Completely confused

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1

1OfGreatValue

Guest
#1
#1
I was married at 19 and stayed in that abusive marriage for a while. Right after my divorce I started dating a man that has known my family for years. That lasted 3 years and now he suddenly decided that we need a break so he can figure himself out. I know it important to seek God's will and all but is it necessary to kick the one you love the curb while doing so? Shouldn't we as a couple be seeking God's will for our lives?
I have never really been a lone and this is really scary for me!
 
A

Animus

Guest
#2
#2
If you depend this much on a man, emotional or spiritually, perhaps it is more necessary than you realize that you need to spend some time alone with God as well.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#3
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#3
Animus is right. You feel like you need a man in your life to complete you. God is the one who should complete you. As it is, your romantic relationships are getting in the way of your spiritual walk.
 
1

1OfGreatValue

Guest
#4
#4
I don't feel like I need a man to complete me. I've never really been on my own so that scares me. It's something new.
What I'm trying to figure out is why he feels like he has to kick me out of his life to figure himself out? Shouldn't we seek God alone as well as a couple to see what He has for us?
 
J

ji

Guest
#5
#5
1OfGreatValue said:
I don't feel like I need a man to complete me. I've never really been on my own so that scares me. It's something new.
What I'm trying to figure out is why he feels like he has to kick me out of his life to figure himself out? Shouldn't we seek God alone as well as a couple to see what He has for us?
Click to expand...
Follow Christ and spend time in Prayer to Heal yourself,then your broken relationship with husband..by which i have to say your former husband,because there is a Passage in Holy Scripture that speaks clearly about this where Jesus specifically speaks to a woman who found it confusing who was her real husband..
Unless for immoral sex with another woman,you shouldn't have divorced that man...This is how Holy Scripture says it.So Pray to God to fix that and get back to how God want things to be.
Its not easy like i say,i know.But with God if you slowly start Praying God will do the impossible...
If the former husband was too abusive Pray for him,with God all things are possible..you need to show Patience..

And marriage shouldn't be taken lightly,its a Godly union when we do it Godly..otherwise we can never get Peace...
Now for the former husband,if he is abusive...stay away from him and Pray for him..Have Faith in God and put your Trust in God.Let the burden be God's.
So you can Pray and spend time with God to Heal yourself(again saying that because its needed) and wait on God to fix things.Choice is yours,life is not a romantic movie,its real....
Not trying to hurt you but trying to point you to the direction where permanent solution comes from..

First accept Jesus as your Personal Savior if you are not a Christian(not catholic or some belief with faith on others than Jesus).Join a Church Fellowship that has Faith Foundations on worshiping Jesus only and gives Water Baptism,gives emphasis to other Spiritual standards based on Holy Scripture(KJV 1611 version of Holy Bible-if english is your comfortable language)
 
1

1OfGreatValue

Guest
#6
#6
Ok you people are completely missing my question
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#7
#7
1OfGreatValue said:
I was married at 19 and stayed in that abusive marriage for a while. Right after my divorce I started dating a man that has known my family for years. That lasted 3 years and now he suddenly decided that we need a break so he can figure himself out. I know it important to seek God's will and all but is it necessary to kick the one you love the curb while doing so? Shouldn't we as a couple be seeking God's will for our lives?
I have never really been a lone and this is really scary for me!
Click to expand...
I love this term "figure himself out". "Finding myself" is another good one. Did you ever wonder where everyone looks? What's he going to do once he figures himself out? Did he say? Look, seriously I don't think anybody really finds themselves. I think it was George B. Shaw that said nobody finds themselves, they create themselves - and I think that's true. More importantly, I think that's true for you, right now, and starting this day (which in about 4.5 hours EST will be SPRING!). Maybe it's time to reinvent yourself - create a new 10ofgreatvalue. Become an 11ofgreatvalue and maybe finding out that she and God are the Ones you needed to rely on to begin with.

There's a lot of us scared here. But man, there's some brave ones too that can help guide you. So, while your bf is out groping around looking under stuff trying to find himself, I will pray you're growing in Christ and being brave. How's that?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
1OfGreatValue said:
I don't feel like I need a man to complete me. I've never really been on my own so that scares me. It's something new.
What I'm trying to figure out is why he feels like he has to kick me out of his life to figure himself out? Shouldn't we seek God alone as well as a couple to see what He has for us?
Click to expand...
Only your husband and God knows why. No one here can do anything but make uneducated guesses as to his reason.

But yes, you should be doing this as a couple, but obviously something more is going on with your husband that's causing him to step outside of his responsibility as a husband and want to be on his own.

And you're right, the answers you'd received were useless and typical of Christians too busy looking to sound wise and spiritual and not enough listening to whats being said.
 
1

1OfGreatValue

Guest
#9
#9
I've been reinventing myself all along. I not the same person I was 3 years ago when my marriage ended. I have gained confidence and a strength I never knew I had. A lot of that was thanks to my boyfriend and all the time he spent helping me and working with me to shape me into the person I've become. That's why it's so confusing to me that he just walked away from it all. I mean in a sense I'm his work of art that he completed and left in the park for someone to steal!
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#10
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#10
Ugly said:
Only your husband and God knows why. No one here can do anything but make uneducated guesses as to his reason.

But yes, you should be doing this as a couple, but obviously something more is going on with your husband that's causing him to step outside of his responsibility as a husband and want to be on his own.

And you're right, the answers you'd received were useless and typical of Christians too busy looking to sound wise and spiritual and not enough listening to whats being said.
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Not a husband... a boyfriend.

OP - if he wants time away from you to "figure himself out", that probably means that he needs to decide whether to continue the relationship or not. If the relationship itself is on the line, this is why he is doing it alone and not as a couple.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#11
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#11
So is this a live in boyfriend and/or someone you are being sexually intimate with? Maybe he is stepping back to repent of his own sins and is trying to seek God.
As another poster mentioned, this would be a great opportunity for you to do the same.
 
1

1OfGreatValue

Guest
#12
#12
No not a live in or anything like that. I know he is upset by some of his past and worried about an addiction I use to have but through God's grace with my boyfriend's help I have overcome. I intend to seek God through this.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#13
#13
I'm glad you are praying about your situation. Hopefully, your boyfriend is as well. If it were me, I would appreciate that he is giving this careful thought prior to marriage rather than after, you know?

Does the addiction you had before have anything to do with issues from his past? Are these issues he feels he needs to resolve before entering into a committed relationship?

Relationships are difficult. The more weighty baggage we can leave behind, the better off we are.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#14
#14
1OfGreatValue said:
I was married at 19 and stayed in that abusive marriage for a while. Right after my divorce I started dating a man that has known my family for years. That lasted 3 years and now he suddenly decided that we need a break so he can figure himself out. I know it important to seek God's will and all but is it necessary to kick the one you love the curb while doing so? Shouldn't we as a couple be seeking God's will for our lives?
I have never really been a lone and this is really scary for me!
Click to expand...
Space can give people a new perspective on an old situation. Maybe he just needs to get away from you to figure this out.
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#16
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#16
God says fear not 130xs in the scripture..guess He knows we will face fear time and again..I was married to an abuser for 12 years..I think you have unresolved issues that got brought with you into the new relationship..do youself a favor and resolve those ...you didnt even know you had...use this time to commune with God to resolve ..you will change into someone aware...your man will see the change and then maybe fall in love all over again with the complete you..
You are going to come through new and improved..
May you find Gods joy..
 
1

1OfGreatValue

Guest
#17
#17
He and I had a good talk and completely understand him now.
 
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