Hey everyone,
I've seen this so many times in the dating world, and I'm wondering how everyone else deals with it.
First of all, a few disclaimers: some people have certain preferences in dating... I understand that, and that's not what I'm talking about here. I do believe that in some cases, God puts certain preferences on our hearts. For instance, I'm open-minded to anyone God has for me but my preference is to marry someone of a DIFFERENT race than myself. After all, I was raised in a family that is not my own race.
But what I want to discuss here is why some people think it's perfectly acceptable to accuse others of racism if they're not interested in dating or talking to them.
Perfect examples:
1. I was in chat tonight and declined a PM from someone in another country. I had to turn down his request several times because he continued to attempt contact even after I had said I wasn't interested. His immediate answer? "You're racist!!!" I told him, no, absolutely not, but that I would be happy to report him to the mods if he so wished. And believe me, if it's someone continuing to harass me, I will report them NO MATTER what race they may be. No prejudices in that area, for sure!!!
2. Something I've seen this many times on the Christian dating sites--sometimes a person of another race from many of the others comes in... and when they aren't the immediate center of attention or greeted by everyone in the room, they immediately, and very loudly declare that everyone else in the room to be RACIST.
3. Similarly, I have read many accounts of men and women who say they are single because everyone else is racist and won't give them a chance. They come into chat rooms or post on forums and make sweeping, grand announcements that, "EVERYONE HERE IS A RACIST!!"
NOW, I AM NOT DENYING THAT RACISM DOESN'T EXIST. So many people think of racism as a strictly black/white issue. Please note from my picture that I am NEITHER white nor black.
And I can assure you, I have very personal knowledge and experience with racism, and sometimes members of my OWN race are the most vicious, all because of the fact that I am adopted. I have friends of many backgrounds, and ALL, white, black, green, or yellow, have experienced some form of racism. Many of my friends are in mixed relationships/marriages and have mixed children. I myself have NEVER dated someone of the same race as I am--not because of some sort of prejudice, but because I've just never met a single Korean guy with whom there was a mutual attraction or interest in dating.
BUT, what gives people the right to think that if someone doesn't want to talk to them, they can automatically accuse that person of being racist?
YES, race can be a factor. I'm certainly not denying that. I am sure there have been many times when I've been rejected because of racial issues myself... But MOST of us have faced this as well. And a good majority of us DO NOT go around accusing someone else of having a problem with racism because of it. People reject us for all kinds of reasons--family, medical history, social or economical status, body type (too thin, too heavy)... Why is it somehow acceptable to outwardly call someone who doesn't want to date you a racist???!!
For anyone who has been the victim of prejudice, I am sorry. You are not the only one who has gone through this. I have had at least one boyfriend openly stop talking to me because his cousin didn't like that I was of a different race. Yes, it hurts like all get-out. However, all I can do is go on with my life and ask God to help all involved.
BUT, when someone automatically throws out this accusation as the answer to ANY slight rejection or decline, there are SO many times I want to shout back, "HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THE FACT THAT YOU MIGHT BE RUDE, INTIMIDATING, OVERBEARING, AND INCONSIDERATE... and THAT might be the reason you can't get a date or significant other... NOT because of your race?"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but being a rude, demanding person is intolerable... and completely unattractive... NO MATTER what one's race may be.
Is it simply easier to hide behind a color or nationality... instead of looking in the mirror and facing the truth?
I've seen this so many times in the dating world, and I'm wondering how everyone else deals with it.
First of all, a few disclaimers: some people have certain preferences in dating... I understand that, and that's not what I'm talking about here. I do believe that in some cases, God puts certain preferences on our hearts. For instance, I'm open-minded to anyone God has for me but my preference is to marry someone of a DIFFERENT race than myself. After all, I was raised in a family that is not my own race.
But what I want to discuss here is why some people think it's perfectly acceptable to accuse others of racism if they're not interested in dating or talking to them.
Perfect examples:
1. I was in chat tonight and declined a PM from someone in another country. I had to turn down his request several times because he continued to attempt contact even after I had said I wasn't interested. His immediate answer? "You're racist!!!" I told him, no, absolutely not, but that I would be happy to report him to the mods if he so wished. And believe me, if it's someone continuing to harass me, I will report them NO MATTER what race they may be. No prejudices in that area, for sure!!!
2. Something I've seen this many times on the Christian dating sites--sometimes a person of another race from many of the others comes in... and when they aren't the immediate center of attention or greeted by everyone in the room, they immediately, and very loudly declare that everyone else in the room to be RACIST.
3. Similarly, I have read many accounts of men and women who say they are single because everyone else is racist and won't give them a chance. They come into chat rooms or post on forums and make sweeping, grand announcements that, "EVERYONE HERE IS A RACIST!!"
NOW, I AM NOT DENYING THAT RACISM DOESN'T EXIST. So many people think of racism as a strictly black/white issue. Please note from my picture that I am NEITHER white nor black.
And I can assure you, I have very personal knowledge and experience with racism, and sometimes members of my OWN race are the most vicious, all because of the fact that I am adopted. I have friends of many backgrounds, and ALL, white, black, green, or yellow, have experienced some form of racism. Many of my friends are in mixed relationships/marriages and have mixed children. I myself have NEVER dated someone of the same race as I am--not because of some sort of prejudice, but because I've just never met a single Korean guy with whom there was a mutual attraction or interest in dating.
BUT, what gives people the right to think that if someone doesn't want to talk to them, they can automatically accuse that person of being racist?
YES, race can be a factor. I'm certainly not denying that. I am sure there have been many times when I've been rejected because of racial issues myself... But MOST of us have faced this as well. And a good majority of us DO NOT go around accusing someone else of having a problem with racism because of it. People reject us for all kinds of reasons--family, medical history, social or economical status, body type (too thin, too heavy)... Why is it somehow acceptable to outwardly call someone who doesn't want to date you a racist???!!
For anyone who has been the victim of prejudice, I am sorry. You are not the only one who has gone through this. I have had at least one boyfriend openly stop talking to me because his cousin didn't like that I was of a different race. Yes, it hurts like all get-out. However, all I can do is go on with my life and ask God to help all involved.
BUT, when someone automatically throws out this accusation as the answer to ANY slight rejection or decline, there are SO many times I want to shout back, "HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THE FACT THAT YOU MIGHT BE RUDE, INTIMIDATING, OVERBEARING, AND INCONSIDERATE... and THAT might be the reason you can't get a date or significant other... NOT because of your race?"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but being a rude, demanding person is intolerable... and completely unattractive... NO MATTER what one's race may be.
Is it simply easier to hide behind a color or nationality... instead of looking in the mirror and facing the truth?
