Differing Opinions

[LightningClap0002]

It seems that there are many many different relationships that we have with friends. In the past, I often would consider friendships as negative if they hurt my relationship with God. Recently, though, I have a friendship that has left me confused.

I have been talking to my best friend almost every day for the past almost 3 years. We have some short conversations and some truly deep conversations, like close friends do. We are both Christians and seeking to lead God centered lives. Through all of that, we are diametrically opposed on most of the truly significant issues. It has always been this way, and often created tension as a result. I felt like many of our discussions did help bring me closer to God, and to question/solidify/correct my beliefs on the topics. As more time has progressed, it has become ever more apparent that we won't agree on many core beliefs (theological, philosophical, political...). I don't want to be a fool who just surrounds myself with yes-men who share all of my beliefs, but it seems like too often we are flirting with sinful anger in our disagreements. To further complicate things, my friend has been struggling with faith for the past few years as well as general self-worth, so I am also trying to take that into account moving forward.

I don't give up easily, but it feels like I am often fighting to keep the friendship. Has anyone else had a close friendship with someone very different than them? Is there ever a "valid" reason to end such a close friendship? Is there any biblical insight that anyone can share with regards to this? Or any other wisdom?

 

[ChandlerFan]

I would strongly encourage you not to give up on this friendship. There is a lot of value in having good friendships with people of other theological persuasions.

I have a sister who is 13 months younger than me, and she and I disagree on most open-handed theological topics. She's an Arminian, I'm a Calvinist. She's an egalitarian studying to be a Nazarene pastor, I'm a complementarian. She believes in entire sanctification, I don't. The rest of my family is pretty much in line with what she believes too, although my parents aren't really all that interested in those topics.

On both sides of theological issues, I have seen cases where people get so buried in their own theological persuasion, whether it be in the friends the keep, the books they read, etc., that they can't accurately or fairly articulate the beliefs of the other viewpoint, and it's really easy to develop sort of a distaste for "those people" because "I just don't understand how they can believe that." That's why I'm thankful that for the rest of my life I will always be at least somewhat close to people who believe differently than I do theologically. I think we're called to live in peace with all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, not getting caught up in senseless quarrels. The more we have the opportunity to practice that, the better.

So continue to be a brother and a close friend to this guy, and where you find yourself feeling hostile to him because he believes differently theologically than you do, that's something that you have to address in your own heart. There also comes a point where you have to accept that you've hashed out everything that you can and move past those differences. As far as my sister goes, I don't even bring up the subject of complementarianism even more because there's nothing good to be done there. Me reminding her that I don't believe that women should be pastors is doing neither of us any good. She knows where I stand, I know where she stands, and we've moved past it and it has had zero effect on our relationship. That's where you need to get with your friend. Especially if he is struggling in his faith, he may need you now more than ever.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

Speaking from experience, if these differences end up with you and them into arguments even if they're minor but frequent, I would say to start parting apart. It would eventually pile up and lead you into one big argument and either of you could bring up past resentments/disputes in the process. If you feel in any way that you have to 'change' views or opinions or make way for them in order to have some sort of agreement and/or conclusion while they don't listen to you then it's not worth saving. I had to learn the hard way towards the end with something a bit similar, unfortunately. If you still want to contact them then perhaps consider them as more of an aquaitence but don't invest any more time and respect than they are willing to do for you.

Just my side of the matter. May not be great enough to consider and if anything I could ruin something that could be fixed. Good luck.

 

[gypsygirl]

i have a couple friends like that, but because i know we're that way, i tend to "argue" with them differently. i ask more questions, seek more understanding, and don't debate with them with the same vigor that i might with others. also, i have had to learn to wave the "white flag" and "agree to disagree" much sooner, if they're becoming emotionally riled up.

i actually love having people like that in my life. they sort of force me to re-evaluate my own views and help me to see things from other perspectives., and they tend to teach me more than the average friend.

i think this is (at least in part) what the bible means when it talks about "iron sharpening iron". that friction is what can often be the precursor to understanding and learning. even practicing how to accept others when they're different than us.

maybe part of why he's in your life is to help you learn how to be tolerant and loving to someone who isn't always easy to love?

 

[keep_on_smiling]

I've had similar friendships and I enjoy it when people make me think about what I believe and where I'm coming from; I learn a lot in these situations even if it's just strengthening my original beliefs. I think there are a few things to consider:

1. Is the friendship interfering with your relationship with the Lord? - If so, part ways.

2. Is the friendship wearing you down?- If so, you don't necessarily have to part ways, but make some changes in what you talk about or how often you talk.

3. Seek God in your friendship. If you feel a heaviness about whether you should continue to the friendship, then there is a reason for this. Ask God what He is showing you.

I've had to end friendships that were not glorifying God. I've also been able to keep friendships with a few that have some major differences in beliefs. I believe God allows these friendships to continue because maybe at some-point their eyes will be opened to the truth.

 

[Tintin]

I believe it's wise to keep the friendship. God knows I differ on some beliefs with some of my Christian friends (not the foundational doctrines common to Christendom) eg. I love discussing biblical creation and theistic evolution but such a controversial topic can get heated pretty quickly, so we generally avoid it altogether. Celebrate and enjoy the similarities and differences that you do have. You can learn from each other and sharpen each others faith in Christ.

 

[AsifinPassing]

It seems that there are many many different relationships that we have with friends. In the past, I often would consider friendships as negative if they hurt my relationship with God. Recently, though, I have a friendship that has left me confused.

I have been talking to my best friend almost every day for the past almost 3 years. We have some short conversations and some truly deep conversations, like close friends do. We are both Christians and seeking to lead God centered lives. Through all of that, we are diametrically opposed on most of the truly significant issues. It has always been this way, and often created tension as a result. I felt like many of our discussions did help bring me closer to God, and to question/solidify/correct my beliefs on the topics. As more time has progressed, it has become ever more apparent that we won't agree on many core beliefs (theological, philosophical, political...). I don't want to be a fool who just surrounds myself with yes-men who share all of my beliefs, but it seems like too often we are flirting with sinful anger in our disagreements. To further complicate things, my friend has been struggling with faith for the past few years as well as general self-worth, so I am also trying to take that into account moving forward.

I don't give up easily, but it feels like I am often fighting to keep the friendship. Has anyone else had a close friendship with someone very different than them? Is there ever a "valid" reason to end such a close friendship? Is there any biblical insight that anyone can share with regards to this? Or any other wisdom?

I see, and hey Lightnin'!

Well, that's a tough one, buddy. I could think of some Biblical references people might make, like which people Jesus chose to spend the most time with versus some time with... Then again, everyone, in comparison to him, may have been rough to be around at times. Nonetheless...

I had a friendship like that. In fact, in both ways, I have had friendships like this. I'll start with the friend I had once named David. He was pretty worldly, and came from quite a broken home. He'd often use me for something, or only focus on our friendship when it was convenient for him in some way. Regardless, he was (and is) my friend. Lol, it actually brings to mind the finishing scene of 'Mongol' where the main antagonist asks, "You're letting your enemy go?!" ...and he responds, "I'm letting my brother go." Our relationships can be like that sometimes. Even though it's rough and bad things happen...even fights or the like...you can still choose who that person is to you. David is/was like that for me.

Then there's Sarah. She and I had a complicated relationship. Different personalities, different thoughts and feelings on things, different beliefs and viewpoints here and there...different struggles...

Anyway, we definitely gained several good things from being friends, but eventually...the relationship grew taxing on her, and our differences, for her at least, seemed to be too great and hurtful to continue, so one night...she sat me down, talked, and we said our final good-byes.

I can't really say whether or not I'm better or worse, but she seems to be doing well. That's good. So, I think you'll just have to make the decision of whether that friend will be a David or Me (in the Sarah illustration). Who's to say if it's right or wrong, and what you should do? All you can do is decide, and make that choice as one you'll live with.

I know this may not have helped, but it was just some similar experience I wanted to share. God bless, bud.

 

[Ugly]

There's a friend i have and when we disagree it usually becomes quite heated. They even said one day (and i had been having the same thought myself) that our friendship wasn't going to last long because our disagreements became so heated. I determined that their friendship was more important than our disagreements. So whenever i saw a disagreement forming that could turn bad i opted to change the subject instead. It's worked. Months later we're better friends than before. Really what is more important to you, being right, being in agreement or the value of the person and their friendship in other areas of your life?

 

[Nautilus]

Eh I mean Im not sure what you consider to be the 'truly significant issues' but my roommate is an atheist at worst and a pagan/norse follower at best and we've been best friends for 5 years.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

That's the thing about Christianity, you have to be very careful with that. Not only expressing your views, but also that your own views are correct. Be careful how you hear type thing. Then again, you can't just let an obvious false teacher that's intentionally deceiving people to just take over the place and not say anything about it so keeping your mouth shut and remaining neutral 100% of the time isn't always possible either. Very tricky business.

I don't care how right or wrong someone is on a theological issue if they are truly seeking God with all their heart. That's what I respect in a Christian, no matter how weak or strong they are, or how knowledgeable/educated they are......I tend to think what's in a persons heart is most important, even if they are literally as dumb as a box of rocks, God can grant them wisdom if they are lacking in that department. We seem to have this system of academic snobbery dominating the Christian landscape in general. For example, say someone went to a bible college and has a degree....therefore you do not know what your talking about and they are better than you simply because they feel they are more intelligent/educated, or logical. We gots problems in our churches people, just poke your head into the bible discussion forum for a little bit if your brave enough. You will see what I mean. lol