Activities partner or servant partner?

[1still_waters]

So many descriptions of what people want in a mate can be summed up in one term.
Activities partner.

Dating seems to be all about finding someone you get along with, so you can do assorted activities together.

But isn't marriage about more than finding an activities partner?
Could that be why some marriages fail?

Isn't marriage about serving each other as you serve God and neighbor?

This may seem like a really depressing scenario, but I think it's a good litmus test.

Picture yourself at the wedding altar. The pastor says, "I announce you husband and wife."
After he says it, a light fixture falls on your mate, rendering them in need of a care taker for the next 30-60 years.

Can you see yourself being this person's care giver for multiple decades as you love them?
If a light fixture fell on their head right after the pastor announced you husband and wife, could you see yourself staying with them?

If your answer is no, then don't get married. End the relationship now.

Marriage is about more than finding an activities partner.
It's about finding someone you will serve, and whom will serve God and others with you.

 

[Pipp]

Very true !

 

[hoss2576]

I use to work for a non-profit organization in Arkansas and I loved it. I am passionate about the kind of work where you can be a "difference maker." During that time when I was dating, I learned real quick the value of what it means to be in a relationship with someone who shares your vision/ mission for life and ministry. I went to dinner one night with a nice woman my age, and we had a lot in common. She asked about my work, but she got this glazed, confused look when I got excited sharing about how people were getting helped by my organization. At that moment, I knew it would never work. Her love of the Seattle Seahawks was not going to be enough for the relationship to progress.

You have to seek someone who really is on board with your vision, and you need to be on board with theirs.

 

[tourist]

So many descriptions of what people want in a mate can be summed up in one term.
Activities partner.

Dating seems to be all about finding someone you get along with, so you can do assorted activities together.

But isn't marriage about more than finding an activities partner?
Could that be why some marriages fail?

Isn't marriage about serving each other as you serve God and neighbor?

This may seem like a really depressing scenario, but I think it's a good litmus test.

Picture yourself at the wedding altar. The pastor says, "I announce you husband and wife."
After he says it, a light fixture falls on your mate, rendering them in need of a care taker for the next 30-60 years.

Can you see yourself being this person's care giver for multiple decades as you love them?
If a light fixture fell on their head right after the pastor announced you husband and wife, could you see yourself staying with them?

If your answer is no, then don't get married. End the relationship now.

Marriage is about more than finding an activities partner.
It's about finding someone you will serve, and whom will serve God and others with you.

I've been there, for years, in the scenario you described. It was a privilege and an honor to assist and comfort my wife until the day of her death. If I were to be married again it would not just for the sake of an "activities partner". I would only consider marrying a woman who was my best friend. I can think of a lot more things that are more depressing than to come to a realization that marriage requires a tremendous amount of work (nurturing) to keep the roses blooming and the grass green. My marriage was hard because my wife was sick but that was not a bad thing because they were the most rewarding years of my life as my wife was a blessing and an angel from God.

Now, perhaps we should define in more detail what you meant by "activities partner"...maybe I'm picking up your vibe here.

 

[seoulsearch]

I admit, I have a hard enough time thinking of my parents getting old and needing my assistance in everyday living. They keep telling us to put them in a home if that ever happens but I know my brother is insisting that we are going to do it all ourselves.

I honestly don't know how well I can fathom having to look after a spouse as well, and probably HIS parents in addition. I've had times in my life of being others' caretakers and it was excruciatingly hard. I hear a lot of stories about people who see their spouses through terminal illnesses and things like Alzheimer's, where they are caring for someone who no longer knows who they are and in fact, attacks them because they are afraid of the "stranger" in front of them. Many people's marriage partners run instead of staying and fulfilling their vows.

I would be scared to death. Which is surely part of why I'm not currently married... and not sure if I ever will be again.

 

[CHRISTENE]

Matthew 20:25-28
25 And Jesus called them to Him and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men hold them in subjection [tyrannizing over them].
26 Not so shall it be among you; but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant,
27 And whoever desires to be first among you must be your slave—
28 Just as the Son of Man came not to be waited on but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many [the price paid to set them free].


Lord Jesus Christ the Most blessed of all, and the anointed one, our bridegroom and our King clearly asked us to have a heart of servant, because He has a heart of servant too, every time we whisper a prayer , He is there listening to us and doing the needful.

A servants heart is a must in marriage, but I surely believe that with God's grace everything's going to be fine with my future God ordained husband, I fix my eyes in the goodness and the mercy of the Lord, and I believe its best to shut the doors for all evil and negative thoughts in our lives.


God be glorified.

 

[Fenner]

I admit, I have a hard enough time thinking of my parents getting old and needing my assistance in everyday living. They keep telling us to put them in a home if that ever happens but I know my brother is insisting that we are going to do it all ourselves.

I honestly don't know how well I can fathom having to look after a spouse as well, and probably HIS parents in addition. I've had times in my life of being others' caretakers and it was excruciatingly hard. I hear a lot of stories about people who see their spouses through terminal illnesses and things like Alzheimer's, where they are caring for someone who no longer knows who they are and in fact, attacks them because they are afraid of the "stranger" in front of them. Many people's marriage partners run instead of staying and fulfilling their vows.

I would be scared to death. Which is surely part of why I'm not currently married... and not sure if I ever will be again.

I think you'd be ther person thAt would do what needed to be done.

 

[djness]

Before I was born a light fixture fell on me. How that happens I don't know, but it was some sort of genetic accident. A recessive light fixture. Maybe they hired a crappy architect.

The problem I find with the example is that most people THINK they would do one thing in a situation and then find themselves in the situation doing quite the opposite.

I'm 36 and I have spinal muscular atrophy type 3. I have very little ability to take care of myself at this point. I could never take care of kids. Marriage just isn't an option.

I know people whose spouses have stayed with them and seems like they will continue to and then I have seen people run away after years of marriage because of a disabled spouse.

So basically I don't think anyone can say what they will do until they are actually faced with it.

You all should have outside weddings on clear days in a open field with no sinkholes or trees around. Also don't invite still waters...he may be conducting experiments at your wedding.

 

[kayem77]

Marriage is about more than finding an activities partner.
It's about finding someone you will serve, and whom will serve God and others with you.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

I want to find someone with whom I can serve God , and someone with whom I can share day to day joyful, simple, and mundane experiences.

Your thread reminded me of Jane Eyre (spoiler alert) , when her cousin who is a priest/Jesuit (or something like that) wants to marry her just so they can serve God together in a mission opportunity he found. She doesn't want to, and tells him she doesn't love him that way, and he says that's not important since they're only doing it so they can serve God better as a couple, or something along those lines. Well, she doesn't marry him at the end because she believes they both would be miserable in a marriage that's only based on practicality.

I do think it's important to at least have something in common with your partner. It makes life easier. Of course that doesn't mean you will divorce him if he changes during marriage, or if he if affected by a disease or an accident that disables him in different ways. But...for starters, I think having shared interests is a great advantage. After all, most of our interests ultimately come from the desires of our hearts, from our core personality, and we want to be loved for who we are. And if besides that, and very importantly, you both want to serve God together, then I would say it's time to start planning the wedding .