Red flags

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1

1still_waters

Guest
#1
I'm sure we've all known these people, and maybe you've even been one of them at a more naive time in your life. I'm wondering, is there a way to deal with these folks when they come to you for advice, or is it even one's job to give advice if they keep ignoring "red flags"? (red flag = clear warning sign)

At one time or another we've all dated the wrong kind of person. Regardless of glaring red flags, some even continue in relationships with them, even if every buzzer, siren and warning sign is going off. (By relationship I mean dating type relationships, not marriage relationships. If it's a marriage relationship, then yeah, you need to try your best to work things out. So please don't hear me wrong.)

What do you do if such a naive person continues coming to you for advice or an ear to talk to about their "situation"? I've literally gone red in the face pointing out huge red flags to people, yet they continue in their dating relationship. Is there a certain point where you just have to tell these people, "Ok, you know what is right and now you have to either make the right move or suffer the consequences?"

There is a certain disturbing part of me that does enjoy listening and trying to figure out relationship issues, so I know God brings these to me, so maybe I shouldn't be shocked these keep coming my way. Yes I actually enjoy it. At the same time, there is a certain point where repeating the same advice to clearly naive and stubborn person just becomes frustrating.
 

Conquer

Senior Member
Apr 8, 2007
157
2
18
#2
Col 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

A dutch translation gives a great translation. About being friendly but absolute (i hope i translated it right). To describe this... Answer with kindness, but make you statement absolutly clear.

People will find it harder to come back to you if they keep on doing the wrong think. So that will happen. Never reject the persons, but be very clear about there mistake. It is hard to give it a right balance. So I understand what you mean.

Do not only warn them... like this might happen and this... but say this will happen and this will happen if you do like that. To the point, straight in the eyes I always think. But still with kindness.

Forgiveness is also such a thing... Whenever someone comes back to ask for forgiveness, give it. Even if he comes whole day long. 7 X 70

I hope that my thoughts on your issue may help you further.
 
B

Baptistrw

Guest
#3
I'm sure we've all known these people, and maybe you've even been one of them at a more naive time in your life. I'm wondering, is there a way to deal with these folks when they come to you for advice, or is it even one's job to give advice if they keep ignoring "red flags"? (red flag = clear warning sign)

At one time or another we've all dated the wrong kind of person. Regardless of glaring red flags, some even continue in relationships with them, even if every buzzer, siren and warning sign is going off. (By relationship I mean dating type relationships, not marriage relationships. If it's a marriage relationship, then yeah, you need to try your best to work things out. So please don't hear me wrong.)

What do you do if such a naive person continues coming to you for advice or an ear to talk to about their "situation"? I've literally gone red in the face pointing out huge red flags to people, yet they continue in their dating relationship. Is there a certain point where you just have to tell these people, "Ok, you know what is right and now you have to either make the right move or suffer the consequences?"

There is a certain disturbing part of me that does enjoy listening and trying to figure out relationship issues, so I know God brings these to me, so maybe I shouldn't be shocked these keep coming my way. Yes I actually enjoy it. At the same time, there is a certain point where repeating the same advice to clearly naive and stubborn person just becomes frustrating.
That's hard because you want to be a good friend, but it does get frustrating. I would tell the person that you can't give advice unless they are willing to listen and do what you are advising them to do. They may get mad, but it ultimately a waste of time if they aren't going to listen. Then pray and for them. Its hard to really be strict cuz all of us are those naive stubborn people at some point in life.
 
G

goth4god

Guest
#4
my best friend has done this a few times. I warn her and i talk to her about it. if she keeps going out with the person its her choice. I just let her know that i will be there to catch her and help her out when she gets hurt.
 

sweetnshy

Senior Member
Sep 10, 2003
219
4
18
#5
I would also add that you should make sure that YOU take the time to think and pray about what you should say before you give a friend advice on something like that. I think that one of the main ways God speaks to us is through other people, so if there are some red flags, God does most likely want you to point them out to your friend. However, I've been on both sdes of this situation and have given out bad advice and had bad advice given to me simply because we just said what came to mind right away ratherthan taking the time to pray it through.
 
G

goth4god

Guest
#6
thats a really good point sweetnshy. I mean i never really thought about it even tho i do pray before i give advice. but i just never REALLY thought about it lol
 
T

Topher

Guest
#7
I think few people take the advice of others, unless they're really convinced it's right. Most people just kind of put the advice you give them into some part of their mind, then do what they want anyways. If they fail, and if you gave them the advice in a nice supporting way, they'll probably listen to you next time.
 

Pheonix

Senior Member
Jan 17, 2007
578
7
18
#8
The only way to get someone to see red flags and sirens, whistles and all the other Klaxons, it to let them realize they see them. Sometimes it happens too late other times, the person see's them in time. Just be there for the person when they do finally see the flags. Otherwise you may lose a good friend.
 
C

carpetmanswife

Guest
#9
i have a son in a marriage that is 'difficult' to say the least ,ive ranted advice , i know not smart.. ive also calmly discussed it with him, hes doesnt seem to listen so all we can do in this situation is let em know u love em and be there when they fall. We must be very careful not to get frustrated to the point that we push them away from us
 
C

carpetmanswife

Guest
#10
ooopsy sorry christian singles question ..i so overlooked that..anyway i think it still applies
 

olivetree32

Senior Member
Jan 4, 2009
226
36
28
#11
I'm sure we've all known these people, and maybe you've even been one of them at a more naive time in your life. I'm wondering, is there a way to deal with these folks when they come to you for advice, or is it even one's job to give advice if they keep ignoring "red flags"? (red flag = clear warning sign)

At one time or another we've all dated the wrong kind of person. Regardless of glaring red flags, some even continue in relationships with them, even if every buzzer, siren and warning sign is going off. (By relationship I mean dating type relationships, not marriage relationships. If it's a marriage relationship, then yeah, you need to try your best to work things out. So please don't hear me wrong.)

What do you do if such a naive person continues coming to you for advice or an ear to talk to about their "situation"? I've literally gone red in the face pointing out huge red flags to people, yet they continue in their dating relationship. Is there a certain point where you just have to tell these people, "Ok, you know what is right and now you have to either make the right move or suffer the consequences?"

There is a certain disturbing part of me that does enjoy listening and trying to figure out relationship issues, so I know God brings these to me, so maybe I shouldn't be shocked these keep coming my way. Yes I actually enjoy it. At the same time, there is a certain point where repeating the same advice to clearly naive and stubborn person just becomes frustrating.
just keep praying for wisdome still, because you want yor answers comming from the Lord anyways. let the holy spirit direct you.for me, when people ask questions, i pray for the answeres because i am not God, but i can pray and ask for more wisdome and for a word even. as it says in james 1 to ask for wisdome.
 
L

Leilaii425

Guest
#12
Red Flag- Looking in your window at night while your sleeping. That shouldnt come until AFTER the first two dates.