Joined vs Separate Bank Accounts
- Thread starter Grace-Like-Rain
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J
We tried sharing a checkbook....for about a year. It didn't work well at all. 
We then opened two accounts in both of our names (in case the other needed access), but assigned one account to each of us (that person's name was listed first on the checks). We made a list of expenses and who was responsible for what. It worked very well.
It helped me organize savings, tithing and shopping. He said it did the same for him.
Some people are terrible with money though. In that case, a lot of my family members have found it best that the responsible person handle the checkbook.
We then opened two accounts in both of our names (in case the other needed access), but assigned one account to each of us (that person's name was listed first on the checks). We made a list of expenses and who was responsible for what. It worked very well.It helped me organize savings, tithing and shopping. He said it did the same for him.
Some people are terrible with money though. In that case, a lot of my family members have found it best that the responsible person handle the checkbook.
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I'm also curious to know whether those who have been married before are more likely to want separate accounts than those who would be going into first marriages. We always had shared accounts in my marriage. It was nice because we'd been married since long before either of us had any money, so everything truly was "ours". When we ate out or something, there was no "will you pay or will I pay". We just paid from "our" account.
If I were to marry again, I think I'd feel a bit differently though. I have my own children that I would want to feel free to spend money on without worrying about burdening my husband with. College help, or help with a car, or something like that... I wonder if that's a bad way to think about it, but I would never expect him, or even "us" to support my children.
I also wonder if things wouldn't flow more smoothly if it was established that we'd just have our own accounts, and had the freedom to spend our own extra money how we wanted. I wouldn't gripe about him wasting money on sports channels, and he wouldn't complain that I spent too much on workout clothes.
Maybe it's a trust issue though? I want to keep something back to protect myself? Or I don't trust us to be on the same page about expenses? I dunno. This is entirely hypothetical of course.
If I were to marry again, I think I'd feel a bit differently though. I have my own children that I would want to feel free to spend money on without worrying about burdening my husband with. College help, or help with a car, or something like that... I wonder if that's a bad way to think about it, but I would never expect him, or even "us" to support my children.
I also wonder if things wouldn't flow more smoothly if it was established that we'd just have our own accounts, and had the freedom to spend our own extra money how we wanted. I wouldn't gripe about him wasting money on sports channels, and he wouldn't complain that I spent too much on workout clothes.
Maybe it's a trust issue though? I want to keep something back to protect myself? Or I don't trust us to be on the same page about expenses? I dunno. This is entirely hypothetical of course.
J
I don't think it's a trust issue at all, Grace. You are simply trying to approach it reasonably and prevent as many situations as possible that could lead to hard feelings/difficulties within the marriage. Seems wise to me. Head it off at the pass.
I would definitely want separate, but joint, accounts again (since my son is grown now). The more arguments you can avoid, the better, especially about money. Money is very high on the list of things that mess with marriages.
Just throwing this out there, but trust accounts are very beneficial for single folks with children, as someone can step right in and handle things if something happens to you. They are also helpful in protecting your children in the event you make unwise marriage choices down the line. We all hope that doesn't happen, but we all know it can and does to some folks. Better safe than sorry. If the person you are marrying is honorable and truly wants the best for you and your children, they won't be offended by the fact that you were wise enough to protect your children in this way. If they are offended by it, that might be something you'd want to give some thought to, ya know?
Head it off at the pass.I would definitely want separate, but joint, accounts again (since my son is grown now). The more arguments you can avoid, the better, especially about money. Money is very high on the list of things that mess with marriages.
Just throwing this out there, but trust accounts are very beneficial for single folks with children, as someone can step right in and handle things if something happens to you. They are also helpful in protecting your children in the event you make unwise marriage choices down the line. We all hope that doesn't happen, but we all know it can and does to some folks. Better safe than sorry. If the person you are marrying is honorable and truly wants the best for you and your children, they won't be offended by the fact that you were wise enough to protect your children in this way. If they are offended by it, that might be something you'd want to give some thought to, ya know?
Would you want combined bank accounts, or would you prefer to each have your own account and split expenses?
it totally depends upon the guy.
i am not the most organized when it comes to paperwork and tracking stuff, but i do have system that works well for me. i can also see how someone who is much more organized or much less organized might create problems. if there's not a simple way to mesh, i would be a proponent for a "his-hers-ours" style of banking.
meaning, one shared account, and utilize transfers to fund individual spending accounts so that we can each keep track of our own spending. that way, household bills can be handled from the main fund, while still utilizing budgetary goals with the one thing that tends to be the most adjustable - personal/misc spending.
i'm a big fan of utilizing different "baskets" for money, since they seem to be so helpful in organization. in fact, it plays a big role in how i stay organized financially, and helps me to track business related expenses vs. personal.
however, i'm pretty easygoing about money matters, so i can "flex" quite a bit to meet someone in this area.
How would it work for you?
i wouldn't hesitate to try the "his-hers-ours" system if he prefers that or it has obvious advantages in our situation.
i would have bigger issues with someone totally undisciplined about money, and was unwilling to work together to meet monetary goals. i definitely value keeping a general eye on things, as well as working towards milestones.
What would you feel most comfortable with? Why do you feel that way?
i have always joked that i hope to marry someone who likes to handle money matters, since it's not my favorite administrative task. if he likes to do that sort of thing, i would be incredibly happy about that. however, if he doesn't, i would rather roll up my sleeves and pitch in rather than money become something that is not managed or lacking any real scrutiny.
i would also have a hard time with a guy who spent money very liberally and craved a lot of materialistic "rewards" or toys. i directly correlate how well i manage my money with how long i will have to (potentially wait) to make some of the major changes in my life that i would like have the freedom to do.
one fear i have with marrying someone younger is the potential for lack of agreement in this area. i've known a lot of guys younger than me who are just starting to enjoy their earning potential and want to "have more fun with money" than i do. i prefer simplicity. i'll always value travel and "experiences" over newer vehicles and the like.
to me money is the gateway to options. i've already had my fun spending ridiculous sums of money on goofy things that i don't need, and i am in a much more fiscally responsible phase of life--i would rather have the options that come with savings/investments.
it totally depends upon the guy.
i am not the most organized when it comes to paperwork and tracking stuff, but i do have system that works well for me. i can also see how someone who is much more organized or much less organized might create problems. if there's not a simple way to mesh, i would be a proponent for a "his-hers-ours" style of banking.
meaning, one shared account, and utilize transfers to fund individual spending accounts so that we can each keep track of our own spending. that way, household bills can be handled from the main fund, while still utilizing budgetary goals with the one thing that tends to be the most adjustable - personal/misc spending.
i'm a big fan of utilizing different "baskets" for money, since they seem to be so helpful in organization. in fact, it plays a big role in how i stay organized financially, and helps me to track business related expenses vs. personal.
however, i'm pretty easygoing about money matters, so i can "flex" quite a bit to meet someone in this area.
How would it work for you?
i wouldn't hesitate to try the "his-hers-ours" system if he prefers that or it has obvious advantages in our situation.
i would have bigger issues with someone totally undisciplined about money, and was unwilling to work together to meet monetary goals. i definitely value keeping a general eye on things, as well as working towards milestones.
What would you feel most comfortable with? Why do you feel that way?
i have always joked that i hope to marry someone who likes to handle money matters, since it's not my favorite administrative task. if he likes to do that sort of thing, i would be incredibly happy about that. however, if he doesn't, i would rather roll up my sleeves and pitch in rather than money become something that is not managed or lacking any real scrutiny.
i would also have a hard time with a guy who spent money very liberally and craved a lot of materialistic "rewards" or toys. i directly correlate how well i manage my money with how long i will have to (potentially wait) to make some of the major changes in my life that i would like have the freedom to do.
one fear i have with marrying someone younger is the potential for lack of agreement in this area. i've known a lot of guys younger than me who are just starting to enjoy their earning potential and want to "have more fun with money" than i do. i prefer simplicity. i'll always value travel and "experiences" over newer vehicles and the like.
to me money is the gateway to options. i've already had my fun spending ridiculous sums of money on goofy things that i don't need, and i am in a much more fiscally responsible phase of life--i would rather have the options that come with savings/investments.
K
I never really thought about it. I wouldn't mind having one combined account, but it sounds like it would be hard to administer the money. I would go with having two separate accounts, but with shared access so we can both use them in case we need to. For me it would be an administration and organization issue, not a trust issue.I need to set apart money for bills, church and important stuff, and then set apart money for leisure activities/clothes/etc. I would get confused having all the money in just one account.
I
I would have one account for both of us assigned to paying the BIG bills such as mortgages, car loan and what have you. And another one account for both of us assigned for our day to day expenses and leisure things such as going out, going on trips and so on so forth.
But I do agree with Grace's point when having kids from another husband, you wanna make sure you have the freedom to use the money for them. Although, an amazing new husband would say, Nope, your kids are my kids now and what they need I will get it for them.
But I do agree with Grace's point when having kids from another husband, you wanna make sure you have the freedom to use the money for them. Although, an amazing new husband would say, Nope, your kids are my kids now and what they need I will get it for them.
T
I think it depends on the amount of finances and how you split up the financial responsibilities. I know couples that one spouse pays the mortgage and then the other will pay the utilities and smaller bills to even it out. But I also have a cousin who pays ALL of the bills. Both he and his wife have well paying jobs, but he pays all of the bills himself and she goes shopping with the money she earns. She will buy groceries and little things like that, but because they have so much disposable income it doesn't really matter.
In my family I handle all of the finances. I pay all of the bills and when my wife buys stuff on our joint credit card she brings me the receipt so I can track everything. I also connected our accounts to Mint.com which tracks all of our transactions. I set a budget for each category which she can access through her iPod app to see how much she can spend on groceries, gas, eating out, entertainment, etc. It's incredibly useful.
I've never been great with a strict budget (though I am good with money) but my on-line banking offers an Intuit budgeting service called FinanceWorks that I LOVE. Everything that goes in or out of my accounts is tracked and filed into a category, so that at a glance I can look and see how I'm doing for the month in any category. I can click to see what purchases were made, and compare those expenses to the other months of the year. All without really maintaining it myself at all, since it uses the info from my bank account. It's impressive.
And it has colored pie charts and bar graphs. Really, does it get any better than that folks?
And it has colored pie charts and bar graphs. Really, does it get any better than that folks?
we've got one joint account, one credit card account, one shared budget, both our names are on the mortgage and the cars, etc. etc. the only things separate are work-related or debts/investments that pre-date our marriage.
we're one person. we believe being married is more than being roommates.
our son has a separate account for his own money - so he can learn independence, but there's no reason my wife or i need to learn to be independent of each other, is there?
as far as surprising her with a gift, i have to be sneaky and source cash somehow without using an ATM or credit card advance. of course that can't be something super expensive. even if we were rich and could afford it my wife would kill me if i bought her a car or a diamond without talking about it first. around Christmas and birthdays we consciously avoid looking at the credit card statement
i don't think it's "wrong" to have separate accounts; it just raises implications contrary to what we believe marriage is. if we were ever divorced it would be a mess, but what kind of marriage are you going to have if you go into it making plans for divorce?
we're one person. we believe being married is more than being roommates.
our son has a separate account for his own money - so he can learn independence, but there's no reason my wife or i need to learn to be independent of each other, is there?
as far as surprising her with a gift, i have to be sneaky and source cash somehow without using an ATM or credit card advance. of course that can't be something super expensive. even if we were rich and could afford it my wife would kill me if i bought her a car or a diamond without talking about it first. around Christmas and birthdays we consciously avoid looking at the credit card statement
i don't think it's "wrong" to have separate accounts; it just raises implications contrary to what we believe marriage is. if we were ever divorced it would be a mess, but what kind of marriage are you going to have if you go into it making plans for divorce?
I think it really depends on the couple and the unique dynamic they share. There have been a variety of experiences shared here and it seems the strategy chosen by each couple is what works for them. That seems to be the key
In my case, I'm actually pretty proficient with keeping track of my budget, down to the little details. I use something similar to the old 'envelope' method, so I already have all my categories spread out. What is now my "miscellaneous spending" could easily be split into his/hers spending 'envelopes', all while maintaining one account. We'd share everything, but I wouldn't touch whatever is in his 'miscellaneous spending' envelope, unless of course there was an emergency and the amounts in all the envelopes had to be shifted around (after discussing it).
Similar to what Kayem said, for me it's not about trust, but about management. And since I have a plan of how to manage it, I'd be fine with one account.
In my case, I'm actually pretty proficient with keeping track of my budget, down to the little details. I use something similar to the old 'envelope' method, so I already have all my categories spread out. What is now my "miscellaneous spending" could easily be split into his/hers spending 'envelopes', all while maintaining one account. We'd share everything, but I wouldn't touch whatever is in his 'miscellaneous spending' envelope, unless of course there was an emergency and the amounts in all the envelopes had to be shifted around (after discussing it).
Similar to what Kayem said, for me it's not about trust, but about management. And since I have a plan of how to manage it, I'd be fine with one account.
i agree with you. i don't mean to sound like i think separate accounts/cards/budgets etc are a bad thing. it's like you say, it comes down to the 'unique dynamic' and for us, it's meaningful to share everything. whenever we have a choice about things we like to do them together. i'm pretty sure she hides money away anyhow, not out of mistrust, but because she's just a prudent woman - she hides emergency funds away from herself too
I'm single, and I have 2 accounts: one that receives the paychecks and child support to pay the bills and the other for "blow money" (eating out, shopping, etc.). That helps me ensure that the important stuff gets handled first. If I were to be married again, then we would put all income into one major account for our bills. Then we each have our blow money. I would probably have a separate account for child support, just to keep track of things better. Of course, we would both have equal access to all accounts.