I'm in love.. and he doesn't know how i feel

[lovecan]

Hey everyone! Ok, so here is my dilemma. I just become Christian a couple of months ago, after a really bad relationship I had been struggling to get out of for 2 years. With God's love and strength, I was able to get out of the relationship and now I am happier than I've ever been in my life. God came to me at a time in my life when I was really lost and had absolutely no belief. This incident saved me, and it just goes to show God's everlasting love despite who you are or whether or not you beleive. We are all children of God and He is always there, ready to let us in when we choose to take that step. Anyways, the dilemma is that I just got out of this terrible relationship and God has presented me with another man who I think I am starting to fall in love with. I didn't expect this to happen to quickly, and thought I would at least have some time to step back from relationships and just be single. This man is extremely caring and kind-hearted. I think I'm starting to fall for him, but I'm terrified because I don't want to fall in love with him and get hurt again the way my last boyfriend hurt me. More importantly, I don't want to become dependent on another human being to keep me fullfilled.. This is something I tried to do all my life before I found God, and I was never satisfied. I'm scared that if I fall for him I will lose my focus on God and resort to using another human being as my fulfillment. And then if I lose this man I will be left with nothing. And what if I can't find God again? The other issue is that this man comes from a very fundamental Christian background. His parents are together and he has a very close-knit family with values that, although good, aren't very flexible. My family, on the other hand, has a lot of issues involving drug and alcohol use, and depression. My parents are divorced, and my mom is going through a mental break down due to my brothers alcohol and drug use. My father has several mental disorders and doesn't keep in touch with me or my brother. I'm worried that my family issues, ( along with many others I won't go into) are going to scare him and drive him away. I am really scared to tell him about these things in my life because I don't want to lose him over it. I've also made a lot of poor choices in my life, such a having sex before marriage and trying drugs. I don't know what to do. I have so much love in my heart for him but scared it won't be returned. Any sort of help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Jenny87]

Lovecan, not to worry. We're on the same boat together. I also became a Christian a few months ago. But before that, I was suffering from depression. I felt lonely and was going through family issues which lead to divorce. As soon as my parents separated my best friend introduced me to a Christian guy. Long story short, we quickly had feelings for each other which grew more and more even to this day thanks to God. During the time when he and I were still acquaintances, he didn't know some of the issues I was having with my family nor did he know that my mother and sister were part of a religion (one that I am ashamed to mention because of its utter ignorance).

First, pray to God and ask him if this man is the right one for you to be spending your life with. Though I must say, don't start dating even though you already said you don't want to be in a relationship. That's great in many ways because one, if you're dating a guy, you share a part of yourself to that person and your future husband isn't going to be fond of that. Your husband would want you pure and untouched. Understand? More importantly, set your mind on the things above, not on things on the earth.

Don't be afraid if you fall in love with him. If you do, keep God in the center of your relationship. Just keep everything holy...ahem.
Reading the bible and watching sermons are a few things you can do with him. Right now you're new to the Christian belief just as I am, but don't ever forget to have great faith. You will always find God. Don't let Satan confuse you.

Going back to my true story I knew that sooner or later I needed to inform him about my family; especially on the issue about the religion my mother and sister are in. Here's a tip I learned from being afraid to tell others something immediately: Wait a couple of months to tell him the things he should know that are occurring in your life, that way you won't scare him off. If it turns out he loves you, he won't runaway because he deeply cares about you, but if you tell him sooner, he'll most likely leave you behind. I know this for a fact because my guy told me. xD At this point I don't have to hid anything from him because of the trust we have on each other.

About your father, my dad is going through almost the same thing and doesn't keep in touch with my sister and I. I just want to tell you to find it in your heart to forgive him and your family for everything if you haven't already done so.

As for your past, repent and God will forgive you.

What I'd like to know is: Has this guy fallen for you yet?
Either way, don't rush into anything.
Patience.

 

[cookie39]

First; I would like to say that fear of anykind is of the devil, God said that any man living with fear, have not the love of God.
what I think (not God) you should tell everything up-front. a man will love and respect you and even more he will trust you, if you are a up-front no messing around type person. there is nothing more precious than to start a relationship off with all honesty. it is so not right to trap a person, to get to love you and then tell them the truth-- would you want them to do you that way? If he is a man of God and he truly walk in the love and grace that God jave in us all. he will be understanding and most of all he will want to pray with you for your family. if he don't want you for what they do. then he don't deserve you. and you don't need anyone in your life who will not help you, mentally, emotionally, and most of all spiritually.
God said to do unto others as you will have them to do unto you, so when you are tring to decide what you should do concerning someone else, stop and ask yourself if I was then would I want them to do it this way or that way to me. It helps me all the time. and it keep me from deceiving or misjudging.
I want to tell you that when I met my husband, there was nothing I didn't tell him when he asked and everything about me and my family and it made him do the same.... and I tell you I have been saved for 13 yrs. now and he only 1, but was raised up in church. his mom has been addicted to gamblem most of all his life. and we met in Feb. 2009 and married in July... we started praying for his mom about March this year,,,, and I tell you that as of this month November. she stop gambling and has been going to church... Praise God. and my brother who sould grugs and had men lookig to kill him, but God procted him when they shot up his car and not one bullet hit him. and now he is looking for a job and not in the streets any more... this is after 20 years of living this life, shot three differsnt time and beaten really bad, that they broke his jaw. it seem that he will never stop but prayer changes things. would'nt you wants someone who will pray woth you and help you learn to grow in God. my husband smoked cocain, and was wife a lot of women,and I never used drugs, but that was his past. I didn't know him then but all I care about is who he is now. I am seven years older than he is, and many years spiritually, but he see that as an asscess. hope you can understand, that it's all about who you are now, and everything you been through is now wisdom and knowledge. that he maty get to learns some things from you.

Second; you are not ready for another relationship, the reason I say this is, 1, that I know fron experiance, 2; is that you have no trust, when ever we feel fear of one person who never did us wrong, because of what another person did; you are not ready. you will drive him away from you with your fears and insecurites. He does not deserve that. because not all man are the same and when we woman come to the knowledge of that ,we will be good and strong for the man of God ,that are in our lives. he never cheated on you, lied to you, hit you, rejected you, verbally abused you. then don't think he will. npr treat him as though he will one day. don't tell him you are afraid of being hurt, because if that be the case then why are you even tring to build a relationship. wouldn't that be considered kinda insane. thats like looking for the monster in the closet; knowing that if he is there he will kill you; wouldn't it be better to just leave the closet closed. that way you know 100% that you will not be harmed? so if you are tring to start something new then you can't be all that afraid. sweetheart that is just a lie from the devil. to tru to keep us women from having a good and healty relationship. and to build bitterness and self rejection. cause when a relationship is over we shall let go that person and everthing about them and to never live another day with the drama. that is no longer there. in other words " LET IT GO " and you will have a good a prosperious relationship.
last of all, don't let your past and the people in it dictate your future, they should not have a hold on you in any way, let your past and all the things in it be nothing but a lessoned learned. a tool of growth. and not one that hinders. look at him as future and never mingle him with your past. because if you do; it will be like beating something new with a hammer to see if it will work.
with the love of God, be bless my sister

 

[lovecan]

Jenny and Cookie,
I want to say thankyou so much for your wonderful advice. This was my first post, and I am brought to tears by your kind words of encouragment, hope and forgiveness. You both sound like amazing people who are truly dedicated to the word of God. It was really comforting to hear both of your stories about past struggles ( some still present). I am NOT going to get involved with this man right now. I agree with you Cookie, that I need to sort through my own trust issues ( among many others) before I can be in another relationship. I would not want him to be with somebody who still had issues lingering. I also want to focus on my journey towards God right now, and that is my main focus, and will continue to be even if we do get into a relationship in the future. To answer your question Jenny, I don't know if he has fallen for me, although I'm pretty sure he's interested ( he asked me out for coffee and we have been talking for the past few weeks). I'm thinking I should probobly confront him about this issue though, and if he does tell me he is falling for me too, I will let him know that I need time before I'm ready for another relationship and that I need to do that because its the best for both of us . Cookie, I have told him about some of my past already, although I still have some things left to tell him. So far I told him about not bing a virgin. I was shaking I was so scared when I told him... I shouldn't have been though, because he didn't judge me at all. He said he was sorry I had made that decision, but that I shouldn't feel bad about it because I didn't know it was wrong before I became a Christian. He also told me that what matters is who I am now. I felt really relieved after I told him.
I also read a book this past week called " Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. It was a take on the story of Hosea. I found this story inspirational, in that it discussed the power of forgiveness and non-judgement in love. Basically, Hosea is a Christian man who falls in love with a prostitute. Although you proboly already know the story.
Anyways, thankyou both for all your support! I will continue to pray about the situation. The good news is that I am beginning to feel in my heart that I am beginning to resolve my past relationship, so this is a good start!

 

[FixYourWeave]

Im a big fan of signs. AND airplanes, what better way to show the guy you care about then to fly by with a sign that says... i care