Take a moment

  • Thread starter xXErraticEmilyXx
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#1
#1
I am writing this thread because I think that we all need to take a moment. Sometimes we crave a romantic relationship with someone special. We imagine what they would be like. Kind, intelligent, unique, creative, intuitive- whatever you dream. We think about how we would go places with them, hug, watch movies with, have someone to talk to, arms to hold you. But we have to decide if this is something that we want, or if it's something someone deserves. Should we be in a relationship because we want something or because someone deserves it? We all can confirm that a relationship is about them. A relationship is about being selfless. We should not do things because it makes us feel good, but because it makes someone else feel good. Now we've come back to why I am writing about this topic. So many of us are yearning for a relationship with someone that we have never met. Does this mean that maybe it is about... us? Now, it is good to want to love, protect, and support someone, but the thesis of this post should not be overlooked. Are we feeling lonely, or are we feeling selfish? Are we looking for a relationship so that we can be somebody? Could we do more to exude selflessness? Are our motives as right as we think they are? This thread is not here to put you on the spot, to judge you, to belittle you, or to challenge you. It is simply to get us to think about what real reasons there are behind feeling "lonely." Is this an emptiness that could be filled by God and doing his works? Are we lonely, or are we selfish?
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#2
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#2
Yeah, I heard a quote once. It went something along the lines of, 'Don't marry someone because you can see yourself with them, don't marry someone because you don't want to be alone, don't marry someone because you feel you deserve to be with someone but, marry someone because your very happiness is tied to their well being and happiness.'


Maybe I just slurred some Maya Angelou with some Kierkegaard. I dunno but, Essentially, if we grasp what love means, we realize that its so much bigger than being about ourselves.


Good thread Emily. :)
 
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#3
#3
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 
JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#4
May 9, 2012
1,514
25
0
#4
What you said is definitely important to the Disney princess generation which teaches that every happy ending is based on the notion you can't be truly happy until you with your "prince charming"/"princess". The reality is that we are all flawed people. When I was younger, I had that model of prince charming in my head over and over and I was seeking that prince charming by dating everybody. Spoiler alert: IT DOESN'T WORK. The reality is that you can't expect someone to not make mistakes. We are each imperfect individuals. As I've grown up a bit more, I have realized that my happiness is only truly fulfilled if I make someone else happy...which is quite opposite of the Cinderella dream. Marriage is more than the wedding ceremony; it's only truly "happy" when it is based on the principles of Christ through making your "soul mate" ( I have that in quotes for a reason) happy and establishing growth in their faith with the Lord. That being said, if Christ is not the root of your marriage/any relationship in general, it is destined to fail.
 
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Relena7

Guest
#6
#6
xXErraticEmilyXx said:
I am writing this thread because I think that we all need to take a moment. Sometimes we crave a romantic relationship with someone special. We imagine what they would be like. Kind, intelligent, unique, creative, intuitive- whatever you dream. We think about how we would go places with them, hug, watch movies with, have someone to talk to, arms to hold you. But we have to decide if this is something that we want, or if it's something someone deserves. Should we be in a relationship because we want something or because someone deserves it? We all can confirm that a relationship is about them. A relationship is about being selfless. We should not do things because it makes us feel good, but because it makes someone else feel good. Now we've come back to why I am writing about this topic. So many of us are yearning for a relationship with someone that we have never met. Does this mean that maybe it is about... us? Now, it is good to want to love, protect, and support someone, but the thesis of this post should not be overlooked. Are we feeling lonely, or are we feeling selfish? Are we looking for a relationship so that we can be somebody? Could we do more to exude selflessness? Are our motives as right as we think they are? This thread is not here to put you on the spot, to judge you, to belittle you, or to challenge you. It is simply to get us to think about what real reasons there are behind feeling "lonely." Is this an emptiness that could be filled by God and doing his works? Are we lonely, or are we selfish?
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It's only selfish if you take more than you give. It's supposed to be mutual. If you have a natural abundance of emotional support and understanding to give that the other person needs, it's possible to be generous and not even realize it. And the other way around too. Being in a relationship isn't selfish unless you join one for the wrong reasons.

Anyway, loneliness isn't necessarily selfish, as long as it isn't the toxic kind of loneliness. Some people like to nurture, so they will get something out of making the lonely feel better. See? Still mutual. :)
 
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xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#7
#7
Relena7 said:
It's only selfish if you take more than you give. It's supposed to be mutual. If you have a natural abundance of emotional support and understanding to give that the other person needs, it's possible to be generous and not even realize it. And the other way around too. Being in a relationship isn't selfish unless you join one for the wrong reasons.

Anyway, loneliness isn't necessarily selfish, as long as it isn't the toxic kind of loneliness. Some people like to nurture, so they will get something out of making the lonely feel better. See? Still mutual. :)
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The question in the OP is "should we give love to receive it?" this is what I want the forum to think about. We do not love others because they love us or will love us. We do not do works of God to get anything in return- we simply do it because we love him; not because of gifts in heaven or fear of hell. Should we not carry this out with those around us? Love does not expect anything in return. Now I know that this may steer into the toxic and abusive relationships, but I would like to focus on this specific point. Love is not selfish.
 
C

chatter23

Banned
#8
Oct 12, 2013
481
0
0
#8
xXErraticEmilyXx said:
I am writing this thread because I think that we all need to take a moment. Sometimes we crave a romantic relationship with someone special. We imagine what they would be like. Kind, intelligent, unique, creative, intuitive- whatever you dream. We think about how we would go places with them, hug, watch movies with, have someone to talk to, arms to hold you. But we have to decide if this is something that we want, or if it's something someone deserves. Should we be in a relationship because we want something or because someone deserves it? We all can confirm that a relationship is about them. A relationship is about being selfless. We should not do things because it makes us feel good, but because it makes someone else feel good. Now we've come back to why I am writing about this topic. So many of us are yearning for a relationship with someone that we have never met. Does this mean that maybe it is about... us? Now, it is good to want to love, protect, and support someone, but the thesis of this post should not be overlooked. Are we feeling lonely, or are we feeling selfish? Are we looking for a relationship so that we can be somebody? Could we do more to exude selflessness? Are our motives as right as we think they are? This thread is not here to put you on the spot, to judge you, to belittle you, or to challenge you. It is simply to get us to think about what real reasons there are behind feeling "lonely." Is this an emptiness that could be filled by God and doing his works? Are we lonely, or are we selfish?
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It is okay to feel lonely. There is an emptiness that can create a longing that cannot be fulfilled and create a hunger for fulfillment that only god can fulfill. God said He wants to fill our cup in a way that nothing else can satisfy.
Sometimes He uses emptiness to bring us to Him.. Hunger is an emptiness and we have a way to fill that emptiness, that is to hunger and thirst after righteousness.
 
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Relena7

Guest
#9
#9
xXErraticEmilyXx said:
The question in the OP is "should we give love to receive it?" this is what I want the forum to think about. We do not love others because they love us or will love us. We do not do works of God to get anything in return- we simply do it because we love him; not because of gifts in heaven or fear of hell. Should we not carry this out with those around us? Love does not expect anything in return. Now I know that this may steer into the toxic and abusive relationships, but I would like to focus on this specific point. Love is not selfish.
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I guess my point was I don't see why it shouldn't be both. You can absolutely love someone if they don't return the love back. But that wouldn't be much of a relationship.

Then again, after hurting my brain over this thread for about half an hour or so, I come to realize maybe you didn't mean the opposite of what I just said anyway.....
 
D

Dreamweaver

Junior Member
#10
Oct 18, 2014
4
0
0
#10
My husband believed in marriage so much, he went off and married someone else. Don't believe in love any more. Sorry.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#11
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,166
113
#11
Who's lonely? I'm happy being single. I'll probably be happy when I'm married too, if I ever get married.

But I know what you're talking about. I've seen a lot of people who rush to get married because they think they are lonely.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#12
#12
Since I was little I always dreamed of marrying my prince charming and live happily ever after. Well, after maturing into a young lady, I began to realize that was far reaching. And as I grew into an adult I found that whoever that man is he won't be perfect, but because God would put us together, it would be a perfect fit for me. Now, I would love to get married, have babies, and do all the wonderful things that families do, but recently I have came to a realization that I don't want to get married right away because I have a desire to finish my degree and grow in my faith in Jesus. However, if God has a different plan then so be it.
 
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Breeze7

Guest
#13
#13
xXerraticEmily I like your thread. Are we looking for a relationship because we are feeling lonely or because we are feeling selfish. Are we looking for a relationship for us or for them. These things were a few you mentioned. I know what your explaining. Relationships are such a huge thing in our lives. We learn how to be who we are thru relationship. relationship with parents or gaurdians start our enjoyment of relationship or not in some cases. People are social creatures. We are like plants that do better when somebody cares for them or talks to them.

After being in relationship once, relationships are that much more attractive. Not for what we can get out all the time from friendship or whatever but, also what we can give. I find myself wanting a relationship for comfortableness or some kind of normalcy of life I once had. Its strange to have a person to bounce things off of as far as ideas and then not have any one for a very long time. And it is selfish or it feels this way once in a while. Anyway, I'm glad for this thread.
 
JGuy

JGuy

Junior Member
#14
Apr 18, 2013
28
0
1
#14
cmarieh said:
Since I was little I always dreamed of marrying my prince charming and live happily ever after. Well, after maturing into a young lady, I began to realize that was far reaching. And as I grew into an adult I found that whoever that man is he won't be perfect, but because God would put us together, it would be a perfect fit for me. Now, I would love to get married, have babies, and do all the wonderful things that families do, but recently I have came to a realization that I don't want to get married right away because I have a desire to finish my degree and grow in my faith in Jesus. However, if God has a different plan then so be it.
Click to expand...
I realize that the notion of "perfect" in this topic is a person one might imagine as being the 100% best fit for a relationship. And assuredly not perfect in the sense of absolutely perfect - clearly, only Jesus was & is perfect. So, without conflating those two notions of perfection, it seems for either a thought provoking concept - at least to me - that Jesus bride (the church) is made from imperfect people. But we are made perfect in Christ by the grace of God.

For whatever it's worth, I think some imperfections (in the sense of things we think we wouldn't want to deal with) could become a fun or endearing part of a relationship. In part, that is why I doubt we know what a perfect person for marriage actually would be. To make it worse, parts of what we might imagine as being perfect, might lead to our own stagnation or even unraveling.

And since we are all broken people, a relationship that has imperfections has potential to challenge us in ways that will test us and cause us to grow spiritually... and this is in ways that the relationship we imagine would be perfect wouldn't foster. That's not to say we should actively seek a challenging relationship! That wouldn't be too smart. I suspect every person you think is perfect won't be..so there will be challenges anyway. Just be willing to tolerate certain "imperfections" to allow for God's love to prevail in and through us.

God knows who - if anyone - is actually perfect for us for His kingdom. In the meantime, we have the opportunity, on earth, to be single and live contently in & for Him.

For whatever it's worth, I enjoyed the following sermon. Perhaps, you will find it edifying and/or useful too:

Pastor Jon Courson Bible Teachings - Play Teaching
 
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BibleReader

Guest
#15
#15
Any uplifting relationship you have is a blessing given to you from God. Of course, how do you measure that, pursuing, waiting for God's timing, all the practical realities of wanting, being patient, feeling selfish, at times glamorizing your dream person. It's something that lingers in my heart, no lie.
 
M

mystikmind

Guest
#16
#16
Dreamweaver said:
My husband believed in marriage so much, he went off and married someone else. Don't believe in love any more. Sorry.
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I can understand this feeling, my wife is divorcing me.

I say i still believe in love and marriage, but it is more of an 'anticipatory' response than a current status! Because right now i do not at all see the value of marriage, but, i know myself well enough to realize that i will probably stupidly change my mind if i fall in love again! lol
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#17
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#17
cmarieh said:
Now, I would love to get married, have babies, and do all the wonderful things that families do, but recently I have came to a realization that I don't want to get married right away because I have a desire to finish my degree and grow in my faith in Jesus. However, if God has a different plan then so be it.
Click to expand...
That's the perspective I've grown into as well. Much less stressful. :eek:
 
kodiak

kodiak

Senior Member
#18
Mar 8, 2015
4,995
290
83
#18
JonahLynx said:
That's the perspective I've grown into as well. Much less stressful. :eek:
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Just trust God. I have always felt like it was best to let God lead you into a relationship. This is why I never dated in school, and have yet to go on a date. I am waiting on God to lead me.
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#19
#19
JGuy said:
I realize that the notion of "perfect" in this topic is a person one might imagine as being the 100% best fit for a relationship. And assuredly not perfect in the sense of absolutely perfect - clearly, only Jesus was & is perfect. So, without conflating those two notions of perfection, it seems for either a thought provoking concept - at least to me - that Jesus bride (the church) is made from imperfect people. But we are made perfect in Christ by the grace of God.

For whatever it's worth, I think some imperfections (in the sense of things we think we wouldn't want to deal with) could become a fun or endearing part of a relationship. In part, that is why I doubt we know what a perfect person for marriage actually would be. To make it worse, parts of what we might imagine as being perfect, might lead to our own stagnation or even unraveling.

And since we are all broken people, a relationship that has imperfections has potential to challenge us in ways that will test us and cause us to grow spiritually... and this is in ways that the relationship we imagine would be perfect wouldn't foster. That's not to say we should actively seek a challenging relationship! That wouldn't be too smart. I suspect every person you think is perfect won't be..so there will be challenges anyway. Just be willing to tolerate certain "imperfections" to allow for God's love to prevail in and through us.

God knows who - if anyone - is actually perfect for us for His kingdom. In the meantime, we have the opportunity, on earth, to be single and live contently in & for Him.

For whatever it's worth, I enjoyed the following sermon. Perhaps, you will find it edifying and/or useful too:

Pastor Jon Courson Bible Teachings - Play Teaching
Click to expand...
I have my shortcomings and my "perfect" guy has those strengths and so we would be a great blend. For example I am not so great at living in the moment and my desire is to have that guy be the type that has no problem doing that. I know that there is no such thing as perfect, but I believe there is people that are a great blend for each other.
 
K

Kaycie

Guest
#20
#20
I've examined myself with the same question, and came to a conclusion. God made marriage, God made families, and God gave us that desire to love another. I don't think it's selfish, I think it's natural, and nature is of God.
 
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