Good, Godly Relationship Books - Any Suggestions?

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Tintin

Guest
#1
Okay. So, I'm more of a fiction reader but have become more of a non-fiction reader of late. I typically don't read these sorts of books (my non-fiction reading is usually related to theology, biblical creation and a few others) but as I'm entering a new phase of my life, I'm eager to hear some different perspectives and to learn new things.

I'm looking for titles that aren't too legalistic or too liberal. I know, that probably cuts out most. But I've found the legalistic ones usually aren't helpful eg. Wear a sackcloth, your body is evil, don't even look each other in the eye. What, you did? Prepare for rampant sex! Or the liberal ones eg. So, you're going to marry each other, why wait until marriage? Don't stifle your sexuality. God created sex! Okay, so I exaggerated a little there, but not really.

I feel so unqualified but God qualifies those He's called. I want to learn to be a great, godly leader and to honour Arlene in that role.

Any good suggestions? Cheers, brothers and sisters!
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
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#2
I know people tend to roll their eyes a bit at Joshua Harris books, and I'm not saying that every single thought in it is wonderful, but I personally found Boy Meets Girl to have some really helpful wisdom.
Also, I know this is more of a marriage book and less of a relationships book, but The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller is one I would recommend too. If nothing else, from what I've heard about the book, it contains a lot of helpful ideas about how you can directly apply to gospel to your relationship. (Also, I think I may have seen Arlene mention that she's reading this, so she probably knows more about this book than I do.)
 

hoss2576

Senior Member
May 10, 2014
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#3
[video=youtube;Hbi3dqmEiLY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbi3dqmEiLY[/video]

This is not a book but a dvd bible study. In the past 20 years, I have not found a more balanced approach to relationships. The Pastor's name is Tommy Nelson from Denton, Texas. He doesn't go to a extreme in either direction, and the study covers a great array all out of the Song of Solomon.
 
Sep 6, 2013
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#4
[video=youtube;Hbi3dqmEiLY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbi3dqmEiLY[/video]

This is not a book but a dvd bible study. In the past 20 years, I have not found a more balanced approach to relationships. The Pastor's name is Tommy Nelson from Denton, Texas. He doesn't go to a extreme in either direction, and the study covers a great array all out of the Song of Solomon.
We went through this study in Sunday school many years ago, and I still remember so much of it. Amazing stuff.
 
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persNickety

Guest
#5
I read Unleashing Courageous Faith. It isn't particularly about relationships but it could prove useful for any man: single, in relationship, married...

'Twenty-first-century men are too often frustrated cubicle dwellers while deep in their hearts they dream of Braveheart. The ancient Greeks believed manly courage--physical, moral, and spiritual--was found in the male soul. Called thumos, this type of courage appears in the New Testament, urging men to take action. For many men, thumos is the missing ingredient in their spiritual growth, ready to bless them with power, purpose, and integrity to make them better leaders, disciples, husbands, and fathers. Thumos, says Paul Coughlin, will repair the twenty-first-century male soul. In Unleashing Courageous Faith Paul Coughlin is simply a guy with a strong message for other guys--including former Christian Nice Guys. He unflinchingly looks at both the noble and undesirable aspects of thumos, coaching men to choose the good and resist the bad. This book is filled with practical help and information in Coughlin's signature readable style, packed with illustrations from his life and the lives of admirable men. It's ideal for men's groups as well as individuals.'
 
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INTJer

Guest
#6
I agree with you, Tintin, too much of what is out there is legalistic guilting you for being human or else a liberalism that turns our desires into idols that must be obeyed no matter what. I think that comes down to Gnosticism. All Gnostics believed that matter was evil - especially the body. But you could save yourself out of your sinful physicality by becoming really spiritual. So they adopted asceticism. There were a few Gnostics that said that since the body was bad it didn't really matter what it did. Your higher, "spiritual" self could think nice religious thoughts while your body indulged in all sorts of things and they were fine with that. I see echoes of that in our modern-day legalism and liberalism.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#7
ChandlerFan, thanks so much, mate! I have to say I really appreciate you being part of our CC community. I have been one of those who laughs awkwardly when Joshua Harris' books have been mentioned but Boy Meets Girl sounds like it might be good. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller - yes, I think I've heard Arlene mention this one. She certainly has a heads-up on me in this arena of reading.

Hoss and Grace, thanks. This Bible study looks good. I just might have to look into it.

PersNickety, thanks, sister! Unleashing Courageous Faith sounds very helpful. Bless you.

INTJer, I know, right! Thanks for sharing. Bless you, brother. :)

In the meantime, I'll reread Wild At Heart by John Eldredge and Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. I also have a four-session DVD study called The Marriage Journey with David and Margaret McCracken that I bought a couple of years ago. It's probably worth checking out.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,359
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#8
Okay. So, I'm more of a fiction reader but have become more of a non-fiction reader of late. I typically don't read these sorts of books (my non-fiction reading is usually related to theology, biblical creation and a few others) but as I'm entering a new phase of my life, I'm eager to hear some different perspectives and to learn new things.

I feel so unqualified but God qualifies those He's called. I want to learn to be a great, godly leader and to honour Arlene in that role.

Any good suggestions? Cheers, brothers and sisters!
Ok someone needs to say it. Tintin, you have the highest levels of respect from pretty much all of us here at CC. You have already shown yourself to be a good godly man and that is a huge part of why Arlene is with you. It is the attitude of wanting to learn, seeking out good godly sources of information, and applying it that makes all of us sure that you will be the great godly leader you want to be.

I don't have any book recommendations, but one thing I might recommend is to find a man whose life and marriage you respect and ask him to mentor you in this area. He will probably be able to give you feedback on your specific situation and challenges instead of just general principles for you to figure out how to apply to your situation on your own.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#9
Ok someone needs to say it. Tintin, you have the highest levels of respect from pretty much all of us here at CC. You have already shown yourself to be a good godly man and that is a huge part of why Arlene is with you. It is the attitude of wanting to learn, seeking out good godly sources of information, and applying it that makes all of us sure that you will be the great godly leader you want to be.

I don't have any book recommendations, but one thing I might recommend is to find a man whose life and marriage you respect and ask him to mentor you in this area. He will probably be able to give you feedback on your specific situation and challenges instead of just general principles for you to figure out how to apply to your situation on your own.
Thanks, so much, Cinder, for your words of affirmation and encouragement! Yes, a mentor is a great idea. I have a brilliant, godly mentor online but it's probably also a good idea to have one offline. Also, I plan on talking to my parents and Christian friends who are married. Love you, my sister!
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
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#10
ChandlerFan, thanks so much, mate! I have to say I really appreciate you being part of our CC community. I have been one of those who laughs awkwardly when Joshua Harris' books have been mentioned but Boy Meets Girl sounds like it might be good. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller - yes, I think I've heard Arlene mention this one. She certainly has a heads-up on me in this arena of reading.

Hoss and Grace, thanks. This Bible study looks good. I just might have to look into it.

PersNickety, thanks, sister! Unleashing Courageous Faith sounds very helpful. Bless you.

INTJer, I know, right! Thanks for sharing. Bless you, brother. :)

In the meantime, I'll reread Wild At Heart by John Eldredge and Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. I also have a four-session DVD study called The Marriage Journey with David and Margaret McCracken that I bought a couple of years ago. It's probably worth checking out.
Thanks, man! It's been fun getting to know you as well through the posts you've made.

I would just throw out a brief caution about Wild at Heart and Captivating just because while there is some good stuff in there, some of it is also not entirely helpful, and if you look at some of the books John Eldredge wrote later on, he seems to go off the rails a little bit. Just wanted to throw that out there so you can be on the lookout for it :)
 
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persNickety

Guest
#11
I read somewhere (I don't remember) that Christians are taught that sex is such evil, sinful thing, to be avoided even in thoughts, then when they become married, it suddenly becomes OK, not sinful, not evil, but they have to rewire their brains to allow themselves to take pleasure in. It makes for a very poor sex life within marriage. I only bring this up to say that there are books that aren't too legalistic nor too liberal.

There is also Rob Bell's book Sex God (it does NOT imply that sex outside of marriage is OK, incase anyone wants to assume).

'From Rob Bell, the author of the phenomenal New York Times bestseller Love Wins and a Christian pastor named by Time Magazine as one of the most influential people in 2011, comes Sex God, an enlightening exploration of sexuality and spirituality. With profound beauty and insight, Bell addresses the truism that we can’t talk about ourselves as sexual beings without asking who made us that way. For progressive Christians and readers who enjoy the writings of Donald Miller, N.T. Wrighter, Brian McLaren and Timothy Keller, Rob Bell is a pioneer among those seeking a new kind of Christian teaching.'

“While most books about sex for dating Christians begin and end with ‘don’t,’ Bell outlines the bigger picture of human relationships and what they can teach us about God’s character.” (Christianity Today)
 
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Tintin

Guest
#12
Thanks, man! It's been fun getting to know you as well through the posts you've made.

I would just throw out a brief caution about Wild at Heart and Captivating just because while there is some good stuff in there, some of it is also not entirely helpful, and if you look at some of the books John Eldredge wrote later on, he seems to go off the rails a little bit. Just wanted to throw that out there so you can be on the lookout for it :)
Yes, I agree. He does have some really good stuff but some of it's not so helpful. I think it's important to be discerning with everything. Cheers, bro.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
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#13
Also, I can't not mention that Matt Chandler is coming out with a book in February titled A Mingling of Souls that will speak biblically to dating/marriage/romance in our day.
 

hoss2576

Senior Member
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#14
Also, I can't not mention that Matt Chandler is coming out with a book in February titled A Mingling of Souls that will speak biblically to dating/marriage/romance in our day.
Matt Chandler already has a dvd bible study by that name that the book will probably correspond with.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#15
I read somewhere (I don't remember) that Christians are taught that sex is such evil, sinful thing, to be avoided even in thoughts, then when they become married, it suddenly becomes OK, not sinful, not evil, but they have to rewire their brains to allow themselves to take pleasure in. It makes for a very poor sex life within marriage. I only bring this up to say that there are books that aren't too legalistic nor too liberal.

There is also Rob Bell's book Sex God (it does NOT imply that sex outside of marriage is OK, incase anyone wants to assume).

'From Rob Bell, the author of the phenomenal New York Times bestseller Love Wins and a Christian pastor named by Time Magazine as one of the most influential people in 2011, comes Sex God, an enlightening exploration of sexuality and spirituality. With profound beauty and insight, Bell addresses the truism that we can’t talk about ourselves as sexual beings without asking who made us that way. For progressive Christians and readers who enjoy the writings of Donald Miller, N.T. Wrighter, Brian McLaren and Timothy Keller, Rob Bell is a pioneer among those seeking a new kind of Christian teaching.'

“While most books about sex for dating Christians begin and end with ‘don’t,’ Bell outlines the bigger picture of human relationships and what they can teach us about God’s character.” (Christianity Today)
Thanks, sister! I enjoyed some Rob Bell teachings back in the day, but I've become increasingly aware of his 'Christian' liberalism of late. Still, he does say some good things. This might be one of his better books. I'll look into it. :)
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#16
Matt Chandler already has a dvd bible study by that name that the book will probably correspond with.
Yeah, I have seen that one on Vimeo. They actually just did a conference at his church a few weeks ago where they recorded what is apparently going to be an updated version of that curriculum. So it sounds like the Bible study will be updated and re-released along with the book, although I can't imagine that the teaching will be a whole lot different. One difference could be that while the previous version was more of a study on Song of Solomon, that the newer version will be more topical, but I guess we'll have to wait and see.
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
594
280
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#17
[video=youtube;Hbi3dqmEiLY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbi3dqmEiLY[/video]

This is not a book but a dvd bible study. In the past 20 years, I have not found a more balanced approach to relationships. The Pastor's name is Tommy Nelson from Denton, Texas. He doesn't go to a extreme in either direction, and the study covers a great array all out of the Song of Solomon.

I remember reading a very short book about marriage base on the Song of Solomon and wondered if this is the same guy who wrote the book. I don't think he's the same guy base on the way he described certain things. Anyways, I ended up watching the full version on youtube, and I am very glad I watched it through (didn't have to force myself to sit through the whole sermon - it was funny and very insightful, actually changed certain things in my own personal search). Thank you sir.
 
Feb 18, 2013
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#18
I'm studying "Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas. It focuses on creating a Christ-centered view of dating (purpose for dating, things to look out for in a godly spouse, how to keep Christ at the center of your relationship, etc). He also has a great book "Sacred Marriage" which is very similar but more for already-married couples who need help putting Christ at the center of their marriage again.
I'm not yet finished but so far I love it.

also, I too have done tommy Nelson's Song of Solomon study. It is fantastic.

I love how you are pursuing wisdom in your relationship! Blessings to you, brother!
 
Oct 31, 2011
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#19
I am an opinionated very elderly lady, to old to apologize for my opinions. So here it is. I almost never read any opinions of men about what scripture says, I think it is a waste of time, although I relax with Christian fiction (don't tell anybody). I have gotten into some fascinating reading by looking for answers to biblical questions I have.

I explored the development of the Christian church in the first 500 years. That took me through many history books, and to find them I used the internet, checking each author for where he got his information. It was more exciting than any who done it book you could find. If you think that some of our denominations are wild, just check our early church fathers and the history of the world during those 500 years.

I used the internet, then, to check the church councils for the next 1,000 years, to see if they expanded on some of the strange ideas of the early church fathers that disagreed with scripture. They did.

Another very interesting subject to explore with lots written about it is the history of the Jews after Christ. One aspect of this is books about the lives of people who live the lifestyle OT scripture describes, finding out how the laws given work and don't work, and why. "Jews during the Middle Ages" was fascinating. There is a movement to carry this way of life to quite extremes today, so some work well and some don't. It is getting popular to write horror stories about this lifestyle when it is carried too far.

Another interesting read is a commentary on the Old Testament books that is so in depth it opens up new worlds. There are some man made conclusions about what scripture says, but the author tries to keep them to a minimum and his knowledge of ancient Hebrew culture is impressive. Here is the book on Genesis you can buy, but it is for free on torahclass.com . Genesis: The Book of Foundations. Adult Textbook by Thomas Bradford : TheBookPatch.com
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#20
If you can find the answer to your questions in this book, then maybe... just maybe, you're asking the wrong questions..

The Bible

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