Do You Have a Princess Complex?
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I was joking in my last post. I found your post very insulting. I work part time, once or twice a week at a laundromat and as a substitute pre school teacher's aide.
You're a judging a situation you've never had any experience with and I feel like you want someone like my who does stay home with my kids most of the time to apologize. For what though? I have nothing to apologize to you for. I love my husband and my kids, I take care of them and my house. The situation you're talking about sounds like something out that reality show The Real Housewives. I have friends that stay home, they work hard. My friend just had a baby, this is number 4, when I went to visit she had no sleep, hadn't showered in a couple days, had a sick 2 year old, and a new baby, I went over so she could sleep.
So should we start charging our husbands for the things we do around the house? Or should I just send my kids to day care after school and not see them for 9 hours a day? Would that be better?
My Mom stayed home, my Husband's Mom stayed home, neither one of them lived a glamorous life. My Husband and I made a decision together that I'd be home the majority of the time with my kids. When I get called into sub, my kids are in school, at the laundromat he's home and watches the kids.
How do you feel about men that are stay at home dad's? Do you have this bitter resentment towards them too?
You've really insulted me with your posts. I wonder if you're trying to come up with a new reality show called the PC Diaries?
Or trying to get yourself of Dr. Phil with this new revelation of yours. Yes there are spoiled people out there, self centered, and rude, we aren't like that.
Also on another note how dare you tell anyone that they're in denial, you don't know us and frankly after this I don't want to get to know you.
Oh and I'm glad you're not coming to CC for a relationship because after this post I doubt you'd find a woman willing to date you after reading this.
You're a judging a situation you've never had any experience with and I feel like you want someone like my who does stay home with my kids most of the time to apologize. For what though? I have nothing to apologize to you for. I love my husband and my kids, I take care of them and my house. The situation you're talking about sounds like something out that reality show The Real Housewives. I have friends that stay home, they work hard. My friend just had a baby, this is number 4, when I went to visit she had no sleep, hadn't showered in a couple days, had a sick 2 year old, and a new baby, I went over so she could sleep.
So should we start charging our husbands for the things we do around the house? Or should I just send my kids to day care after school and not see them for 9 hours a day? Would that be better?
My Mom stayed home, my Husband's Mom stayed home, neither one of them lived a glamorous life. My Husband and I made a decision together that I'd be home the majority of the time with my kids. When I get called into sub, my kids are in school, at the laundromat he's home and watches the kids.
How do you feel about men that are stay at home dad's? Do you have this bitter resentment towards them too?
You've really insulted me with your posts. I wonder if you're trying to come up with a new reality show called the PC Diaries?
Or trying to get yourself of Dr. Phil with this new revelation of yours. Yes there are spoiled people out there, self centered, and rude, we aren't like that.
Also on another note how dare you tell anyone that they're in denial, you don't know us and frankly after this I don't want to get to know you.
Oh and I'm glad you're not coming to CC for a relationship because after this post I doubt you'd find a woman willing to date you after reading this.
So let me get this straight. Your symptoms of a princess complex are:
- received verbal affirmation of being special
- watches Dateline (or possibly another TV program whose writers and producers are biased)
- wants men to love her
- gets excited and can't stop talking about it when a man pays her special attention
- uses specific words (that are so much part of common vocabulary that I refer to one of my friends as the friendly neighborhood stalker because when I first met him he knew way more about me than I did him)
- feels more comfortable talking in a group with other females around than one on one with a man
- wears makeup
- may spend money inappropriately or unwisely
- may choose to stay just friends with a man she knows is interested in her but doesn't reciprocate his feelings
- wears lots of rings
- prefers to buy brand name
- has close female friends
- has a close relationship with her mother
- wants to devote herself to motherhood and invest her time being the best mother possible and doing what she believes is best for her children
- wants to be treated well
Green is for normal female behavior and blue is for common human behavior. Many behaviors can be taken to unhealthy extremes but which of these characteristics are so terrible again? You may have a legitimate point but you have expressed it poorly and not communicated your intent. Mostly this just sounds like a rant against women with high standards, strong relationships with other women, and luxurious tastes.
D
I haven't read through all the responses so maybe someone said this, but it's worth saying again. Being a mother is not a light job, it is very hard work. Especially a stay at home mom. Raising kids is hard work, and if she is in charge of all the house hold work.....imagine keeping an eye on two crazy younglings who think they are invincible, scrubbing dishes on a daily basis and picking up after everyone. Finding time to wash the poop streaks out of everyone's underwear, cooking a good meal for dinner, helping with homework, getting the kids off to school, perhaps even working in the garden. If a child is really young, she is waking up at all hours of the night to feed the baby. Making grocery lists, taking care of the shopping, negotiating with the power company if the bills get behind and there is a cutoff notice. It's not like a stay at home mom is just sitting there watching days of our lives all day with nothing to do. A stay at home mom just can't go out dancing any night she wants to with her friends or live a life of lazy personal luxury.
It's really disrespectful to stay at home moms everywhere to say "thats all they do". Walk a mile in their shoes and you would be like "whoa, I had noooooooooo idea!".
It's really disrespectful to stay at home moms everywhere to say "thats all they do". Walk a mile in their shoes and you would be like "whoa, I had noooooooooo idea!".
U
Yes, of course it's going to be turned around on you. You are making vague generalizations about women, while setting up high expectations you want in a woman. In one breath you make sweeping, broad accusations that have been discredited by people who have had schooling in the areas you're trying to speak on as an expert. Then in the next breath you set this standard for how a woman should be. It's only natural people are going to turn this on you.
Second, no one has yet denied that this concept exists. The debate is that you give this long list of reasons for what it is that creates this type of woman. And in the process you throw out a lot of generalizations, and probably hit a lot of nerves of the women on this site who aren't princesses, by hitting on things that they are, have experienced, etc... So, regardless of your intention, you insulted most of the women by saying their experiences are what makes up a 'princess complex'. And then, to add fuel to the fire, you say that if a woman doesn't agree of your unsubstantiated concepts that have been well refuted by people who actually KNOW what they're talking about in this area, and had the gall to be insulted by your broad statements, then she isn't humble.
Regardless of what you meant, you have managed to do everything wrong in this thread. People aren't disagreeing with the concept, they are disagreeing with your ideas on how these people are made and some other insulting statements. Perhaps you yourself might try exercising some of the expectations you have on women, and provide some humility of your own, rather than insisting that you're right and everyone else is wrong. That is not humility.
Second, no one has yet denied that this concept exists. The debate is that you give this long list of reasons for what it is that creates this type of woman. And in the process you throw out a lot of generalizations, and probably hit a lot of nerves of the women on this site who aren't princesses, by hitting on things that they are, have experienced, etc... So, regardless of your intention, you insulted most of the women by saying their experiences are what makes up a 'princess complex'. And then, to add fuel to the fire, you say that if a woman doesn't agree of your unsubstantiated concepts that have been well refuted by people who actually KNOW what they're talking about in this area, and had the gall to be insulted by your broad statements, then she isn't humble.
Regardless of what you meant, you have managed to do everything wrong in this thread. People aren't disagreeing with the concept, they are disagreeing with your ideas on how these people are made and some other insulting statements. Perhaps you yourself might try exercising some of the expectations you have on women, and provide some humility of your own, rather than insisting that you're right and everyone else is wrong. That is not humility.
Hi Scott,
Thanks for being receptive and open-minded to some of the things I wrote. I do appreciate that you're willing to listen to the other side.
Men are frustrated with women for various reasons as you mentioned; women are frustrated with women for various reasons. I've stated many times on this forum that one of the reasons I've been single for so long and may be indefinitely is because I don't want to marry a man with a P-Complex of his own--the P being Pornography or, a certain male body part, depending on how you look at it.
The best remedy seems to avoid dating people with the issues we're so uncomfortable with. You'll be alone, yes, but happier than with someone who has said issues if you're so opposed to them. I'm friends with all kinds of people because we're all struggling in our own ways. But as far as dating and committing to someone, I have yet to find what I believe God has for me.
One last thought... God has blessed my parents in so many ways "despite" her "only" being a homemaker. My Dad worked in a grocery store but because my parents were so frugal and faithful, he was able to retire long before many doctors, lawyers, and dentists whom we knew that were his age or older. They also raised 3 children on one modest income.
I have said many, many times that if it wasn't for marrying someone like my Mom, my Dad would have nothing to show for his hard work. If he had married someone who just HAD to have all the latest--clothes, cars, place in society--anything he tried to save would have quickly disappeared. Rather, my mom stuck to a budget religiously and when it came time for back-to-school shopping, she used the money he gave her for clothes for herself to buy our school supplies instead (my parents keep their clothes for an average of 10-20 years or until they wear out).
If something in the grocery cart was over our budget, she put it back and made due with what we had. We didn't eat out. My Dad didn't stop for take-out coffee before work, and all his lunches were packed from home. We didn't succumb to a lot of convenience items because she faithfully watched every penny. We went to movies maybe 3 times a year, if even that, and we didn't have things like cable TV. My mother is every bit a Proverbs 31 woman. She rose early in the morning, stayed up late at night, and worked diligently to shape and care for her family in everything she did. She is a shrewd businesswoman and skilled money manager in every way, even though she doesn't have "a big career." Do I have a perfect family? Of course not! I love my Mom but we each have personality quirks that drive each other crazy like anyone else.
But can a woman want to stay at home with her kids and be that Proverbs 31 woman? ABSOLUTELY. Knowing how to MANAGE money and a household is just as, if not even more important, than bringing money in, and it's a SKILL, not something always automatically inborn.
My parents love volunteering for their financial counseling ministry. One of the best (or worst) stories they've ever told was of a couple in which the husband was a doctor and the wife was an RN and the head of her department. Together, their income was somewhere around $400,000. But they couldn't keep up on anything, and were deeply in debt. They refused to listen to any of my parents' advice (maybe they saw my parents as being too "poor" to know what they were talking about) and insisted on nearly $1000 every week for EACH of them as "play" money. They insisted on new cars, houses, boats, etc. and refused to compromise anything about their "gotta have what's new right now" lifestyle.
People expect my parents to give them a magic wand in their classes but what they give is practical tools and advice--make a budget. Sacrifice. Get a second job. Pay off your credit cards and debts. And stick to it. But this couple had no interest in anything my parents had to say... and eventually wound up getting a divorce. This story always sticks in my head when people feel that bringing in more money is always the answer. If you don't know how to manage, it doesn't matter how much is coming in or whether both people are working.
The Bible says if you are faithful with a little, you can be trusted with much... and I believe this principle works in the opposite direction as well--someone who can't manage $400 will be a disaster if you give them $400,000.
I guess I can go back to my own version of the P-Complex. Sometimes it's not the size (or amount) that matters, but rather, whether you know what to do with it and how to manage it according to God's principles.
Cinder. Your descriptions are fluffed up and lightened in order to make a false point. I am not talking about women who want to be loved or want affirmation. I am speaking of those who reveal themselves to do things at the expense of others. Someone who gossips and makes someone else look bad to make them look better. And about being a home maker: its less about being a home maker and more about the intent behind why they are a home maker. There are those who are home makers and 'plan' on wanting to be a home maker because they dont want to work and they talk to their girlfriends about a mans income to try and be a taker. I seriously doubt yall are oblivious to this.
I know this exists because I grew up around many people who were genuinely like this. Not just at face value, but I really knew the inner workings of what was going on in many families. So I know its not just me, or just some kind of false lens I have. This is a real phenomenon. My mother was one of these women at one time. My father did quite well so she took that as an opportunity to play tennis, bridge, go shopping, and just be a taker, while the maid basically took care of us. After the market crashed and the housing bubble burst in 08 my father's business went down hill and he had to find another venture, which is part of being an entrepreneur. Now, she resents having to work because she became dependent on that lifestyle, and she holds it over my father's head. And it wasn't just my family. There is a large subsection of society that have these sort of expectations. I worked for Hospice for years and dealt with thousands of families over a period of about 5 years, from all walks of life, and I met many good people. However, there is a larger-than-you think group of people who have ill intent motives and are not that upset that their husband may be dying because of the life insurance money they will acquire and what will be left to them, and people fighting over the money that will be left behind. The majority of people fighting over the inheritance were women. This is not my imagination. It was real. I know there are men out there with prince mentalities as well, and we can certainly talk about that sometime too. I am just curious as to why some of you want to defend yourselves instead of just honestly addressing this reality.
Look Scott, even if your "diagnosis" and observations are valid, they aren't at all scientific or even cohesive. The manner in which the APA comes up with psychological disorders isn't by taking information from ONE source and then sticking it into a book. They run trials, have long and intense debates, and many other things. It's quite obvious you've come up with this syndrome out of pain and rejection by a female.
Now, as for the accusation that I have asked the questions I did or have requested that you come clean with us is because I want to gossip about you is off base. I confronted you because of the previous reasons in my other posts.
Remaining in denial will only hurt you in the long run. Perhaps you love the drama it's caused, perhaps you feel the need to alienate people so you don't have to deal with your own issues. Only you know why. However, staying in this particular mindset is only going to destroy you.
Now, as for the accusation that I have asked the questions I did or have requested that you come clean with us is because I want to gossip about you is off base. I confronted you because of the previous reasons in my other posts.
Remaining in denial will only hurt you in the long run. Perhaps you love the drama it's caused, perhaps you feel the need to alienate people so you don't have to deal with your own issues. Only you know why. However, staying in this particular mindset is only going to destroy you.
Nonetheless, you do not have a VALID diagnosis. You are simply talking about selfish and sinful people. A princess or prince syndrome isn't concrete.
Personally, I'm arguing against your diagnosis because that was your original premise. You were arguing for a disorder or syndrome, not for a cultural phenomenon. You can't change horses midstream. Also, by saying that most if not all women suffer from this is outlandish.
M
Human beings have always been greedy, self-serving, self-centered, and prideful. I don't understand why this is surprising to anyone. It's not a phenomenon, it's sinful human nature. People can't cure it; that's why God sent us His Son. And even being saved doesn't exempt any of us from being prone to sinful or wrong behavior- humans (men and women alike) are a mess, with or without Jesus; it's just that those of us who do turn to God have more help with, and more reason for, fighting temptation to be lazy and selfish.
Scott,
I'm having trouble understanding why it is that you don't seem to understand that what you are accusing every woman of does not apply to every woman. You seem to be saying that ALL women exhibit the characteristics you're describing and fall under the same diagnosis of your choice. Sure, we all have faults, but some of us just might not fit under the classification you are making.
It's like someone asking, "Do you have Schizophrenia?" under the assumption that EVERYONE has schizophrenia and then asking them why they're "getting defensive instead of honestly addressing this reality." If the reality is that I don't have schizophrenia, then your point of accusing me of having it is null and void. If you're accusing women of having a Princess Complex and they don't have one, they're not being defensive or denying reality--they're stating facts about who they are, not what you are projecting them to have.
If I wrote a thread entitled, "Do You Have a Masturbation Obsession?" under the assumption and accusation that everyone out there has a problem with it, the people who DON'T have a problem with the issue have every right to say, "Hey, that's not me, but I can sympathize with people who struggle with that issue." They're not denying reality (though some may say everyone DOES fit under that category and will accuse them of lying), they're speaking from their own vantage point. I would be in error and making an invalid point if I tried to say that everyone fits under this category and anyone saying anything to the contrary is simply not being honest or denying reality.
You say you know this PC exists because of the women you've seen it it--but you don't seem to recognize that the women you've known are not, nor do they represent, the entire population of women. The discussion of the topic you're wanting to talk about is fine--accusing every woman of having it is not.
I'm having trouble understanding why it is that you don't seem to understand that what you are accusing every woman of does not apply to every woman. You seem to be saying that ALL women exhibit the characteristics you're describing and fall under the same diagnosis of your choice. Sure, we all have faults, but some of us just might not fit under the classification you are making.
It's like someone asking, "Do you have Schizophrenia?" under the assumption that EVERYONE has schizophrenia and then asking them why they're "getting defensive instead of honestly addressing this reality." If the reality is that I don't have schizophrenia, then your point of accusing me of having it is null and void. If you're accusing women of having a Princess Complex and they don't have one, they're not being defensive or denying reality--they're stating facts about who they are, not what you are projecting them to have.
If I wrote a thread entitled, "Do You Have a Masturbation Obsession?" under the assumption and accusation that everyone out there has a problem with it, the people who DON'T have a problem with the issue have every right to say, "Hey, that's not me, but I can sympathize with people who struggle with that issue." They're not denying reality (though some may say everyone DOES fit under that category and will accuse them of lying), they're speaking from their own vantage point. I would be in error and making an invalid point if I tried to say that everyone fits under this category and anyone saying anything to the contrary is simply not being honest or denying reality.
You say you know this PC exists because of the women you've seen it it--but you don't seem to recognize that the women you've known are not, nor do they represent, the entire population of women. The discussion of the topic you're wanting to talk about is fine--accusing every woman of having it is not.
i agree with misscris. and to piggyback upon that...
the fact of the matter is, you have always been describing qualities that are inspired by the very ugly reality of (largely) pride and insecurity. these qualities exist in all of us, in varying levels. and this is NOT a gender disorder.
in reality, i've experienced or dealt with some pretty unsavory men. i've been assaulted by a man with a massive sense of entitlement and all kinds of ugliness. i've worked with and even gone on dates with men who has real misogynist tendencies and looked down on women. treated them as beneath them. i've seen very materialistic men who would put in a 40 hour work week, come home and allow their wives to wait on them hand and foot, in addition to their homemaker duties of caring for a home and several children.
believe me, i could easily continue with this list of bad "male behavior". but in a sense, they've all taught me a lot about the kind of guy i want, the kind of guy to be wary of, and how lost and clueless we all are without God.
you see, i could easily construct a "prince" disorder (or several other, more unflattering labels) to fit within my observations.
i agree that what you describe does exist.
but the fact is, this is sin nature, at its finest.
it's ugly, entitled, narcissistic, selfish, hurtful, and self-serving. and it exists in men and women.
it causes great pain to others. it causes destruction to ourselves.
and it can only be overcome through the lifelong submission of our hearts and lives to God.
what you're describing is definitely a disorder, not in any DSM, but well defined in the bible.
it's the same disorder that created a need for our Savior.
the fact of the matter is, you have always been describing qualities that are inspired by the very ugly reality of (largely) pride and insecurity. these qualities exist in all of us, in varying levels. and this is NOT a gender disorder.
in reality, i've experienced or dealt with some pretty unsavory men. i've been assaulted by a man with a massive sense of entitlement and all kinds of ugliness. i've worked with and even gone on dates with men who has real misogynist tendencies and looked down on women. treated them as beneath them. i've seen very materialistic men who would put in a 40 hour work week, come home and allow their wives to wait on them hand and foot, in addition to their homemaker duties of caring for a home and several children.
believe me, i could easily continue with this list of bad "male behavior". but in a sense, they've all taught me a lot about the kind of guy i want, the kind of guy to be wary of, and how lost and clueless we all are without God.
you see, i could easily construct a "prince" disorder (or several other, more unflattering labels) to fit within my observations.
i agree that what you describe does exist.
but the fact is, this is sin nature, at its finest.
it's ugly, entitled, narcissistic, selfish, hurtful, and self-serving. and it exists in men and women.
it causes great pain to others. it causes destruction to ourselves.
and it can only be overcome through the lifelong submission of our hearts and lives to God.
what you're describing is definitely a disorder, not in any DSM, but well defined in the bible.
it's the same disorder that created a need for our Savior.
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I
Sounds to me like the OP has unresolved issues of how his Mother treated his Father,thus laying a foundation of hurt & resentment towards women in general. I'm no therapist,but dude..you have Doctor Jesus,the great physician. I think you need to give whatever preconceived notions,hurts,anger,resentment over to God & let His Spirit give you a new set of eyes. Just sayin'.
So I can count maybe two people who have acknowledged this, and the majority who have denied it. It just further proves my point. I am simply utilizing my right to free speech and to have opinions, most of which are based on true anecdotal evidence. I am aware that anecdotal evidence cannot create true diagnosis, but I wasn't attempting to make a real diagnosis or create something new in the DSM. I just wanted to see the kind of reaction I got, and I'm not surprised.