I'm honestly at the end of my rope about now

[ServantStrike]

So I'm posting this here, where hopefully some of you who are so inspirational in my life may be able to help me and offer some insight. Sorry for the wall of text, but it's actually a condensed version. I don't like to let on how much I'm hurting, or when I struggle, but I just can't do this the way I've been doing it.


I'm struggling. A lot. I got a rare infection over 10 years ago while I was still in high school. It was a miracle I graduated and it was even more of a miracle I managed to get through my undergraduate degree. About 3 years ago I went into graduate school in the hopes that I could knock it out in a year, and give myself a little longer to recover. That plan backfired and I got sick as a dog - I had some really really stressful profs and I really hadn't been completely healthy going into it. It's taken me 3 years to recover from it, but now, for the first time in a very long time, I'm finally to where my health is coming back, and I'm not worried about it.

One would think I could revel in that and just be happy, but I can't. I hate sitting here day in and day out desperately trying to find work. For far too long I've felt subhuman because I have been unable to work and be like all of my normal friends. I never worried about it much in college because I figured there was always going to be a job for me at the end of the long road I had to walk - seriously there should have been, I didn't get a degree in basket weaving.


But there isn't, or it just doesn't feel like there is. I've networked with plenty of professionals, and none of them seem able to help me. HR departments are just absolutely horrendous. Even if I know a posting exists somewhere, half of the people I know will not vouch for me, and the other half cannot vouch for me because HR is it's own fiefdom. I'm competing with people who have 5-10 years of business experience who are willing to take the same entry level job because they have bills to pay. I cannot possibly make my resume look attractive enough for a non technical person to realize I'm worth taking a chance on. I can't even explain away why it's taken me so long since I graduated to land something full time, as even though I'm healthy now, hiring someone who used to be sick just doesn't happen.



It all feels pretty hopeless to me right now. I'd just go get something - anything, if I thought it would help me run from the feelings of failure, but I know it wouldn't. Not only that, but it would hurt my ability to interview (not that I've had many of those). I'm not being proud here - I'd take a job cleaning toilets if I got the opportunity to use my technical skills for just a few minutes a day, at least that could be a resume booster (the technical part, not the toilets). I've considered putting in my cover letter that I'll take a job and do whatever task an employer wants, spit in my face if you want, just give me a chance, except it wouldn't matter much any ways, people who come across as desperate don't get hired, and it's not like my resume gets read by a human being any ways.

I've had people say the craziest things to me too, like maybe a good job isn't what God has in mind for me. Honestly I want to look at them and say oh really, then why on earth did I get a technical degree, or hey how about you go tell your kids "hey honey, I don't think God wants you to have a job that you could raise a family on, how about you go work a dead end job and live in our basement for the rest of your life."



But seriously, I cannot get past HR to save my life, and I can't seem to get a chance. The feelings of failure are just absolutely killing me - I'm not the easygoing guy I used to be, I'm not the Christian I used to be, I'm a shadow of my former self and I don't even know how to get back what I've lost.

 

[Rachel20]

I am so sorry ServantStrike. You've spoken to me about this before, your illness and then graduating and I was deeply moved. Thank you so much, you are a blessing!

I understand what you're going through. You will be in my prayers from henceforth. I can only tell you that you have to trust in God. This may be the wilderness and the waiting period - but you still have to trust in God and have faith in Him.

Meanwhile if I offer a few suggestions, I hope you won't mind.

• Be honest with the HR about your illness. You can mention the lack of experience as a consequence of being ill. Honesty and transparency about everything could help you in your cause.
• Can you do an internship / a consultancy job/ freelance sort of thing to build up your resume?
• Do the certification that you said you would take (Have you taken it?)
• Look for startups, smaller companies
• Pray and don't lose hope.

I know God will come through for you SS. Just stay strong. Will be praying for favour and strength. Don't lose courage.

 

[Ugly]

Sadly, this is the economy we live in right now. I'd been plagued with depression most of my life, then got sick as well. At first i'd hoped that once i got better would be my chance to get a real job, but now i see the economy and how many people who have educations (i don't) and have been actively working (i haven't in years) and they are struggling to find anything, discourages me as well. So i can relate. I don't have the degree, or experience in any real work. I'm there with you in many ways.

 

[ww_21]

Double S, depression has always been a major part of my life, still is. Some days I wake up and just want to end it all. I'm not gonna ask you to hang in there or promise you that things will get better because that would be hypocritical of me. What I can and will do is keep you in my prayers. *hugs* big brother. If you ever want to talk or even vent, I'm around.

 

[djness]

Not sure what to tell you. I'm not in a far different boat. I worked from the age of 18-32 for various computer companies and had some great jobs. Now at the age of 35 I do nothing and can't really do much of anything.
I have spinal muscular atrophy type 3 which I have had since birth but wasn't even diagnosed with until I was 26. I stopped working in 2010 and physically things have just gone down hill. I loved working and helping out people . Now I just sit here online and watch the days go by. I can barely take care of myself and if I last another 4 years, won't be able to.


About a year ago I just started see a black void. Sorta visions of it. Nothingness, that was my future. Just a black curtain.
I feel like a very useful tool just rusting in the shed.

The only thing i have gotten out of this is God getting my attention for the first time in my life and struggling with the idea I may have to do things His way instead of doing things for Him my way.

So I guess I can relate to your situations. Sorry it's happening because it is frustrating to an extreme degree. Hopefully something good comes out of it. I have associated this verse with this issue and hope something better happens.
[h=3]Genesis 50:20[/h]Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

20 But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

 

[kenthomas27]

Rachel20 gives wonderful technical advice so let me try and give you spiritual advice too. How can I put this......What you said earlier about doing most any job as long as there was some kind of technical component to it was good. If there is one thing I've learned from working is that work, your labor, your position, you job, your schedule will ALWAYS change. If you take a job that doesn't have a technical component that you can see, I GUARANTEE you that it will change so that it will have that component. Proverbs 16:3..Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

I believe Solomon was right when the proverb was written In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty. Talk and thought do nothing but makes a spirit tired; a depressive tired that is not satisfied by sleep - Proverbs 13:4 The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Do you think God doesn't know your talents? Do you think He doesn't understand your desires? What work would you possibly do whereby your talents would never come to light? These are the things that glorify God! If your heart is concerned with the glorification of God then what talent would not be used? Colossians 3:24 Knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Living on this earth for 28 years with afflictions has taught you this won't be easy. Pursuing work for the sake of labor will be a difficult step Philippians 2:14 and 15 Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, But instead, know that there is profit in ALL labor and that if you do this labor with all your might for the Glory of God the Father, then...Ecclesiastes 9:10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.

In every sense of our faith, our first step leads to a second.

 

[rachelsedge]

I can somewhat relate. Before I got the job I have now, I was unemployed for about a month. I know that's not really that long, but it felt like it, especially when I had never really been unemployed before since I was old enough to work and I had monthly things I had to pay for. I hated it. I felt useless, like I had spent all that money on college for nothing (not necessarily true). People make it seem like college guarantees a job, but that's misleading.

I applied to 25 jobs (I counted). I failed some of the online questionnaires (Walmart and Kohl's, apparently I'm not cut out for that), I only got one interview, and I knew when I left it that I wasn't qualified or experienced enough. The very last job I applied to, within a week, I had gotten it. I was only part time, and finally after 14 months (this past January) I was moved up to full-time because someone else left.

I know how frustrating it can be. To be overqualified, underqualified, or just not wanted. To have people with more experience be above you on the list. To encounter the vicious circle of "You need experience for this job but how do I get experience if I don't get this job". The endless applications with no feedback.

Have you tried part-time jobs? It may not be fully what you need, but it could be a foot in the door, experience, or networking. All of my jobs (besides the one I have currently) have been through outside connections: my family, church people, my friends. You may have already done this, but let people that you know know that you are looking and for them to keep an ear out.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

I kept stumbling across that verse when I felt like all hope for finding a job was lost and so I took it to heart and I not only found a job but it's a job in the field that I studied for. If you knew all the facts you'd probably feel that it was a miracle that I got hired at all. I had to ignore the negative facts and renew my hope in God.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
(Psalm 43:5 KJV)

God bless.

 

[Hungry]

ServantStrike, sorry to hear of your situation. I can relate. About ten years ago I switched careers, busted my butt, and graduated top of my class. For the last seven months I've been laid off while others who appeared seemingly less qualified are currently working. Like the Bible states the race isn't always won by the fastest. God has used this season of unemployment to teach me and train me in other areas. I am very thankful for this revival I have experienced in my spiritual life. Often I find when God does not seem to be listening to my prayers its because He's talking and I need to be listening. Maybe God is telling you something and your focus on what you think your life should be is stopping your ears from the plan God has for you. I understand your frustration. As men we tend to define ourselves by our occupation and measure our self worth according to our successes. I think God has allowed me to flounder so I will slow down allowing him to redirect my path, forcing me to depend on Him, so he rather than me can claim the glory. My life is not my own. I am not upset because I have given control to Him. He is saying stay, so I stay. When he says go, I will go.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

ServantStrike, my heart goes out to you in your frustration and hopelessness. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm very thankful you are healthy now. It seems like the next step is even more difficult.

I loved KenThomas' post above - as an encouragement for you that no matter what job you end up with, if you serve as working for the Lord, he will bring you to the place he has for you, using your talents and skills. Proverbs 16:3..Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. Wow, what an awesome verse for this situation! The Bible truly is a Living Word.

Hang on, brother. We are praying. (((hugs)))

 

[ServantStrike]

Double S, depression has always been a major part of my life, still is. Some days I wake up and just want to end it all. I'm not gonna ask you to hang in there or promise you that things will get better because that would be hypocritical of me. What I can and will do is keep you in my prayers. *hugs* big brother. If you ever want to talk or even vent, I'm around.

Hmm... maybe rope was the wrong metaphor.


How about... driveway. Or something.



But it's both comforting and saddening to see I'm not the only one struggling these days. It is comforting knowing I'm not alone though.


Today was one of those days where I just... realized I couldn't keep trying to do things on my own. Too many tears and too much strife.

 

[rachelsedge]

How about... driveway. Or something.

But it's both comforting and saddening to see I'm not the only one struggling these days. It is comforting knowing I'm not alone though.

It can be nice to know there are more cars in the driveway. Or those who had been in the driveway before.

I'm glad you came on here to let us know your heart. It's weird how we like to try to do things on our own, but then see how encouraging it is when we let people see our struggles, even though that's hard to do sometimes. You are covered in prayer, here.

 

[ServantStrike]

It can be nice to know there are more cars in the driveway. Or those who had been in the driveway before.

I'm glad you came on here to let us know your heart. It's weird how we like to try to do things on our own, but then see how encouraging it is when we let people see our struggles, even though that's hard to do sometimes. You are covered in prayer, here.

That's why I finally just put the cards on the table.

Walking the road alone is... not possible. I think it's when we start making mistakes (at least it is for me).

 

[GraceRevelation]

I feel for you. Your in a tough situation, I can relate to you when you said you wanted to get a job to help boost your resume. I had a strong will to find a job I actual would want and not some no-point job that would lead me no where. Each job I feel should be a boost to your career. As for you, this is a time to especially press into God. Pray about finding a job and one that you would want. Being a child of God we have supernatural favor and blessings that the world doesn't have access to.

A Preacher I listen to I think would really benefit you, look him up Joseph Prince.

 

[Fenner]

I'm sorry SS. I don't understand the whole HR thing and this whole job competition thing is so bad now. Even Wal-Mart only hires like 2 percent of the people that apply there. Not that you should not have to be an intelligent hard working person to work at Wal-Mart, but it's not like the pay there is wonderful either.

I'm sorry, you're are in my prayers.

 

[IloveyouGod]

Hey SS, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Before I tell you I can relate. I'd like to thank God first for your health today. I don't think you are a failure at all, seriously. Being a failure means you got into something and you failed in it n' you got yourself fired over your mistake or your bad work. You just cannot find a job because it's so hard to find one. It's out of your hands. Then how can you be a failure, I really don't get it!!!!!!

I thank God, I'm healthy, yet, I cannot find a job since Sept. 2013 and until today......I've been looking for jobs like it's my full time job every single day. Yet, I cannot find anything and God knows when will this get resolved......So I want you to know that you are definitely in my prayers. Please remember me in yours too.

 

[just_monicat]

hey ss - first, i just want to let you know how much i was moved by your post.

back when i was in my 20s, after i settled a bit down and started getting serious about career matters, i re-enrolled in college and took a job in manufacturing at nights. it was a horrible job for me in so many ways, because i felt like my intelligence, skills and talents were totally wasted there. and even harder, the qualities i had always been recognized for weren't really appreciated or even necessarily helpful. it was a soul-crushing job in some ways.

God used that time in my life to teach me more about myself, about my value and who i am in Christ more than any job since. i think it's dangerous to become too attached to the notion that we must work in an area that we are necessarily best suited or educated for. and i was eventually launched (unwittingly) into my career through job progression that started with that lowly manufacturing job.

that job that i hated so much doing was the best job i ever took, for what i learned and what it led too.

as many others have said, my best advice to you would be to trust God to know you and what you need. and that sometimes, in spite of ourselves, He puts us on a path that is for our best, not necessarily for our comfort.

also, i have hired a lot of people over the course of my career, and ultimately, if there is one thing i can stress it is that resumes and interviews are helpful, but the easiest time to get a job is when you have a job already. ANY job. even a job that puts you in contact with people who see you and your skill set. you can't hide things like your work ethic, your attitude, your ability to problem solve and every job can potentially showcase those assets.

much of this has already been said:

+ first, i would look hard for a internship, unpaid or paid. few people are willing to work their tail off for an unpaid (or lowly paid) internship. but you will get paid, in the form of a very long job interview and in contacts that can actually see your skill set and what working with you is like. but it can be a real inside track to internal (and other) opportunities too.

+ i would look at the larger employers of my area, and try to get on there in almost any capacity. most of the time, current employees have an inside track or sole access to job postings. it's very common for most companies to favor internal employees first. and in this market, most companies assume that they have people under-employed, so having a "performance" record of any kind minimizes the risk they take bringing on an employee who is completely unknown to them.

+ register with all the temp agencies. in this market, many employers are hiring strictly from temp agencies, as it is less risk and allows them to shrink their headcount without the hassle of layoffs and legalities. and it gives you the benefit of meeting and working with people who are decision makers. often, i would beg for an extra department headcount because i had a great temp who was too good to let go of. or i would keep them on my "short list" when someone left.

+ volunteer, volunteer, volunteer! if you don't see volunteer opportunities, ask for them. i would make it "my job" to fill my time with volunteer projects that allow you to use ANY part of your skill set. go to your church and tell them that you want to help them, and commit to a certain level of work.

using your work/talents for any good purpose will help you vocationally, emotionally and in other ways could be far more helpful for you than you might realize. you will meet some of those people who will be eager to vouch for your willingness to serve, get involved as well as your skills. some of the best references i have personally talked to were "volunteer supervisors".

ss, you will be in my prayers. i know God will use this time for good and value in your life. trust Him to see you and your value regardless of what you may be doing with your time. you've been given some wonderful words of wisdom from others, and i hope and pray that it is an encouragement for you.

*hugs* God bless you, brother.

 

[kayem77]

I felt very touched by your post SS, you have my prayers. I don't have the education to have a professional job, but I understand the feeling of failure and frustration that comes with having constant let downs, especially when we have set our hopes high and have worked hard toward a goal.

I still feel like that some days. I haven't started college because of certain circumstances in my life, because I have moved so much, had to deal with immigration paperwork ,change of visas, etc. I just started working recently in a restaurant, which I'm thankful for by the way, but when I see my friends already graduating from college and starting to do what they really love, I can't help but realize how far behind them I am, how I lost almost 4 years of my education and job experience for circumstances I couldn't control. But I can only have faith that God had a purpose behind all of this. It was under these circumstances that I came to faith and began my journey with God. And when I see things in perspective, then I realize that my time wasn't lost, it was still purposeful, just in a different way that I expected.

Because of this, and because of what His Word says, I know God has something in store for you. Maybe you won't have the job that you expected, but He is using you and He will direct your steps. Or maybe you will get the job that you want, sooner or later. What I'm sure of is that you are not useless, you are a vessel for his glory, so even if you don't get the job you expected, you have a purpose.

 

[ServantStrike]

Thanks again all..


Now to just leave this little piece of motivation here...







It may be a long road, but at least it's not lonely - also, that image is witty.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Hey brother, sorry to hear that your in distress but your in my prayers. Perhaps a beautiful piece of scripture will comfort you.

Matthew 6:

"
[SUP]25 [/SUP]Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
[SUP]26 [/SUP]Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
[SUP]27 [/SUP]Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
[SUP]28 [/SUP]And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
[SUP]29 [/SUP]And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
[SUP]30 [/SUP]Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?"