Bachelor party ?

[msgomez1000]

Me and my boyfriend are still talking over marriage. We have a newborn baby too.
He is the nearly the polar opposite as I am morally he's an atheist or agnostic.
I feel like me being so religious a new one is a burden on him.
I feel like I'm holding him back from all the sins of the world.
Cheating drugs gambling you name it ? I do not have solid evidence of these things but I feel like if i took a mirror to his heart that is what would be there. Anyways, we were talking of bachelor parties, I know he may say no strippers but in his mind I know he would want one and his friends are not christian either. So either he would go and I can be trustworthy, pray nothing happens or i can tell him don't go and I feel like he would think I'm cutting off his man sack lol. We talked of doing a coed party even where a bunch of couples hang out and have fun. I have only been a christian for not even a month and thinking what if I took him to the strip club too then I could see what would happen but a huge part of me does not want to start something I can not finish i.e he may want to start going alone if we go together and the biggest part of me knows all this mess is wrong in my eyes yet I feel like the biggest prude or meanie if i say do not do this.
Help are adult bachelor parties wrong ?

 

[maxwel]

If you are a Christian, and you're about to marry an unbeliever...
a bachelor party is the least of your problems.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

If you are a Christian, and you're about to marry an unbeliever...
a bachelor party is the least of your problems.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Everyone please note that she already has a baby with this man, so she can't just forget him and move on...

 

[MidniteWelder]

Help are adult bachelor parties wrong ?

To answer your question, which gauging by the inherent way you've chosen to word it you already know the answer.
Yes Adult bachelor parties are wrong.
Its called debauchery
I'll show you where the term is used in Ephesians 5 followed by the definition.

8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light
9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
12It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.
13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
14This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”


15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,

Debauchery:
bad or immoral behavior that involves sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.
extreme indulgence in sensuality

This message has not been my opinion nor advice on the matter.

But Gods

 

[cinder]

You're in a tough spot. You are a brand new Christian. Bible says you are a new creation ( 2 Corinthians 5:17). The bachelor party is really the least of your concerns. You and he need to talk about your newfound faith and where he stands in relation to your faith. You say you feel you know what he wants and what he would do, but it sounds like you haven't had an honest talk with him about it. He might have been doing a lot of thinking of his own. Your whole post sounds like you don't fully trust him. Are there warning signs you've been ignoring? Have certain Christians convinced you that he must want all those evil things if he isn't a Christian? I won't say abandon this relationship just because you became a Christian and he did not, but I would advise postponing a wedding until you and he adjust to this huge change in your life and find out if you can really work through it.

There are a lot of people who will tell you that now you are a Christian you shouldn't marry someone who isn't a Christian. They'll quote 2 Cor 6:14 at you which says "Don't team up with unbelievers" (the traditional rendering is be unequally yoked). I think since it sounds like you have been living with this guy like you are practically married you should at least be made aware of 1 Cor 7:13- If a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her she must not leave him. (verse 15 says if the unbeliever insists on leaving to let them go, actually the whole chapter is Paul's advice on marriage and singleness and worth a read). I see you as kind of in-between these two commands and will leave it to you and God to determine which course he would have you take. If you were my real life friend I would do my best to help you think it through, then support you in either decision once you had thought the matter through well.

 

[Desdichado]

To answer the OP's question, it depends what goes on at said bachelor party.

If they are just playing cards, smoking purely celebratory cigars, and sipping brandy, fine.

If strippers are hired, we're talking about another situation entirely.

 

[DarlinNadia]

Do not become unequally yoked. It is against the Bible. Child or not. The worldly right thing to do is marry. Biblically speaking, you would be dishonoring God. Even in divorce, you are dishonoring God because God Hates Divorce. Better to not even marry to begin with really.

He is already legally bound to supporting the child in or out of marriage. Children last a lifetime, Marriage does not always have that luxury ... especially when unequally yoked.

I am 43 years old and I'm speaking from personal experience. I married an atheist.... HE divorced me to find another atheist

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Hmm, never really thought too much on the bachelor party stuff, to be blunt I have never been to a strip club nor do I ever wish to go to one (and my friends love to make fun of me about this.) So for me personally I would probably think of an ideal bachelor party as just hanging out with the friends and playing cards or something like that. Though I have also thought maybe not even have a bachelor party to begin with (since I am 25 my assumption is if I am allowed to get married in this lifetime then I'll probably be real old when such a thing happens and would have few friends around to have a bachelor party with anyways lol.)

Would it be possible to ask the guy to not have a bachelor party if you would put on yourself to not have a bachelorette party?

If I were in this guy's shoes, meaning if I all ready had a kid and am essentially for all intents and purposes married all ready, I'd just be trying to get that wedding ceremony over with and wouldn't care so much about the bachelor party and all the pre-wedding ceremony stuff. However keep in mind I do not have the full story here, merely what I can know about this guy from your writing. You know him better than me, so I would say render your judgement based off what you do know for certain, not on anything you do not know.

Good luck to you either way and I hope you have a good wedding day.

 

[DarlinNadia]

A child does not make a person married. A child makes a person a parent.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

A child does not make a person married. A child makes a person a parent.

Aye, but they got married when they made the child and became one flesh. The trial now is raising the child and staying together as one flesh.

Not that I am trying to be self-righteous or high and mighty. Quite frankly its just practicality really and I hope best for all three people in this scenario, especially the child and mother. Just cause the father right now is atheist/agnostic does not mean he always will be (I'd say even just possibility of being agnostic means the guy probably all ready questions the many plotholes of atheism) These people are still young and such things are common with people my age range. People can change, sometimes they just need a lil goodness, steadfastness, and common sense to help em towards Jesus.

 

[Markum1972]

Firstly, I want to say that you are absolutely right to say that you holding him back from sin. That is in the scriptures.

Secondly, to address what many have said about being unequally yoked. You are already yoked. The two of you have clung to one another and become one flesh. The scriptures are clear on this matter. The believer is to remain with the unbeliever if it pleases them. If the unbelieving leaves, you are then not bound to remain with them. The scriptures also say that if the believer does choose to leave, do so with the intent to not remarry.

SIDENOTE: There appears to be a lot of confusion concerning marriage. Certificates were not established until the 1400s, well after the scriptures were written and even further after God ordained it. In the 1970s, the requirement to have permission of the state (marriage certificate), and blood-testing in certain states that was required to receive a license, was found to be unconstitutional and common-law marriage was re-established after some states ruled they were not valid in the mid 1900s.
If you read the current law on marriage, it states that a marriage certificate does NOT officiate a marriage but instead provides permission by either church or state for two to get married and can be used as a record of a marriage. The license may also be required to receive tax benefits as well as other government-related services.

Understanding what marriage is according to God should be of the utmost importance to us.

Lastly, you should be prude. Prudence is something that we as the salt of the earth are called to have. Being unequally yoked will have its difficulties. This does not mean that it cannot be a blessing. My mother was unequally yoked and my dad saw Christ in her and received Jesus after about 10 years of marriage. I think you know the answer on the question that you asked. Your challenge is going to be to seek God on how to please him and also please your husband.

Congratulations on the birth of your child. Grace and peace be to you and your family through our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

P.S. Consider reading Jeremiah for more understanding to the light and easy burden that Christ has for you.

 

[DarlinNadia]

Aye, but they got married when they made the child and became one flesh. The trial now is raising the child and staying together as one flesh.

Not that I am trying to be self-righteous or high and mighty. Quite frankly its just practicality really and I hope best for all three people in this scenario, especially the child and mother. Just cause the father right now is atheist/agnostic does not mean he always will be (I'd say even just possibility of being agnostic means the guy probably all ready questions the many plotholes of atheism) These people are still young and such things are common with people my age range. People can change, sometimes they just need a lil goodness, steadfastness, and common sense to help em towards Jesus.

This is where worldly and Biblical Clash. Her walk with Christ is HER walk.... her job is to Honor God, Glorify God, Praise God... be a vessel for God.

Too many times people believe they are honoring God by putting their children above God, or putting a child above their spouse. This is backwards...

God .. nothing before God
Jesus... without him we can't get to God
Spouse.... This partner is to help guide a woman in serving God... a woman is to be a helpmate to the Man... If a man isn't Christian, he's clearly not going to guide his woman...IN WAYS OF THE LORD... flipping these roles all around .. even though they are clearly defined in the Bible is dangerous territory... it's not impossible but... it most certainly is not easy!
Below God, Below Jesus, below the spouse... Comes the child or children.

People put their kids above their spouses... above God... this is all outta whack and simply put.. not Biblical.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

This is where worldly and Biblical Clash. Her walk with Christ is HER walk.... her job is to Honor God, Glorify God, Praise God... be a vessel for God.

Too many times people believe they are honoring God by putting their children above God, or putting a child above their spouse. This is backwards...

God .. nothing before God
Jesus... without him we can't get to God
Spouse.... This partner is to help guide a woman in serving God... a woman is to be a helpmate to the Man... If a man isn't Christian, he's clearly not going to guide his woman...IN WAYS OF THE LORD... flipping these roles all around .. even though they are clearly defined in the Bible is dangerous territory... it's not impossible but... it most certainly is not easy!
Below God, Below Jesus, below the spouse... Comes the child or children.

People put their kids above their spouses... above God... this is all outta whack and simply put.. not Biblical.

True, but mind you the woman here has only been a Christian a short while (not sure if it was before or after her baby was born.) The fact remains the baby is here now and for all purposes she is married to this man.

You are correct it is possible, but it is not going to be easy.

However I have a bit of hope here, woman seems good and I trust she'll raise her child good. If the man be agnostic, well then he's all ready just in the state where he wonders about God. Maybe if the two go forth with wedding ceremony and love eachother and keep to biblical guidelines that the guy may convert to Christianity. He may have all ready even, its a lil harder for us guys to admit our conversion at first lol. Always a stiff-necked people men are lol.

I'm not trying to encourage marriage between believer and unbeliever here either, but fact is these two are all ready married and this is something I cannot change. No man can change the past, gotta just try to move forward for the better.

 

[posthuman]

keeping your unbelieving husband (whatever the state says, i believe if you're having a child, he's become your husband) from sin isn't going to save his soul -- only God can do that, and only God can truly change a heart -- but it is good for his mind and his body nonetheless.

while you wouldn't be commending him to God by urging him to either stay away from a bachelor party or anything like it, i think you'd be doing him a favour. i think it's honorable of you to stay with him and i agree with what Markum and GodIsSalvation have been posting.

i hope for all the best for you - God would not have given you a child if He didn't consider you worthy of being a mother and him of being a father - the road isn't easy, but you have the strongest of Helpers and the best of all Guides - never let go of that

 

[Markum1972]

True, but mind you the woman here has only been a Christian a short while (not sure if it was before or after her baby was born.) The fact remains the baby is here now and for all purposes she is married to this man.

You are correct it is possible, but it is not going to be easy.

However I have a bit of hope here, woman seems good and I trust she'll raise her child good. If the man be agnostic, well then he's all ready just in the state where he wonders about God. Maybe if the two go forth with wedding ceremony and love eachother and keep to biblical guidelines that the guy may convert to Christianity. He may have all ready even, its a lil harder for us guys to admit our conversion at first lol. Always a stiff-necked people men are lol.

I'm not trying to encourage marriage between believer and unbeliever here either, but fact is these two are all ready married and this is something I cannot change. No man can change the past, gotta just try to move forward for the better.

I am in complete agreement with you on this matter. What is done is done and she cannot go back and change it. My mother also knew this after marrying an unbeliever before she received Jesus. She studied the scriptures and saw that it was God's will for her to continue with him.

Most people read the part that says not to become unequally yoked, stop there, and infer what a person unequally yoked should do . If you continue to read though, it tells you what you should do if you already are. It also shows that these situations are not without hope. It offers encouragement for those in these situations. It clearly says that you should remain with them, then asks us who we are to say that they unbelieving will not be sanctified by the believing?

God is more than able to take that which was worked for evil and turn it around for good. For us to say otherwise is to exalt our thinking above God's.

Hosea 4:6 says that God's people are destroyed by not knowing. My mother didn't know any better. However, through faith in Christ Jesus we know that nothing is impossible for God. My dad was sanctified through her. There were many religious people that told my mother she should leave him because she was unequally yoked. I thank God that my mother studied the scriptures and remained with him. Can you imagine what may have happened had she not?

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I am in complete agreement with you on this matter. What is done is done and she cannot go back and change it. My mother also knew this after marrying an unbeliever before she received Jesus. She studied the scriptures and saw that it was God's will for her to continue with him.

Most people read the part that says not to become unequally yoked, stop there, and infer what a person unequally yoked should do . If you continue to read though, it tells you what you should do if you already are. It also shows that these situations are not without hope. It offers encouragement for those in these situations. It clearly says that you should remain with them, then asks us who we are to say that they unbelieving will not be sanctified by the believing?

God is more than able to take that which was worked for evil and turn it around for good. For us to say otherwise is to exalt our thinking above God's.

Hosea 4:6 says that God's people are destroyed by not knowing. My mother didn't know any better. However, through faith in Christ Jesus we know that nothing is impossible for God. My dad was sanctified through her. There were many religious people that told my mother she should leave him because she was unequally yoked. I thank God that my mother studied the scriptures and remained with him. Can you imagine what may have happened had she not?

Aye indeed, and a very good personal story that illustrates well the case where an unbeliever and believer are married and how the biblical principles can reconcile such things through Jesus.

I often find also when you have a pairing of unbeliever and believer, as in this case and your story that often times both were unbelievers before getting married with one then converting afterwards (and typically, but not always the case, the other mate will follow suit later on in life as they get older and wiser.) Very interesting facet of marriage and modern society to study no doubt.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Everyone please note that she already has a baby with this man, so she can't just forget him and move on...

True, but she doesn't have to marry him. The bible says not to marry an unbeliever. It causes an incredible amount of problems, and it's likely the marriage will end in divorce. And let's talk about the division the baby would be raised in... Max is right. A strip club is the least of her worries.

 

[DarlinNadia]

True, but mind you the woman here has only been a Christian a short while (not sure if it was before or after her baby was born.) The fact remains the baby is here now and for all purposes she is married to this man.

I strongly disagree. If she decides she's going ahead with the marriage to a non-believer.. how is this pleasing to God?
Would you agree that God HATES divorce? Hate is a strong word but Why enter into something that is incredibly likely to displease God and end in Divorce... Two Sins do not make it right. Three if it's sex before marriage.

1. Sex out of marriage
2. Debauchery of a Bachelor party... since it's all about pleasures of the flesh at this point.
3. Marrying a non-believer
4. Divorce

My advice .. if she insists on going through with this marriage.. test is... Go get some pre-marital christian counseling. if she thinks .. pfftss you guys are all wrong and are judging me unfairly and judging my fiance unfairly... Fine. Go through the Pre-Marital counseling, if you can survive that... and still love and adore one another.. then God bless... God might even speak to him during this process. If the Guy loves her and truly will be a man worthy of her hand in marriage (not sex) if he's truly a worthy man he will embrace and do things SHE wants to do to please her God. She agrees to a bachelor party of drinking and debauchery and strippers and oddly shaped pastries and he goes with her to Christian counseling... how pleasing is this to God, cause last time I checked HE is responsible for fixing us and marriage won't just fix this.

There are major events occurring here.
1. A new life, a Baby is coming into this world. This is a major life event... you can change your medical enrollment options based on this LIFE CHANGE
2. Marriage... this is another major life event.. again you can change your medical enrollment options with this LIFE CHANGE
3. Salvation ... another life changing event, while you cannot change your medical enrollment options you are still DYING to self every day as you pick up that cross.

Hard to die to self when your husband does not believe in what you are doing.... like literally a non-believer.

True, but she doesn't have to marry him. The bible says not to marry an unbeliever. It causes an incredible amount of problems, and it's likely the marriage will end in divorce. And let's talk about the division the baby would be raised in... Max is right. A strip club is the least of her worries.

Ask questions: Baptism? Sunday School? Prayer at meals? Prayer at night? Prayer in the morning as they begin the day? Prayer over finances? Prayer together? How is the man going to lead the household in ways according to the Lord.. Oh wait, that doesn't matter... they had sex so they are married anyway. (I'm seriously passionate about being against this because I have LIVED it... I put God on the back burner because it made my Atheist Husband uncomfortable. i stopped reading my Bible) I know how hard it is when there are religious differences... It is a HUGE division and one you don't think will make any difference..

My Daughter asked her father if she can pray before she eats when she is at his house. his answer was yes, sure if that was something she wanted to do... She came back to my house saddened... she said she just isn't allowed to do it at his house, I questioned her father.. he said that he said SHE COULD pray but he was not going to bow his head or fold his hands in prayer to something non-existent. I confronted my daughter with the truth of the conversation.. she said it was easier to just not pray while at his house because they are impatient and want to eat their food right away and she simply feels stupid doing it when no one else believes her. It's as if she has an imaginary friend no one else can see and she feels dumb talking about it there.

Fast Forward: Here's a HARD TRUTH about Divorce. Courts have this thing called Legal 50/50 custody regarding medical, religious, educational, and other decisions.. this means.. both parents have equal say.. regardless of who gets Primary Custody.. So my daughter lives me over 85% of the time .. yet I cannot educate my daughter about the Lord without his written permission.. I cannot enroll her in Sunday school without his written permission or I'm in contempt of the divorce decree.

We agreed 50/50 I could teach about God and he can teach about Atheism and Big Bang and Darwinism and whatever else he chooses Buddism, Muslim, Catholic, Hippieism, Thieist or Mickeymouse is ruler of the world... whatever he choose.

Fortunately, God is a Good God and there is no God before him....with my endless prayers that her heart and mind are protected while in his care... and Knowing God is greater than all those things or whatever he can come up with... she has kept her faith.. but it hasn't been without a great deal of effort. As a Christian I'm called to raise my daughter up in the Lord... one of the commandments is Honor thy father...

Do you know how hard it is to tell my daughter that regardless if it's right or wrong she is to Honor her Dad because by honoring him, she's being obedient to God.. which is far more important than what he is doing right or wrong.

Think about this. Once you marry because of a child... you are forever committed to a 50/50

That child will be HALF Christian /HALF whatever else.. it's not easy to deal with. True God is amazing and can make even things meant for evil into Good.. but why enter into something that's twice as hard to get out of in the long run, if at all.