Kids are with you a lifetime; a prospective date might not last 3 hours

[DarlinNadia]

This has likely been brought up before. I tried checking but I did not see anything relevant that wasn't a zombie thread at best.

Divorced people with Kids. Okay, anyone with children understands this. Kids do not require full on attention until you pick up the phone or you begin to have a conversation with a friend... or worse.. a friend of the opposite gender. I do not know if Jealousy kicks in or what.. but today when I was at the pool with my daughter... I was speaking to a lady and her kids were like Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom... my kid was fine and didn't seek my attention because she was playing with these other kids and enjoyed some time with other kids i guess. I had taken a photo of my kid with another girl (naturally, I asked permission first) and I walked over to the girl's father and asked him if he wanted me to send him a copy of this photo (i always ask other parents and offer to send them the photo) he declined but the moment I spoke to the man, my kid was at my heels... listening in..... very suspicious.. I went back to my pool area and while she was playing I made a phone call... when her friend left, she demanded my attention, even so much as to stumble over her own feet as if she had hurt herself to make sure she captured my attention. I explained I was talking to a friend and offered to let my kid say hi.. but she was very clear, No thank you, I don't want to talk to that person, I want to talk to my mom. This isn't rude to me, I've taught her to be very clear with her words and as long as she is curious, respectful, and not whiny, then what she says is not offensive.

I recall my son when he was young and I began dating... it was a horrible thing because he was very suspicious and I'd go so far as to say jealous and fearful of losing mommy to this strange man... sharing attention>>> ???

Now, Here comes a kicker: When I met my ex-husband, my son was always always always put before this man. I realize now I did it wrong. The guy felt like he couldn't correct MY kid, the kid wouldn't listen to him because he wasn't HIS father.. it was a struggle to say the least.

I firmly believe that priorities should go: God, Jesus, Spouse, Child, extended family and community and job and whatever else including BOYFRIENDS... sorry. but ug.. they are last on my list... because unless they are in it forever... I do not know their staying power... will they outlast the bill being delivered after dinner? lol

The problem I see is this: Setting a standard that cannot be corrected later. The ONLY way I see around this is to keep the Prospective date (spouse) away from said children until marriage?? it just seems impossible, plus I need to know how the person is around my children.

My son is 23 - he's a grown man... my daughter is 7... and so very precious to me.

Since I'm Divorced.. how does this dating happen without ruining the pecking order??

Does anyone even understand what I mean?

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Heh I see what you mean and have observed much the same with my friends and their divorced parents, or my friends who are single parents (for my generation often single parents don't even get to the wedding ceremony, they just pop out kids and then break up and fight eachother for years on end.)

My advice would be stop dating. Put the focus on your kid until she is a bit older, then maybe start back up on dating, or maybe you be content to simply not date anymore.

Way I see it a lot of single parents, namely women, date even more than unmarried folk because they desire a man to raise their kids. They just want to provide as normal a family setting as is possible. Problem here is like you pointed out, the kids don't want a new dad, they just want the parents they all ready have. For your situation specifically I'd say if you want a lil more male influence in your daughter's life, well you have an awesome gift from God here in your older son to make that happen.

And I'm not saying this with any malice, you're one of my favorite ppls on here Nadia seeing as you and I have very similar interests and thoughts. I just want you to be happy is all because I find you to be a very nice lady.

 

[DarlinNadia]

Heh I see what you mean and have observed much the same with my friends and their divorced parents, or my friends who are single parents (for my generation often single parents don't even get to the wedding ceremony, they just pop out kids and then break up and fight eachother for years on end.)

My advice would be stop dating. Put the focus on your kid until she is a bit older, then maybe start back up on dating, or maybe you be content to simply not date anymore.

Way I see it a lot of single parents, namely women, date even more than unmarried folk because they desire a man to raise their kids. They just want to provide as normal a family setting as is possible. Problem here is like you pointed out, the kids don't want a new dad, they just want the parents they all ready have. For your situation specifically I'd say if you want a lil more male influence in your daughter's life, well you have an awesome gift from God here in your older son to make that happen.

And I'm not saying this with any malice, you're one of my favorite ppls on here Nadia seeing as you and I have very similar interests and thoughts. I just want you to be happy is all because I find you to be a very nice lady.

Thank you that made my day actually. Unfortunately, my son is not saved and lives in another state... I have always been very careful to never make him responsible for his sister.. because I think it's wrong when parents off their kids on the other kids and become less available to the younger kids and then the younger kids end up being raised by siblings ... well I know wht I mean but I'm not sure if I'm saying it right.. Basically, it's not his job and he doesn't share our love for Christ. But we keep praying the Lord will reach him and turn his heart to God.

I agree with just not dating... but in many ways I want very bad to model for my daughter how a woman should love and respect a man she is with .. because I'd rather serve as her role model in this area than her step mother's take on the whole thing... if that makes sense...coveting another woman's husband is not a good start to appropriate relationship behavior - so I question her ability to model proper Christian values.. it's HER house, not my ex-husband's house, SHE makes all the decisions, not my ex-husband.. SHE does all the discipline, not my ex-husband... we've been to court multiple times regarding custody and finally he's stepping up as father role... but honestly I would rather be the woman my daughter learns from.

Men are wonderful creatures, they are unique and needed in this world, their opinion and steadfastness is worthy. The right men out there do exist. I believe when the time actually comes for me to join with one of these men, God is going to be at the center and straightening the path so that it's believable and my fears will be dispelled and it will simply be a miracle... that ONLY God can make happen.. Amen I love you God.

 

[Ugly]

Putting boyfriends last equates to them never being a priority. What boyfriend will ever stick around if he's always last?

 

[UpstateNYChristianBro]

Darlin, I understand. I was a child of divorced parents. My father remarried the very next day after the divorce was final in 1977 to a woman I do not know much at all and the way she was acting.. drove me, my brother, and I believe my sister crazy as well. I was 12 at the time (brother 10, and sister was 18). I did not even attended my father's 2nd wedding. I did not feel right. Already mature thanks to my living at the Deaf school dormitory already for five years during school year except for holidays and summers and weekends.

Yes, priorities can get mixed up. Even sometimes adult children can get really upsetting and misunderstood. When I was married to my wife and she promised her 2 grown children move out since they were old enough (I am 5 years younger than she is) when we got married. Well, guess what, her youngest moved out and very mature. He went on to own a restaurant and worked with 2 other restaurants. Busy man! But her daughter who admitted afraid to move out on her own.. More like she is slow in development in social skills. She refused to move out, lazy, and would not do what I asked her to do because she still lives at home and must respect. My ex got mad at me for this (she is not saved).

At the time, I felt like I had no choice at a point when I was getting married when I found out she has kids. It was like for 20 years since age 20, I ended up dating a woman with a child or more. Yes, at age 20 (dated a 35 years old divorced mom of 4). I have nothing against this but from what I have seen in their personality, they were so focused on their children more than looking for the right man making me feel alienated. And their children do not like me. It was her being spoiled at her children making them not liking me. It was all about attention. No offense but that is what I felt or seen with proof.

I tried to find a woman in about past 15 years or so who is single without children. I only met like 2 of them without kids but they were not whom God wanted me to be with (God literally told me that in dream after fasting for 3 days without food not to marry one without kids)!

Funny, I DO want to have children but OF MY OWN. No offense everyone. Everytime I talk about this, I cry. My ex wife could not have any because of a woman issue when they can not have anymore children, not the tied up part. The nature part.

I agree that it is best for the woman to stop dating and focus on raising children to be right with God and with life prior leaving the nest. THEN get back to the dating. If she is young enough to carry another child and can handle dating with older child about to leave home early to go to college, that is great, then do it if she wants to honor the man's plan God gave blessing.

By having experienced in dating with woman with children, I felt it is better without any so the focusing can be strengthen in each other as the priority should be: God, spouse, then family. Family means having children. The main purpose of marrying is to reproduce according to the Word. However, Paul wrote that if a man can not control.. then he needs to marry than to burn (desires). If in some cases, I am willing to accept a single mom if she puts priority straight. Many of my ex included my then wife did not. That is where relationships can fail. Take it from my experience, I know.

Then for you, focus on your daughter, Darlin. God bless!

 

[seoulsearch]

Putting boyfriends last equates to them never being a priority. What boyfriend will ever stick around if he's always last?

I have to agree with Ugly on this.

I don't have any answers (Nadia, I love the titles of your threads... You deserve 4 stars for those alone! ), and I hate to think that single parents with young children would have to wait, say, 18 years to find a companion, but on the flipside, I have often been approached by single fathers...

And they will immediately say, "You have to understand and accept that my children come first."

It might be just me, but I feel that the best person for them would be a single mom, because she'll understand and expect the same with her own children (I don't have any children.)

I dated a single father once who had 3 children. It was really hard being a supposed significant other and a mother to his 2 youngest children (who were only toddlers so there was no other choice but to be a mother figure to them when I was around them) and yet, I was always last in line when it came to his life and priorities. He had nothing left to give (seeing as he was fighting addictions, too.) I understand serving someone else... But serving an entire family for 3 years was beyond what I had to give.

 

[Ugly]

I dated a woman with three kids. Granted their father was around, but he was a sorry excuse for a father. Really the biggest difficulty was him. He was an abuser, so he was controlling and selfish and as a result he would often have screaming matches at her if he found out i corrected the kids (notice this isn't punishment, just verbal correction). If it hadn't been for him it would've been a much easier time.
But really, a boyfriend/girlfriend shouldn't be in a parent role. I mean, if you aren't even a spouse, then how can you be a parent?

But to qualify my previous statement a bit more, you can't leave a man at the bottom of your list and then suddenly bump him to near the top because you got married. No man will want to invest in a woman (or woman in a man) that makes them feel that they aren't important. And if they don't feel like they matter, they aren't going to stay around.
Though this concept you're giving seems to apply to the 'dating scene' type of dating, where you may roll through dates and boyfriends/girlfriends more casually. Personally i'm not as casual and don't follow that pattern, so that if i am dating anyone i'd know them well enough to know i'm serious about them and things aren't going to end in a week or a month (unless something significant happens). So, for me, this concept of 'they may not be around' doesn't apply because once i date someone, it is serious right from the get go because we will have established friendship, compatibility, interest, etc... So how big of an issue this is will be determined by what method you go about..

 

[wisebeardman]

Quite frank, I stay away from women with kids. I won't be treated as a 2nd class citizen. I won't be ran roughshod over by her kids (you know the I ain't listening to you, you aint my dad) the other kicker most women with kids I have ran across don't want anymore so I would be stuck paying for her choices (ie having to deal with her kids) but never having the chance of my own.

Sorry but to me its a bad super high risk investment. if I want to play the high risk investment game I'll go play the lotto its cheaper.

Now are ALL kids bad. not really there is some good ones but they seem to be pretty rare these days.

 

[DarlinNadia]

But really, a boyfriend/girlfriend shouldn't be in a parent role. I mean, if you aren't even a spouse, then how can you be a parent?

But to qualify my previous statement a bit more, you can't leave a man at the bottom of your list and then suddenly bump him to near the top because you got married. No man will want to invest in a woman (or woman in a man) that makes them feel that they aren't important. And if they don't feel like they matter, they aren't going to stay around.
Though this concept you're giving seems to apply to the 'dating scene' type of dating, where you may roll through dates and boyfriends/girlfriends more casually. Personally i'm not as casual and don't follow that pattern, so that if i am dating anyone i'd know them well enough to know i'm serious about them and things aren't going to end in a week or a month (unless something significant happens). So, for me, this concept of 'they may not be around' doesn't apply because once i date someone, it is serious right from the get go because we will have established friendship, compatibility, interest, etc... So how big of an issue this is will be determined by what method you go about..

i haven't had a relationship since my marriage ended... With the exception of meeting a guy once, we became dear friends... so I'm clearly in no hurry .. he walked out october 2009 ... so it's not like I'm burning for a boyfriend... I likely won't make a concerted effort until my girl is well into her teens.. That said i'm not objecting to dating, it's just my heart isn't in it.. I think about the obstacles more than the opportunity. if that makes sense.. perhaps I'm wallowing. But it all just seems like far too much effort.

and yes... the bottom of my list is the bottom of my list, even my friends are at the bottom of my list... I'm a terrible friend because I don't call, I don't write, I don't keep up with the drama... I DO pray, I AM available when needed, and I DO love my dear friends with agape love.... The few there are have been solid for a very long time. Fly by night and fair weather friends do not flock to me ..

 

[FireWire]

Putting boyfriends last equates to them never being a priority. What boyfriend will ever stick around if he's always last?

He won't if he has any sense. That's a train wreck waiting to happen. It would be interpreted as a lack of respect and it's certainly not love.

What if...God put us last. Perish the thought!!

 

[FireWire]

Quite frank, I stay away from women with kids. I won't be treated as a 2nd class citizen. I won't be ran roughshod over by her kids (you know the I ain't listening to you, you aint my dad) the other kicker most women with kids I have ran across don't want anymore so I would be stuck paying for her choices (ie having to deal with her kids) but never having the chance of my own.

Sorry but to me its a bad super high risk investment. if I want to play the high risk investment game I'll go play the lotto its cheaper.

Now are ALL kids bad. not really there is some good ones but they seem to be pretty rare these days.

So do I. Actually I stay from women all together.

The only girlfriend I ever had said if we ever had kids (thankfully it didn't happen) I would have to treat that kid the same as her kids. Fair enough but that's a tricky situation to put me in. Anyway in the end she said I wouldn't be a good father anyway but later retracted it. I don't think I even go the right of a rebuttal.

I'm not into high risk investments.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Meh the putting boyfriends last I get, makes good sense to me. I would not personally date a single mother, but if I were forced at gun point to be a single mom's boyfriend or husband via that timeless ceremony of the shotgun wedding I'd at least have the understanding that the kids from her previous marriage come first and know that in a way I'm adopting/make myself responsible for them too but at same time a son don't serve two fathers so I can't expect that, that's just what's to be honorably expected is it not?

Really its just a messy affair to begin with, so when I say I wouldn't date a single mom, its not cause I hate single parents, lol its cause I simply am not gonna be able to handle any of the dramas or responsibilities myself (moreso a criticism of me than ye) like that unless forced to at gunpoint lol.

 

[SabbieWabbie]

Boyfriends and husbands are two different roles in children's lives. Those children will always be there, the BOYFRIEND might not, so putting him second to your kids is how it should be, you don't want bitter children hating their mother years down the line about a man who left years ago. Have a friend who to this day is still bitter that her mum put her boyfriends first above her. If you can't accept that this is what a mother needs to do, then you shouldn't be dating woman with children, vice versa.

Husbands though are different, once the children have the left the home, it's just you and your husband and you are going to want him to put you first now that it's just you two but you always used to put your kids first, so this dynamic does not work. Parents disagreeing in front of children is also another mess that can allow children to set parents up against each other and cause trouble in the marriage. So husbands and wives need to be a united front when raising children and wives submit to their husbands- not their boyfriends, and not their children.

None of this is coming from personal experience but clinical cases. Granted, each situation is different though.

 

[just_monicat]

i honestly don't have the answers. i don't have kids, and while i've dated men with kids, neither had primary custody, and your issue wasn't really a problem.

but i do have a couple thoughts. i personally think it's very important that parents keep their kids far from the boy/girlfriend until you're rather serious. after my mom divorced, i have rather distinct memories of men coming in and out of my mom's life (and my dad's life too).

i was also 7 when my mom dated after her first marriage, and it was very confusing -- there is a man being very friendly and wanting to "earn points" with the mom, but the complexity of that friendliness can be very difficult to understand for kids. one of the first guys my mom dated really took an interest in me, and i remember him talking about taking us to the zoo--something he was never did (for whatever reason).

he was someone that i immediately liked. in fact, according to my mom, i also invited him to stay over for the night and later asked him if he was going to be my new dad.

yes, really, all on our first meeting.

later, my mom stopped seeing him, and i would often ask about him. i think that kids deal with enough confusing notions that involve jealousy and often feelings of abandonment or even rejection - regardless of whether the emotions are founded in truth. kids need to be protected from any confusing emotions for as much as possible, and communicated with regarding the circumstances of the relationship.

 

[Godslonelyhero]

lots of good points here, my take on it is that dating a women with children isn't a problem, because they are separate things. My intentions have always been honorable to the women I've dated, with kids or without. I never go into it with failure or an exit in my mind, to care for a woman is to care for her children as well, and bring something positive and worthwhile to the experience, otherwise there is no point in doing it all..all people are reactive to their own instincts and personal belief systems, children included..If you are fortunate enough to truly be an asset in a persons life, then you can just be and grow profoundly as a family, without erosion of what brings you together in the first place..it takes work yes, but it becomes a choice because you care, personally I'm always open to it, because you just never know how one person can totally transform life for the better just by being who they are..

 

[secularhermit]

I understand you!

Allow me to share this, briefly:

I met someone at one of my clients who is a pastor. I saw her something rare, I liked her (and she helped me know I was also liked) so, the rest could be predicted.

I spent some time being known and accepted. She did the best she could to allow me to be accepted (and known) by her children (20, 17 and 15).

She said I was approved by them (though I knew I needed no approval, except hers).

One of those days there was an issue and I tried to intervene and she said: "Allow me to sort this..." So I knew it wasn´t my problem, but hers (and theirs).

Soon I knew many of their problem$ (They long for a family... and a father). The older made her mother to believe I was "OK", but I knew he sees her "dates" as a mean to get sorted the economic aspect he thinks his mother has to sort to keep on helping him, financially. (A wrong thing).

Her daughter, of 17, is engaged with a good boy, same age and, she was the hardest person to be "won" to received the approval "my" friend thought I needed (I don´t know why she thought I needed their children apporval, but they never molested me -or US- during this short courting process.

Victor (15) was jealous. Knowing it I did the best I could to help him (because my mom had too many men wooing around, my childhood). He, any moment, as his mother told me, helped her to know she was in love -she fell in love- but I knew her children concern and also their basic needs when I slept in their home (Victor really cared for her mother´s needs and felt jealous when she asked me to give a massage on her back).

As a grown up child I know we don´t like more men teasing around our mothers. We are clever enough MANY are just seeking sex and not pursiung real love (though we want to receive gift$, as the attention (or affection) those "lovers" could show in behalf of us, as her children).

I remember I wanted my father came back to my mother´s life... I remember she came to visit him, sometime before he died and I thought to myself: "I hope they come home, at last". (That NEVER happen).

I´m sure if a man or a woman wants to build a home, they would include their children (Both, man´s and hers).

We, as kids, are like those pets teasing around, just to be sure or mom is "safe" or "controled", but I have seen adults set their own limits and few enjoy those limitations: Those children set and those adults set, for their sake.

I´m convinced the less children we have got, to re-marry, is an asset. The more we have got... more ploblems, and these are not economics solely.

One of my siblings had faced troubles these past days... This weekend I saw her husband is couping with her daughter (AT LAST) and it made me to feeel happy that she has got the family she has largely dreamed: It was that he wanted his son to be above all she had and also wanted her daughter to leave them alone... He was afraid and freaky jealous!

I remember that, when I was married, my own children spoiled my "private" intimacy. I wanted time to be with her and these 3 were teasing around, without sleeping and I got bored waiting MY TIME to be with her (no wonder when we -men- do our thing to be slept).

I don´t want to remember the times I spoke on that issue to my ex (she always contradicted me, so I left).

Limits are to be set to enjoy life and homie life. If any spouse lacks that undesrtanding, dissatisfaction would knock at their doors...

Eros needs it room, its privacy for both couples, though kids like to ignore parent´s rules (and human needs).

The sad thing is time goes by and. somehow, we feel we have left too much (for nothing).

 

[DarlinNadia]

Boyfriends and husbands are two different roles in children's lives.

Husbands though are different, once the children have the left the home, So husbands and wives need to be a united front when raising children and wives submit to their husbands- not their boyfriends, and not their children.

None of this is coming from personal experience but clinical cases. Granted, each situation is different though.

You make some wonderful key points here. Husbands and boyfriends ARE different. I believe if I do date, that dating will be kept away from my child's eyes... if things were to grow more serious and the relationship moves at a momentum that would result in marriage and vows before God I would introduce the man into my daughter's life and I would put him above my child. I realize this is all speculation and likely not to happen but it's something I've been pondering for awhile because I DO realize the mistakes I made with my first child and introducing a man into his life... giving him the blessing of fatherhood and then emasculating him with hurtful things like you aren't his dad or let me raise my child... I want to avoid this horrible mixed message ... if a man steps up as a step-dad and there's a marriage... his correction is as valid as mine in my opinion.. ESPECIALLY when it's realized that the man that I'd marry has God at his center.

i personally think it's very important that parents keep their kids far from the boy/girlfriend until you're rather serious. after my mom divorced, i have rather distinct memories of men coming in and out of my mom's life (and my dad's life too).
he was someone that i immediately liked. in fact, according to my mom, i also invited him to stay over for the night and later asked him if he was going to be my new dad.
yes, really, all on our first meeting.

Immediate attachment is not uncommon for children.. especially children that are treated well by a friend.. kids love attention and love to be recognized as valued human beings. Kids can also be bought with gifts and points are given by them in astronomical numbers - lol a zoo trip?? yeah that guy's a Keeper Mom!!!

I have met guys that want to immediately win over my child in some attempt to win me over and I find it awkward and unnatural and those guys last maybe 2 hours and 45 minutes... it's a harsh grading system but wooing my child is just creepy to me. I met a guy once at my Bible study that bought my daughter a lunchable in every flavor because he wasn't sure which one she would want.. He went out and purchased a small dvd collection of all the disney movies from the last 2 years because he wasn't sure which one she'd want to watch. My daughter was quite cherished by all the adults at the Bible study because she was quiet and considerate while we had our Bible study. the Man was overly fond of my daughter. I finally put a stop to his actions because he brought her a pop up tent, sleeping bag, crayons and colored pencils, paper and glue and scissors so she would be occupied beyond the deck of cards, laptop (he provided) and library of movies .. etc.. I gentle explained that we are minimalists, she was peachy keen using my phone for games with a headset to hear the sounds for the first 3 Bible studies and he was having to arrive over 30 minutes early to set up her castle.. we'd only be there 2 hours and it was just too too much. Honestly, i have no idea if the guy even liked me.. he invited *US* to brunches and dinners after church and Bible Study and I always declined.. (another clue i'm simply not ready to dive into just anything to have something)

lots of good points here, my take on it is that dating a women with children isn't a problem, because they are separate things. My intentions have always been honorable to the women I've dated, with kids or without. I never go into it with failure or an exit in my mind, to care for a woman is to care for her children as well, and bring something positive and worthwhile to the experience, otherwise there is no point in doing it all..all people are reactive to their own instincts and personal belief systems, children included..If you are fortunate enough to truly be an asset in a persons life, then you can just be and grow profoundly as a family, without erosion of what brings you together in the first place..it takes work yes, but it becomes a choice because you care, personally I'm always open to it, because you just never know how one person can totally transform life for the better just by being who they are..

This is very well said. Pre-made families have their own dynamic... I think when people step into these pre-made parent roles it is no different than adoption of a child... If you have Love to Give, and people are healed enough that love can be received.. then God Bless it. A person stepping into these roles does not have to come last after the kids... That was my most important part of this whole topic... it's just very tricky and something for God to do.. because when people lean on their own understanding stuff gets messy and complicated. I know I can grow to love and adore children.. even the ones that do not belong to me... lol .. (ok it takes me some time to like kids in FULL TIME MODE - this is straight out of my book of double standards) BUT - I've met kids that have been truly blessed by my presence and I've built strong lasting bonds with these individuals.
Some things MUST be in Place:

1. God - this goes without saying really.
2. Prayer- praying together- for the relationship- for the family bonds - for each person involved.
3. Respect. Kids need attention.. but constant interruption has to be curtailed because there is a time and place. Kids might get attention after school and up until 7pm or up until what I call QUIET TIME - settle down time... cuddling for a movie or snuggling and just being close to mom as the day winds down.
2. Private Time for the adults. THIS IS MANDATORY this includes phone time, after kids go to bed, during dates, just time for the two adults to enjoy one another (and I'm not talking sexually - that's after marriage and once yer married it doesn't happen anyway lol J/K but it's for after married) I'm referring to private time without kid interruption.
3. Open communication- this is essential to stay on the same page, ability to speak about hard issues without anyone's feelings getting hurt .. where problems can be addressed - where Honesty is Amnesty - Putting stuff on the table and discussing it or praying about it is essential.. even down to the little Bobby is pitting you and I against one another - if you don't talk about it... you won't know about it because kids do this sort of stuff to invoke emotional responses or invoke overcompensation by one parent over the other.

WHOLE SEPARATE Topic that would need a new thread is .. What about the ex-husband/wife and the new dynamic of a relationship... Jealousy of the new person being with their old spouse and anxiety and fear they are being replaced regarding their children.... ug this whole entire drama train makes me want to take the bus or just not go at all.

 

[Fenner]

I'm not divorced but I have two young children 7 and 8. If I was a single mom, I'd spend a lot of time with him before I introduced him to my children. Do not rush it. I would for one, want to see if the relationship had potential to last another thing, make sure he isn't a creep just trying to get to my kids. I would (I know some won't agree with this) but I would check a sexual predator list

I don't know if I'd date someone who didn't have children because I don't think they would fully understand my precautions with my own children. I would be extremely careful, I would want my kids to become attached to someone to have the go away in a short amount of time, nor would I ever want to put them at risk to any harm.

I know what Darlin Nadia says, boyfriend last, I think she means the whole dating scene last. When you're a parent you're children are first, their well being is your responsibility. I take it very seriously and I would be very cautious if I were a single parent with young children dating.

 

[DarlinNadia]

I know what Darlin Nadia says, boyfriend last, I think she means the whole dating scene last. When you're a parent you're children are first, their well being is your responsibility. I take it very seriously and I would be very cautious if I were a single parent with young children dating.

I know a guy that cannot stand children... can't take second stage .. a child could have taken a fall, covered in potting soil or blood and he would be annoyed that the "thing" stole away his attention. I do not fault him for it because he is aware of it and makes it clear he wants to be first. Right or Wrong isn't the point here... it's the fact that he is at least not faking like it doesn't bother him immensely so a woman might get sucked into a relationship with him only to find out later he's jealous of the kids and damage is done. I also know he isn't the ONLY guy like this.. he's just one of the few very open and honest about his view of the pecking order. HIM, HIM, HIM, then the woman.. then God, then house.. did I mention him? and then relatives and job and then pets/kids.

Being last is not the worst position in my life. CC and my friends are in last place also... followed only by my pets, and sometimes my pets get me before CC gets me. For those of you that think I spend exorbitant amounts of time on CC ... you'd be wrong. I type fast and do many other things while I've got cc on in the background plus I do not have a social life to speak of really.. which I'm good with for the time being.

Edit: Oops Yes.. Dating Scene is the last thing on my list.

 

[secularhermit]

That´s probably why men and women are challanged to get married as single and virgins and, of course, none likes to play its role alone (and without a regular quote of attention).