Boundaries

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christianguitarist

Senior Member
#1
Mar 4, 2011
109
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#1
Hi Forum ,
I would like to ask if its ok to establish certain boundaries when it comes friendships and also establishing intentions early on to avoid hurt and confusion . [ like limiting time and emotions when it comes to female friends who only see you as a friend but demand that you play that boyfriend role subtly in terms of time or emotions and also asking you to things for them etc ] and also backing off from the friendship if i'm feeling that my feelings are getting in the way of it being purely just a friendship :) . Sorry if this is confusing .
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#2
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
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#2
I think I get where you're coming from. Honestly, yes, it can be important to establish boundaries. There's also something to be said for letting some things happen organically, without certain intention, too though...

In any case, I think if you feel like someone is trying to push you into a role you're uncomfortable with, or being like a boyfriend but not committed in a relationship, then yes...you should avoid and decline such things. As for friendships where you develop feelings, well... if you pray about it and feel alright proceeding, then see if they're reciprocated, but don't go into every relationship with the intention of dating or not dating the person.

Anyway...I knew a girl once from the get-go who let me know she was only interested in dating and not just having another friend. I can understand that, and where she came from. In that respect, and in the light of the other things I've detailed, yes, again, I'll reiterate that establishing boundaries (even if just within yourself) can be quite wise.

Hope this may have helped a little and made some semblance of sense. God bless, man!
 
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Raine

Guest
#3
#3
^What he said... :)

From a girl perspective I have to set emotional boundaries or unrealistic feelings develop and I always have to keep myself in check to make sure I am not simply "using" guy friends as a way to fill my empty boyfriend void in my life lol.

I think part of it has to do with knowing your weaknesses too.

Like... What kind of girls are you prone to falling for without approaching those friendships cautiously? And so forth. When you know your weaknesses you can set better boundaries... And can I seriously see myself with this person as a future spouse? If not, then don't let your feelings run off. Make sure those feelings are genuine and not based on simply feeling lonely etc.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#5
#5
Yes, I think it's important to have reasonable boundaries. If you don't, people will walk all over you. We're called to be humble in Christ, but not walking mats. Throughout my uni days, several girls considered me their good friend eg. insightful, caring and apparently a great listener, but never boyfriend material. They ended up receiving some of the benefits of a godly romantic relationship (nothing physical) without any of the sacrifice or commitment. At times I felt I was being used. I had to learn to set up reasonable boundaries to protect myself and those girls from emotional harm. Other times, in high school etc. I was also taken advantage of, because I was seen as the nice guy. That's never a good feeling. God never calls us to be nice, but instead to be men and women of godly integrity and truth. Thankfully, today I have a greater understanding of appropriate boundaries. I still have much too learn, but I'm on the right path. :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Are boundaries ok? They should be a requirement for each person as they see fit. If you're living without boundaries you're asking for trouble.
 
Test_F_i_2_Luv

Test_F_i_2_Luv

Senior Member
#7
Jan 24, 2009
1,601
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#7
christianguitarist said:
Hi Forum ,
I would like to ask if its ok to establish certain boundaries when it comes friendships and also establishing intentions early on to avoid hurt and confusion . [ like limiting time and emotions when it comes to female friends who only see you as a friend but demand that you play that boyfriend role subtly in terms of time or emotions and also asking you to things for them etc ] and also backing off from the friendship if i'm feeling that my feelings are getting in the way of it being purely just a friendship :) . Sorry if this is confusing .
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Don't allow someone to use you to play the role of a boyfriend.

A person who uses another like that is selfish and thoughtless.

Everyone is a person of value...s/he has feelings, emotions, desires, dreams, etc. If someone is playing and toying with that aspect of your being, you certainly need to back off(to protect yourself)...and that person needs to grow up!
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#8
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
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Arizona
#8
I'm curious though, when should it be appropriate to establish these boundaries? At the beginning of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? Before? Maybe talk about them when just friends? Not in detail obviously but make it not a mystery. You know?
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#9
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#9
ArtsieSteph said:
I'm curious though, when should it be appropriate to establish these boundaries? At the beginning of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? Before? Maybe talk about them when just friends? Not in detail obviously but make it not a mystery. You know?
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I think the different phases of guy-girl relationships warrant different boundaries. And mainly the phases I'm talking about are friendship and dating. In friendship, there are maybe some emotional boundaries that should be in place until it has been decided that it is going to turn into more than a friendship. And I think as you enter into the early stages of dating, that's when it becomes a good time to talk about what physical boundaries are going to be. But I don't think there's any need to talk about them before there is any type of romantic relationship there.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#10
#10
Example: Arlene and I talked about physical boundaries very early on (maybe a day or two after we become official). I think it's important to know where each person stands before you dive deep into each others' lives.
 
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jkalyna

Guest
#11
#11
Congratulations, just needed to tell you. May you both be in his hands, with never ending blessings. Luv u both. God Bless you both.*
 
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