Writing to future spouse

[Redfire]

Hey everyone. For a couple years now, I have been writing letters to my future spouse. Some are very random and dumb in my opinion, and to be honest, I'm not sure why I'm even writing them. Lol. I usually talk about God and share what I've been learning and reading in the Bible. I do think it is kind of fun to do it, though, and I was wondering if there are others who do it too, and why? And if or if not, what would you think if your future spouse gave you letters that they have been writing before they even met you?

 

[Markum1972]

I think it is very thoughtful and special. I think a man should be honored that you had this sort of passion for him before even meeting him. Be patient in finding a man that has that kind of honor.

 

[ww_21]

I have written to my future spouse and continue to do so. I am a writer and it's how I express my feelings.

 

[just_monicat]

while i've never felt compelled to write a potential future spouse, i have always kept journals.

i am not sure why i've always been driven to, but i have.

i started out using them strictly for writing prose and poetry. then, as my faith grew, i started writing my prayers as well. once i'd been doing it for so long, i couldn't quit. they chronicle the soaring highs and the deepest lows. they show my growth as a person, and a believer. they are my own history text.

i've never let anyone read my journals, however, i have read pieces and bits to folks. i look forward to a day when i feel comfortable allowing someone to read about who i was and how i got here.

to me there's something sacred about that vulnerability, because of the honesty in how i choose my words. while i live constantly aware of how i'm perceived, my journals are always raw and unflinching.

my life has become like a classroom, and i'm grateful that i've taken copious notes from my instructor.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

After "Dear whoever, soooo what's up?" I'd have nothing else to say.

 

[DarlinNadia]

When I was young, under 25, I used to write those types of letters. I remember breaking them out and showing them to my new husband. It was quite awkward for him to be honest. I had some issues that were quite apparent. I remember a letter that i wrote...

Do you like me: Yes [] No [] Maybe []

It was dreadful... and once it fell out of the pile, there was no unseeing it. I remember most of my letters were about things I was mulling over... problems I needed solved. Problems that were no longer an issue. It was all quite childish and pathetic at best.

I needed a Savior more than I needed a spouse.

My then husband was suddenly quite aware that he was unable to help solve or even weigh in on some of the decisions that were many years old. Growing up is hard and I would say a decade later... priorities change... what really matters... some things seem more petty than others.

Imagine a letter that discusses something very personal and painful in nature... for example rape. A new husband reading about the pain you endured and suffered and his helplessness in the situation is emasculating and leaves him feeling perhaps angry or apprehensive or afraid to express love to you because it might trigger something you've already worked through with God. I remember about an hour into my "memory box" I closed it... the awkward silence... it was like picking up a mental patient from the suicide ward... what was the next step... He was clearly overwhelmed by my letters .. while my intentions were to help him get to know me at my core better... it was on MY terms .. I was leaning on my own understanding.

He was pretty terrified, perhaps horrified... we got though it but the amount of reassuring I had to do it was like damage control. My life was pretty messed up ... God knew I wasn't ready for a spouse... writing to a "future spouse" was a whole can of worms that I did not need to spill into our relationship, but I was leaning on my own understanding .. and if anyone would have advised me against it I would have scoffed at their ignorance on such matters because my heart was full of good intentions... really it was feeding my own pride and selfishness and narcissistic behavior.

you ladies that write to your future spouses are different from me, as you are saved and I was not at the time. May God Bless you and let no harm come to your future relationships over present intentions.

 

[just_monicat]

When I was young, under 25, I used to write those types of letters. I remember breaking them out and showing them to my new husband. It was quite awkward for him to be honest. I had some issues that were quite apparent. I remember a letter that i wrote...

Do you like me: Yes [] No [] Maybe []

It was dreadful... and once it fell out of the pile, there was no unseeing it. I remember most of my letters were about things I was mulling over... problems I needed solved. Problems that were no longer an issue. It was all quite childish and pathetic at best.

I needed a Savior more than I needed a spouse.

My then husband was suddenly quite aware that he was unable to help solve or even weigh in on some of the decisions that were many years old. Growing up is hard and I would say a decade later... priorities change... what really matters... some things seem more petty than others.

Imagine a letter that discusses something very personal and painful in nature... for example rape. A new husband reading about the pain you endured and suffered and his helplessness in the situation is emasculating and leaves him feeling perhaps angry or apprehensive or afraid to express love to you because it might trigger something you've already worked through with God. I remember about an hour into my "memory box" I closed it... the awkward silence... it was like picking up a mental patient from the suicide ward... what was the next step... He was clearly overwhelmed by my letters .. while my intentions were to help him get to know me at my core better... it was on MY terms .. I was leaning on my own understanding.

He was pretty terrified, perhaps horrified... we got though it but the amount of reassuring I had to do it was like damage control. My life was pretty messed up ... God knew I wasn't ready for a spouse... writing to a "future spouse" was a whole can of worms that I did not need to spill into our relationship, but I was leaning on my own understanding .. and if anyone would have advised me against it I would have scoffed at their ignorance on such matters because my heart was full of good intentions... really it was feeding my own pride and selfishness and narcissistic behavior.

you ladies that write to your future spouses are different from me, as you are saved and I was not at the time. May God Bless you and let no harm come to your future relationships over present intentions.

wow, how awkward that must've been. i'm sorry for your painful experiences.

i know you're addressing the women who "write letters to their future spouses" and that's not me, but you raise a good point.

i will say this, i have no desire to compel, expect or even ask that someone to read my journals. to me, that smacks of a bit of narcissism that anyone would want to read my silly words cover to cover. besides, there's a lot of words. : )

over the years, i've had several who've wanted very much to read them, and i wouldn't allow them to have that kind of access to my honesty.

for me, it's more about not feeling the need to protect myself from that kind of vulnerability.

 

[secularhermit]

I have written to my future spouse and continue to do so. I am a writer and it's how I express my feelings.

And several persons are feeling and enjoying those, as well.

 

[DarlinNadia]

wow, how awkward that must've been. i'm sorry for your painful experiences.

i know you're addressing the women who "write letters to their future spouses" and that's not me, but you raise a good point.

i will say this, i have no desire to compel, expect or even ask that someone to read my journals. to me, that smacks of a bit of narcissism that anyone would want to read my silly words cover to cover. besides, there's a lot of words. : )

over the years, i've had several who've wanted very much to read them, and i wouldn't allow them to have that kind of access to my honesty.

for me, it's more about not feeling the need to protect myself from that kind of vulnerability.

I could see a prayer journal... growing in Christ.. Giving glory to God, recognizing answered prayers... more for yourself to see where the Lord has stood beside you, defended you, saved you, provided for you, gave you resolve... his good works in you..

I'm a very open and honest person... there's not much hidden about me, which generally makes me vulnerable on the internet but I have to be this way... to keep my pride in check. It haunts me.. really it does. If I share and someone grows from my experiences or how God has used me.. AMEN, Glory to God.

There is not one person in this world - with the exception of my children - that I desire to build a strong lasting relationship with and my kids it's motherly role modeling that they may Grow in Christ. So far with my Daughter I'm blessed... my son, That relationship needs prayer often. He's not saved and in his 23 years of wisdom he feels death is the only way he'll be happy... (if only he'd die to self and submit to Christ he could achieve what he's talking about without leaving the world abruptly). His name is Thomas.. Tiffany's son-- my son.. I'm tiffany... Please pray for him if it is on your heart to pray for a lost guy struggling in this world.

Got side tracked there... I am not interested in anyone whatsoever on Christian chat...

That said, I do have an open schoolgirl Crush on Mphil but that's all it is, like a dog chasing a car, if it stopped I wouldn't know what to do *bark?* *bark?* He knows about it... it has become more of a way of greeting him now than anything else... but I'm sure people looking onward think I'm chasing after him.. but if anyone knows the meaning of a crush, it's fleeting.

Sorry I'm all over the place, I take pain medication and it's absorbing incredibly well tonight so I'm slightly looopy. Unfortunately my L5-S1 and C5-C7 are breaking through the pain meds so while my mind is melting.. I still hurt .. at least i am able to find humor in this. Car accidents bad, bulging discs bad, osteoarthritis bad, rheumatoid arthritis bad, nerve pain bad... God... Good. I'm here for a reason.

 

[secularhermit]

As a present daydreaming Writing to future spouse is not bad. If the one you think would fit is alive and somewhere is, I would keep on: You are writing to the "object" of your present love and to the "subject" of your love (even to the iinermost YOU).

When you write, you leave a record of your emotions, desires and dreams. If you wnat to be well understood, keep them on. If you want to know more ABOU YOURSELVES, durind certain stage of your life (or the moment of your emotions) just make it as a paper record.

Time by time, if the persons "was" not the object or subject of your words, if he/she wasn´t THE SOUND of those words yor solely spelled... Just keep on to know you! (and do not share those secret emotiones you addressed thinking in another person who is gone, somehow).

If those words serve to teach your, or others, get a fake moniker and publish them on line (just to check the way you were and to correct any possible fault you had hidden inside your self).

Certain day, when I was getting divorced (this is the 1st time I publish this in English) I went to my ex-wife´s house. I saw there wasn´t any. My children were gone and, also, my ex and, surprisingly, I saw the door unlocked (a very rare thing overthere).

I stepped in.

I searched inside I saw the mess they normally have... (one of the reasons I left them). But I decided to be creative, since I had some cans of paints, so I decided to paint there windows and their main door.

While I was doing so, I needed a piece of paper to clean something I don´t remember. I tried to find old newspapers, but I couldn´t, except when I saw several papers that looked OUT ot the trash can I never saw.

I swept the floor a little and, quickly, I saw there were too many pieces torn, of the same papers and, I had an idea when reading these...

I reconstructed those pieces I have found on the floor. I knew how to bond all of them, I was picking to understand the issue...

These were LOVE LETTERS. These were all those my ex-wife was writing to her lover...

I felt I hate her. i felt jelous because I NEVER saw she wrote -things like that- for me. Of course I was THEIR INTIMACY I saw, but also read she was aware he was a cheater, that she was ready to keep on fighting to get him back, althought she knew he was marred to another... (omitting details for respect of your eyes, your minds and the kids who could read).

I felt my anger and I knew I could kill a man for adultering. I felt I rejected, myself, because I came "home" and I tried to amend these things and, because of their absency, I started to paint ther door, their windows, just to leave them a simple present, a surprise... But I was me who got sadly surprised.

I have lived to be strong, mentally healthy, smart, and so on.

It was a lesson I learned the hard way (I only cheated -on her- once during 13 years) and this pain healed my entired life because, before I was Christian, I was a cheater and a promiscuos man.

I don´t remember having written a letter for a spouse I´ve planned to meet. I know I have written TOO many things for the people I have met and those i have left...

After divorce, I became a "bloggist" and I let my steam be off by writng, publicly, what I felt. I was so deep my sorrow, that I thought life was meaningless, worth of nothing and -any day- I pulled (3 times) the trigger of my big firegun... The last time I planned to blow my head pulling it, i thought about my son Joshua. I thought many things I even thought God "was so selfish" because He never said: "Don´t do it" or "Stop it! Because I love you".

So, if you think your past can help another to know you: re-write in the new personal approach of a new person who dres to LOVE YOU the way you are (He/she doesn´t need to know your past: Except you are highly depressive or suicidal) (a thing I am not).

Do not let them know how much you´ve loved ANOTHER.

Do not let them know how much you´ve missed those who left you or those you left: Your past is past (They will love you at the PRESENT state you are) (Hope they never try to change you: They haven´t change themselves, but are so quick -and willing- to change or coach another)

How foolish these are!

Give HONOR those who deserve it... Keep the records of your faults (to avoid repeating them).

"Forgive, to be forgiven"

 

[DarlinNadia]

here is something I wrote... it's the first part of a trilogy ... remember this was written back in 93, a great deal has changed..warning: some have called this heart retching.

Good Day My Lover 8-26-93 by Tif [DarlinNadia]

You drifted upon my thoughts this day, as an ocean drifts upon a shore… again and again.

This day I have felt a sense of being content; but, that too danced away, as a butterfly does when it combs a meadow searching to touch only a selected few wildflowers swaying in the breeze.

As I gaze out my window this quiet evening, the chill of the air seems particularly cold, almost as if it is meant to make the lonely feel their loneliness a touch too close to their hearts. I move to my bed, which never seemed so large; and even as I lay myself against my plush green comforter, there still remains a tremendous emptiness.

My only comforts are the vast memories of my many friends I had so many miles away. I often ponder upon whether I shall return to the glorified California race of rats. No!- I should think not of subjecting myself or my son to the consuming hatred California breeds too well.

I cannot find the strength to leave this house on the hill, for one day this house will be mine… My castle; my castle upon the mighty hill; my castle where only those for whom I care shall enter. Those for whom I have only considered; they shall remain below, in the valley. For those who are not considered at all, they shall be kept away as I would see them approaching.

I would conquer the enemy… always to protect my fortress. It has been said “a man’s castle says a lot about the man” Perhaps this is true for I am about to share with you something which will confirm what you already know of me but you often forget.

My castle is strong, for it must protect me from the brutal elements. Yet, the walls are brittle and are in need of repair. As in all castles, there is a chilling draft, this draft will never be warmed, for I no longer have the courage or strength to build a fire. I fear that the wood I may gather would be of a bad forest, a product of its environment. This wood will be very, very dangerous, it will start an all consuming fire… I will not be able to escape! Therefore, I feel as though I must suffer the chill of loneliness rather than be burnt by a violent fire.

A castle proves to be much fun indeed, although I roam the corridors alone. This chill I speak of comes only during the night. The day is filled with the laughter of the court’s jester and the kindness of the servants. Day shows the beauty of the sun glittering against the morning’s dew or casting itself through the clouds upon the meadow of wildflowers during the afternoon. The chaos of the day’s activities is filled with enjoyment.

Once the day fades, once the evening creeps, once the servants have all turned-in, once the court’s jester lay in peaceful slumber, once I am the only one stirring in my castle, it is then I realize how large it is, how much it has to offer, how incredibly chilling that draft is, and how sad for me to have such a beautiful place to live and no king to share it with. Yet, I still refuse to build a fire which would take that chill off.

Although I have spent several nights trying to find the courage enough to build a fire; I have only failed in my efforts.

Why do I stay alone in my cold, brittle castle?

Because my friend, I am scared. It would only take a single flame to burn me and my brittle castle walls could not handle a violent fire. I might find my king a midst the forest, but I would much rather be high up in my castle… safe… away from the brutal elements.

The only protections I have are the walls which I have built to surround me.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Not sure if this sort of thing should be filed under 'the hopelessly romantic' or 'the romantically hopeless'.
























I kid!! I kid!! Please don't hurt me.

 

[ww_21]

Not sure if this sort of thing should be filed under 'the hopelessly romantic' or 'the romantically hopeless'.
























I kid!! I kid!! Please don't hurt me.

hahahaha duuuuude I love you (in a sisterly way of course!!) because you never fail to make me laugh.

 

[JarofClay]

What a brilliant thought! It never occurred to me...Thank you Redfire....I am grateful that you shared this idea....Need to work on this - God Bless & have a wonderful day - Will

 

[IDEAtor]

Let me see...

It is crazy that my spouse is already on this planet. It is absurd that she and I will love each other and yet are unaware of the other's current situation in life. It is possible that I do not match her "what I look for in a spouse" list; and yet, it is possible that we will compliment each other in many ways, until death divides us. I can only (and imperfectly) imagine who she was, is, and will be. Regardless, I am confident that God never stopped gracing her with what it takes to get past obstacles and through windows of opportunity. My prayer is for God to help two to come together as one, in Christ. And that, should this happen, each of us will continue to grow in love for God, each other, and compassion towards others.

 

[Loveneverfails]

My friend's husband did that. She received them as a gift on their wedding night, and she felt extremely blessed and honored. Of course I never read them, and I don't know the details, but she did share with me some information.To her, it was overwhelmingly sweet and romantic. They spoke of a young man who longed to meet his future bride, and expressed the patience and faith he tried to maintain while waiting for God to bring them together. Soon before engagement, the letters started to playfully imply that the identity of his future wife may have been discovered

She told me she felt like a princess as she read the letters and learned how much he had loved her, and how patiently he waited for her, even before they met.

I have not done this, but I think it's a lovely idea, especially for people who love to write.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I wrote letters to my babies when I was pregnant. Well, maybe only one or two, but it was neat to think that I hadn't met them yet, but one day they would be able to read my thoughts to them while they were still being formed.

When my ex and I were dating we would write letters back and forth. We each saved our letters and after we married I put them in a binder in the order they were written. So it formed a bit of a book that you can read through and see the relationship progressing.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I wrote letters to my babies when I was pregnant. Well, maybe only one or two, but it was neat to think that I hadn't met them yet, but one day they would be able to read my thoughts to them while they were still being formed.

When my ex and I were dating we would write letters back and forth. We each saved our letters and after we married I put them in a binder in the order they were written. So it formed a bit of a book that you can read through and see the relationship progressing.

I did this as well .. both things actually. Well with my ex-husband's love letters to and from i did not put it in any order... he kept more of them than I did. When I realized he was seeing his new wife, I confiscated all the love letters I wrote to him and him to me and stored them away so that my daughter will know that she was conceived in love... and that our love was strong before and after her... (well at least I thought it was)

My mother kept my wedding CD -- she gave it to me a couple years after he had left me and I remember I was shocked she had it... she said she put it in with the Christmas stuff so that i wouldn't destroy it in anger and bitterness. I'm really glad she did that... because I remember my anger seized when I saw the wedding CD ... and I had at least at that time come to mild terms with what had happened... and was far less angry.

I have put the wedding CD in with my daughter's baby stuff... and while I'm still not ready to sift through the love correspondences he and I once shared... I still have them for my daughter. I'm glad I kept them because she has asked me repeatedly if he and I ever loved one another several times... I can see she's reaching for answers to a question I am not sure she even knows yet.

My letters to my daughter when i was pregnant with her... those were incredibly handy when i was going through my custody battle because I was open and candid about everyday things that were happening. I realized that while I was pregnant with my daughter, my ex husband was never around for appointments, he never took time off of work that he was entitled to take off... there was more of an absence than I realized at the time. The times he was around were heavily celebrated and my tone and joy was always far greater than when he was gone.

My goal is simply for her to know she was born into a very loving home and that she was a blessing... she is shown this daily and fortunately she never questions the love... she does question why the marriage fell apart and despite me continually taking the blame for the failure... I believe she does not think it was all my fault. I hope she sees the act of forgiveness God made me go through and takes lessons from it.

 

[zeroturbulence]

hahahaha duuuuude I love you (in a sisterly way of course!!) because you never fail to make me laugh.

Glad I made u smile love u too, sis!

 

[wisebeardman]

I can't read. also I don't know how to write.....