why is it almost impossible to find good Christian people to date?

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DakotaNoland

Guest
#1
I've been in 3 relationships where I got cheated on and all I ever asked of them was to wait till we were married came close to getting married too which leaves me wondering if all the good Christian women are taken
 
Jul 25, 2012
1,904
24
0
#2
You know, I wanted just that as well. But, things have taken a slight turn in my life due to a reevaluation. I'm not entirely sure what His plans are for you and your life. But stay faithful, and love them non the less. God is faithful. Stay the course and keep praying.
 

Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#3
I've given this same thing considerable thought.


And my conclusion is that there are no good examples. Who are people that I'm suppose to be like? Joel Osteen? Ted Haggard? Shane Claiborne? Rick Warren? Ray Comfort? Who? But just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I'm going to fit in. In fact sometimes, being a Christian means not making a whole lot of friends at church.

I say this not asking for a Role Model but to point out that the expectation for what a Christian Male is suppose to look like is Very different than what he actually is. Most of the Women that I've met in church seem to want this guy...

Biff McHugs-a-lot.
Worship Pastor .

Biff is everywhere. EV RE WHERE. You'll find him sipping Lattes, strumming his acoustic guitar, reading Francis Chan, talking about struggles and lots of sharing.

Biff somehow seems to make more Biffs. Until there are whole churches filled with Biff. But Biff is the standard, the expectation, the example. Biff is what a Male Christian is suppose to look like. And I guess it must work, as long as you are willing to Be Biff.

As for the rest of us who have no desire to be like Biff, we are single.



Am I going to be attracted to a 25 year old woman who is trying to model her life after the most prominent Christian women in America, like Joyce Meyer or Beth Moore?

I can't speak for most men, but I'm not attracted to women like Joyce and Beth. But we do have Churches filled with Courtneys.




Went off to Christian College, was looking for a Young Michael W. Smith Lookalike. That didn't work out. Now just deciding on which of the Biffs to settle down with. *giggle*








So then there is the rest of us, the ones who wanted more depth than Book of the Month, Instagram and Coffee that the Courtneys had to offer.

The girls who wanted to be more like Christ than fit in, simply didn't see the appeal of Biff. So they too stayed Single.
 

AAAPlus

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#4
I've given this same thing considerable thought.


And my conclusion is that there are no good examples. Who are people that I'm suppose to be like? Joel Osteen? Ted Haggard? Shane Claiborne? Rick Warren? Ray Comfort? Who? But just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I'm going to fit in. In fact sometimes, being a Christian means not making a whole lot of friends at church.

I say this not asking for a Role Model but to point out that the expectation for what a Christian Male is suppose to look like is Very different than what he actually is. Most of the Women that I've met in church seem to want this guy...

Biff McHugs-a-lot.
Worship Pastor .

Biff is everywhere. EV RE WHERE. You'll find him sipping Lattes, strumming his acoustic guitar, reading Francis Chan, talking about struggles and lots of sharing.

Biff somehow seems to make more Biffs. Until there are whole churches filled with Biff. But Biff is the standard, the expectation, the example. Biff is what a Male Christian is suppose to look like. And I guess it must work, as long as you are willing to Be Biff.

As for the rest of us who have no desire to be like Biff, we are single.



Am I going to be attracted to a 25 year old woman who is trying to model her life after the most prominent Christian women in America, like Joyce Meyer or Beth Moore?

I can't speak for most men, but I'm not attracted to women like Joyce and Beth. But we do have Churches filled with Courtneys.




Went off to Christian College, was looking for a Young Michael W. Smith Lookalike. That didn't work out. Now just deciding on which of the Biffs to settle down with. *giggle*








So then there is the rest of us, the ones who wanted more depth than Book of the Month, Instagram and Coffee that the Courtneys had to offer.

The girls who wanted to be more like Christ than fit in, simply didn't see the appeal of Biff. So they too stayed Single.
This post deserves to be a published article. In fact, Liamson, I think you could definitely keep up a single's blog and it would be quite frequented and useful.

I believe that those who seek wisdom will find it. The OP is 20 and dissatisfied with past relationships, and almost got married. I think that most of us would agree that 20 is quite young to have had three relationships that could be considered serious. Liamson, on the other hand, has been there and done that. He has sought relationship wisdom and found it (I don't think any of us would argue otherwise). Now he knows what he wants and what he needs and is looking for it.
 

Liamson

Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#5
This post deserves to be a published article. In fact, Liamson, I think you could definitely keep up a single's blog and it would be quite frequented and useful.

I believe that those who seek wisdom will find it. The OP is 20 and dissatisfied with past relationships, and almost got married. I think that most of us would agree that 20 is quite young to have had three relationships that could be considered serious. Liamson, on the other hand, has been there and done that. He has sought relationship wisdom and found it (I don't think any of us would argue otherwise). Now he knows what he wants and what he needs and is looking for it.

I think you give me too much credit.
 
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arwen83

Guest
#6
I came into this thread ready to make a witty remark to the question, but found wisdom and decided to clam up. Very insightful Liamson!
 
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colalella2891

Guest
#7
I also was intrigued by your post Liamson. Good stuff bro, makes sense.

For the OP, all I can really say is trust God. For me personally, i'm not asking girls out on dates or anything like that. The farthest i'll go is talk to them, and be friends with them. God will bring the right girl into my life at one point, and He'll do the same thing for you. It may not be for a long time, but we have to accept His timing. That's how I see it anyway.

God bless ya bro.
 
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alehandra

Guest
#8
Totaly agree with u Liamson and colalle, a great post for liamson..
for
DakotaNoland just waiting and God HUNTING for you , be maximl in ur life and serve God first , seek Him..

Ecclesiastes 3:11 :
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[SUP][a][/SUP] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

Be blessing
-cilla-

 
Last edited by a moderator:
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#9
Because we're all... mad :) hehe...heeheehee... HAHAHA...MUAHAHAHAHAHA
 
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#10
But on a serious note- you'll only marry one guy or gal- so you'll only meet the one person. Can't really expect everyone else to be too much like them or there wouldn't be a point.
 
Dec 11, 2011
69
5
0
#11
Liamson, your post is just pure GOLD.

I can not tell you how many Biffs and Courtney's I've met. My friend and I used to say that you know how devoted a Christian young man was by how skinny his jeans were and how many times he wore plaid to church. There is just a "look" for Christian people now. I found it to be bizzare and a little gooble-gobble, but it really solidified why I would never look at the church as a home for me.

I dont belong because I'm not a Courtney. I dont want to get married, I dont enjoy slow acoustic songs, I really hate the almost-crying worship prayer by 24-year old somethings, and if I hear one more time how I should be witnessing to my co workers or resisting the urge to have sex I'm going to barf. Life is so much bigger...so soo sooo much bigger than this kind of culture- and there are too many other people who have more to say than a parrot who has learned the frilly Christian lingo of the week.
 
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Exoaria

Guest
#12
I really like this thread and it's possibly the only one that has made me feel comfortable on this website, and enables me to share my feelings without having to conform to the whole standard that I should talk like Biff and look like Biff. I'm not, and if I were I'd probably want to just spend my life in an attic where I don't have to look at the sun (I guess I almost do that anyway). However, I've never actually made the decision to not date unbelievers until now.
I'm not the type of person that needs a relationship to feel secure, but at the same time I do have hopes to just settle down in this world with someone that doesn't care for the drama of relationships and just wants to be with someone they like.

Here's a picture of me on the average day:
305288_10150348284659907_115918535_n.jpg

Do you think any nice Christian girl is going to want to have anything to do with me?
Nope.
Not unless I'm cute and corny ole' Biff.

Hopefully Jesus remembers the little sociopaths like me when he's planning people's romances and I might have the chance to be with someone who loves me for all my strangeness and awkward opinions.
Social is just not something I have the ability to do.
 
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Exoaria

Guest
#13
Wow, that last message I posted had a really big picture and it's awkward because I can't edit it and now my face will be taking up half of everybody's screens. ;~; Oh well. Just pretend it's smaller.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#14
Something else amongst the Christian community that always makes me want to dry-heave is the age-old, ever-recited verse about not being unequally yoked. What I find troubling is that Christians don't seem to realize it's almost tougher to find an "equal yoking" with a believer than with an unbeliever. (I am by no means saying we should go after unbelievers, I'm just pointing out that inequality among believers is a subject that is not adequately addressed. People want to set up believers with other believers and think that's enough, without any regard as to how widely varied and personal faith really is.)

My little brother had a long-term relationship with a wonderful girl whom he planned to marry, but her heart was in the local church, while his was in world missions. She wanted to stay in their tiny town forever; he wanted to travel and live around the world. Eventually, they decided their callings were not compatible and split up. Was either one wrong? No. Were they unequally yoked, even as believers? I would have to say, definitely, yes.

I feel I have a different calling than what most people would understand. I attend church regularly but I'm not interested in going to every service, event, potluck, music fest, or ladies' luncheon. Poor Biff would feel abandoned if he expected me to be at every event he was strumming his guitar for (no offense to Biff--I highly respect his calling... it's just not I know I am definitely not called to be Biff's Personal Groupie.)

Biff would be horrified, I'm sure, to have a girlfriend who prefers a ministry of talking to those in prison who are there for taking another person's life. Biff's idea of "sharing" would be a little bit different than mine. My idea of sharing is asking people who have done or been through extreme things if they believe all sins are forgiven, and that God has a plan for everyone, no matter what they've done in life. And if they do believe, what do they now think God's plan for them is, even if they will never again see life outside the prison walls? How can they now serve God, literally, from the inside out?

Poor, poor Biff. I'm sure if anything... he'd offer to pray for me. One, because he's such a nice guy. Two, because he probably thinks I'm demon-possessed.

And, I don't even have to go into all the reasons why I DEFINITELY don't fit in with the Courtney's...
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#15
Something else amongst the Christian community that always makes me want to dry-heave is the age-old, ever-recited verse about not being unequally yoked. What I find troubling is that Christians don't seem to realize it's almost tougher to find an "equal yoking" with a believer than with an unbeliever. (I am by no means saying we should go after unbelievers, I'm just pointing out that inequality among believers is a subject that is not adequately addressed. People want to set up believers with other believers and think that's enough, without any regard as to how widely varied and personal faith really is.)

My little brother had a long-term relationship with a wonderful girl whom he planned to marry, but her heart was in the local church, while his was in world missions. She wanted to stay in their tiny town forever; he wanted to travel and live around the world. Eventually, they decided their callings were not compatible and split up. Was either one wrong? No. Were they unequally yoked, even as believers? I would have to say, definitely, yes.

I feel I have a different calling than what most people would understand. I attend church regularly but I'm not interested in going to every service, event, potluck, music fest, or ladies' luncheon. Poor Biff would feel abandoned if he expected me to be at every event he was strumming his guitar for (no offense to Biff--I highly respect his calling... it's just not I know I am definitely not called to be Biff's Personal Groupie.)

Biff would be horrified, I'm sure, to have a girlfriend who prefers a ministry of talking to those in prison who are there for taking another person's life. Biff's idea of "sharing" would be a little bit different than mine. My idea of sharing is asking people who have done or been through extreme things if they believe all sins are forgiven, and that God has a plan for everyone, no matter what they've done in life. And if they do believe, what do they now think God's plan for them is, even if they will never again see life outside the prison walls? How can they now serve God, literally, from the inside out?

Poor, poor Biff. I'm sure if anything... he'd offer to pray for me. One, because he's such a nice guy. Two, because he probably thinks I'm demon-possessed.

And, I don't even have to go into all the reasons why I DEFINITELY don't fit in with the Courtney's...
lol....ain't that the truth. I remember one guy awhile back said something along the lines of.....I'm a calvinistic pre-millenian trinitarian continuational dispensationalist, am I unequally yoked if I hook up with a non-calvinist post tribber?

I don't even know what some of those labels mean, but man all that stuff drives me nuts.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#16
I've been in 3 relationships where I got cheated on and all I ever asked of them was to wait till we were married came close to getting married too which leaves me wondering if all the good Christian women are taken
Usually its the women making these posts about men. I find it ironic how people always come on a site full of Christians they get along with, and talk about how there is no one worth dating. Yet want nothing to do, romantically, with the people they think so highly of here. Perhaps there is more self sabotage going on in this regards than people are willing to admit or see.
 
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danschance

Guest
#17
I've been in 3 relationships where I got cheated on and all I ever asked of them was to wait till we were married came close to getting married too which leaves me wondering if all the good Christian women are taken
Well, I am 53 years old and I can say that my experiences with women has been similar. I have been married twice and both wives have stepped out of the marriage (I am choosing kind phrases here). Can I really blame the women or should I blame myself? I can't answer that for you, but I can for myself.

Women need to feel loved and not once a year. Women need to feel loved on a daily basis. When the relationship cools off, it is almost guaranteed it is the man's fault. Men are commanded by God to love our wives, because they need that. A relationship needs maintenance. You can't sweep the floors once a month and expect them to stay clean. It is the same with women. You have to win them over daily or they may look for someone else to do that.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#18
I really like this thread and it's possibly the only one that has made me feel comfortable on this website, and enables me to share my feelings without having to conform to the whole standard that I should talk like Biff and look like Biff. I'm not, and if I were I'd probably want to just spend my life in an attic where I don't have to look at the sun (I guess I almost do that anyway). However, I've never actually made the decision to not date unbelievers until now.
I'm not the type of person that needs a relationship to feel secure, but at the same time I do have hopes to just settle down in this world with someone that doesn't care for the drama of relationships and just wants to be with someone they like.

Here's a picture of me on the average day:


Do you think any nice Christian girl is going to want to have anything to do with me?
Nope.
Not unless I'm cute and corny ole' Biff.

Hopefully Jesus remembers the little sociopaths like me when he's planning people's romances and I might have the chance to be with someone who loves me for all my strangeness and awkward opinions.
Social is just not something I have the ability to do.
Sounds to me as if you have a pretty off kilter view of Christians. You seem to be rather judgmental in your tone and attitude of Christians, and throw them all in one box that you seem to be special enough to not be in. I've seen Christians that look a lot more wild than that, and guess what, so did their Christian wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend. So perhaps stop judging all Christians by one standard and drop the attitude that you're somehow above us all because you dare to be 'different'. (Which you really aren't, you look like 1000 other scenester Christians). Perhaps the reason you feel so put down is your approach to Christians is condescending and judgmental.

By the way, do you even know what a sociopath is? I see you have this in your post, and your profile. A sociopath is a person with no conscience. A Christian is a person, not only with a conscience of their own, but also the Holy Spirit prompting us, as a second conscience. This is why so many killers are labeled sociopaths. They can kill without regret or remorse. Is this you? Could you kill someone and go to bed as if nothing had happened?

Perhaps stop trying so hard to go out of your way to stand out and prove how different you think you are, and putting everyone else down for your misconceptions and just talk to people.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#19
Usually its the women making these posts about men. I find it ironic how people always come on a site full of Christians they get along with, and talk about how there is no one worth dating. Yet want nothing to do, romantically, with the people they think so highly of here. Perhaps there is more self sabotage going on in this regards than people are willing to admit or see.
Def. There's single Godly women all over the place here that would love to find themselves a husband.....there's tons of Godly guys here too that complain about not being able to find anybody. Why the people who are looking for a Husband/Wife don't just pair up with each other on here confuses me.
 
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#20
I really like this thread and it's possibly the only one that has made me feel comfortable on this website, and enables me to share my feelings without having to conform to the whole standard that I should talk like Biff and look like Biff. I'm not, and if I were I'd probably want to just spend my life in an attic where I don't have to look at the sun (I guess I almost do that anyway). However, I've never actually made the decision to not date unbelievers until now.
I'm not the type of person that needs a relationship to feel secure, but at the same time I do have hopes to just settle down in this world with someone that doesn't care for the drama of relationships and just wants to be with someone they like.

Here's a picture of me on the average day:
View attachment 55181

Do you think any nice Christian girl is going to want to have anything to do with me?
Nope.
Not unless I'm cute and corny ole' Biff.

Hopefully Jesus remembers the little sociopaths like me when he's planning people's romances and I might have the chance to be with someone who loves me for all my strangeness and awkward opinions.
Social is just not something I have the ability to do.
You, sir, have great taste in clothing.