Hello Everyone,
Lately, I've seen a lot of discussion in the forums and in chat about whom Christians should date, and it seems that the "good Christian answer" is that Christians should always date other Christians and that it should be a no-brainer... with a reference to the passage that says we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
However, is it just me, or have you any of you had some extreme frustrations in dating other Christians? Whether it be doctrinal disagreements, maturity differences, etc.--what are your experiences and what advice do you have?
I, myself, am trying to adhere to a personal guideline of only dating Christians, but here are a few of my own frustrations with the guys I have met:
1. The guy who, when I was having struggles or problems, would withdraw for a few weeks, fasting and praying over what I'd told him (which was great!), but then would proceed to "give me a word" that he expected me to follow and obey without question. When I told him, "Well, I don't really think that applies to what I'm going through right now..." he said, "Well Kim, if you can't accept a Word from God, then I truly feel sorry for you," while naturally having several passages to quote in order to back his stance. (Of course, what I wanted to ask next was, "Who made YOU God?" but, I was good and restrained myself.)
2. Guys who are Christians (and/or were raised as Christians) but have had (or are still having) strong issues with addictions (sex, drugs, alcohol) but have an attitude of either, "God's forgiven (or will forgive) me," or, on the opposite end, "I'm such a failure" (in a self-pitying way) but in both cases, they expect you to put up with their repeated, deliberately terrible choices because they have yet to change. (Or, they've supposedly changed... but think you shouldn't mind that they've had a history of say, sleeping with 25 other people (not an exaggeration--in some cases, the numbers have been higher)... doing hard drugs... etc. when that's not how you've chosen to live your life... NOT that I haven't made my own mistakes, but they expect me to be perfectly comfortable with their pasts and forgive all.) First of all, they didn't do these things against me so I don't feel they need my forgiveness (if they didn't sin against me, it doesn't seem like they should think I owe them some sort of forgiveness, do you think?) but does that mean I have to marry someone with that history if I don't have that history myself?
3. A guy friend who has only been a Christian for about 3 years and is the nicest guy, but very unsure of himself in his relationship with God--he's always calling me and asking, "Do you think it's ok if I do this [watch such-and-such movie] or do that [buy such-and-such product], or would God disapprove?"
I also had a good guy friend who started going to my church because he thought it would help his chances in trying to date me--we never did date but he became a Christian and has been very actively involved in the church ever since.
I don't want to think that I'd try to wait for a "good" unbeliever to be saved so that I could date him... but I do have to say, I'm frustrated with dating other Christians!! I guess all I can do is wait it out for a "compatible" Christian who's in a similar place in their walk with God?
What about you? (And I'm NOT trying to pick on the guys here--I know we women can be just as frustrating.)
Lately, I've seen a lot of discussion in the forums and in chat about whom Christians should date, and it seems that the "good Christian answer" is that Christians should always date other Christians and that it should be a no-brainer... with a reference to the passage that says we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
However, is it just me, or have you any of you had some extreme frustrations in dating other Christians? Whether it be doctrinal disagreements, maturity differences, etc.--what are your experiences and what advice do you have?
I, myself, am trying to adhere to a personal guideline of only dating Christians, but here are a few of my own frustrations with the guys I have met:
1. The guy who, when I was having struggles or problems, would withdraw for a few weeks, fasting and praying over what I'd told him (which was great!), but then would proceed to "give me a word" that he expected me to follow and obey without question. When I told him, "Well, I don't really think that applies to what I'm going through right now..." he said, "Well Kim, if you can't accept a Word from God, then I truly feel sorry for you," while naturally having several passages to quote in order to back his stance. (Of course, what I wanted to ask next was, "Who made YOU God?" but, I was good and restrained myself.)
2. Guys who are Christians (and/or were raised as Christians) but have had (or are still having) strong issues with addictions (sex, drugs, alcohol) but have an attitude of either, "God's forgiven (or will forgive) me," or, on the opposite end, "I'm such a failure" (in a self-pitying way) but in both cases, they expect you to put up with their repeated, deliberately terrible choices because they have yet to change. (Or, they've supposedly changed... but think you shouldn't mind that they've had a history of say, sleeping with 25 other people (not an exaggeration--in some cases, the numbers have been higher)... doing hard drugs... etc. when that's not how you've chosen to live your life... NOT that I haven't made my own mistakes, but they expect me to be perfectly comfortable with their pasts and forgive all.) First of all, they didn't do these things against me so I don't feel they need my forgiveness (if they didn't sin against me, it doesn't seem like they should think I owe them some sort of forgiveness, do you think?) but does that mean I have to marry someone with that history if I don't have that history myself?
3. A guy friend who has only been a Christian for about 3 years and is the nicest guy, but very unsure of himself in his relationship with God--he's always calling me and asking, "Do you think it's ok if I do this [watch such-and-such movie] or do that [buy such-and-such product], or would God disapprove?"
I also had a good guy friend who started going to my church because he thought it would help his chances in trying to date me--we never did date but he became a Christian and has been very actively involved in the church ever since.
I don't want to think that I'd try to wait for a "good" unbeliever to be saved so that I could date him... but I do have to say, I'm frustrated with dating other Christians!! I guess all I can do is wait it out for a "compatible" Christian who's in a similar place in their walk with God?
What about you? (And I'm NOT trying to pick on the guys here--I know we women can be just as frustrating.)