light streams in through my window causing a momentary pause where once a mighty strentgh would be drawn. It plays across my hands like gauntlets, though it's just the light of day.. It's still beautiful but for the first time since my salvation it offers me no comfort.
I stand there a moment in prayer; it's a silent prayer, convicted, still, a strong line between me and my creator. Neither of us has anything to prove to the other, I love and respect him and I am as he made me and will be as he intended me to be. Then I question his wisdom and sit quiet and alone.
Something feels broken.
I am 26 now. Like lots of born again Christians my faith is a choice; a clear moment of revelation where the veil over the world was peeled back and o had a momentary glimpse of the truth. That was almost a decade ago now. It used to be easy to trust in his wisdom, I was blessed with a keen intuition and though most church groups I found were currupt-even cultish-or used their faith as a measuring stick by which to persecute others I always stayed truth to the teachings of christ.
After all that seemed like the whole point, right?
Jesus told us the only way to god is through him and let's look at that a minute: Jesus had a message, a way of living, he was tempted on the mountain but stayed true, he made the hard choices, then did the right thing-even when it hurt, cost him everything. And I mean seriously, they nailed him to a bigass cross after whipping him- you ever been whipped? I have, it's not fun.
Now I'm starting to question everything though, I'm getting tired. Sitting here in sunny Brisbane alone in my room on my iPhone thinking " what now?"
I've spent the last 10 years traveling the world, before that I was homeless. I am not looking for sympathy here but honestly life has been really hard. As cool as "he walked the earth for ten years" might sound it's not fun. Especially when you have nothing to give in the first place and nowhere to really go... But gods strength always pulled me through.
It helps all my friends admire me like some kind of superhero but none of them are saved. At least none of them here I am really good friends withva woman called Michele Hererra. She's been like a mother to me. She's also the mother of Mike Hererra (the lead singer of mxpx) and she isbthe one who showed me the infinite Mecy of the Lord... But she lives in bremerton and that's a story for another time...
She says I am like king David, that people with my strength are rare in this world ad to be unique. She means it as a compliment but it's mote right than she knows. Strength without purpose is currupting. Knowing I can take what I want is sometimes a constant struggle. I need someone on side to help keep my focus up instead of here on what I am missing.
My entire life I have searched for love. I have helped people build families, find their place in the world, I have fought both physicly and emotionally tobhelp free our world of an evil I love God, he is my saviour and friend and I am blessed to have him in my life. mightier than I am just so innocence can still exist. I've done all these things hoping that along the way I would find that one person who could selflessly love me. I don't know who she is, I thought I did once, I told myself I did... But nowbi need her.
I stand there a moment in prayer; it's a silent prayer, convicted, still, a strong line between me and my creator. Neither of us has anything to prove to the other, I love and respect him and I am as he made me and will be as he intended me to be. Then I question his wisdom and sit quiet and alone.
Something feels broken.
I am 26 now. Like lots of born again Christians my faith is a choice; a clear moment of revelation where the veil over the world was peeled back and o had a momentary glimpse of the truth. That was almost a decade ago now. It used to be easy to trust in his wisdom, I was blessed with a keen intuition and though most church groups I found were currupt-even cultish-or used their faith as a measuring stick by which to persecute others I always stayed truth to the teachings of christ.
After all that seemed like the whole point, right?
Jesus told us the only way to god is through him and let's look at that a minute: Jesus had a message, a way of living, he was tempted on the mountain but stayed true, he made the hard choices, then did the right thing-even when it hurt, cost him everything. And I mean seriously, they nailed him to a bigass cross after whipping him- you ever been whipped? I have, it's not fun.
Now I'm starting to question everything though, I'm getting tired. Sitting here in sunny Brisbane alone in my room on my iPhone thinking " what now?"
I've spent the last 10 years traveling the world, before that I was homeless. I am not looking for sympathy here but honestly life has been really hard. As cool as "he walked the earth for ten years" might sound it's not fun. Especially when you have nothing to give in the first place and nowhere to really go... But gods strength always pulled me through.
It helps all my friends admire me like some kind of superhero but none of them are saved. At least none of them here I am really good friends withva woman called Michele Hererra. She's been like a mother to me. She's also the mother of Mike Hererra (the lead singer of mxpx) and she isbthe one who showed me the infinite Mecy of the Lord... But she lives in bremerton and that's a story for another time...
She says I am like king David, that people with my strength are rare in this world ad to be unique. She means it as a compliment but it's mote right than she knows. Strength without purpose is currupting. Knowing I can take what I want is sometimes a constant struggle. I need someone on side to help keep my focus up instead of here on what I am missing.
My entire life I have searched for love. I have helped people build families, find their place in the world, I have fought both physicly and emotionally tobhelp free our world of an evil I love God, he is my saviour and friend and I am blessed to have him in my life. mightier than I am just so innocence can still exist. I've done all these things hoping that along the way I would find that one person who could selflessly love me. I don't know who she is, I thought I did once, I told myself I did... But nowbi need her.
