I grew up going to different churches, but they were mostly light Charismatic churches. (foursquare, assembly, pentacostal) But as I got older my dad quit going to church and kind of unplugged from life. My mother changed churches pretty often and went to progressively more Charismatic churches. Churches with rolling on the floor, drooling, trances, catchers, shoving, ridiculous tongues, laughing, convulsing, and sprinting around the sanctuary. I mean, we are talking about some Benny Hinn dark lord of the Sith type stuff.
When my mother had a series of Mental Breakdowns, she going to a really crazy church and they were doing some of the weirdest stuff I've ever seen. And whatever my mom said people just went with it. She would wrap herself in the curtains and say things like, she was the Woman who rides the beast in Revelation. She sold everything we owned and bought rice with it, because the Chinese were invading in her dreams.
But the scary thing for me was the amount of support she was getting from churches and pastors who were believing her and enabling her to completely lose her mind. It was either that or they avoided her completely. It was chaos, shame, pandemonium, terror, absurd and unbelievable, from wall to wall in my life.
At that point whatever reason I had to believe vaporized. I was 12-ish and I was scared but, I felt like the whole enchilada was make believe. I felt like Christianity was sham. I felt like no one could give me any real answers to my questions. Everything was either Sunday School or just because or complete malarky.
I told my mom that she was faking her condition for everyone's attention. (still a sore subject)
Finally she was put into a mental hospital. And she's had episodes like this again but, we know who to call and how to deal with it now. Its also been many many years since she's had one, so she might be okay.
I went to church with my neighbors, who attended a "Normal" church. It felt like an Oasis. I played church until I was old enough to move out and away for Good. I didn't look back.
Until the first girl I ever loved visited me with her family. She was a Christian, and I confessed my undying love for her at disneyworld. The next two weeks was truly magical but, at the end of it, she had to go home. So she broke my heart but, she left me with the realization that I was missing God in my life.
But it wasn't until I was like 20 that I turned back to God. I found myself at the bottom of the sea on a Submarine with no friends, no one to talk to and no escape. My ex girlfriend at the time had sent me a box of things to help me while I was at sea. A Bible, a journal, some worship CD's and a bunch of little nick nacks to occupy my time. If it wasn't for God, I would have cracked.
I realized that the only thing I needed to survive in this life was God. I could go anywhere and do anything and He would never leave me alone. (whether I wanted Him to or not) He had always been there for me, always teaching me, calling me, leading me. For as much as I listened, I failed. But He is Lord and He is my God.
