What does the gift of singleness look like

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FireWire

Guest
#1
#1
I believe from my own personal experience that is a lack of desire for a relationship with somebody of the opposite sex. I believe it is a gift because Paul clearly says this and actually wished that all men were as he was. Perhaps he even prayed about it. It is interesting that this gift is mentioned straight after talking about self-control. I'm not going to say it's a lack of sexual desire because most people have this and is to be bought into subjection in Christ.
I find the thought of marriage to be a burden. How can this be? Likely because it interferes with a divine calling. I'm not saying it to be egotistical but I've just never had the desire to be in a state of matrimony. I'm not upset or aggrieved about it or forming a protest committee. If you are a follower of Christ you're never alone or lonely. It's a matter of what is going on inside where the real stuff happens. I'm sure there are plenty of married people who are lonely or go through stages of it. Isn't marriage supposed to solve this? No. Only God can fill the inner longing to be truly loved and valued, and it's the same for the other person.

I'd like to make it clear it's not because of external factors that I believe I have this gift. It's always been an internal thing.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#2
Jan 26, 2013
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Good post Firewire. I agree with you and I know many single people who chose to remain unmarried. You're right that only God can fill a lonely void. God Bless.
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
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May 13, 2014
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Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Nice_Lady said:
Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
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Sorry, but there is nothing about this scripture that indicates people Should be married. Paul himself recommended Not being married unless your sexual urges are too strong to fight. Because marriage requires more of your attention on things other than God, and limits your ability to take off and do what God tells you to. Your obligations to your family, spouse are placed in him importance, and as good as those things can be, they can also limit what you can do for God.

And i have to wonder why your tone is so snide. Basically he said that he is placing his trust in God and isn't interested in marriage. Why you seem to take this critical attitude about it is beyond me.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#5
Jan 15, 2011
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Nice_Lady said:
Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
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Statistically you won't have to worry about this. Men tend to have shorter life spans than women, and singles tend to have shorter life spans (10-15 years) than their married counterparts.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#6
Mar 26, 2014
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"gift of singleness" what a loaded and misunderstood idea (and one that has many people wishing they knew where the exchange counter was).

Summarized and paraphrased from Singles at the Crossroads chapter 3 "The Myth of the Gift":

Traditional View

The Bible doesn't define any sort of gift of singleness. In fact this is one of those one verse wonders where the only mention of gift connected with the unmarried state is 1 Cor 7:7. That hasn't stopped Christians from defining a gift of singleness as some sort of divine empowerment to enjoy being single and not struggle (too much) with sexual temptation. Not enjoying the single life is evidence that you don't have the gift of singleness and you will just have to put up with being sexually and emotionally frustrated until you marry (which God must want if he hasn't given you the gift of singleness).

Problems with the Traditional View
  1. Judges the gift of singleness by a subjective feeling. We would never say that a married person who just doesn't feel like being married anymore should therefore conclude God has not gifted them to be married.[HR][/HR]
  2. Minimizes the reality of temptation and creates 2 categories of singles. In other words God helps some singles cope with the single life but not others. God makes resisting temptation easy for some and almost impossible for others but holds everyone to the same standard. [HR][/HR]
  3. Seems to exalt singleness, but really demeans it. Assumes that a normal person would never choose to be single instead of married. Singleness is so horrible that you need a special gift to act as anesthesia to help you cope with how horrible the single life is. [HR][/HR]
  4. It's Unbiblical. 1 Cor 7 is extremely practical and not talking about any kind of spiritual gifts but about how people should conduct themselves in their marriage relationships (including whether they should choose to have one at all) as Christians. Nowhere in this chapter is some special divine empowerment indicated.[HR][/HR]
  5. Confuses the gift of singleness with being a healthy content person. If you are content being single right now you must have the gift of singleness. Never mind the fact that as we become more mature as Christians we should be growing in contentment in every area of our lives. [HR][/HR]
  6. It's insensitive and potentially spiritually abusive. There is no guarantee that everyone who wants to get married will and believing that God owes us a spouse if we don't have "the gift" can lead to a victim mentality and lots of resentment towards God.

A Different Way to Look at this Gift
Let's suppose that instead of describing a supernatural empowerment for some function like a spiritual gift, Paul uses the word gift here to help us remember that our lives with all their objective statuses ( marital status, gender, height, intelligence, etc.) are God's gift to us. In this view both marriage and singleness are equal gifts and though all of us unmarrieds have the gift of singleness now, it can be traded for the gift of marriage in the future. Our challenge is to live Godly lives in the circumstances we currently find ourselves in, single or married.

For more in depth reading read the book. As for the OP and others content in their singleness: that's terrific and may God continue to be the all sufficient one for you.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#7
May 23, 2009
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Nice_Lady said:
Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
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I used to be deathly afraid of dying alone as well. I still am in a way. But just because you have a spouse and children doesn't guarantee there will be someone to take care of you in your later years.

I have a good friend who has worked for a decade as professional chef in living facilities for the elderly. He said the saddest times are always the holidays, because many residents receive no visits or contact from their families. Everyone is too busy with their own lives. It's a time when you really see the phrase "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" in action.

I would rather be single than with the wrong person. For the first time in my life (whether in a relationship or single, and I've been single for going on 11 years), I'm actually happy a lot of the time. I wasn't for many years--I spent my entire teens, twenties, and good part of my thirties absolutely miserable. I was terrified of being alone.

God has blessed me with wonderful friends and family (including younger siblings and their kids.) I don't worry so much about who might be there when I'm 80. It hasn't always been easy of course. Sometimes I felt or feel completely alone (yes, when you have God you're technically not alone but no one can tell me that Jesus Himself didn't feel alone in Gethsemane and on His way to the cross and He was surrounded by people.)

I don't know if I have the Gift of Singleness but I think God is blessing me with a realization of the Gift of Contentment.
 
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just_monicat

Senior Member
#8
Jan 1, 2014
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the gift of singleness looks like gratitude, opportunities and faith, instead of whining and complaining, or feeling "less than".
seoulsearch said:
I would rather be single than with the wrong person. For the first time in my life (whether in a relationship or single, and I've been single for going on 11 years), I'm actually happy a lot of the time. I wasn't for many years--I spent my entire teens, twenties, and good part of my thirties absolutely miserable. I was terrified of being alone.

...I don't know if I have the Gift of Singleness but I think God is blessing me with a realization of the Gift of Contentment.
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yes, exactly that. what kim said!!!
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#9
Feb 21, 2014
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just_monicat said:
the gift of singleness looks like gratitude, opportunities and faith, instead of whining and complaining, or feeling "less than".
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The single and the married each have opportunities that others do not necessarily have.
 
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just_monicat

Senior Member
#10
Jan 1, 2014
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faroukfarouk said:
The single and the married each have opportunities that others do not necessarily have.
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this is very true. i have heard a number of married friends tell me how jealous they are of my freedoms and opportunities.

of course i tell them i'm a little jealous too. but hey, it's nice to hear it, even if they're just patting me on the head. : )
 
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FireWire

Guest
#11
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Nice_Lady said:
Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
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I agree as written in genesis but how do you reconcile that with what Paul said? What about when Jesus said some will become eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom? I have no guarantee that I'll live that long however what I do know is that God will take care of my needs as Jesus said regardless of how old I am. God even takes care of the sparrows. If God takes care of our physical needs don't you think He'll take care of our emotional needs to?

There is is a difference between belong alone and being lonely. I do get lonely occasionally and I'd best describe it as cold air suddenly being fan forced at me. I can definitely feel it when it hits.
 
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FireWire

Guest
#12
#12
Fenner said:
Good post Firewire. I agree with you and I know many single people who chose to remain unmarried. You're right that only God can fill a lonely void. God Bless.
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Thanks. Appreciate it muchly :)
 
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Tintin

Guest
#13
#13
Nice_Lady said:
Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
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Rude! You're seem to be anything but a Nice_Lady.
 
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FireWire

Guest
#14
#14
Oncefallen said:
Statistically you won't have to worry about this. Men tend to have shorter life spans than women, and singles tend to have shorter life spans (10-15 years) than their married counterparts.
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So they say. I read a few weeks ago that a new study is now saying that singles actually live longer now. This surely must be consistent with what Paul said about marriage causing more troubles. This has to cause more stress. Does it balance out? It should but not always. However in spite of all the studys God has determined the number of days somebody lives. Three score plus ten.
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#16
May 13, 2014
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Dear Tintin, i know you are not evangelical but i like the word "Sorry" that you wrote for me. :)
 
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TaylorTG

Guest
#17
#17
Nice_Lady said:
Its not good for a man to be alone. Dont ask me when you become 80-90 years old and you need help and you have no one you trust.
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He can always trust his pet dogs.

Oncefallen said:
Statistically you won't have to worry about this. Men tend to have shorter life spans than women, and singles tend to have shorter life spans (10-15 years) than their married counterparts.
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That's good. Firewire can escape this planet faster.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#18
Jun 29, 2012
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#18
one gift of singleness...a bigger wallet/bank account
 
MartyrNdaMaKn

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
#20
Jan 22, 2013
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#20
Lol, very true when it comes extra money in the pocket from being single, but not for me, to much of a shop-a-holic.
 
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