Ladies, a reminder, please cover some things up.

[1still_waters]

I'm posting this because I continue to cross paths with ladies who may not know, or may have forgotten.

Yes I know, a woman could be dressed in a hijab/burqa and SOME guys would still gaze/lust/etc. But please don't go from that premise to, "Well if SOME guys will lust even if I'm in a burqa, then I should be able to wear super skimpy clothes that show tons of skin. It's not my fault for what guys think."

The absurdity of SOME guys on one extreme doesn't justify dressing to another extreme.

Please don't feel shame for having curves.
Please don't feel guilt for being attractive.
Please don't feel condemnation because SOME guys will see you and think thoughts no matter what you do.

This isn't an on or off issue.
You do have some responsibility in this issue.
Guys have a lot more responsibility.

To an extent you are your brother's keeper.
To an extent you can be a means that leads a guy into temptation.

So please, at least cover up certain girl parts that are above the waist, and please watch how much skin you show above the knees. Guys don't need to see the skin on the parts above the waist and below the shoulders. Save that for any future husband. And yes, I know context matters. Of course what you wear at the beach may be a lot different than what you wear at work/school/getting a coffee. Regardless, please be mindful.

If a guy still stares or lusts after you've reasonably covered those areas, then that is his issue, and you shouldn't feel guilt, shame, or condemnation. But if you are showing tons of skin, dressing super skimpy, and letting parts show that normally wiggle and jiggle, and it leads to a guy lusting, then you do share some of the responsibility for that.

Flashing someone in the eyes with a bright light will cause them to squint. Saying hurtful words to someone will lead to them having negative emotions/feelings. Flashing too much skin and wiggly jiggly body parts will lead a guy to look. Some actions simply have inherent reactions. Knowing this can help you help a brother.

And yes, the general ideas in this post apply to how guys dress and act as well.

 

[Fenner]

You must have been at the same water park I was at a couple of weeks ago.

 

[MissCris]

I witnessed a strange phenomenon yesterday during my Walmart shopping excursion-

a huge percentage (that I won't even guess at because my math is terrible) of women were dressed in these odd denim underpants and tank tops or t-shirts. Just walking around with their bottoms sticking out, basically. Some of them I couldn't even tell were wearing any kind of bottom covering apparatus, their shirts were so long and their shorts so short. But, I passed the clothing section, and to my surprise, the shorts being sold didn't look like denim underpants...granted, they were still super short, but not to where anyone's hiney would be escaping.
So where did all these women even find such skimpy shorts? I was all sorts of confused, lost in a sea of too much leg showing. I mean, it was nearly every female I encountered that was dressed this way.

If the skin that you're showing stops being part of your leg and turns into rear-end, I'd say you've gone too far and should be put into some kind of penalty box and forced to wear a mumu for a week.

...ok, maybe not, but seriously...cover your bums.

 

[Nautilus]

I witnessed a strange phenomenon yesterday during my Walmart shopping excursion-

a huge percentage (that I won't even guess at because my math is terrible) of women were dressed in these odd denim underpants and tank tops or t-shirts. Just walking around with their bottoms sticking out, basically. Some of them I couldn't even tell were wearing any kind of bottom covering apparatus, their shirts were so long and their shorts so short. But, I passed the clothing section, and to my surprise, the shorts being sold didn't look like denim underpants...granted, they were still super short, but not to where anyone's hiney would be escaping.
So where did all these women even find such skimpy shorts? I was all sorts of confused, lost in a sea of too much leg showing. I mean, it was nearly every female I encountered that was dressed this way.

If the skin that you're showing stops being part of your leg and turns into rear-end, I'd say you've gone too far and should be put into some kind of penalty box and forced to wear a mumu for a week.

...ok, maybe not, but seriously...cover your bums.

I see this style at my local wal-mart as well. Although its not women any sane man would lust over anyways, its kinda of just gross. Though Target is the place to go for classy dressed attractive female shoppers. Not that I've chatted up a person in Target and got dates from it before...

 

[persNickety]

I see this style at my local wal-mart as well. Although its not women any sane man would lust over anyways, its kinda of just gross. Though Target is the place to go for classy dressed attractive female shoppers. Not that I've chatted up a person in Target and got dates from it before...

Could. Not. Help. Myself.

 

[JesusChica1991]

I think the ladies who appear on cam do need to be reminded of it from time to time. As sisters in Christ, we cannot totally rely on men to be fully responsible. Women need to help protect the minds of their brothers. Revealing too much skin escalates some of the problems. I ask for men to do the same when they appear on cam. Wear shirts on cam. If you have a tank top, nobody needs to see what you have in there. People need to remember that there are young people that frequent CC a lot in the rooms. The best way to lead is by example.

 

[Misty77]

I'm just wondering about the impetus for the post. If this is a problem here on cc, I would think that you would provide more context. If your inspiration was elsewhere, then I don't see the need to dance on the margins of shaming your innocent sisters.

Also bear in mind that when Jesus addressed lust, he put the responsibility on the one doing the lusting, not the object of that lust. And He didn't just say "bounce your eyes;" he said to pluck'em out.

 

[JesusChica1991]

I believe Stilly's point was just to cover up whether you're on cam in here or just in public. Nobody needs to see what you have between your shoulders or your booty in general.

 

[Roh_Chris]

To an extent you are your brother's keeper.
To an extent you can be a means that leads a guy into temptation.

So please, at least cover up certain girl parts that are above the waist, and please watch how much skin you show above the knees. Guys don't need to see the skin on the parts above the waist and below the shoulders. Save that for any future husband. And yes, I know context matters. Of course what you wear at the beach may be a lot different than what you wear at work/school/getting a coffee. Regardless, please be mindful.

Sometimes I wonder where you should draw the line. One cannot always run from temptations - they will catch up with him sooner or later. Honestly, I believe that it is up to the individual to decide what they want to wear for themselves. We are not the judge nor do we know on what basis to judge. What is 'lustful' for one man may hardly be worth a second glance for another. When the standards are relative, I think it is best if we look at our own selves and look to bring our body under subjection.

 

[persNickety]

Ladies can still attract guys with wearing more, ladies will attract the right kind of guys. I think it also has to do with self-awareness, some ladies (and guys) are clued out how they represent themselves to the public.

 

[JesusChica1991]

I think some ladies just don't know how to dress appropriately because their mom's always dressed that way. I can see that. My sister in Haiti was working with the girls and modesty and how you can still be beautiful in the eyes of a decent man. Godly men admire modesty. The way you dress can strengthen or weaken your filter that men go through. From what I have personally seen and experienced, more skin usually attracts all guys but the wrong man will use that to his advantage while the good man will still flock to you while covered up. I know it's not the same for everyone though.

 

[1still_waters]

I'm just wondering about the impetus for the post. If this is a problem here on cc, I would think that you would provide more context. If your inspiration was elsewhere, then I don't see the need to dance on the margins of shaming your innocent sisters.

Requesting sisters to cover their parts isn't shaming. I think I went out of my way to say women shouldn't feel shame for being curvy, attractive, etc. I also said that if they are at least covering up their parts, and a guy lusts, then that falls on the guy, and not on her.

Also bear in mind that when Jesus addressed lust, he put the responsibility on the one doing the lusting, not the object of that lust. And He didn't just say "bounce your eyes;" he said to pluck'em out.

Nope he put some responsibility on the one who can cause the stumbling too.

Matthew 18. Emphasis added.

7 “Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!
8 “If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than [f]to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire. 9 If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than [g]to have two eyes and be cast into the [h]fiery hell.

 

[1still_waters]

I think some of this falls under the law of love. If you're a Christian woman, and you know that dressing super skimpy, and showing parts of the breasts, and showing parts of the anatomy below the waist could cause a brother to stumble, which approach shows more of the law of love?

1. Well if a man lusts he's gonna lust and he's gonna lust whether i wear a burqa or a see through top. So I'm just going to wear whatever I want to wear, even if there are reasonable things I can do like at least not showing some breasts and at least not showing certain parts below the waist.

2. Hey I know my brothers in Christ have issues with lust and temptation. I'm not going to go crazy with this and wear a triple layered burqa and never leave my home. But hey, if keeping my breasts unexposed, and wearing something around knee length will help him avoid lust, then I can do that.

Which of the above is closer to the law of love?

And yes this applies to guys too.

 

[DuchessAimee]

When I was attending a college group several years ago the pastor ended his sermon with these words...


"I've noticed that many of you, both male and female, have chosen to wear less and less this summer. This is what I'm going to do. If y'all (he was from TN) don't dress better next week, I'm going to turn the A/C down so low y'all will need parkas. Good night!"



It was pretty awesome.

 

[Misty77]

Requesting sisters to cover their parts isn't shaming. I think I went out of my way to say women shouldn't feel shame for being curvy, attractive, etc. I also said that if they are at least covering up their parts, and a guy lusts, then that falls on the guy, and not on her.


Nope he put some responsibility on the one who can cause the stumbling too.

Matthew 18. Emphasis added.

7 “Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!
8 “If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than [f]to have two hands or two feet and be cast into the eternal fire. 9 If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than [g]to have two eyes and be cast into the [h]fiery hell.

I think you are missing my point. By telling us to cover up, you are implying that we aren't. That is accusatory. And you have not pointed out particular offenders so it's kind of a blanket blame. Since modesty is a relative concept--and I do think that most of us would define ourselves as such--it is leaves us to wonder who or what you had in mind.

For example, you can see the straps to my sun dress in the silly pics thread. Do you consider that immodest? I am now having to wrack my brain to figure out if you are talking about me. Were any of my pics immodest? Did I accidentally show cleavage when I was on cam?

If there is a particular offender, then talk to her privately or have one of the female mods talk to her. Don't spread mass blame.

Think of the reverse scenario. I can't just come in and say that some men are guilty of an ambiguous but harmful sin that is causing the women to stumble, so all you need to be more careful. If I say anything close to that, I would be label bitter, crazy feminist, angry woman, etc. So why does a man feel entitled to scatter blame upon the women, many of whom he calls friends, and walk away with a stamp of piety?

 

[gypsygirl]

I think some ladies just don't know how to dress appropriately because their mom's always dressed that way. I can see that. My sister in Haiti was working with the girls and modesty and how you can still be beautiful in the eyes of a decent man.

this is so true. while i agree with what's been said, i always have a great deal of compassion for those girls who just don't get it, or don't know better. i've seen girls in my own church that i want to throw a blanket over.

the pressure to dress in a way that is consistent with this world is pretty pervasive in some households, and as you point out, moms can either validate or disrupt much of that thought process. when i was growing up, i was taught how to dress for (maximum) impact, not "how to lead with your virtue" from my mom, because that's what she did. and that was acceptable to her, as a non-christian and over-the-hill beauty queen constantly seeking validation from what SHE was valued for. it breaks my heart that there are so many girls just like i was, seeking validation from a broken compass.

girls need to be taught that they're worthy of more than being pretty, too. they're worthy of so much more. covering it up is a good, important start. not many listen when they can't hear over your cleavage.

 

[lil_christian]

When I was attending a college group several years ago the pastor ended his sermon with these words...


"I've noticed that many of you, both male and female, have chosen to wear less and less this summer. This is what I'm going to do. If y'all (he was from TN) don't dress better next week, I'm going to turn the A/C down so low y'all will need parkas. Good night!"



It was pretty awesome.

Modesty is no issue for me in any sanctuary. They're always so dang cold that if I were an immodest person I STILL would layer up to the point barely any skin would show. I just get really cold easily.

Also, it's official - that pastor is AWESOME. hahahaha there will be no super short shorts or those tanks dudes wear in a 55 degree sanctuary. XD If there were I HIGHLY DOUBT people would be thinking about how hot they were (no pun intended), they'd probably thinking about how crazy that person is wearing those kinds of things and how they must be freezing their butts off (maybe literally). lol

 

[1still_waters]

I think you are missing my point. By telling us to cover up, you are implying that we aren't. That is accusatory. And you have not pointed out particular offenders so it's kind of a blanket blame. Since modesty is a relative concept--and I do think that most of us would define ourselves as such--it is leaves us to wonder who or what you had in mind.

For example, you can see the straps to my sun dress in the silly pics thread. Do you consider that immodest? I am now having to wrack my brain to figure out if you are talking about me. Were any of my pics immodest? Did I accidentally show cleavage when I was on cam?

If there is a particular offender, then talk to her privately or have one of the female mods talk to her. Don't spread mass blame.

Think of the reverse scenario. I can't just come in and say that some men are guilty of an ambiguous but harmful sin that is causing the women to stumble, so all you need to be more careful. If I say anything close to that, I would be label bitter, crazy feminist, angry woman, etc. So why does a man feel entitled to scatter blame upon the women, many of whom he calls friends, and walk away with a stamp of piety?

I think it's possible in a forum/message board context to make blanket/general idea posts without assuming it's referring to specific users/people/women/etc. I think you may be imposing an implied target/targets.

Yes you could make a post titled, "Hey men please watch*fill in the blank*" - without it being assumed you were addressing specific people within this said message board context.

For instance, maybe at work you observe a certain behavior from your male coworkers, and you think, "Wow that would be something other guys should be aware of not doing. I think I'll go make a post in case there are readers who may do the same."

Now I could read the post you make and think.."Oh no she is she talking about me?" Thus imposing an implied motive upon your post.

The imposing of an implied motive upon the poster, does not mean that actual motive exists.

Someone could make a post.."Guys please don't be jerks" Then list off possible guy jerk behaviors. Now I could read that and think, "She's saying all guys are jerks." Or I could read it and think, "Oh she's just giving some general tips to guys in general without somehow implying all men are guilty."

 

[violakat]

When I was attending a college group several years ago the pastor ended his sermon with these words...


"I've noticed that many of you, both male and female, have chosen to wear less and less this summer. This is what I'm going to do. If y'all (he was from TN) don't dress better next week, I'm going to turn the A/C down so low y'all will need parkas. Good night!"



It was pretty awesome.

I would have loved to have seen him doing it too.

 

[Misty77]

Yes you could make a post titled, "Hey men please watch*fill in the blank*" - without it being assumed you were addressing specific people within this said message board context.

Yeah, I did that; and I was vilified. So why are you considered to be a man of God giving a kind reminder, and I'm labeled an angry feminist? It's the same action.