I'm So Totally in LOVE! (At least, this month.) Love vs. Infatuation.

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seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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4,580
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#1
Hey Everybody,

I had an interesting discussion with someone recently regarding "What is the difference between love and infatuation?"

Yes, I know the Bible passages, particularly I Corinthians 13:4 ("Love is patient, love is kind...") Of course, our first frame of reference should always be God's Word, but the interest in my threads and posts are always in people's own personal real-life applications. In other words, yes, God says X, Y, and Z... so tell me what that means for your own life, and how you've applied it personally, please... don't just quote a passage and then give me a mumbo-jumbo of cookie-cutter or generic answers (which has frustrated me all my life, as I grew up in Lutheran schools.)

About a year ago, I had a guy friend I'd known a few years declare to me that he was "totally, completely, unabashedly head-over-heels in love" with me and would put a ring on my finger the next day if I'd be willing. But in all honesty, something just didn't "feel right", and the Bible tells us to bring every thought into captivity... when I prayed about this... I believed that God was helping me understand that what he felt was an infatuation and not real love.

My friend and I argued over it for a few months because he kept saying, "Well if you like such-and-such qualities about me, why don't you LIKE me?" Something just didn't add up in my heart though, so I decided to hold where I stood.

Within a few months... he made a very dramatic effort to tell me, "I'm really sorry, Kim, I don't know what I was thinking, I don't know why I said those things or thought I felt that way about you because now I realize I don't..." because he had moved on to the next girl. Yeah, it didn't exactly feel too great to be told all these supposedly flattering things only to hear, "Oops, my bad, didn't mean it, you're not all that important anyway," but I'm glad God helped me so that I didn't give in!

So... what have your experiences been with either the way you've felt or the way someone has felt about you? How can you tell when you really love someone, or when someone really loves you? How do you know when you really love a person or when you're just infatuated?

And how can you tell when the feelings are there just because someone is on a "high" of imagination of what you could supposedly be?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
 

grace

Senior Member
Sep 8, 2006
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#2
Good thread Kim....will be interesting to read the responses. Will ponder this myself. :)
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#3
The period of infatuation can last anywhere from 24 to 36 months. I have had alot of guys tell me they love me over the years, and this is how i've been able to tell most of it was infatuation, number one being the guy is always commenting on my looks, your so pretty i love your hair, on and on and on, yes its fine to tell someone you like how they look, but does that seem to be one of the main focuses? If yes more than likely its infatuation. Also in my experience, when a guy starts saying things like, i've never met anyone like you before! Your so different from all the other girls. YEAH thats infatuation. Obsessive calling, obsessive touching, obsessively talking to each other, all those are indications of infatuation as well.
 
Jan 8, 2009
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#4
I can tell in a similar way if it's infatuation when she is looking at my huge biceps all the time. I don't like to brag but I mean, if she admires my pecs AND biceps then I'm pretty sure it's not infatuation, it's serious and the relationship gets a little deeper.
 
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FirePanther

Guest
#5
In my opinion you can see if it is infatuation by this factor: it's infatuation when you like someone without having known him well.. Maybe something captivated you, but it's something more emotional because you don't know this person for real..
It's love, when after having known this person well you like him a lot. Also I think that love it's not only an emotion but also a decision. Many relationships breaks because when emotions are not like the beginning they stop loving each other but as christians we are called to "decide" to love our partner.
A big hug from Italy
 
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greatkraw

Guest
#6
In my opinion you can see if it is infatuation by this factor: it's infatuation when you like someone without having known him well.. Maybe something captivated you, but it's something more emotional because you don't know this person for real..
It's love, when after having known this person well you like him a lot. Also I think that love it's not only an emotion but also a decision. Many relationships breaks because when emotions are not like the beginning they stop loving each other but as christians we are called to "decide" to love our partner.
A big hug from Italy
you got it right dude

(If you went back and told me all those times it was infatuation I would not have believed you)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
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#7
The period of infatuation can last anywhere from 24 to 36 months. I have had alot of guys tell me they love me over the years, and this is how i've been able to tell most of it was infatuation, number one being the guy is always commenting on my looks, your so pretty i love your hair, on and on and on, yes its fine to tell someone you like how they look, but does that seem to be one of the main focuses? If yes more than likely its infatuation. Also in my experience, when a guy starts saying things like, i've never met anyone like you before! Your so different from all the other girls. YEAH thats infatuation. Obsessive calling, obsessive touching, obsessively talking to each other, all those are indications of infatuation as well.

Thanks, Fix... I get that all the time too: "I've never met a girl like you before"--am almost sad to hear it's just a line, apparently. And good point too regarding the focus of their supposed admiration... if it's primarily looks...

I agree with you FirePanther in that it can be fairly easy to tell if you haven't known each other long... but I've encountered this too with opposite gender friends I've known for a long time and who knew me pretty well (I have also developed my own share of infatuations over the years as well.)

I think one was I can tell is when I start to "overlook" major differences in our morals and/or lifestyle (i.e., he does drugs and they scare me to death but I'm just SURE he's changing... etc.) I have a to chalk up at least a few to my own stupidity!

Mahogany--I guess you're just gonna have to post a picture of both your biceps AND your pecs and let us ladies give you the verdict. ;)
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#8
I can tell in a similar way if it's infatuation when she is looking at my huge biceps all the time. I don't like to brag but I mean, if she admires my pecs AND biceps then I'm pretty sure it's not infatuation, it's serious and the relationship gets a little deeper.

what if shes admiring your grille??? then what is it
 
Jan 8, 2009
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#9
what if shes admiring your grille??? then what is it
Well that's a good sign that the relationship has developed far enough to propose.
 

Sharp

Senior Member
May 5, 2009
2,565
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#12



I've always wondered why these are cool but braces aren't cool.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
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#13
Luke, you seriously crack me up. :D
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#16
is it okay to be infatuated with myself
 
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FixYourWeave

Guest
#20
Fix, you are too funny :). If it last an entire two weeks... I'd say that your probably fully in love. :)

im sorry kim, but it hasnt lasted, i broke it off with myself, i never treated me like i used to! no flowers anymore, myself never listened anymore... its a shame we would have been perfect for each other