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Thread: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

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    Senior Member Bate's Avatar
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    Default 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    There might have been questions about this from BOTH MEN AND WOMEN and I figured it was time to share about it too. Before I share another line though, it’s important that I begin with a few things and get some things out of the way.

    A) This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge.
    B) A woman’s relationship status does not define her, so being single is not a disease or an indication of something “wrong” with her. So this article is not to list a bunch of reasons why you are at fault for not being married …as if marriage was something you just bought at the store. I wouldn’t do that. I respect and care about women’s issues more than there is space to write about here. As a daughter of God, he is working out your story beautifully, so bask in that. This is however, for Christian ladies who are ready for marriage but frustrated that they can’t find the right guy even though there seems to be options.
    C) I write this respectfully but I will write it as honestly as possible as a man and as someone who knows a thing or two about relationships. I’ll tell you probably like no one has told you before. So the tone may be a bit direct not because I am brash but because I am writing to Women not girls and one thing I know about women is that contrary to the opinion that they want you to beat around the bush, when it comes to things that are really important, they want you to tell them like it is. They would rather know now, shed a tear or two and start working ASAP to move out, move up, move on or move forward so they don’t waste more time doing the same thing and not getting the outcomes they want.
    D) All your single girlfriends AND male friends should read this.
    So here we go. Why can’t our wonderful Christian sisters find their Boaz, David or Joseph?

    1. Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue:
    Think about that for a moment. Think through the Bible…all the great men that had relationships with God and who he used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know; Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.
    These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?
    Abraham calling sister Sarah aside after church and saying “Errrmmm Sarah you know I love you right? Soooo God wants to take us somewhere …but I have no idea where. Wanna marry me and come?”
    David too. “Look baby…I really care about you and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you… In fact, I’ve just been anointed King…buuutttt I’m kinda living in the bushes right now and on the run from the King I’m supposed to replace.”
    Or Joseph. “Look Jill, God has shown me many dreams that people will bow down to me and I’ll be a great leader. But right now I wash dishes in Potiphar’s house and I’m a slave boy there”
    God’s men don’t “always” have a direction or know the details. So stop looking for men who have it all figured out!
    Here is the solution though…..here is the good news. Here is what you SHOULD be looking for: Men who can be LED by God. (Rom 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best laid plans. Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man may not know exactly where he is going but he knows how to follow God.

    2. Many ladies approach relationships from the perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”: Meaning, they want to get the absolute best man with the least amount of risk. (And I’m not just talking about finances here)They don’t want to put themselves out there at all.
    They want the man to take ALL the risks…to be utterly convinced he wants to be with them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are…You act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation. He doesn’t know anything about your background but you turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you. You are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but you want a man who knows how to make and keep money. You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it needs to be but you want a demon chasing, tongue speaking, Bible spitting warrior of a husband…because “he is the leader of the home”.
    You’ve dated a bunch of losers that didn’t work out but he is no good because he has had several failed relationships too? You want to see him as he is but you cover yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push up bras, makeup and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really are. You are lazy with not much follow-through but you want a man who can stay up all night working on a project. If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut?
    In essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life utterly figured out…
    But I have met many great men who haven’t found the employment they have the potential to get. I have met many others who were living it up until the economy crashed. I have met some who had it all but God insisted they give it up to go and further the gospel.
    v If you want a Boaz, David or Joseph, you’re going to have to have to be ok not having everything perfectly figured out.

    3. Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values:
    Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.
    One of the first things we learn about Ruth for example, was her work ethic. ( Ruth chapter 2). She knew how to pull her hair back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well established guy with the sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working. She took the break that he offered her and went back to work.
    That’s how you earn a man’s respect…when you can show him that what he HAS does not define who you are.
    Here is the icing on that cake. Just because Ruth could get down and work, didn’t mean she couldn’t look pretty and tidy up (Ruth 3:3)
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows it takes a lot more than butterflies and date nights to fulfill God’s mandate for his family.

    4. Many ladies pre-qualify their leads:
    This is one of the most CRITICAL reasons. In fact, there is a powerful 2 part series on just that

    ** More about this, coming too in the first comment I’m going to make below…..

    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man …spends a long time NOT looking like the Boaz, David or Joseph the world will eventually come to know.

    5. Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either:
    Yea ladies…men are understanding their worth a bit more too Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards purpose or derail him.
    They are praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing that a wife can make or break a man.
    Yes they are praying for a Ruth but they are also praying against Delilah as well.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows his worth too.

    6. Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men:
    A few years ago, an older friend (a number of years older than me) came up to me after a church program and asked me about a lady in my church. Who she was and what she was like as a person.
    I didn’t stop talking for minutes. They were married about a year later.
    Same thing happened to Ruth. (Ruth Chapter 2 from Vs 3) Boaz came back from a trip, saw Ruth and asked his Foreman “Who is that and who does she belong to”, to which the foreman answered and gave a fantastic testimony of her character. (See Boaz’s response in Vs 11)
    Here is a secret ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your girlfriends force a confession out of you? We guys don’t do that. The moment we think we are interested in you, we are telling someone and we are asking around about you….and we are asking our MALE friends/mentors. Because we know they will tell us like it is and of course won’t spread it all around church and make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty eye next Sunday. Bro code.
    The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in you, he will ask other men…some who may never have approached you but who have watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you didn’t like. How did you handle those situations? (You totally need to read that article link above…especially the 2nd part of that series)
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for testimonies of the woman’s character.

    7. Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man:
    That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the perspective of the character of that woman…and you will see that those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they should be busy developing those qualities themselves.
    Single Christian men are reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man has read Proverbs 31 and wants her.

    8. Many Christian ladies want to be married but they are not truly ready to be led:
    They want to marry a boyfriend but not a husband. They want only a partner but not a leader. They want an emotional prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority to God himself but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his representative in the home. What I am about to say next I say with the utmost respect to women.
    Men were created to lead at home. Now, that leadership comes with accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a woman he can’t lead….and a Christian man does not want to be over anything he can’t be accountable to God about.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man is a great servant leader as Jesus Christ…but he is a born leader and he knows it.

    9. Many young married Christian women are painting a fairytale picture of marriage to their single ladies
    Many young married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married women create a fairytale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook updates, photos and so on. Is there anything wrong with that? No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage. It would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a Godly man) and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single sisters all dreamy eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect man…waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows that the wedding is not the marriage and doeasn’t want to create an impression he can’t maintain.

    So…start/join the conversation below. Which one of the points resonated with you? Was it an eye opener? Were there any surprises on the list? Any additional thoughts?
    Share those comments below.
    Calmador, PopClick, Tintin and 7 others like this.
    The best thing a father can ever do for his children, is to love their mother!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Bate's Avatar
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    **Our point number 4, from the above article.
    If you have ever worked in sales for more than a month and received training, you have probably heard this before. Don’t pre-qualify your lead.

    What exactly is a lead? What does it mean to pre-qualify a lead? And what the heck does that have to do with relationships? Well, a lead is simply a contact that may…or may not become a customer. It is at best a prospect. Just an opportunity that may or may not result in a commitment.

    So what does it mean to pre-qualify a lead?

    It’s when a salesperson prematurely tries to quickly determine if a prospect is actually capable of buying so he/she can determine how to treat that prospect. The salesperson quickly sees if the prospect fits the “buyer profile” and if not, the prospect is treated differently.

    If the prospect sounds or looks like they have the capacity and intention to buy, the salesperson’s behavior changes. He/she speaks politely, is patient to hear every word that comes out of the prospect’s mouth and even offers them coffee in the lobby.

    However, if they don’t look or smell like money, the unwise salesperson disconnects, makes a mental decision that the person isn’t of much use, and behaves accordingly towards that prospect.

    But the truth that any good salesperson knows is that you just never know who your next big customer will be. In fact, some of the biggest customers may be ones that DON’T look or sound like the typical buyer. Many a salesperson has missed out on big fish customers because they were looking for ones that fit the profile.

    Same is true in relationships.

    Many of us meet people all the time but we pre-qualify them prematurely. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that our behavior towards them becomes disrespectful and we throw courtesy out of the window. It’s like we are saying, “If you are not dating/marriage material, then you don’t deserve my courtesy and respect as a person”

    However, just like in sales, you just never know who your big fish is.

    Sometimes (in fact MANY times) the person who can add the most value to your life doesn’t look or sound like the profile you had in mind
    I know some people are reading this and saying “naaahh…that’s not me. I don’t do that….I treat everyone with respect and courtesy”….well, let’s see.

    If you are a lady, think about the last 10 guys that showed an interest in you, but you were not interested in. Did they walk away from that situation with their dignity intact? Or did you make the situation awkward for them? Did you use them to pump yourself up with your girlfriend as you flashed her the “please save me from Godzilla” look? Did they walk away kind of embarrassed? Did they walk away saying wow “I’ll never do that again” Or did they walk away feeling like “wow the world is full of great…classy women?

    If you are a guy, think about the last 5 ladies that you have shown interest in (but didn’t have an interest in you) or who have shown interest in you (but you had no interest in) and ask yourself those same questions…

    You may not have realized it until now but you may be “that girl” or “that guy” that tears down people because you think they are a bother to your “royal eminence” simply because they were not your type or they didn’t “meet your standards”.

    I hear ladies all the time saying things like “It’s so frustrating to be approached by all these guys that I have no interest in”.

    Oh my my my how terrible that must really be… (to be considered attractive or desirable to the point where guys are willing to take the social risk to approach you) versus not being approached at all…

    Just think about that for a moment

    Even when you determine that this person is not dating/marriage material, you shouldn’t treat them with less respect or less courtesy than they deserve.

    Why, because just like in sales, even if a prospect doesn’t “buy” from you, their positive experience with you may inspire a testimony about you and ultimately result in a referral or introduction to someone who does buy.

    So you made a move and SHE wasn’t interested. That’s ok. Keep it moving and still treat her with respect and courtesy. Don’t respond in anger to try to mask the bruise on your ego. That’s petty and immature.

    So HE is not dating material. He is “not your type”. That’s ok. Still treat him with respect…still be courteous. How much work did you have to do to become “attractive” in his eyes to be worth approaching? Nothing. HE interpreted something about you that was worth the pursuit. That alone is a compliment. Give him an “A” for effort.

    Does all this mean you shouldn’t have standards? NO. Does this mean that everybody you meet is a prospect? Probably not. You should have standards and you should have a good idea of what you want. There is nothing wrong with that.
    The problem comes when you leave a trail of rudeness, lack of courtesy, shattered confidence, seeds of anger, broken self-images, and disrespect along the way. The problem is sowing negative seeds in the hearts of people (about themselves and the opposite sex) as they come in contact with you.

    In my next post(s), I’ll tell you the specific effect this can have on you and the people that come in your life. I’ll also tell you ways to tell someone you are not interested in them without being rude or insensitive.

    So…how would you rank yourself on the courtesy meter? (Put answers in comments section)
    (10 being you are sweet as pie when dealing with people you are NOT interested in and 1 being that you give a taste of bitter olives when you are dealing with people you are NOT interested in)
    The best thing a father can ever do for his children, is to love their mother!

  3. #3
    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Your heart may be good, but your manner of expressing yourself could use some work. Using the kind of blanket statements that you use will rarely go over well. But here is my point by point rebuttal / commentary to your sharing. If I've been too harsh (it's late, I'm tired, and it happens occasionally with offensive posts) I know there's a couple of good guys on here who I respect who will call me on it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bate View Post
    A) This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge.
    ​If this article is intended for mature Christian women then why does so much of it cover such immature behaviors. The women you describe in this article would not meet my definition of mature christians. Also our maturity is not defined by whether we agree with you and like your article or not.



    1. Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue:
    Think about that for a moment. Think through the Bible…all the great men that had relationships with God and who he used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know; Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.
    These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?
    Here is what you SHOULD be looking for: Men who can be LED by God. (Rom 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best laid plans. Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man may not know exactly where he is going but he knows how to follow God.
    But then again none of those men (with the exception of David) were called to start a marriage during those stages in their lives. Abraham and Sarah were married long before God told him to pack up and leave everything. Joseph was not married until after he had been made second in command of Egypt. Peter was married before Jesus called him to be an apostle. David had many wives, but it seems that only two of them married him while he was on the run from Saul and one of those was a widow who had impressed him and also needed someone to take care of her. I'll agree the best laid plans may never come to pass, but a man should have at least some general idea of the direction God is calling him to, and there is a time and situation when it is appropriate for a man to start a family.

    2. Many ladies approach relationships from the perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”:
    They want the man to take ALL the risks…to be utterly convinced he wants to be with them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are…You act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation. He doesn’t know anything about your background but you turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you. You are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but you want a man who knows how to make and keep money. You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it needs to be but you want a demon chasing, tongue speaking, Bible spitting warrior of a husband…because “he is the leader of the home”.
    You’ve dated a bunch of losers that didn’t work out but he is no good because he has had several failed relationships too? You want to see him as he is but you cover yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push up bras, makeup and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really are. You are lazy with not much follow-through but you want a man who can stay up all night working on a project. If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut?
    Seriously, is this your definition of mature Christian woman? If you have bothered to read through the singles forum you will know that most of the women regulars on here are not like that at all. They are hardworking, some are single parents because their men were abusive and unhealthy to stay with, and very few have the money to frivolously throw around. Most of us are also pretty reasonable about not holding others to standards that we ourselves do not meet.

    In essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life utterly figured out…
    But I have met many great men who haven’t found the employment they have the potential to get. I have met many others who were living it up until the economy crashed. I have met some who had it all but God insisted they give it up to go and further the gospel.
    v If you want a Boaz, David or Joseph, you’re going to have to have to be ok not having everything perfectly figured out.
    We have faith. We also have brains and wisdom that God has given us and know that factors such as financial stability and goals and direction have a huge influence on marriage decisions. There is no contradiction between having faith and honestly taking stock of the real issues and factors currently in a person's life.

    3. Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values:
    Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.

    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows it takes a lot more than butterflies and date nights to fulfill God’s mandate for his family.

    Are you suggesting that we mature Christian women are somehow lacking in these traits that again seem to me to be a whole lot of the definition of maturity? Most of us value such things in ourselves and our potential dates and see the lack of such traits as a serious red flag.

    4. Many ladies pre-qualify their leads:
    ​You didn't explain this well even in your follow up. We should have standards; we should not be rude. And yes there are plenty of people who we will all meet who are godly people, but we wouldn't want to have to live with them. Isn't this pretty much what the whole dating process is about? Why lead someone on after you know it will not work out?

    5. Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either:
    So what's your point with this? That if a woman is single she must not be a good catch?


    6. Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men:

    Here is a secret ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your girlfriends force a confession out of you? We guys don’t do that. The moment we think we are interested in you, we are telling someone and we are asking around about you….and we are asking our MALE friends/mentors. Because we know they will tell us like it is and of course won’t spread it all around church and make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty eye next Sunday. Bro code.
    The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in you, he will ask other men…some who may never have approached you but who have watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you didn’t like. How did you handle those situations?
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for testimonies of the woman’s character.
    Translation: some Christian ladies are jerks and the guys know it. Of course if you listen to the ladies around here you realize the problem most of us have is that a lot of men who call themselves Christians seem to prefer to date women who aren't quite so committed to purity and holiness as we are (or as another user said she has a hard time finding a single Christian guy around her age who isn't struggling with porn addiction).

    7. Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man:
    That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the perspective of the character of that woman…and you will see that those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they should be busy developing those qualities themselves.
    Single Christian men are reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man has read Proverbs 31 and wants her.
    *sarcasm* Ah here's my problem. I don't know where to find wool or flax. I have no servant girls to plan work for. I know nothing about planting and caring for vineyards. And I don't like wearing gowns. *sarcasm*. Honestly by the time we boil this passage down to noble character and not the specifics of the work done, I think it works for both genders. Though I wouldn't mind a husband who would help with the housework.

    8. Many Christian ladies want to be married but they are not truly ready to be led:
    They want to marry a boyfriend but not a husband. They want only a partner but not a leader. They want an emotional prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority to God himself but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his representative in the home. What I am about to say next I say with the utmost respect to women.
    Men were created to lead at home. Now, that leadership comes with accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a woman he can’t lead….and a Christian man does not want to be over anything he can’t be accountable to God about.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man is a great servant leader as Jesus Christ…but he is a born leader and he knows it.
    Men talking about their right to lead always make us women nervous, especially when the women suffer many of the immediate consequences of bad leadership. Abusive men often hide behind this right to justify always enforcing getting their way. This is something that would be worked out in the dating phase however and really the only application we can make here is to say that you cannot both have a marriage and the same independence you had as a single. You have to chose one or the other.

    9. Many young married Christian women are painting a fairytale picture of marriage to their single ladies
    Many young married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married women create a fairytale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook updates, photos and so on. Is there anything wrong with that? No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage. It would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a Godly man) and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single sisters all dreamy eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect man…waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
    v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows that the wedding is not the marriage and doeasn’t want to create an impression he can’t maintain.
    I've found it to be quite the opposite. Sure there is too much of the happily ever after, marriage is the most wonderful thing in life attitude floating around in culture. But I have had several married Christian friends be the most honest with me about the struggles and challenges of marriage. And if and when I am at the point of seriously considering marrying someone, they would be the people I would go to for advice.
    When you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more. - GK Chesterton

    The true definition of love is sacrifice.

    Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. - Prov 20:3

  4. #4
    Senior Member PopClick's Avatar
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    I agree overall with the OP, but I also agree with cinder when she says that mature Christian women will already know this stuff.

    I know what you mean about pre-qualifying leads and women acting like men approaching them are icky and bothersome. Unless the guy is being super disrespectful and gross, they don't deserve to be treated like that. I also liked the fact that you mentioned that some men get rude when they're "rejected" by a lady. That happens to even the classiest of women, when they try their hardest to be nice. Nobody likes being treated like a verbal punching bag.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Seems to me like most of the regulars here have the majority of this stuff down, or are aware and working on it. It's apparent the OP is new and rather than taking time to get to know where people are at here he just assumes to know and begin a preachy message.
    And i liked the point cinder made, if only mature Christian women would heed this, then why is it full of immature behaviors?
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Men talking about their right to lead always make us women nervous, especially when the women suffer many of the immediate consequences of bad leadership. Abusive men often hide behind this right to justify always enforcing getting their way. This is something that would be worked out in the dating phase however and really the only application we can make here is to say that you cannot both have a marriage and the same independence you had as a single. You have to chose one or the other.

    Seriously Cinder? Do women have a right to lead over men? No because the bible says so. The revealed order of creation is quite clear. Some women around here want men to lead and here you are saying they have no right to. This is just going to cause chaos and often does. Bad or abusive leadership is another issue altogether. This smells of feminism which it seems many women are slowly waking up to the lie.

    Either men have the right to lead or women do. If it's neither then it's nobody. This is why God established an order so things don't get out of control.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    I agree with most points. The most applicable to me is women making me think it is a crime to actually be interested. It was not so much them not being interested for whatever reason but the insulting way it was done. Eventually I just gave up because it left a bitter aftertaste. Now I have women wondering why I'm not married or at least have a girlfriend. Some assume I am married even last week. Have things changed? Possibly but now I'm just not interested anyway. They had their chance in times gone by.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    In the Baptist realm I've noticed a lot of this to be true. Not everything...but a lot of it.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....




    I would say most christian women are taught to seek a man who is established. Let the journey and adventure that brought him to such a place be behind him. Let her simply fulfill his desire for companionship and her's for security.


    To this I say, no. Any true woman sees not the man for his clothes, his title or his reach but for a man's character. For to find such a woman is to find a treasure greater than any. To her who was loyal, though to all others he be invisible, goes the crown and the glory.




    Oh and any man who must pound his fist and scream and rant about how subservient women ought to be, really is not a man at all.

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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by FireWire View Post
    I agree with most points. The most applicable to me is women making me think it is a crime to actually be interested. It was not so much them not being interested for whatever reason but the insulting way it was done. Eventually I just gave up because it left a bitter aftertaste. Now I have women wondering why I'm not married or at least have a girlfriend. Some assume I am married even last week. Have things changed? Possibly but now I'm just not interested anyway. They had their chance in times gone by.
    LOL!! Most Christian (mature) women know what is required of them but too many of them just can't stay in religious water because swimming in secular waters is just too tempting. The same can apply to men also.
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    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by FireWire View Post
    Men talking about their right to lead always make us women nervous, especially when the women suffer many of the immediate consequences of bad leadership. Abusive men often hide behind this right to justify always enforcing getting their way. This is something that would be worked out in the dating phase however and really the only application we can make here is to say that you cannot both have a marriage and the same independence you had as a single. You have to chose one or the other.

    Seriously Cinder? Do women have a right to lead over men? No because the bible says so. The revealed order of creation is quite clear. Some women around here want men to lead and here you are saying they have no right to. This is just going to cause chaos and often does. Bad or abusive leadership is another issue altogether. This smells of feminism which it seems many women are slowly waking up to the lie.

    Either men have the right to lead or women do. If it's neither then it's nobody. This is why God established an order so things don't get out of control.
    Umm go back and read what I said again. I never said that husbands do not have the right (or responsibility) to lead their wives. I said that to get married you must give up some independence (both men and women) that you have when you are single. And I said abusive men often justify enforcing their own way by saying they have a right to lead. I meant to imply that what leadership looks like will vary from couple to couple and this is something to work out during dating, not launch a frontal assault on. My point was that when men come out and say it is my right to lead (especially if they then discount the idea of partnership) it makes women nervous. They know that being led is not the same thing as being bossed around. A true leader rarely has to enforce his leadership, people follow him because they trust and respect him as the leader.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by FireWire View Post
    Men talking about their right to lead always make us women nervous, especially when the women suffer many of the immediate consequences of bad leadership. Abusive men often hide behind this right to justify always enforcing getting their way. This is something that would be worked out in the dating phase however and really the only application we can make here is to say that you cannot both have a marriage and the same independence you had as a single. You have to chose one or the other.

    Seriously Cinder? Do women have a right to lead over men? No because the bible says so. The revealed order of creation is quite clear. Some women around here want men to lead and here you are saying they have no right to. This is just going to cause chaos and often does. Bad or abusive leadership is another issue altogether. This smells of feminism which it seems many women are slowly waking up to the lie.

    Either men have the right to lead or women do. If it's neither then it's nobody. This is why God established an order so things don't get out of control.
    Just wanted to point out that she said nothing about women leading. I don't see anything that even hints at feminism whatsoever in that paragraph. It is true that men have used the Bible in order to control, manipulate, and abuse their wives. It's a legitimate point that shouldn't be overlooked.
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    FireWire
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by ChandlerFan View Post
    Just wanted to point out that she said nothing about women leading. I don't see anything that even hints at feminism whatsoever in that paragraph. It is true that men have used the Bible in order to control, manipulate, and abuse their wives. It's a legitimate point that shouldn't be overlooked.
    No but if you read between the lines that's what it has to be. Somebody has to lead don't they? Who has the right to? I'm talking about legitimate leadership. Not the fake satanic version.
    Then talks about independence. One of the prime "doctrines" of feminism. That is until a woman wants children and then realises she can't be independent anymore.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by cinder View Post
    Umm go back and read what I said again. I never said that husbands do not have the right (or responsibility) to lead their wives. I said that to get married you must give up some independence (both men and women) that you have when you are single. And I said abusive men often justify enforcing their own way by saying they have a right to lead. I meant to imply that what leadership looks like will vary from couple to couple and this is something to work out during dating, not launch a frontal assault on. My point was that when men come out and say it is my right to lead (especially if they then discount the idea of partnership) it makes women nervous. They know that being led is not the same thing as being bossed around. A true leader rarely has to enforce his leadership, people follow him because they trust and respect him as the leader.
    Well that's what it looked like to me. My feminism radar tripped. I would've thought leadership was the same no matter who is involved. As far as I'm concerned it's a God given right. Yes some men will abuse that but that isn't what I was referring to.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by biscuit View Post
    LOL!! Most Christian (mature) women know what is required of them but too many of them just can't stay in religious water because swimming in secular waters is just too tempting. The same can apply to men also.
    Indeed it is. This is the easy way out but leads to misery in the end. When a man is seriously contemplating marrying a woman he better make sure she is truly regenerated.
    biscuit likes this.

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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by FireWire View Post
    Well that's what it looked like to me. My feminism radar tripped. I would've thought leadership was the same no matter who is involved. As far as I'm concerned it's a God given right. Yes some men will abuse that but that isn't what I was referring to.
    Since your feminism radar seems to have blinded you to my actual point, I see no reason to restate it yet again. Since you seem to be resigned to being single, I doubt the issue of marital leadership will ever be one you have to hash out personally.
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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    The point was very fuzzy indeed. Either a man has the right to lead or he doesn't. He doesn't need to say it or force it. It's his natural programming if you will. Yes the programming gets corrupted. Many women are saying no a man doesn't have a right to lead and are taking over the role. This goes against the revealed order of creation. Why are there so many women pastors and teachers now? Oh because women can lead too. Total corruption of the biblical mandate and a win for feminists and women's rights movements.

    Let's face it, it was a man that killed goliath not a woman.

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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
    25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himselfas a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body.31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c]32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
    In the end everyone will stand before GOD and give account for their actions.

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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Why do people insist on making an argument about everything? State your opinion and move on ...

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    Default Re: 9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....

    Quote Originally Posted by Pipp View Post
    Why do people insist on making an argument about everything? State your opinion and move on ...

    chill out lemur.jpg
    Everyone has one. My opinion.
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