Hi Banana,
Great topic... I've been thinking about it all day and wanted to post, but had to let the full thought sink in a little.
Sorry if this gets to be a little long, but you know me.
I can only speak for myself, but I've found if I am serious about "getting closer" to God or "going higher" with Him, He holds me more and more accountable. Anyone who is looking to go further in their relationship with God is going to have to brace him or herself for that accountability. I am always leary of those who set themselves up as Biblical or spiritual authorities but offer no proof of their accountability--or worse yet, seem to refuse correction or the perspective of anyone disagreeing with them, always claiming that their stance is solid because they "stand on the Word of God."
If you won't ask others to hold you accountable, God Himself will. David, as king, felt he could sleep with another man's wife, have him killed, and scrub the crime scene clean. God thought otherwise. Moses, believing he was acting in righteous anger, thought no one was looking when he killed an Egyptian taskmaster. But God knew. And eventually, Moses had to flee everything and everyone he had ever known because of it.
Now of course, I'm not saying I am anywhere near the faith of these Biblical giants. But, I can tell you, God holds me accountable. I've had times when I actively sought out mentors who were not afraid to speak out to me. They were usually kind, but sometimes the rebuke was harsh. I've always said I'd rather deal with an ugly truth than a pretty lie.
And then there are times God knew no one was looking except Him and He drove me to accountability anyway. One day when I was about 35, something hit me--an anxiety that wouldn't let me sit down or concentrate on anything, let alone sleep--and I knew what it was. God was convicting me of things I thought I'd "gotten away with" WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER AND IN MY EARLY 20's, and told me I had to call my parents and tell them. Oh. My. Goodness. Some of these events were 17 years in the past!!! But God knew. I. Was. Petrified. And my parents had lived thousands of miles away for years!!!
The things I had to tell them, though I never had a wild side, were still subjects no one would ever want to confess to two conservative, waited-til-they-got married Christians who always emphasized that we (their kids) were to do the same. I had some things I to confess to them that I did not want to discuss at all. God didn't make me go into any gory details, but rather, it was more like, "Mom, Dad... You know you always taught me X? Well, I made a mistake..." Like David and Moses, I tried to whitewash and excuse all my sins. (See, I can type this publicly now because God already made me confess and repent... so if my parents ever read this... they already know!)
Now for some, that's not a big deal, but for me... If you would have given me a choice, I'd have rather walked through fire. Two or three times. In fact, I felt like I always was. One of the things God has given me as I've grown closer to Him is a conscience that sears the middle of my heart like a white-hot poker. But I earnestly repented to my parents for not only sinning, but also for letting them down because I knew I had been raised differently.
I also had a suicide attempt several years ago, and my parents and pastors were first to arrive at the hospital. I'll never forget my Dad's anguished sighs and the clear worry in my pastors' voices. All these years later, God told me I had to tell them all I was sorry for putting them through that.
I am at a point now where I'm almost afraid to date because I already know "If something goes wrong," I'd have to call (a good friend of mine who acts as my dating accountability mentor) and my parents and 'fess up. I know most will balk at the idea of being a grown adult and confessing their "personal business" to their parents but in my case, it's what God leads me to do. It's my own Accountability 101 (or in this case, x2!!)
I'm in a stage of my life where I am cautiously looking for additional mentors/accountability partners, preferably those with more life experience, wisdom, and knowledge than I have. In some ways, I'm scared to death!!! But, the greatest gift God has given me through all of this is that those who held me accountable didn't belittle me, didn't mock my mistakes, and most importantly, did not reject me. The first thing my Dad said was, "Well, what did you learn from it all?"
It's HARD. Terrifying, even. But. God is good. And I have often felt that God has told me, "Because you are choosing to be honest with others, I make sure others are honest with you." I might be the last to know. But over and over again, God has somehow let me know things I couldn't have otherwise known (the person will often confess to me on their own or God will send someone to tell me) in order to allow me to move on with my own life.
