Two people. Two OPPOSITE love languages. But, they in love. Can they make it work ?

[GreenNnice]

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— Discover your Love Language —

Of the 5 love languages, what happens when two people who are in love realize that they are complete opposites in how they speak to each other in love language.

One of the two is always wanting you to do acts of service for them, like, opening their door for restaurants, and, pushing in their seat at the table before going to your own seat, and, you LOVE this person, but you HATE doing acts of service.

And, gets worse, the other person hates the way that YOU ( their mate/girlfriend/boyfriend) NEED to have love expressed by them to YOU, which is Words of Affirmation. You just don't give complements well !


Can this kind of relationship make it ?


Let's take this from a singles perspective AND a married person's perspective because I would like both's perspectives and experiences of this topic.

For your situation that was of this kind of love language extreme contrast, what happened to change things for the better? God intervened how? What did He tell you to do, how did He lead you to tolerate and, EVEN, become accepting of your mate's NEEDED love language.



[HR][/HR]

 

[Loveneverfails]

When we are selfless and striving to submit to one another in love, this can be done. The key is to appreciate, rather than resent the love languages of your significant other. When resentment creeps in, and one partner focuses on how they wish their partner had a different love language, or how they wish their partner would meet their needs, dissatisfaction grows and the relationship suffers.

My boyfriend and I have completely different needs and ways to express and receive love. And I'm okay with that. one of my love languages is words of affirmation, which is unfortunate for my boyfriend because he struggles with words, partially because of his nature and partially because English is his second language. Without any prodding or manipulation from me, he figured out my love language and over time he has become much more comfortable using words to encourage me, simply because he wants to make me feel loved. Likewise, his love language is acts of service, so for him actions literally speak louder than words. It's EASIER for me to show love with words, but I have learned to go out of my comfort zone and show him love with acts of service instead because I want him to feel loved. I enjoy doing that, and in my experience, it gets better and easier over time, and the relational benefits are worth it.

 

[MissCris]

I'm just going to go with No, they can't, and not elaborate.

...er...yeah, that'll be all.

 

[Jullianna]

If your question is simply "Can they make it work?", my answer would be probably, but why settle for "making it work"? Relationships can be so much richer than "making it work" if both parties take the time to learn the other person's love language. It's not about what we LIKE to do and don't like to do. It's about serving and giving, whether you feel like it or not. It's selflessness. (see 1 Cor 13)

People have needs, and don't mean just sex. If those needs are not met, it is very easy for temptation to enter into the picture. Please note that I am NOT saying it is okay to cheat if your needs are not being met. I'm saying you need to get with your significant other and see what can be done about it, so don't think you are off the hook or can point the finger at the other party if you cheat. The other person may not even be aware that something is missing. Give them a chance.

Can I ask you a question though, Green? There are two scriptural instructions given to a man regarding how to treat his woman: 1. Cherish her; 2. Unto DEATH. So...the question in my mind is this: If a guy begrudges pulling a lady's chair out and/or opening her door for her, would he really be willing to DIE for her? God instructs women to respect and follow the lead of her man, so, for me this would be comparable to a woman being disrespectful to her man, you know?

The bottom line for me is this: If I have to ask or demand to be treated a certain way, I think I'd rather pass. It means far more if one's significant other takes the time to pay attention and/or ask questions in order to learn the other person's likes/dislikes/love language(s). For me, that's part of the dating/courting process. If that seems complicated, make it easy for one another and take the tests together, talk about it.

 

[Liamson]

I'm with MissCris on this one.

If a woman kept baking me cakes and wanting to snuggle, and I kept trying to spend quality time and engage with her about what makes her special.

I'm going to break up with her.

 

[maxwel]

One time I was at this little place down in Panama.

I was minding my own business,
when this girl comes over to me,
sits down,
and explains that her "love language" is 50 bucks...
U.S. Dollars only.

I explained that it wasn't going to work out,
because my love language was "words of affirmation."

She said,
"I'll talk to you all night if you have money."

 

[Pipp]

One time I was at this little place down in Panama.

I was minding my own business,
when this girl comes over to me,
sits down,
and explains that her "love language" is 50 bucks...
U.S. Dollars only.

I explained that it wasn't going to work out,
because my love language was "words of affirmation."

She said,
"I'll talk to you all night if you have money."

Some reason this made me laugh...A lot

 

[MissCris]

Bottom line for me is (yeah yeah, I wasn't going to elaborate), if two people are THAT different in how they show/feel love, then there almost always comes a point when one or both people involved get sick and tired of trying to act in a way that is just not natural to them. If I keep trying to spend quality time with my husband, and he would much prefer me to shut up and just snuggle on the couch with him, then we both eventually just feel resentment.

And resentment has no place in a healthy relationship.

 

[Ugly]

I think the concept of this book and general idea has less to do with learning about yourself, and more to do with learning about your other. You give to them what they need. If they need quality time, but you're a gift giver, then they should give you gifts, and you should give them quality time. That is the basic concept that defines marriage. You give selflessly to the needs of the other, and they, in turn, reciprocate by doing the same. The hard part is accepting that someone has a need that you don't comprehend because their need is different than yours. But, again, that can be marriage in general anyways.

 

[MissCris]

I think the concept of this book and general idea has less to do with learning about yourself, and more to do with learning about your other. You give to them what they need. If they need quality time, but you're a gift giver, then they should give you gifts, and you should give them quality time. That is the basic concept that defines marriage. You give selflessly to the needs of the other, and they, in turn, reciprocate by doing the same. The hard part is accepting that someone has a need that you don't comprehend because their need is different than yours. But, again, that can be marriage in general anyways.

That's all fine and dandy if it actually works...if both people can get around how they just naturally do things...but if they can't?

Misery.

 

[Ugly]

That's all fine and dandy if it actually works...if both people can get around how they just naturally do things...but if they can't?

Misery.

Well, if you care enough, you make it work. No one says marriage is easy. It is work. But you both need to have the desire to make it work. And the love, of course. A selfish person can't do this.

 

[DuchessAimee]

That's all fine and dandy if it actually works...if both people can get around how they just naturally do things...but if they can't?

Misery.

Can't or won't? A lot of people think they can't do something for someone or for themselves. However, in reality, that person is refusing to.

 

[GreenNnice]

Some good answers...... some not so good. 'Course, with God, all things are possible, I go by.


And, I am not talking having gone out on one or two dates, I am talking about having known this person for some time, like 2-3 months, or , GASP!, if you've never had arguments all your courting relationship, and, now, married, then, you DISCOVER that your completely different in how you 'operate.'

Your ability to FUNCTION depends on this ONE love language. YOU are, remember the words in the title, 'in love,' you ARE in love with this person and it's a deeeep love. Whether you are married, or, not, you really, really, reeeeeeeeally LIKE this person in this relationship. But, now they've served you notice, they NEED you to be a little kinder to them, to be a little more forthright in how you speak to them, hence, the 'love language' of 'words of affirmation.'


And, YOU, the one they are in love WITH, are, you're finding out, starting to suffer in the relatiionship because they do not do anything for you and you function/operate by ACTS OF SERVICE.

Now, I am just throwing those two out there for this example, which, seemingly, hit home for HisLoveneverfails and her beau. So.........

That is a great answer by the way, milady, YOU are making it work. Praise God !

Now, of course, as julieannie says, why make it work when you can just GIVE UP? Sure, you can. Many do. But, should you without, at least, trying to make things work with this person who is completely love-language different from you

 

[GreenNnice]

Some good answers...... some not so good. 'Course, with God, all things are possible, I go by.


And, I am not talking having gone out on one or two dates, I am talking about having known this person for some time, like 2-3 months, or , GASP!, if you've never had arguments all your courting relationship, and, now, married, then, you DISCOVER that your completely different in how you 'operate.'

Your ability to FUNCTION depends on this ONE love language. YOU are, remember the words in the title, 'in love,' you ARE in love with this person and it's a deeeep love. Whether you are married, or, not, you really, really, reeeeeeeeally LIKE this person in this relationship. But, now they've served you notice, they NEED you to be a little kinder to them, to be a little more forthright in how you speak to them, hence, the 'love language' of 'words of affirmation.'


And, YOU, the one they are in love WITH, are, you're finding out, starting to suffer in the relatiionship because they do not do anything for you and you function/operate by ACTS OF SERVICE.

Now, I am just throwing those two out there for this example, which, seemingly, hit home for HisLoveneverfails and her beau. So.........

That is a great answer by the way, milady, YOU are making it work. Praise God !

Now, of course, as julieannie says, why make it work when you can just GIVE UP? Sure, you can. Many do. But, should you without, at least, trying to make things work with this person who is completely love-language different from you

I am not knocking anyone either, that's how conversation goes on and answers are reached, thanks for your answers, all of you, blessings to you. God's wired us all different. Follow Him.

The Lord leads. "...you follow Me.' John 21:22

 

[Jullianna]

One time I was at this little place down in Panama.

I was minding my own business,
when this girl comes over to me,
sits down,
and explains that her "love language" is 50 bucks...
U.S. Dollars only.

I explained that it wasn't going to work out,
because my love language was "words of affirmation."

She said,
"I'll talk to you all night if you have money."

You know, we laugh about this, but in law enforcement, you talk with to a lot of ..ummm...women of the evening. You'd be surprised how many of them say that most guys need affection, affirmation and someone to listen. It's not just the sex.

 

[MissCris]

Well, if you care enough, you make it work. No one says marriage is easy. It is work. But you both need to have the desire to make it work. And the love, of course. A selfish person can't do this.

Can't or won't? A lot of people think they can't do something for someone or for themselves. However, in reality, that person is refusing to.

Yes, to both- I guess that's what I'm getting at; some people just won't try.

I'll just see myself and my negativity on out of your thread, Green.

 

[Ugly]

Yes, to both- I guess that's what I'm getting at; some people just won't try.

I'll just see myself and my negativity on out of your thread, Green.

I'm liking the first part.
The second part stinks and you better not leave or i'll.. i'll.. YEAH!

 

[Jullianna]

That's all fine and dandy if it actually works...if both people can get around how they just naturally do things...but if they can't?

Misery.

EXACTLY, Cris. THIS was exactly my point. You CAN MAKE it work, but why would you want to settle for that when there can be so much MORE? When you could possibly be with a person who speaks your language, knows what you need, takes the time to learn what you like, who shares your dreams?

 

[Jullianna]

Some good answers...... some not so good. 'Course, with God, all things are possible, I go by.


And, I am not talking having gone out on one or two dates, I am talking about having known this person for some time, like 2-3 months, or , GASP!, if you've never had arguments all your courting relationship, and, now, married, then, you DISCOVER that your completely different in how you 'operate.'

Your ability to FUNCTION depends on this ONE love language. YOU are, remember the words in the title, 'in love,' you ARE in love with this person and it's a deeeep love. Whether you are married, or, not, you really, really, reeeeeeeeally LIKE this person in this relationship. But, now they've served you notice, they NEED you to be a little kinder to them, to be a little more forthright in how you speak to them, hence, the 'love language' of 'words of affirmation.'


And, YOU, the one they are in love WITH, are, you're finding out, starting to suffer in the relatiionship because they do not do anything for you and you function/operate by ACTS OF SERVICE.

Now, I am just throwing those two out there for this example, which, seemingly, hit home for HisLoveneverfails and her beau. So.........

That is a great answer by the way, milady, YOU are making it work. Praise God !

Now, of course, as julieannie says, why make it work when you can just GIVE UP? Sure, you can. Many do. But, should you without, at least, trying to make things work with this person who is completely love-language different from you

NOPE. This is not what Jullianna said. I didn't say why make it work when you could just give up. I said why would you settle for making it work when there are better relationships to be had, when you would probably be more compatible with someone else. And please understand that I am talking about making these discoveries and commitments PRIOR to entering into a marriage you may likely regret later.

 

[maxwel]

You know, we laugh about this, but in law enforcement, you talk with to a lot of ..ummm...women of the evening. You'd be surprised how many of them say that most guys need affection, affirmation and someone to listen. It's not just the sex.

There's an old expression, "Talk is cheap."

Apparently it depends on who you're talking to.

: )