Men and Honesty

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rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#21
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#21
I find that a lot of online profiles are cookie-cookie in style. Everyone wants someone who "loves to laugh, kind, honest, likes to have fun, trustworthy" etc. I've never seen a profile that said, "I really want someone who's mean, not trustworthy, totally boring, and lies to me."That's why it can be a bit difficult to gauge someone based on their profile, unless they do an excellent job of explaining themself as a person and more than just the basics.

Just a tip for those who want to make an online dating profile. Talk about your passions, what you like to do, your type of humor, etc. Because like zao said, honesty (among the other things I listed and more) should just be givens in a relationship. To me, if all someone's profile is are vague descriptions ("I'm funny, I like music. Hit me up if you want fun relationship") that doesn't show much depth to me.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#22
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
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#22
Agreed. My profile is pretty quirky. I figure they might as well know how weird I am right off. The ones that really capture my attention are the unique, different ones. I love creative and humorous photos. Your photos say so much about who you are! The best one I've seen yet was a guy sitting in the middle of a huge tulip field. All you could see was his head sticking out of the flowers with this goofy grin on his face. I still laugh thinking about it.
 
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Powemm

Guest
#23
#23
Is it that we are looking for someone to be honest with us or someone we can be honest too?
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#24
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#24
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Okay so I joined eHarmony a while back during a lonely phase, and I look through my matches every now and then to see what's up. I can't help by notice that literally 90% of the men I'm matched with lately have "honesty" listed in their profile as the one thing they most want in a woman. The first couple of times I saw it, I didn't think anything about it. But after that many people stressed that they needed honesty, I have to wonder...

Are honest women so hard to find these days? That seems like an answer someone would give if they'd had problems with dishonest women in the past, right? I dunno, I just found it a little strange.
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I think that women today are taught to be a certain way in order to win a man. Did you ever see Runaway Bride? It's something like that. Like what he likes, keep your true self hidden, if you manage to get married, then he can see who you are and, if he divorces you, well, there's always alimony.

I also think that women fear that they are unlovable the way they are, so they lie and hide and shield themselves, and then they feel they have to keep it up in order to be loved. Some women may also have had a very domineering parent or partner and so they learned to lie about where they've been, what they've done and what they spend and the like to keep the peace.

I know for a fact that there are times when I look at who I really am inside and see ugliness. It is in these moments that I am genuinely happy that I am single. It is these moments that meeting the one God has for me (if He has someone for me :) ) and getting to know them and ultimately marrying them is too exhausting to think about. Does this mean that I am already preparing to put up a front when I'm in a courtship? I don't know, but it bears thinking about.

Honesty is so very important, especially since the world thinks lying is the very smallest of sins, however it is on the list of people that will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven, so it's a pretty big deal and one that is so commonplace, I don't think half the women and men of this world even realize they are lying.

Just some thoughts... :)
 
C

colalella2891

Guest
#25
#25
rachelsedge said:
I find that a lot of online profiles are cookie-cookie in style. Everyone wants someone who "loves to laugh, kind, honest, likes to have fun, trustworthy" etc. I've never seen a profile that said, "I really want someone who's mean, not trustworthy, totally boring, and lies to me."That's why it can be a bit difficult to gauge someone based on their profile, unless they do an excellent job of explaining themself as a person and more than just the basics.

Just a tip for those who want to make an online dating profile. Talk about your passions, what you like to do, your type of humor, etc. Because like zao said, honesty (among the other things I listed and more) should just be givens in a relationship. To me, if all someone's profile is are vague descriptions ("I'm funny, I like music. Hit me up if you want fun relationship") that doesn't show much depth to me.
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I'm afraid to even consider online dating after seeing Catfish... It's so easy to just put fake stuff on a profile, and fool people. I'd probably never consider trying it. That's just me though.
 
D

djness

Guest
#26
#26
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Okay so I joined eHarmony a while back during a lonely phase, and I look through my matches every now and then to see what's up. I can't help by notice that literally 90% of the men I'm matched with lately have "honesty" listed in their profile as the one thing they most want in a woman. The first couple of times I saw it, I didn't think anything about it. But after that many people stressed that they needed honesty, I have to wonder...

Are honest women so hard to find these days? That seems like an answer someone would give if they'd had problems with dishonest women in the past, right? I dunno, I just found it a little strange.
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The number of women who I have met online who have used fake pictures and actually said it was them..well you may find it hard to believe. So yah, I can agree with the honesty thing, especially because they get involved with guys and think nothing of lying as long as they get that emotional fix they crave. {Personal experiences}

However I have come to find people lie about all sorts of things when you have no way to verify the truth. Especially online.

I would imagine if there were two catgories of dishonesty online it would be looks for women and amount earned for men.
 
D

djness

Guest
#27
#27
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Agreed. My profile is pretty quirky. I figure they might as well know how weird I am right off. The ones that really capture my attention are the unique, different ones. I love creative and humorous photos. Your photos say so much about who you are! The best one I've seen yet was a guy sitting in the middle of a huge tulip field. All you could see was his head sticking out of the flowers with this goofy grin on his face. I still laugh thinking about it.
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So did he get a date?
 
N

NukePooch

Guest
#28
#28
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Oh no, haha... Hmmm, you must have answered your survey like a biker. :p Most of the ones I was matched with are artist types, which can be quite interesting. Lots of photos of them in character for theater productions. ;-)
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So, eHarmony matched you with a bunch of gay thespians?




(grin)
 
G

gillisg

Guest
#30
#30
Hey. Im new here i read your post. In ny opinion eharmony is not the best place to go for single christians. I understand that both couples must be honest with each other to make a relationship work. I believe that a couple needs to get to know each other better by spending time togeather it is hard to build a relationship only over the computer.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#31
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#31
Hi gillisg, welcome! I'm new too. Have you ever tried eHarmony? From what I understand, it's just a vehicle for meeting like-minded and compatible people. The location settings allow you to meet local people so that the relationship isn't only on-line. I'm sure there are problems with it, as with anything else, but for people looking for like-minded Christians whose personalities compliment one another (rather than a free-for-all meat market like Christian Mingle and others), it's probably the best option out there.
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#32
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
48
#32
Shouryu said:
A woman I know who met her eventual husband (my ex-roommate) on eHarmony told me that men were consistently dishonest on the site in one specific area.

Height. Apparently, the men she met, except for my roomie, all lied about their height. To me, it seems a stupid thing to lie about, because you're going to get found out, obviously. But for Bethany, it was particularly obviously, because "when you're a 5'11" woman, no lie, you know immediately when the man you just met is definitely not 6 foot or taller."

*shrug* I'm really 5'8. I wish I was taller.

(For those of you wondering, Mia is at least 5'11". One of the many reasons why I refuse to get my hopes up. ^_^ )
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...short answer, seemingly so, yes. Being one who has 'misread' signs women gave, or been cheated on, or etc etc...yes...forthrightness seems to be given sparingly these days in that regard. Not saying 'is', but 'seems' to be.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#34
Aug 2, 2009
24,579
4,268
113
#34
Grace-Like-Rain said:
Okay so I joined eHarmony a while back during a lonely phase, and I look through my matches every now and then to see what's up. I can't help by notice that literally 90% of the men I'm matched with lately have "honesty" listed in their profile as the one thing they most want in a woman. The first couple of times I saw it, I didn't think anything about it. But after that many people stressed that they needed honesty, I have to wonder...

Are honest women so hard to find these days? That seems like an answer someone would give if they'd had problems with dishonest women in the past, right? I dunno, I just found it a little strange.
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Honestly, I don't know.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#36
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#36
I did the eharmony profile whatnot and I answered honestly about my attitudes and whatnot and at the end it said, "Sorry. There are no matches for you." I laughed because, honestly, all it proved was that the men on that site want a perfect woman, not a flawed woman.

I am against all online dating sites, personally, but God hasn't told me that they are off limits for all His children, so I don't condemn or judge others that use these type of sites. I used to create profiles all the time and then delete them and then create them and I asked God why I was doing that when He specifically told me to stay away from them and He showed me that I like talking about myself, thus I would create profiles because it was all about me. :) I haven't gone near those sites in years. :D I guess finding out that I was an ego maniac helped break the cycle. LOL
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#38
#38
rachelsedge said:
To me, if all someone's profile is are vague descriptions ("I'm funny, I like music. Hit me up if you want fun relationship") that doesn't show much depth to me.
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This is especially funny because this is especially true. The vast majority of profiles will often say, "Hi, I'm so-and-so! I love music and I really like having fun!"

Oh yeah? I like breathing and not being in a body cast. How about we list some other stupidly obvious things?

Vagueness isn't even where the issue begins. You like having fun? Wow, what a concept.
I-Had-Fun-Once-It-Was-Awful.jpeg

"What do you like to do to have fun?"
"Have fun. That's what I do for fun, is have fun."

facepalm-1.png

And then the vague, "I like music!" Because you know, everyone likes to sit in their house or car and only listen to the hum of the air conditioner. Maybe even that's too much noise. "I like music!" is like saying "I like food!" There are so many levels of liking music or food, just saying you like it conveys absolutely nothing useful, except perhaps that you might be a little vapid. Of course, most people mean they like LISTENING to music, but that's still a broad assumption to make, because when someone like CatHerder, LoveNeverFails, or myself says, "I like music," it scales the statement in a ludicrously different way.

If I ever get around to revising my dating profiles again (which, I probably won't, because I pretty much consider the whole exercise over the last year to be a waste of time), I may fill it with insipid-yet-truthful insights such as, "I enjoy being awake," and "I spend most of my time consuming resources," and "I like to spend my spare time spending spare time!"
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#39
#39
Shouryu, why don't you tell us how you really feel :p
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#40
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#40
I tried online dating for about a year, and my experience was not great. It seemed fun at first but quickly went downhill. Christian mingle had the worst character of men. (I'd rather not elaborate. Let's just say that a police report was involved). Match was a more informative process with more selection. Eharmony's process was really time-consuming, and I was unimpressed with the men they matched me with, for the most part. There was a lot of the same vague information in most of the profiles. And the tendency was to talk about how much they love Jesus just before trying to get me in bed.

My sister met her almost-fiancee on match, so it can't be all bad. I met a couple of nice guys, but they were the exception. Maybe it's just a problem in the Dallas area.
 
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