Do You Have a Princess Complex?

[just_monicat]

in my experience, being a selfish and entitled person really isn't a gender specific issue. it's a heart issue and something that is evident in all of us in some way (though a larger issue for some rather than others). you can call it a "princess" issue but you've probably met men who've been coddled or treated like a "golden child" and still walk around with an attitude of superiority.

this is a "syndrome" that is really more about our sin nature and viewing ourselves through the priorities and values of the world, instead of through God's eyes.

also, i try to look at situations like this through the lens of acceptance and understanding. we are all flawed, we are all failing on some level. we have all fallen short. and as you reference, i have been in "recovery" from my own massive failings for years now.

many years ago, before i rededicated my life, while i was a christian, i had VERY skewed priorities. i wasn't a "princess" but i was selfish in my efforts to seek my goals at the expense of what i knew to be right. i was driven to address my insecurities through the pursuit of what i believed would bring me peace and satisfaction. the solution for that was the solution that is the same for the behavior you describe.

as christians, we are called to be transformed by the "renewing of our minds". we are also called to be "crucified with Christ", which means that we slowly, incrementally submit/pursue the process of becoming more Christ-like. this is one of our "jobs" here on earth, and i believe that God uses difficult circumstances to also help bring about this growth and change by God healing/changing us.

as to non-christians, what can you expect? we only serve one master. the world likes to think that goodness lives within us, but in reality, we know that as humankind, at it's heart is evil.

 

[Raine]

There is only one true cure for any woman, and that is when they choose to live and walk in the Love of Christ, because He is perfect love and his promises will never fail us.

 

[DanPhu]

Interesting article. Though I can't really comment on whether or not I disagree with you, I can say that the symptoms you mentioned describe "pride" in particular detail.

I will say that this post was definitely a pot stirrer, and I do like the responses that others have made. It's great to know how people might respond to something and share their thoughts about it.

 

[Fenner]

Were you possibly a first born child, the oldest of your siblings? Or the last born and potentially over-looked so your mother over-compensated for it by taking the lazy way out and just telling you that you were a princess, and leading you to actually believe that? Do you watch episodes of Dateline and actually believe the world's most advanced propaganda system? It may have really happened, but it is televised for a purpose. Do you believe that you are God's gift to all men, and that they will all eventually fall in love with you? When a man gives you attention, do you feel the need to tell everyone about it in order to increase your feeling of self-worth? Have you ever used any of the words: creepy, creep, psycho, stalker, freaked out, etc..? Do you avoid one-on-one communication with men because you would rather have your girlfriends to bail you out of what you think may be "awkward moments of silence"? Do you wear excessive amounts of makeup on a regular basis? Do you use your child support money for luxury items? Do you have any male friends that you are totally aware of the fact that they want and would accept more than friendship with you, but you continue to stay friends with them? How many rings do you have on both hands, total, more than one? Do you buy anything for the brand name alone, when there is no evidence of it having better quality? Do you tell your girlfriends about everything that happens in your life, literally? Have you shared what your husband/boyfriend/date thought he told you in confidence, with your mother? Did you always think in your mind that the way you would like things to happen when marrying and having children was that you would be a stay at home mother and not work, because you think that is what is best for the children, to give them the "time and attention they need"??

These are only a couple of the many signs you could potentially be diagnosed as having a princess complex. There are many different types of princess complexes that infect females all across the land, and it has the largest denial factor of all diseases, even more so than alcoholism. Now that I have become aware of the disease, I see it more and more on a daily basis. I could almost give you an anecdote for each day. And don't think that Christian women are immune..I see it almost more with Christian women, because many of them feel some sort of sense of entitlement that because they are a "Christian woman of God" that they need to be treated like some sort of ruler or Queen of the land. Even if you don't meet any of the criteria for any of the above symptoms, these are only just a couple, so it doesn't mean you do not have PC. The good news is that PC is treatable. I am still developing a legit symptom and treatment list. I am writing this to get some input, more symtpoms, etc...Thanks

I am the last born, my Mother used to smother me with attention when the other 5 would allow it. I would sleep all day and never had to work at my Father's dry cleaners. I never had to help my Mom with laundry or dishes. I was allowed to wear lots of make up and I was given a credit card at the age of 9. That's when I started smoking and bossing boys around.

Now I'm 44 married and have two kids, but the nanny takes care of them while I visit make up counters and shop at the mall. My Husband wanted me to be a stay at home Mom because he like's control. I make sure our maid Rita has dinner hot and ready at 5/

Is there hope for me?

 

[SabbieWabbie]

I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His Image (I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.)

As long as I don't get too prideful I see nothing wrong with confidence and self assurance. I am the oldest, and I am the only girl - very much a daddy's girl. I would rather be over confident than not have confidence and accept any tom, dick and harry and be thinking that being abused mentally, physically or emotionally or what have you (way too many woman like this in the world) is all I am enough for.

Woman are not God's gift to man but woman were put on earth for him, to be his helper. Greater than that woman are here to praise God, just as men are.

Unless you are a woman and have been 'hit-on' by men you can't possibly know why woman say words like creepy, creep,psycho stalker etc... If you really want to know what it's like get on one of the woman's accounts and see for yourself, the things woman see that men say are unbelievable and if a man had to say those things to your wife or your daughter you would be saying a whole lot more than creep and psycho etc... (don't even understand why this was in your post)

If a man wants more than friendship with a woman and she doesn't - how does this give her your so called princess complex? I struggle to find the logic in that. You don't have to date who you don't want to date.

Do you tell your girlfriends about everything that happens in your life - if you have girlfriends you can tell everything to, count yourself lucky, not many trustworthy people in the world today.
(Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.)

(Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.)

(1 Samuel 18:1-3 As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.)

(Job 2:11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.)

I share everything with my mother, and thank goodness I do, could have got myself in so much trouble if I hadn't. A husband is different though and it's dependent on the circumstances, but a boyfriend I would - she is my confidant, my best friend and my soft place to land on.

Yes, time and attention is the best thing for your children. Notice how children rebel and look for that attention in negative ways when they weren't given it in positive ways. Unfortunately I love my job so I will work but I will stay at home for a while before I go back to work. Start my children's lives off the best way I can.

Of course you see it more everyday-because you are looking for it. I could find so many things in others and in my initial training I did, and had to teach myself to stop. You are going to end up hating woman because chances are if you find a honest, social, woman who came from a loving home, has self-confidence etc.. she will have these traits.

 

[Ugly]

This thread reeks of troll

 

[zeroturbulence]

I can see how his thread might sound trollish, but I've been in chat with GreatScott several times and I can vouch that he's a good guy (not a troll).

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a stay at home mother, I just don't think that's 'all' a woman should be, and that a woman should rationalize that to mean she shouldn't work.

Both my grandmothers, my Mom, my best friend, and two sisters-in-law are stay-at-home moms. (Well, I take that back, one of my Grandma's worked on the farm, which was a before-dawn to after-dusk, lifelong career.)

I highly doubt that when they get to heaven (my grandma's are already there), God will say to them, "What a disappointment!! Why were you so lazy in refusing to get a 'real' job instead of doing mundane things like cooking, cleaning, carpooling, worrying, crying, teaching, instructing, praying with and for... your children???!!! Surely you were trying to avoid real work by choosing something as meaningless as this!! Why didn't you become a lawyer or doctor or brain surgeon? Surely you should have trusted Me to look after your kids instead of trying to take care of them yourself!!"

I think I was the only one in my class to have a stay-at-home mom, and my Mom has always hung her head over it a little when it comes to trying to witness to others because society treats her like she wasted her life.

But almost everything I know about how to be a responsible, functioning adult, I learned from her and my Dad. I know God certainly doesn't think she has a Princess complex or that she made an excuse not to work. My mother was up at 3 and 4 in the morning and often didn't go to sleep until quite late.

God values home makers very highly. It's a pity that our society doesn't do the same.

P.S. I had a guy tell me a few weeks ago, "If you wanted more than friendship, I wouldn't have a problem with it," as if he would be doing me a favor by graciously accepting me as a date. NO THANKS, Mr. Prince, I'll keep moving along just fine.

P.P.S. Just as some of us are called to be married or single, some are called to be homemakers or career women or both. God values each of us and our individual callings--no matter what anyone else may say, even if they try to label it as disorder.

 

[GreatScott]

I am the last born, my Mother used to smother me with attention when the other 5 would allow it. I would sleep all day and never had to work at my Father's dry cleaners. I never had to help my Mom with laundry or dishes. I was allowed to wear lots of make up and I was given a credit card at the age of 9. That's when I started smoking and bossing boys around.

Now I'm 44 married and have two kids, but the nanny takes care of them while I visit make up counters and shop at the mall. My Husband wanted me to be a stay at home Mom because he like's control. I make sure our maid Rita has dinner hot and ready at 5/

Is there hope for me?

I really hope you are joking

 

[GreatScott]

Both my grandmothers, my Mom, my best friend, and two sisters-in-law are stay-at-home moms. (Well, I take that back, one of my Grandma's worked on the farm, which was a before-dawn to after-dusk, lifelong career.)

I highly doubt that when they get to heaven (my grandma's are already there), God will say to them, "What a disappointment!! Why were you so lazy in refusing to get a 'real' job instead of doing mundane things like cooking, cleaning, carpooling, worrying, crying, teaching, instructing, praying with and for... your children???!!! Surely you were trying to avoid real work by choosing something as meaningless as this!! Why didn't you become a lawyer or doctor or brain surgeon? Surely you should have trusted Me to look after your kids instead of trying to take care of them yourself!!"

I think I was the only one in my class to have a stay-at-home mom, and my Mom has always hung her head over it a little when it comes to trying to witness to others because society treats her like she wasted her life.

But almost everything I know about how to be a responsible, functioning adult, I learned from her and my Dad. I know God certainly doesn't think she has a Princess complex or that she made an excuse not to work. My mother was up at 3 and 4 in the morning and often didn't go to sleep until quite late.

God values home makers very highly. It's a pity that our society doesn't do the same.

P.S. I had a guy tell me a few weeks ago, "If you wanted more than friendship, I wouldn't have a problem with it," as if he would be doing me a favor by graciously accepting me as a date. NO THANKS, Mr. Prince, I'll keep moving along just fine.

P.P.S. Just as some of us are called to be married or single, some are called to be homemakers or career women or both. God values each of us and our individual callings--no matter what anyone else may say, even if they try to label it as disorder.

That's right, our works do not get us to Heaven. So I guess we should just rest in our salvation and not do any? However, once again I am not implying that being a stay at home mother is bad, only if it is ALL you are. I will cite proverbs 31

 

[GreatScott]

I truly believe this is the woman for me: Proverbs 31

0 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Face it, Scott. You are mistaken about this supposed disorder. Be honest as to why you posted this to begun with.

 

[seoulsearch]

That's right, our works do not get us to Heaven. So I guess we should just rest in our salvation and not do any

We were not saved by works, but the Bible does say that works are PROOF of our faith. A man or woman can say their vows on their wedding day but without action, it means nothing. A married person proves the authenticity and dedication to their vow by staying faithful to the marriage.

The Bible also states that a true believer is known by their fruits (whether their actions in this life line up with their beliefs.)

To profess that you believe in Christ but not produce faith or works means you are talking the talk but not walking the walk. What those actions might be will vary according to God's plan for your life. For some, it is to marry, for others, to remain single. For some, it is to stay at home with their families; for others, it is to have families and careers; and for others, it is to have careers.

Though I come from a family of all stay-at-home mothers, I have no desire to be one myself. God simply has a different calling for me. Rather, I work best as a "midwife"--an assistant to someone else who HAS been called to be a parent, whether they work outside the home or not. Does God value nonparents as much as those who are parents? Absolutely. Are we both producing actions and works of faith (as proof of our faith and not as a means of salvation) even though our callings are very different? Most definitely.

P.S. Scott, that's great if this is the wife God has planned for you.

I am just wondering, have you put any thought and effort into the husband you are meant to be FOR HER, and what kinds of changes/preparation you are meant to make until you meet her? If so, what do you feel God is working with you to change? Or, do you feel you are already the perfect husband for this woman and just waiting for her to arrive?

 

[seoulsearch]

Sorry for my double post, but Scott, something I am picking up from your post is that you feel overburdened and overwhelmed by some of the things going on in your life. Like most people, you want a companion and helper to try to ease some of the burden and you want to make sure she's not a "free loader" who will only make you have to work harder and just be one more person you have to support.

You want, instead, a Godly woman to support you, or at least, take on what you see as a fair share of the burden you are already carrying instead of adding to it.

I am wondering what your plans are as for what you have to offer this woman and what you will do to enhance her life as well, because of course, marriage is a partnership and should be more about both people giving than receiving.

I've observed this a lot over the years--the people who want the most Godly spouses or believe that's what it's store for them are actually looking for a way to avoid having to face their own challenges and issues because the "super Christian spouse" God has for them will make their life change for the better!! What they actually don't want to admit is that they're looking for someone to take on a good share of their burdens and become an enabling crutch for a lifestyle they neither know how or want to change.

I see this all the time in Christian circles: the woman who just knows God has a strong, Godly man for her--which is wonderful, of course, but deep down, she's hoping a Godly man will just pray with her and her anger issues will all disappear like magic. She's uninterested in working on her temper on her own because surely when she finds that good, Godly man, all will be well and she thinks she won't be so angry anymore.

Likewise, the good Christian man who drinks too much or looks at things he shouldn't be looking at on his computer figures once he finds that Proverbs 31 woman, all his issues will fade away through prayer and marital sex and surely he's ready for the magical woman to drop out of the sky and into his life to heal all his issues any day.

I often wonder if the reason God makes so many of us wait so long is because being with someone at this time will actually make us worse and give us a way to run instead of standing, facing, and dealing with things God is pushing us to deal with on our own, BEFORE we find that Godly person.

If our main focus is how perfect the other person will be for us and what they have to give us... we are most likely not anywhere close to being ready for that right person.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Good Gravy!

 

[Searching4Truth]

I truly believe this is the woman for me: Proverbs 31

0 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Are you a man of equal value in character as the alleged 31?

 

[GreatScott]

Sorry for my double post, but Scott, something I am picking up from your post is that you feel overburdened and overwhelmed by some of the things going on in your life. Like most people, you want a companion and helper to try to ease some of the burden and you want to make sure she's not a "free loader" who will only make you have to work harder and just be one more person you have to support.

You want, instead, a Godly woman to support you, or at least, take on what you see as a fair share of the burden you are already carrying instead of adding to it.

I am wondering what your plans are as for what you have to offer this woman and what you will do to enhance her life as well, because of course, marriage is a partnership and should be more about both people giving than receiving.

I've observed this a lot over the years--the people who want the most Godly spouses or believe that's what it's store for them are actually looking for a way to avoid having to face their own challenges and issues because the "super Christian spouse" God has for them will make their life change for the better!! What they actually don't want to admit is that they're looking for someone to take on a good share of their burdens and become an enabling crutch for a lifestyle they neither know how or want to change.

I see this all the time in Christian circles: the woman who just knows God has a strong, Godly man for her--which is wonderful, of course, but deep down, she's hoping a Godly man will just pray with her and her anger issues will all disappear like magic. She's uninterested in working on her temper on her own because surely when she finds that good, Godly man, all will be well and she thinks she won't be so angry anymore.

Likewise, the good Christian man who drinks too much or looks at things he shouldn't be looking at on his computer figures once he finds that Proverbs 31 woman, all his issues will fade away through prayer and marital sex and surely he's ready for the magical woman to drop out of the sky and into his life to heal all his issues any day.

I often wonder if the reason God makes so many of us wait so long is because being with someone at this time will actually make us worse and give us a way to run instead of standing, facing, and dealing with things God is pushing us to deal with on our own, BEFORE we find that Godly person.

If our main focus is how perfect the other person will be for us and what they have to give us... we are most likely not anywhere close to being ready for that right person.

Thank you for your post. I learn alot from the things you write, so I do appreciate it. I know that my post makes you wonder what may be going on in my life. It has more to do with the way I have seen some women treat others, including myself, and less to do with me wanting a companion. Right now, I do not want a female companion in my life, and I say that with complete assurance. I know there are men who are single and get on here all desperate and such, believe me I have heard plenty of women call them out publicly on it and slander their name, but I however am not one of those men. I am not actively seeking or wanting a companion, and you won't here that from any women on here.

 

[GreatScott]

As far as whether I would contribute the same thing I am expecting: I would be stupid to say that I didn't think anyone would try to turn this post around on me and try to make it become about me, but I was really wanting it to be specific toward seeing if there was a humble enough woman out there to actually acknowledge and be willing to understand the princess mentality that many men fall victim to. I mean we know it exists, I am just curious as to why no one wants to acknowledge it. I think there is a culture now in society where women cannot be questioned, and if they are, then there must be something bad going on in the life of the man who questions it. The behaviors I listed are actually very prevalent.

 

[GreatScott]

Face it, Scott. You are mistaken about this supposed disorder. Be honest as to why you posted this to begun with.

I am not quite sure what your goal is here Duchess, maybe to see if I will say something you can gossip about? Well, honestly, I am just bringing up a topic I believe to be important, the fact that there are many women out there who exhibit these behaviors and how many men fall victim to narcissistic princesses. Are you saying that never happens?

 

[Arlene89]

Or the last born and potentially over-looked so your mother over-compensated for it by taking the lazy way out and just telling you that you were a princess, and leading you to actually believe that?

Have you ever used any of the words: creepy, creep, psycho, stalker, freaked out, etc..?

Do you wear excessive amounts of makeup on a regular basis?

Do you have any male friends that you are totally aware of the fact that they want and would accept more than friendship with you, but you continue to stay friends with them?

Have you shared what your husband/boyfriend/date thought he told you in confidence, with your mother?


These are only a couple of the many signs you could potentially be diagnosed as having a princess complex. There are many different types of princess complexes that infect females all across the land, and it has the largest denial factor of all diseases, even more so than alcoholism. Now that I have become aware of the disease, I see it more and more on a daily basis. I could almost give you an anecdote for each day. And don't think that Christian women are immune..I see it almost more with Christian women, because many of them feel some sort of sense of entitlement that because they are a "Christian woman of God" that they need to be treated like some sort of ruler or Queen of the land. Even if you don't meet any of the criteria for any of the above symptoms, these are only just a couple, so it doesn't mean you do not have PC. The good news is that PC is treatable. I am still developing a legit symptom and treatment list. I am writing this to get some input, more symtpoms, etc...Thanks

1. My friend from another church was the last born and received 'special treatment' her older siblings didn't. But I believe because she was thoroughly encouraged and intensely supported, she became a confident and strong woman, and amazingly enough she's the one always keeping the family together when things look like they are about to fall apart.

2. An old friend's girlfriend excessively used the words 'creep, creepy, freaked out, stalker' to describe the man that stalked, attacked and raped her in the park as she went jogging one late afternoon.

3. My close friend from my current church wears lots of make-up every time she goes out... but she was excessively burnt when she was a child because her brother decided to play a trick on her and she still has burn marks.

4. A while ago I was friends with someone I knew who liked me, but it never went more than that because he was an alcoholic and he would be a stumbling block in my life.

5. Before I was saved, I told my mother about the guy I dated and how he enjoyed and looked forward to cutting himself, and she told me to stay clear of him.

I don't think that any of the women I mentioned or myself have something that could be termed a disease. I wouldn't say the rape victim has been infected by this said complex just because of the words she used to describe the man that violated her. I don't think my friend with the burn marks needs to be 'treated' because she wears make up to cover her skin.

Be very careful when taking in things at face value. Be extra careful with the conclusions you draw from skin deep observations.