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iraasuup

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
#1
Apr 5, 2013
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#1
Okay, this is a very easy question. I'm sure I've heard the topic come up before but would like to hear your thoughts anyway (particularly from guys) haha. This stems from a conversation I had with a friend recently, who is in a bit a predicament.

Should a girl tell a guy she likes him?

I'm particularly interested in what guys think about this. Appropriate or not?

To help you decide, I'll provide a scenario for you:

Girl and guy have been friends for sometime. Recently the friendship has deepened and they've become very close. Girl has developed feelings for this friend but isn't sure if the guy feels the same way about her. She knows him well enough to know that he isn't always the best at communicating his feelings in general situations as he doesn't have the most amazing social skills in the world. But, she is one person who can draw him out and he does the same for her. So, that being said...should she take a risk and tell him how she feels? If his feelings aren't the same as hers, it could potentially affect their friendship which is the last thing she wants. Or, should she give it some time and try to gauge his feelings or wait for him to ask her? What if he thinks the same about her and doesn't express his feelings at risk of losing the friendship? So, guys (and girls) any suggestions?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#2
Aug 2, 2009
24,579
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#2
I do have a suggestion. I suggest one of her friends just casually ask him if he likes her. If he asks why she can just say because she thinks they would make such a good couple. This way she can find out without letting on that the girl likes him (in case he says no).
 
iraasuup

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
#3
Apr 5, 2013
185
5
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#3
zeroturbulence said:
I do have a suggestion. I suggest one of her friends just casually ask him if he likes her. If he asks why she can just say because she thinks they would make such a good couple. This way she can find out without letting on that the girl likes him (in case he says no).
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That is a really good idea Gabe! Thanks for the suggestion.
 
iraasuup

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
#5
Apr 5, 2013
185
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#5
I'll suggest that to her tonight :p
 
iraasuup

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
#6
Apr 5, 2013
185
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#6
The bigger issues is her concern with being a girl and doing the 'asking out' I suppose. We were both raised very much that the guy should do the pursuing, so I don't know what to suggest to her, and we're just trying to find out what Christian guys really think if girls pursue them? Is it appropriate or not?
 
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cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#7
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
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#7
I said this in another thread but speaking as a girl. If i have to initiate the relationship, I will probably always be the one doing the initiating and I will have difficulty believe the guy really likes me. He might just be too nice to say no. If she initiates now she needs to be prepared to be the one who initiates most of the time.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#8
#8
Granted I've never been in a romantic relationship, but I'm a guy, so I'll reply. I don't think a girl has to tell the guy she's interested in him, but I do think the girl should make it pretty obvious that she likes the guy, so the guy can take a risk without looking like an idiot. In short, I think the guy should initiate but the girl should be overt about her interest in the guy.
 
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posthuman

posthuman

Senior Member
#9
Jul 31, 2013
36,647
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#9
Hallmark® should probably make a card for exactly this.

of course, a hand-made card is always nicer than to receive than a store-bought.

that's my suggestion :)
 
A

Animus

Guest
#10
#10
I think girls believe guys are more in the dark about these things then they really are. I've explained what similar thing has happened with me on here before, but it's relevant again: I liked girl, girl liked me, I thought things were going great, she was writing blog posts about how frustrated she was. If the girl is making it pretty clear that she likes the guy through her actions and choice of words, he knows. Behind that calm exterior of his he is processing all of the data in a similar (though not identical) way as you girls do. If a girl likes a guy, she tends to show it, if she shows it he will know.

I was talking to a girl who was having the trouble of being in a "thing" with a guy, but she didn't know how to bring up the "what are we" with the guy. I insisted that the guy knows full well what is going on, and he is thinking about it as much as she is. A few weeks later she found out the internal struggle that had been going on with him for some time, because he was leaving for school in about a year.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#11
#11
Animus, maybe but it may vary from guy to guy. Either no girl has ever been interested in me or I'm dumber than a doorbell when it comes to recognizing said interest. Or, *cough* I just have the bad lack of being attracted to girls who are already in relationships or engaged or even married. Out of bounds!
 
A

Animus

Guest
#12
#12
Tintin said:
Animus, maybe but it may vary from guy to guy. Either no girl has ever been interested in me or I'm dumber than a doorbell when it comes to recognizing said interest.
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Lol, no I agree that it does vary from guy to guy, but in general the guy will know. The time that the girl was so frustrated with me was the first time a girl had ever taken an interest in me, so I suppose in that case I may have noticed something was different (from other friendships I'd had with girls), but I wasn't really sure what that meant yet. So an exception to be considered is if the guy has never been in a relationship before (in this case he will probably also not be sure what to do next if he does know).
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#13
#13
Animus said:
I think girls believe guys are more in the dark about these things then they really are. I've explained what similar thing has happened with me on here before, but it's relevant again: I liked girl, girl liked me, I thought things were going great, she was writing blog posts about how frustrated she was. If the girl is making it pretty clear that she likes the guy through her actions and choice of words, he knows. Behind that calm exterior of his he is processing all of the data in a similar (though not identical) way as you girls do. If a girl likes a guy, she tends to show it, if she shows it he will know.

I was talking to a girl who was having the trouble of being in a "thing" with a guy, but she didn't know how to bring up the "what are we" with the guy. I insisted that the guy knows full well what is going on, and he is thinking about it as much as she is. A few weeks later she found out the internal struggle that had been going on with him for some time, because he was leaving for school in about a year.
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.........well....then what happened?

Tintin said:
Animus, maybe but it may vary from guy to guy. Either no girl has ever been interested in me or I'm dumber than a doorbell when it comes to recognizing said interest. Or, *cough* I just have the bad lack of being attracted to girls who are already in relationships or engaged or even married. Out of bounds!
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It's neither Tintin. It's because you've got your head in the clouds. Not that I mean that you daydream too much, you're just too bleedin' tall. This is what you look like to your students...

Tintin.png
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#15
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
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#15
I, too, was raised to believe that men should initiate and pursue. I did, however, naturally give off signals that I liked him (I wasn't trying to, it just happened because I liked him so much). He later told me that my "hints" gave him the courage to say something, but he also said that he's glad I didn't ask him out first or tell him that I liked him first. He was taught that he should be the one to make the first move and he's glad I was patient enough to let him have that opportunity. :)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#16
Mar 26, 2014
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#16
Tintin said:
Animus, maybe but it may vary from guy to guy. Either no girl has ever been interested in me or I'm dumber than a doorbell when it comes to recognizing said interest. Or, *cough* I just have the bad lack of being attracted to girls who are already in relationships or engaged or even married. Out of bounds!
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Show of interest probably varies from girl to girl. And I have been guilty at least once of maintaining that I just wanted to be friends with a guy when I was interested and just didn't want to spook him. Sometimes I think he figured it out anyway, and others I think he was just clueless. But he was more introverted than I am (which is a difficult feat in and of itself) so any conversation between us was laughably awkward. I still maintain he's the best guy I've ever known though.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#17
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
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#17
People really do make things too complicated for themselves. There are times we conflate our traditionalism with our faith or eternal truth. Often tradition is the engine of preserving this eternal truth, but I think dating rules, being one of the things the Bible doesn't speak on beyond arranged marriage and premarital sex, are made to be broken.

If woman has feelings for a man or has a simple passing interest in him, I do not see what is so taboo about her telling him.
 
J

JustAnotherUser

Guest
#18
#18
Man the way you people say about guys makes me feel like a complete amateur. If there were to be any interest, the guy would've showed or confronted it and I would be standing there, not knowing what to do or say, even if I were to like them back. LOL!
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#19
#19
kenthomas27 said:
It's neither Tintin. It's because you've got your head in the clouds. Not that I mean that you daydream too much, you're just too bleedin' tall. This is what you look like to your students...

View attachment 77746
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Ken, it looks like I need better cooking skills! But seriously, yes. I have my head in the clouds (because of my height).

I had a sleep on it, and I remembered there actually was an instance fairly recently where a girl at church was interested in me. But I didn't pick up the signals, she got frustrated and her friends confronted me. I was very confused because I'd never had anyone interested in me and didn't know what was going on. I wasn't attracted to her and the experience with her friends was unpleasant, so I probably blocked it out.
 
iraasuup

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
#20
Apr 5, 2013
185
5
18
#20
Tintin said:
Ken, it looks like I need better cooking skills! But seriously, yes. I have my head in the clouds (because of my height).

I had a sleep on it, and I remembered there actually was an instance fairly recently where a girl at church was interested in me. But I didn't pick up the signals, she got frustrated and her friends confronted me. I was very confused because I'd never had anyone interested in me and didn't know what was going on. I wasn't attracted to her and the experience with her friends was unpleasant, so I probably blocked it out.
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This story intrigues me. An unpleasant experience with the girls friends...interesting.

Interesting responses though, thanks everyone. I chatted with my friend last night and gave her a few of these suggestions to consider, so she's got something more to think about now...rather than just him haha.
 
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