So you're ready to hear about all those dating services, huh? Hold on tight and enjoy the tornado.
I'm no expert... unless you count being an expert in nothing working out, but here goes!!
I've had on-again, off-again experiences (almost like relationships themselves!) with dating sites and services for probably 8 years, and here I still am!! Here's the rundown, if you're interested:
1. Live dating service--the woman who served as my "matchmaker" seemed really nice... but also seemed to disregard everything I told her about finding a person of faith. They even tried to talk me into going out with a guy about 20 years older with me, telling me he "looked great for his age", was "looking for someone younger", and "if you just go to coffee with him, we won't even charge your account" (you paid a certain amount and were given a certain number of matches.) I was completely offended by this because not only did it blatantly go against my personal preferences (that they were fully aware of), but it was also being dishonest with another person. If I would have gone out with him, it would have been to get another free match, not because I was in the least bit interested. The bottom line is that they were trying to bribe me into a situation they knew I did not want, and in the meantime, were deceiving another member. (I put my foot down and told them no way.) This service was horribly expensive and, in my opinion, even unethical. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
This, in a nutshell, tells us all about dating services. They are businesses--their main goal is to make money, and if they happen to match a few people along the way, that's great. But always keep in mind, their number one concern is what you'll pay to use their services and how many people they can get to pay.
2. Eharmony. I know this works for some people but I didn't like it at all. Yes, the matching system is quite comprehensive but you are only allowed to talk to the people their system matches you with, rather than read profiles and decide you want to contact someone on your own. I'm a firm believer in the possibility of opposites attracting or something catching your eye that a computer statistic simply can't pick up. I'm not sure if eharmony has changed, but if I remember correctly, you really couldn't even write anything about yourself--everything shown about you was the results of their matching survey.
One of the questions went something like, "My past relationships ended..." and you had only about 4 answers to choose from, and that was it. I remember being sent a profile of one guy who had chosen the pre-composed answer that all his relationships had ended disagreeable, with a lot of anger and bitter feelings. Perhaps to my detriment, I passed his profile mainly because that question really stood out to me. I wondered if there were issues of jealousy, possessiveness, or even something dangerous? I remember feeling slightly afraid.
But, looking back, I may have felt much differently if the person had been able to explain the situation in his own words. I know there are two sides to every story but in that situation, I didn't feel comfortable trying to contact him and ask.
3. FreeChristianDating.com, if it still exists. I'm all for a good bargain, but this was the worst of my experiences. When something is free, anyone can hop on at any time with full privileges, and a lot of people don't put in much effort when something doesn't cost anything. They have nothing to lose and for some, it's a big, virtual playground. You'll find a lot of people are there just because they're curious and have through all ethics to the wind. You'll find this on any site, but I found the most problems here with fully married people making up profiles because they were "curious as to what was out there."
There are also many people on these sites who are dating and looking but not yet fully divorced from their spouse. I don't want to judge, as some have escaped abusive situations from a spouse who is refusing to grant them a divorce, but this is definitely something many people may not be expecting or feel comfortable with.
4. ChristianMingle and ChristianCafe--about 4 years and still trying! (Yes, I realize I probably sound pretty pathetic and forever dateless at this point!!)
Some of the problems I've noticed about these services is that they'll tell you they have XXXXXXX number of members, but they count EVERYONE who has signed up for the site, including members who aren't active, aren't paying (and therefore can't contact you), or even those who left the site months or years ago in order to make it seem like there is a huge body of people waiting to be matched with you. Many of the people who send you a "smile" or "wink" aren't paying members and therefore, can only send these generic, pre-made messages--unless they pay the fee, they can't communicate with you any more personally than that.
Another problem I've found with Christian Cafe is that they offer free trial runs for a few days at a time. People who contact you there often want to exchange email addresses or phone numbers right away (though of course, that can happen at any site) because there is an urgency to find matches before the trial runs out. Trial members are not technically allowed to give their personal info so you'll often get messages like this: "Hi, I'm really interested but my trial run ends tonight. Be sure to contact me at I Am Cheating The System @ that hot place," in order to try to disguise the fact that they're giving you their info but aren't supposed to. I've also had guys contact me who used up their free trial run and kept making up new usernames to continue to avoid paying. People's opinions about this will vary, but for myself, I consider this to be dishonest behavior and I'm definitely not interested in meeting someone who has no qualms about doing this.
For me, the whole purpose of such sites is to meet someone in a safe, somewhat anonymous setting that still allows you to get to know someone. Most people want to find someone RIGHT AWAY and aren't into getting to know each other for a while and become friends first, which is why I haven't really had any luck. In all that time, I think I've only met 5 people in person (always in a public place and with a limited time setting, so they know someone is expecting me and can't just toss me into a van.)
I've heard some incredible stories of some people finding the right person almost immediately on these sites, but I've come to a point where a more realistic view, at least for myself, is to see it as a way to meet people and make friends.
I've learned a lot, such as from a guy who was differently-abled and would send me links to videos of various technology he used in order to adjust to every day life.
I know a lot of people on the sites are bitter that they haven't met anyone and talk about being ripped off, but I try to view it as a learning experience, even if the results aren't exactly, or as immediately, as we all would hope.
