How Do You Determine If Someone Is "Christian Enough" For You?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Singles,

As can be expected, there are usually ongoing discussions here about who we want to date and who could date us. Over and over again, we dutifully state, "I want to marry a strong Christian!"

Whenever I see this, my question is always, "But what do you personally mean by 'a strong Christian?'" Maybe it's just me, but having grown up around Christians all my life, I've learned that "being a Christian" means different things to different people.

I understand that the Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked and that the focus is usually directed towards unbelievers, but I'm always amazed that there seems to be little discussion about the fact that many believers would, in my estimation at least, be unequally yoked as well (which is why I personally suspect so many Christian marriages end up in divorce--I don't mean this as judgment but as a personal observation that could very well be wrong.)

Some of the inspirations for this thread include:

1. This past holiday season when I was rejected by someone on a dating site as being "too worldly" because I confessed to committing the ghastly sin of occasionally using the greeting of, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." (If it's someone I won't see for a while and I'm wishing them both a "Merry Christmas" and a "Happy New Year", then yes, the heathen words, "Happy Holidays" are utilized as part of my vocabulary.) I understood the person's point of view and respect it, but it's not going to change my view, either.

2. Someone I once knew whose regular spiritual routine included intense Bible classes, church 2-3 times a week, and regular service to charities and church needs, as well as regular fasts that sometimes lasted a week ("I'll keep going as long as the Lord leads," this person would say.)

3. A friend who has just as vigorous of a spiritual schedule as person # 2, along with door-to-door evangelizing on their days off, leaving Christian paraphernalia everywhere they go (restaurants, the gym, etc.), and missions trips during their vacations. They are both two of the nicest, most compassionate, and least judgmental people you will ever meet.

But I wonder what their idea of a "strong Christian" (as a potential marriage candidate) would be?

To be perfectly honest, I surely wouldn't qualify!!!

What about all of you? What's your idea of "a strong Christian", and especially one "strong enough" whom you would consider dating and marrying?

And what happens if that person supposedly isn't "Christian enough"? Would you pass him or her right on by? For example, if someone is working in the ministry, would they not even consider an "average" Christian who goes to church once a week and maybe reads their Bible a few times a month? Is there a line between insisting on "holding out" for a person who is "Christian enough", or does it become a matter of unfairly judging someone's walk with Christ?

What is YOUR idea of a "strong Christian" and how do you know when to accept/reject someone based on that standard?

The poll is meant to give us an idea of some things we expect in "real" Christians... but I hope everyone will feel free to voice their opinions on the subject as well. (The poll is anonymous and multiple choice; feel free to choose all that apply.)

*This poll is for you, GaryA and BananaPi . Hopefully, this time I will be allowed to pass "Go" and collect $200. *

 

[spacefreak]

GOD knows a person's heart so pray about it and wait for GOD'S timing and he will send the person he wants you too marry

 

[Desdichado]

It's simply important to find someone who best matches where you are at in your walk and generally agrees with you on issues of Christian liberty.

Some are not more or less Christian than others; it becomes an issue of temperament, upbringing, etc.

 

[Nautilus]

since im the only one who answered so far, I guess Ill explain. Im not looking for the Chruch Lady or some heathen. BUt at the same time, Im not ging to do well with someone I barely due to their involvment in their church. I mean I do things ministry wise when I can and you like the same. As far as friends and background they arent important to me really.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

When I was around 19 or 20 I remember always saying.."so & so is a good Christian,or oh man I'm such a bad Christian"...sometimes saying it flippantly or joking. Once my Pastor overheard me saying to a friend that I feel like such a bad Christian 'cause I don't pray every monring first thing...I just can't do it most days...I need to wake up first. I don't wanna talk to anyone in the morning,let alone try to form a cohesive thought to speak to God about.
He heard me say this & said,"There's no such thing as a good or bad Christian if you think about it.Yer' a child of God,now saved by the blood of Christ...you have His Spirit in you,He sees you as He ses Christ,so how can you be bad?"
He said it all with a smile..not even sounding judgmental or anything...I kinda knew what he meant by it.

I still believe that Christians can be unequally yolked. Obviously if yer' a believer you should be with another believer..but I also think you should be with the "right one". I've known & know tons of Christian women that are on fire for God...love the Lord fully..know the bible front to back & can quote you scriptures for anything imaginable that would arise in your daily life.
Women who pray daily..fast..carry themselves with dignity & humility all at once.
But...they are not meant for "me".

I don't need someone who is a spiritual dynamo. I need someone who loves God & loves me. Period.
I don't need or desire some sort of holy perfection. If she is all those thing's..then fine. Good for her.
If she is doing those thing's for God,that's awesome..but I don't ever want someone doing those thing's for me..or to impres me. Just be yourself...whatever that self is.
We all grow & change at times. With God,by God,and in and of ourselves.

I want real. No one I am with should feel they need to change to be with me. Obviously if I am with someone,I am with them because I love them completely. I am not out to change someone or conform them to my version of what a "Godly woman" should be or not be. Hopefully they realize this about me...and understand that when I tell them that I love them for who they are,I mean that with 100% of who I am. No manipulation or hidden agendas.

For me...that's real love...real commitment..real trust...real love in action,thus real Christianity!
To me,that's a "strong Christian".

 

[1still_waters]

Recreational drug use, and getting drunk would qualify someone as not Christian enough for me.

 

[seoulsearch]

Recreational drug use, and getting drunk would qualify someone as not Christian enough for me.

I'm often amazed by the number of Christians I meet who smoke/ingest illegal substances. Their reasoning is often, "But I don't think it should be illegal! There are tons of other things that are legal and a lot worse than this!" But the fact remains that it IS illegal and you will still go to jail for doing it! (And God says we are to obey our governing authorities...)

I also meet Christians who have no problems with casual sex, living together, etc., because they insist the Bible doesn't say they can't do it.

I don't mean this in a judgmental way at all, but I guess what I'm thinking is that for myself, I'm not comfortable with someone who makes their own rules. For me, that's my idea of being unequally yoked.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I like what Desdichado had to say... Being equally yoked can go both ways. You need to be on the same level spiritually but also perhaps have the same idea about service/ministry and study/prayer in order to get along well in marriage.

For me, the biggest bump I've run into is people who are Christian but do not believe that participation in the church body is important or necessary. Not just Sunday morning worship, either, but the meeting and sharing of lives with other believers for the purpose of edification, growth, encouragement and accountability. I wouldn't want to be yoked with someone who I felt I needed to drag to church, or who was reluctant to invest themselves in ministry or true relationships with believers for whatever reason. I need someone who will lead me and encourage me in that area.

I do believe there is such a thing as too much, though. Family must come before church/ministry. But there does need to be a desire to build up the Body of Christ in some real, physical way.

Another is behavior outside of church. Would your behavior be drastically different if you were visiting with your pastor than it does when you are with your friends? Consistency is the only way I can tell that who you are is really who you are.

I have areas I need to improve on, of course. I think as long as our general commitment to these things is openly discussed ahead of time, we could both make a decision on how compatible we would be.

 

[Liamson]

I volunteer at christian charities more than I get involved with ministries at churches. That just keeps me out of the Politics.

We're setting up a Bible Study in our home starting in the Spring. I've led them before but, most of the Bible Studies I've been to around here, and the ones my friends host, are milk-ish. I want to get in-depth, challenge people and then go do something as a group.


According to these lists, I don't even think Jesus would have been Christian enough for a relationship.

 

[Loveneverfails]

There are many who profess Christ with their mouths, and there are some who profess Him with their lives. It is my hope to be (and to marry) someone who falls in the latter category. Expressing Christ in our everyday lives looks different for everyone because God has given us different strengths and gifts, but we are all still one Body.

The signs I look for in a potential Christian mate aren't quite as specific as the ones in the poll. The things people do can sometimes be out of religious habit or culture. Someone can go to church every single day but have a heart that is still devoted to the world.

Its hard to describe, but when I meet someone who has a thriving relationship with Christ, I can just tell, because I see Christ in them.

 

[seoulsearch]

According to these lists, I don't even think Jesus would have been Christian enough for a relationship.

I can just see some of the Christians I've met saying, "Well, Jesus never got married, did He..." No lie!

 

[IloveyouGod]

I myself measure him against my beliefs, level of spirituality and relationship with God. And against my morals and values. If he's a fit, great. If not, that's fine. It just mean that we are not a good fit together. It does not mean one is better than the other. It just mean we are different. If we can come to common grounds, great. If not, then better stay friends or nothing at all!!

 

[Fenner]

My Husband and I were both believers, but we didn't really have a home church. He wasn't raised in any kind of religious sector and my Dad was Catholic and my Mom was Baptist, so I was sort of confused. We decided that since we were going to start a life together we'd find something we both felt comfortable with. We did find a place where we felt comfortable and didn't feel over whelmed, people understood our back grounds and new that we were learning.

I knew he was a good person and I loved him. I know for a lot of people it would take more than that, but I felt good about my decision. As the years have gone by we both are deeper in our faith, I can't say we are super Christian or anything but we do our best to live as God would want us to.

 

[SparkleEyes]

GOD knows a person's heart so pray about it and wait for GOD'S timing and he will send the person he wants you too marry

A very easy standard (and IMO unhelpful) answer. Sorry.

 

[Fenner]

I really think it all comes down to what you want, no one is right or wrong. Whatever it is you desire in a mate.

 

[juststopandthink]

If you ask me, a "strong Christian" is someone who

1) Is saved.
2) Lives like it.

They will surely want to talk to God all the time. They'll probably meditate on the word daily. But they might not even have access to a copy of the scriptures. Paul didn't even have that. He certainly didn't have the book of the Revelation. He did fine, from what I understand.

They'll be loving and kind. They might not have a good opportunity for ministry in their area; they might be in a really bad spot themselves.

I mostly care if they actually understand the faith they profess. Most people don't really seem to. Syncretism is a huge problem nowadays.

 

[abbiejean]

I really think it all comes down to what you want, no one is right or wrong. Whatever it is you desire in a mate.

Excellent statement. Truly.

Can I also add, sometimes you don't know just what you might want and that. is. truly. alright. Truly.

Let me clarify that. Sure there are certain things you sure don't want in your life or to see in the life of someone else but in considering another person, I believe there are moments, there are times when the chalkboard, if you will, is clean - nothing is written on it and that is okay. I consider those times new beginnings and "surprise me, Lord, moments - cuz you know me better than I do myself, Lord."

Is there a "rulebook" on courtship and dating on what's what? Yes, I know we have to do certain things (God's Word leads and guides - I get that), ain't talking about that. I'm just saying I think we can get into narrow thinking with blinders on our eyes and miss out on opportunities that God just might be passing our way.

Could be wrong. Then again...............

After the weekend I've had, LOL, I'm good with being single. So good. LOL Truly.



P.S. for a single's forum, ya'll ask lots of questions. LOL LOL

 

[Stephen63]

Hey Singles,

As can be expected, there are usually ongoing discussions here about who we want to date and who could date us. Over and over again, we dutifully state, "I want to marry a strong Christian!"

Whenever I see this, my question is always, "But what do you personally mean by 'a strong Christian?'" Maybe it's just me, but having grown up around Christians all my life, I've learned that "being a Christian" means different things to different people.

I understand that the Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked and that the focus is usually directed towards unbelievers, but I'm always amazed that there seems to be little discussion about the fact that many believers would, in my estimation at least, be unequally yoked as well (which is why I personally suspect so many Christian marriages end up in divorce--I don't mean this as judgment but as a personal observation that could very well be wrong.)

Some of the inspirations for this thread include:

1. This past holiday season when I was rejected by someone on a dating site as being "too worldly" because I confessed to committing the ghastly sin of occasionally using the greeting of, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." (If it's someone I won't see for a while and I'm wishing them both a "Merry Christmas" and a "Happy New Year", then yes, the heathen words, "Happy Holidays" are utilized as part of my vocabulary.) I understood the person's point of view and respect it, but it's not going to change my view, either.

2. Someone I once knew whose regular spiritual routine included intense Bible classes, church 2-3 times a week, and regular service to charities and church needs, as well as regular fasts that sometimes lasted a week ("I'll keep going as long as the Lord leads," this person would say.)

3. A friend who has just as vigorous of a spiritual schedule as person # 2, along with door-to-door evangelizing on their days off, leaving Christian paraphernalia everywhere they go (restaurants, the gym, etc.), and missions trips during their vacations. They are both two of the nicest, most compassionate, and least judgmental people you will ever meet.

But I wonder what their idea of a "strong Christian" (as a potential marriage candidate) would be?

To be perfectly honest, I surely wouldn't qualify!!!

What about all of you? What's your idea of "a strong Christian", and especially one "strong enough" whom you would consider dating and marrying?

And what happens if that person supposedly isn't "Christian enough"? Would you pass him or her right on by? For example, if someone is working in the ministry, would they not even consider an "average" Christian who goes to church once a week and maybe reads their Bible a few times a month? Is there a line between insisting on "holding out" for a person who is "Christian enough", or does it become a matter of unfairly judging someone's walk with Christ?

What is YOUR idea of a "strong Christian" and how do you know when to accept/reject someone based on that standard?

The poll is meant to give us an idea of some things we expect in "real" Christians... but I hope everyone will feel free to voice their opinions on the subject as well. (The poll is anonymous and multiple choice; feel free to choose all that apply.)

*This poll is for you, GaryA and BananaPi . Hopefully, this time I will be allowed to pass "Go" and collect $200. *

Good golly, Seoulsearch, this poll sure makes up for the other threads that didn't have one! Them two had better get in here & say sumthin'!

 

[just_monicat]

maybe i'm over simplifying things, but i know when there's a simpatico. maybe that's clarified through prayer, time spent together, and being able to see that his walk matches the talk.

as for being evenly yoked, that is true. it's important. but on the other hand, if i get married, i fully expect that it will be to someone who will have things to teach me. i expect that he will be stronger in certain areas, and in the same vein, i will probably have strength in areas that he may be less so.

to me marriage is still about growing to become a stronger whole that the sum of the individual parts, and those differences should bring you together, not weaken or force you apart. God uses the marriage relationship to teach us, soften our edges and help us in the pursuit of dying to self.

i think aligning expectations is among the most important of conversations. unfortunately, people can't have it if they don't know themselves well enough to speak with knowledge and honesty.

 

[IloveyouGod]

I don't think "Evenly Yoked" contradicts with the 2 complimenting each other in so many different ways. I guess it's mentioned in the bible as in having the same faith, beliefs, religion.

And you are right, I always say Actions speaks louder than words.

maybe i'm over simplifying things, but i know when there's a simpatico. maybe that's clarified through prayer, time spent together, and being able to see that his walk matches the talk.

as for being evenly yoked, that is true. it's important. but on the other hand, if i get married, i fully expect that it will be to someone who will have things to teach me. i expect that he will be stronger in certain areas, and in the same vein, i will probably have strength in areas that he may be less so.

to me marriage is still about growing to become a stronger whole that the sum of the individual parts, and those differences should bring you together, not weaken or force you apart. God uses the marriage relationship to teach us, soften our edges and help us in the pursuit of dying to self.

i think aligning expectations is among the most important of conversations. unfortunately, people can't have it if they don't know themselves well enough to speak with knowledge and honesty.