Any thoughts on this method of showing interest (especially guys)

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PopClick

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
4,055
136
63
#61
I think of all the guys I know, put their names in a hat, and...

Sorry, just kidding. If there's a specific guy that's caught my eye, I tell him to go away and see if he loves me enough to ignore the things I say.

No, actually, I don't play mind games. What I really do is tell him honestly and upfront that I like him. I say it with gusto. A bullhorn is an absolute must.


This post has been abandoned.
 

Misty77

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#62
This thread makes my head hurt because it makes things so complicated. Just always be genuinely friendly and be yourself. Ask someone out if you want to, don't if you don't want to. If you don't have enough hutzpah to risk hearing "no," then you don't have enough backbone to be in a relationship. Trust that the Lord will guide you in all of your decisions, and treat everyone with respect. Be the kind of date that you could always remain friends, even if it doesn't work out. And don't take little things too seriously.
 

just_monicat

Senior Member
Jan 1, 2014
1,284
17
0
#63
Thank you so so very much for that. Gave me a good laugh. Truly. It also sums up my sentiments so well.

I was thinking just this afternoon, my brain is on circuit overload with all these thoughts and opinions and such. Mercy, think I'm just gonna read a good mail order bride story. The one where the early homesteader farmer who is living out on the prairie in the middle of nowhere states what he needs, sends the advertisement off to the paper and the woman reads it.

Wanted. A woman (aged such and such) for farmer. Must be able to cook, clean, keep house and raise children. In turn she will receive a man who can farm, plant crops, take care of the livestock and build her a house. Ain't so much interested in the particulars, just that she be willing to marry and be "my woman." LOL LOL :) :)

Folks, bless you all. Gotta say I've truly enjoyed interacting with y'all. From what little I've read and "seen" many of you are pretty special peeps. :)
abbie, i hate to tell you this, but you pretty much described the book "sarah, plain and tall" by mary mclachlan. it was made into a movie that starred glenn close and christopher walken.

it's pretty much adorable. : )
 
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GaryA

Guest
#64
In general, if a woman is interested in a guy, then make a point of crossing his path, showing interest, etc. etc. etc. .

There are a couple of situations I think it would be BEST for the woman to actually be more bold and do the asking.

1. You told the guy at one time that you're not interested. If you've put down that gauntlet, only to want the same guy later, then the ball is in your court.

2. The guy is significantly older than you, but for some reason you feel like there might be some sort of connection. Many guys won't pursue a significantly younger lady due to various factors. So if a lady has this nagging feeling that won't go away about a guy who is significantly older, then she probably does need to be bold and pursue things, due to the guy's mentally constructed age boundaries in relation to what he pursues. The emphasis here is on the words "what he pursues". His lack of pursuit doesn't imply lack of interest, it could just indicate certain boundaries he's set in relation to "pursuing".
1. So very true. If I "make a move" towards a woman, and she shuns it -- that tells me she is not interested. And, I don't push myself on anyone. So, I accept it and let it go. It is better to retain the friendship, and not destroy it. If I really feel like I want the relationship to progress [ in a certain direction ], I may "test the waters" again at a later time. However - again - I don't push myself on anyone. I would rather show her that I am in control of myself, and that I have respect for those things which are necessary for good communication and mutual trust.

You know that saying, "If you love someone, let them go..."? Well, it is something like that. If she does not come back ( by letting me know that she has changed her mind ), then I have to assume ( continually ) that she has not changed her mind...

This is the ultimate in respect towards another person's right to make up their own mind and carry out their own will with regard to their own life.

As a side note:

The other thing that some men do is force themselves on the woman. ( Here I am not talking about physical rape, but rather - the manner of continual "pushing" for a particular intended outcome until she grows tired of fighting it and gives in. ) He may actually succeed in his effort to "light her fire", but the way he has gone about it will also breed doubt, fear, and mistrust. In effect, he has "clubbed her and dragged her back to his cave..." -- and, because her 'fire' has been 'lit' -- she will overlook the fact that what he has accomplished was initiated by the "more selfish" intent of his desire to meet his needs rather than the "more caring" intent that would have been just-as-much-if-not-more focused on her needs. Of course, a thousand different outcomes are possible. However,...

This, ladies, is the difference between a "good" guy and a "bad" guy...

Some of these "good guys" that you don't think are nearly as "exciting" as the "bad guys" -- are just trying to show you that they are as interested in meeting your needs as they are in meeting their own. They want a relationship that is 'balanced'. They know enough to want a relationship that starts out right - instead of trying to "light it up" at the first and hope it comes out right later. Ladies, these guys care about you from the beginning...

But, you blow 'em off because you are looking for "instant excitement" instead of that which would become your "support system" for the rest of your life --- honesty, integrity, fidelity --- that "certain something" that you would grow very comfortable with - and learn that you could rely on - and would never want to part with.

Now - don't confuse the issue. I am not talking about confidence here. Good guys and bad guys can both have 'confidence'. And, generally, confidence is a good thing.

What I am talking about here is --- being a true gentleman -- from the heart - from the start. :D

[ rant over ]

2. Also very true. I can't tell you how many times I have made myself "hold back" from pursuing a woman because of the age difference between her and I -- whereas, aside from the society-based idiosyncrasies about age difference between a man and woman in such a situation - I believed that there might actually be something wonderful that could have been had between us.

And, I am not talking about "cradle-robbing" here. Generally, I have always held to a "rule" that ensured that the woman would be well within a generation. In other words, a woman young enough to be my daughter "was out of the question"...

Interestingly, as I grow older -- it does not seem nearly so "wrong" anymore -- now, as compared to my earlier years, I tend to "see" a 30-year-old woman, for example - more as [ simply ] a grown woman - and less as someone who is young enough to be my daughter - if you understand what I am trying to say - I hope that makes some sense...

After all --- does an 80-year-old man look at a 60-year-old woman and say to himself, "Oh, my - wow - she is just way too young for me. Why - she is young enough to be my daughter!"...???

In the same fashion, the same man may think the same way about a 40-year-old woman.

I am beginning to understand why men of all ages "see" all grown woman the same in this regard. The thing that makes the difference is -- as long as the woman is grown - definitely no longer a child - then she is a 'valid' member of the 'pool' of available possible mates...

I know all of this seems weird. I certainly think that "too many years" between the man and woman makes it get more 'weird' as the age gap gets larger.

However, the older you get, the more it seems "allowable" for the size of the age gap to increase. Just exactly how much is the question you have to answer honestly to yourself.

Obviously, there are "maturity" issues to consider - as well as some [ other ] issues. There are "trade-offs" that come with a larger age gap. And, I would recommend to anyone that they should definitely consider them just as seriously as being important components of the overall matter-at-hand-to-decide...

:)
 
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GaryA

Guest
#65
Well, how do saints go about transitioning from casual chatter to "Say there, Sister, I like you!"?

Where I come from, honesty is what I understand. If a brother is flirting with me, that is all I will understand: he's flirting, and, frankly, my interest in him will drop 3 degree below freezing. LOL.

Now, when a brother approaches a sister in "all honesty" by simply stating facts of why he wants her attention, then yes, God provides the grace to both of them as they befriend each other.

In such endeavor, they will discover 1 of two vectors:
1. They really, really like each other that they no longer can live apart, so they marry, or
2. They rather see each other again during the rapture. :D
Flirting both "tests the waters" [ before ] and "softens the blow" [ at the time ] of saying "Say there, Sister, I like you!"... ;) :p

I really enjoyed reading about the two vectors. LOL ( It's a good thing I did not have a mouthful of my drink at the time I read vector #2... )

:)
 
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GaryA

Guest
#66
Truthfully, BananaPie - I understand exactly what you are saying, and agree with it - for the most part, if not completely. I rather like the idea of making my interest in a woman known "up front" in the style of 'courting' -- and, the two of us being in agreement about the full intent of where we want the relationship to proceed. ( marriage )

Flirting is what sometimes happens when you are not completely sure of your own interest - that you are ready to move forward with it -- and, you want to "test the waters" - to see what reaction you get -- so as to help you make a "well-informed" decision...

:)
 
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ALillian

Guest
#67
Indeed, and that's the point. When a godly man and a godly woman are genuinely attracted to each other, do they really, really need "hints" to jump-start love? :D

The saints should always be polite and prudent in exercising honesty.



If a brother is genuinely interested in knowing a sister's heart, then he should simply inquire from the sister if she'd enjoy spending time with him for the purpose of getting to know each other's hearts as they both seek the mind of Christ.

...but such decorum is a far cry from the flirting that goes around, isn't it? People get caught up in flirting that they miss out on the genuine ones, while the genuine ones move on to meet their genuine one. LOL

love your response sister! :)
 

Stuey

Senior Member
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#68
The more up front the better honestly - but that's just me.
 
A

Animus

Guest
#69
As an example, "You know, if you asked me get a cup of coffee with you, I would accept *smiles coyly, walking away*". The "walking away" bit can be omitted it you really want an answer; like, if you're pretty sure that he wants to date/court, but is simply too shy to let you know. Before that, there's always the "You know, we get along really well" comment to see how he reacts**.
I think both of these would only work if he was already really into you, otherwise they would be about as treacherous as asking him out, or otherwise completely ineffective (in the case where the implication goes unnoticed). If he gets your meaning, then he knows you want him to ask you out, which is really congruent to asking him out. If he doesn't get it then it's pointless. I don't think the middle ground exists where he knows your intentions but it has no effect on the relationship because you didn't make explicitly known.

I think the 'pre-date' is a good idea, but depending on your situation I think there are other devious methods you can employ. The most devious trick that's been used on me was when a girl said she really wanted to go to a specific movie, but didn't have anyone to go with, so I offered to go with her.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#70
Recently one of the sisters here mentioned hoping that a certain guy would ask her out. They had talked some, but she never specifically let him know that she was interested in dating him (that I read). After they were no longer co-workers, she said that she wished that she'd asked him out, and would do so next time.

It got me thinking; although I don't think I'd ask a guy out in a traditional sense, if I thought it wise, I would probably sort of ask HIM to ask ME out, or at least hint at it. As an example, "You know, if you asked me get a cup of coffee with you, I would accept *smiles coyly, walking away*". The "walking away" bit can be omitted it you really want an answer; like, if you're pretty sure that he wants to date/court, but is simply too shy to let you know. Before that, there's always the "You know, we get along really well" comment to see how he reacts**. We'd have to be friends first anyway, so it's not like I'd say this right away. Also, I'd have to feel peaceful about doing this and REALLY like the guy, etc.

I'm not asking for permission to show interest in this manner, but I'm curious as to what you all (especially the guys) think about it. Maybe a lot of guys would think it weird if a girl showed interest to him this way. To me it just makes it obvious that I'm interested in a closer relationship (and also that I'm a little bit silly, which he would probably already know by then anyway :)). However, if he's not interested, we can stay friends easier, since he never had to actually reject me.

Anyway, discuss, discuss :D.



**If I said this to anyone here, it was just a comment; I'm not currently interested in anyone on this site for anything beyond friendship :).
Guys need to be ready to go out with the girl, and, as much as a girl might think she has to do more than hint at him in order to go out with him, I say 'no.' If and when he's ready, he'll ask you out. Might take time. Months for some guys to even get the nerve to ask a girl out, for some, even, a year or longer. I know, 'weird,' but, They need to do the asking, jilly, that's how I feel, but, how many cents are green-brain comments really worth :D

God is who we follow, don't you think. If you hint at asking a guy out, He will set the ball in motion? I think, He will. However, there are times when the Lord leads a girl to, actually, say something even more so. And, that is OK, too, because we want to be following the Lord as He is leading us .

It's dangerous asking out the wrong guy, or, even the right guy, because they can begin to think you are really into them, even more than they are into you. So, they could have more temptation, and, reason to take advantage of you, or, just want to get to 'bases' sooner than they would had they just asked you out, eventualyl, on their own .Christian guys should understand more of a girl asking them out, but, they are human, too, and, though led by the Spirit, 'the flesh is weak' still, just as the bible says by dear brother Paul . And, girls MAKE guys flesh weak, despite our spirit's willingness to do things right and follow His Spirit. Satan is real,and, he tempts a guy's flesh, often. All the more reason for guys to really be plugged into God before being ready to ask a girl out even :)

Guys need to be ready, too, or, they will just be getting into a relationship that ends in a disaster for them, and, certainly, for you :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
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#71
Hmmm!

Is this a tip for those who could find a way to show some GENUINE interest on you?: "...About:Read my posts; you'll get to know me :)"

Ha! Ha!

Seriosly now!

Genuineness IS A MOST!

I wish someone would find it real and true. I guess if someone truely finds himself or herself in such a predicament, why not telling his / her ideas?

P.S.

"...I'm not currently interested in anyone on this site for anything beyond friendship :). "

I didn´t say it, but I wonder what would any person think when reading it (even you). :
P
 

Jilly81

Senior Member
Jan 16, 2011
2,365
136
63
#73
Hi everyone! Thank you for all the responses; I enjoyed reading them :). Rather than respond to each one, I'll just mention that I was thinking of the method I gave in the OP more as a last resort rather than as the best way to show interest; the sister I mentioned didn't do anything to let the guy know that she liked him and eventually it was too late since the were no longer acquaintances. She hadn't wanted to ask a gentleman out, since it's looked at as being unladylike/unchristian. I was thinking that in such a case, perhaps this would be as far as one could go. After all, it lets the guy know that there's no way he'd be rejected (assuming the lady is being truthful), so if he was interested as well, he could ask her out, saving her from asking him out. I thought it might be a good last resort if the gentleman a lady likes is especially shy. Again, though, I enjoyed reading the responses and getting everyone's input :).







I figured I'd commit the "sin" of necroposting rather than ignore everyone perpetually. I hope we can still be friends despite the fact that I dredged up an old thread ;D.
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#74
Hi everyone! Thank you for all the responses; I enjoyed reading them :). Rather than respond to each one, I'll just mention that I was thinking of the method I gave in the OP more as a last resort rather than as the best way to show interest; the sister I mentioned didn't do anything to let the guy know that she liked him and eventually it was too late since the were no longer acquaintances. She hadn't wanted to ask a gentleman out, since it's looked at as being unladylike/unchristian. I was thinking that in such a case, perhaps this would be as far as one could go. After all, it lets the guy know that there's no way he'd be rejected (assuming the lady is being truthful), so if he was interested as well, he could ask her out, saving her from asking him out. I thought it might be a good last resort if the gentleman a lady likes is especially shy. Again, though, I enjoyed reading the responses and getting everyone's input :).

I figured I'd commit the "sin" of necroposting rather than ignore everyone perpetually. I hope we can still be friends despite the fact that I dredged up an old thread ;D.
Hi, Jilly!

One thing I know, we learn "por ensayo y error". Somethings are worthy, some are too high costly and some others are free or cheap. People could be liked today and tomorrow things could change (you or the other) so, as to be walking a life toguether, I believe we need to consider Amos 3:3, and just see how Jesus gave us another example by using a "samaritan" seldom liked by religious and pius people his lifetime (Luk 10:33-35). If these were a woman and a girl, will they marry? If you or any meet someone like this, after coping or helping one another, the relationship would end up without bearing fruits?

I´ve seen many have shared their family members, some have married sisters or brother after a disgrace, after childish troubles and, of course, many split away and never met.

Who knows it to be the best?

Few times I have heard a voice that is not mine, I have felt hunches (my own desires too) but I´m absolutely responsible for those odd I might find. I would invite any of you, as long I knew who they are, what their beliefs are; because some are eagerly going home and "home is the place were our hearts belong".
 
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StoneThrower

Guest
#75
Recently one of the sisters here mentioned hoping that a certain guy would ask her out. They had talked some, but she never specifically let him know that she was interested in dating him (that I read). After they were no longer co-workers, she said that she wished that she'd asked him out, and would do so next time.

It got me thinking; although I don't think I'd ask a guy out in a traditional sense, if I thought it wise, I would probably sort of ask HIM to ask ME out, or at least hint at it. As an example, "You know, if you asked me get a cup of coffee with you, I would accept *smiles coyly, walking away*". The "walking away" bit can be omitted it you really want an answer; like, if you're pretty sure that he wants to date/court, but is simply too shy to let you know. Before that, there's always the "You know, we get along really well" comment to see how he reacts**. We'd have to be friends first anyway, so it's not like I'd say this right away. Also, I'd have to feel peaceful about doing this and REALLY like the guy, etc.

I'm not asking for permission to show interest in this manner, but I'm curious as to what you all (especially the guys) think about it. Maybe a lot of guys would think it weird if a girl showed interest to him this way. To me it just makes it obvious that I'm interested in a closer relationship (and also that I'm a little bit silly, which he would probably already know by then anyway :)). However, if he's not interested, we can stay friends easier, since he never had to actually reject me.

Anyway, discuss, discuss :D.



**If I said this to anyone here, it was just a comment; I'm not currently interested in anyone on this site for anything beyond friendship :).
Well for starters she could invite him to church, and unless he's preaching that week, teaching Sunday School, or involved in some other ministry that he couldnt go, that would be a good way to read him. If he cant be bothered he's really not that interested, but its away she can show she is. If he says no because he doesn't attend church well than she shouldn't be interested anyway.