be attracted to the opposite sex without falling into sin.

I think that being attracted to women and trusting God to lead you to the right woman for you can be one of the most exciting times in a man's life. It's not supposed to lead to depression. Are you really managing your depression by avoiding half the world's population?

 

[cyphercat]

I'm speaking from my particular experience, and yes I suppose in communicating this it may come off the wrong way.
My post was intended for edification, encouragement, and support.

There's nothing wrong with being attracted to a nice looking woman. I do think, however, that the initial moment of attraction is short lived and anything past that leads to a sort of desire for that woman which can lead to a lack of fulfillment. In my experience if I see an attractive woman, I have to stop thinking about them otherwise I tend to desire that woman. Not necessarily sexual desire, but desire for affection which will never be fulfilled. This lack of fulfillment by desiring the affection and attention of many different women led to anger issues.
Again, this is my experience, and this post is meant for others who would immediately understand where I am coming from.

As for avoiding half of the world's population? If it works Then yes that's exactly what I'm doing.
The Lord's one for me will manifest herself at the right time. So I have no need of reaching out beyond what the Lord's work calls me to reach out to. Right now that's a small community and with that I am fine.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

I don't really understand a couple things in your post. I don't think that the desire to spend time with women is a bad thing by any means. Sexually lusting after every attractive woman you see and/or trying to sleep with them obviously isn't a good thing and neither is getting super attached to someone you barely know......but why is it a positive thing in your opinion to actively avoid attractive women that your interested in? There's something about that reasoning I don't understand. I mean if you want attention and affection....why avoid the very people you want to receive it from?

I'm not saying your wrong for making that choice or anything like that (I think celibacy is a good idea for anybody that can manage it)....I just don't get your point of view.

 

[cyphercat]

Girls I'm attracted to automatically bring out these feelings inside of me. If I see a girl I'm attracted to, I get a feeling of wanting to be with her, which leads to unfulfilment. I guess I don't go out of my way to avoid girls, I just shut off my feelings as quick as I can so as not to lead to resentment and depression.

 

[Bluecomet]

God said if you cannot contain yourself get a wife.

 

[cyphercat]

That's kind of going back to where we started isn't it?

 

[rachelsedge]

This was before I began cutting off myself from places where I would see girls I would be attracted to.

Isn't that pretty much everywhere?

As for avoiding half of the world's population? If it works Then yes that's exactly what I'm doing.The Lord's one for me will manifest herself at the right time. So I have no need of reaching out beyond what the Lord's work calls me to reach out to. Right now that's a small community and with that I am fine.

Can you explain to me what you mean by the Lor'd work for you? While I think it's great that you recognize where you start falling into sin, it seems a bit concerning to me that you would ignore ministering to a woman just because she's attractive.

I'm also a bit confused how she will manifest herself if you're ignoring/avoiding women?

 

[cyphercat]

Right now that involves going to church and being a good father. That's about all the Lord's work I can handle right now. I would minister to a woman if she was attractive.

 

[cyphercat]

I avoid girls because seeing them brings up feelings in me.

 

[cyphercat]

If they all bring up feelings in me, I don't know who to settle on.

 

[zaoman32]

I have to choose to be single, otherwise I'd have to pick and choose girlfriends, and then I got girls fighting over each other for my affections, and...ugh! it's just one big mess, I'm making girls depressed enough by choosing to be single as it is

 

[cyphercat]

I know what it is! Every attractive girl brings up the same feeling of longing in me and I have no idea who I should be with because no one stands out. It's the same butterfly feeling all over again every time.

 

[Stephen63]

I understand your point, like not going to places where a lot of girls are...... like public pools, bars (which we're not to be at anyway), Dept. stores that sell a ton of women's products, etc. As a minister, I think carefully where I go, not just to avoid temptation, but to keep my good from being evil spoken of. (Romans 14:16) It's not just a single's issue, btw.

 

[AmberGardner]

I've been single for 11 years come my birthday in August. When I become attracted to a man it can quickly become overwhelming if I do not take immediate control. Lust is a big, ugly battle. Attraction can quickly turn into lust especially when you've been single a long time.

God has a calling on some people's lives. It doesn't mean it's easy. I have learned through all the struggles to be content.

1 Corinthians 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

But Jesus is so close.

 

[cyphercat]

Okay, I think I can live with this now.

 

[jeremyd]

I get where you're coming from. It starts to get a lot easier to be around women whe the initial attraction is overruled by deflecting or ignoring it. Some women do the same thing.

It's actually quite foolish to let a women see that your interested initially. It's a tricky game, especially when those initial sexual attractions collide. Turning women down from their attempts intentional or not from their secret, hidden attempts at inviting you into their beds is always a convicting experience for them. I like it.

 

[jeremyd]

This is an entire underground, underhand way of showing that you are ready to have fun. The secret signals that unmarried and married men and women give are spreading. And so is the darkness that hides this kind of seduction.

I'm guilty of it, It's incredibly difficult to.contain the high amount of lust involved with this type of exchange. Never to the point of sex though. Their's a fight going on behind the curtain.

 

[Ugly]

I don't see why people are so confused by the OP. Sounds pretty simple. He was depressed and frustrated with being single, and realized focusing on women he was attracted to was a major part of it. So to help with those feelings, he is trying to keep himself from dwelling on the things that feed his depression and anger. In this case, it's women he's attracted to. Not sure how this is complicated. Seems some of you have made the post more convoluted and negative than it really was.