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to be fair Im not sure if it gets easier with age or if it just gets easier as you turn away from it. Probably some combination of both. Personally as someone who was not pure when I was in my teens through early twenties I would compare my personal struggle more akin to getting over an addiction. At first its hard and it sucks and maybe/maybe not you mess up a time or two, but with help/accountability and the willpower you get over it. As far as staying pure in the first place well like I said that wasn't a goal when I was younger due to my belief system at the time, but I think even though its tough its definitely worth the effort.
A
I believe it's a lot easier when you realise who you are in Christ, Who He is to you, and what He has already done for you. He has already given us the grace to actively stay 'pure', He already fulfils the most deepest achings of our hearts that sex cannot fill and He has given us His word to give us instruction and warning on the consequences of giving in to those desires.
God Himself can re-write and recalibrate our desires to be like His. Lust was a problem for me before I became a Christian. But slowly, and lovingly (And with some heavy Father/daughter moments) God rearranged the workings of my heart and my mind until they began to line up with how He saw me and what He wants for me. And He wants us all to be free, especially from shame and condemnation. It gets easier when you realise how loved you are by an Awesome Heavenly Father. I just keep telling myself to keep my eyes on Him. With Him, all things are possible.
God Himself can re-write and recalibrate our desires to be like His. Lust was a problem for me before I became a Christian. But slowly, and lovingly (And with some heavy Father/daughter moments) God rearranged the workings of my heart and my mind until they began to line up with how He saw me and what He wants for me. And He wants us all to be free, especially from shame and condemnation. It gets easier when you realise how loved you are by an Awesome Heavenly Father. I just keep telling myself to keep my eyes on Him. With Him, all things are possible.
i agree largely with what people have said here. in addition:
1) the company you keep - if you're spending time with guys that aren't committed to purity, then it is going to be much more difficult to near impossible. when you're resolved to being pure, and you aren't being pressured to jeopardize that, it's much easier.
i cannot underscore that first point enough. : )
2) momentum - for me, it's become a way of life, and there's no real consideration given to trading in my obedience--and i would hate the notion of "starting over", considering i've been at this for awhile now.
when you've resolved to accomplish something with God's help, and view yourself through the lens of our Creator, you stop viewing these choices as ones you have to make on your own, with our own power, and for insignificant reasons.
i am constantly reminding myself that my life is richer, more blessed trusting God and seeking His best for me, rather than whatever reward or fun that my rebelliousness can get for me.
1) the company you keep - if you're spending time with guys that aren't committed to purity, then it is going to be much more difficult to near impossible. when you're resolved to being pure, and you aren't being pressured to jeopardize that, it's much easier.
i cannot underscore that first point enough. : )
2) momentum - for me, it's become a way of life, and there's no real consideration given to trading in my obedience--and i would hate the notion of "starting over", considering i've been at this for awhile now.
when you've resolved to accomplish something with God's help, and view yourself through the lens of our Creator, you stop viewing these choices as ones you have to make on your own, with our own power, and for insignificant reasons.
i am constantly reminding myself that my life is richer, more blessed trusting God and seeking His best for me, rather than whatever reward or fun that my rebelliousness can get for me.
Gypsy is right about this point. I first looked up this forum and joined because I ended up becoming very close friends with a guy who did not hold to God's commands about sex. While he never pressured me directly, his attitude and view of sex (which he discussed (read that more as monologued since I was usually sitting there thinking, "I can't believe we're having this conversation, how can he be oblivious that this is not an appropriate conversation to have with a female friend") pretty freely with me) did start to influence me and make me feel more ashamed of obeying God than like it was good and honorable to be obedient. He has moved away since then, and I am grateful for my friends here for being so pro doing things God's way, getting my thinking back on track, and being an encouragement in that.
Ultimately the battle starts early, choosing things like who you spend time with, what you talk about, finding the courage to speak up or leave when the situation is making you uncomfortable, looking for love and affirmation in the right places, and staying out of situations that are likely to lead to temptation. Be careful of building emotional intimacy under the guise of being "just friends" as well. If you think of or treat one friend in a significantly different way from all your other friends, it may not be just cut and dried friendship anymore. It's a commitment, but one wise man once said, "If you can't stay pure as a single, how do you expect to stay faithful to your spouse after marriage?"
Ultimately the battle starts early, choosing things like who you spend time with, what you talk about, finding the courage to speak up or leave when the situation is making you uncomfortable, looking for love and affirmation in the right places, and staying out of situations that are likely to lead to temptation. Be careful of building emotional intimacy under the guise of being "just friends" as well. If you think of or treat one friend in a significantly different way from all your other friends, it may not be just cut and dried friendship anymore. It's a commitment, but one wise man once said, "If you can't stay pure as a single, how do you expect to stay faithful to your spouse after marriage?"
T
I went 6 years and had a mid life crises. Now its been almost 3 years. I have recently lost a bunch of weight and am all of a sudden very aware of my sexuality. I have very few christian friends. My church is small and everyone is older than me. I am really hoping to connect with some Christians locally to help keep me grounded.
I mostly stay home to stay out of trouble.
I mostly stay home to stay out of trouble.
Even if I were an atheist, I would wait until marriage to have sex. I have seen too much havoc caused by people having sex outside of marriage. I don't think you can leave a sexual situation without leaving a piece of yourself. There is an intimacy that cannot be avoided with sex (not that it should be), and it changes a person.
Also, and this may sound selfish, but I do not want a point of comparison to my wife. I want to only think of my wife when I think of sex; I don't want to be able to look back at any other woman as part of a sexual history. I am also someone who wants my wife to know she is worth the wait. There are so few things we can control in life, but to be able to tell your wife that she was worth the wait - it is important.
I think God commanded us to wait both to prevent harm, but also as this great reward.
Also, and this may sound selfish, but I do not want a point of comparison to my wife. I want to only think of my wife when I think of sex; I don't want to be able to look back at any other woman as part of a sexual history. I am also someone who wants my wife to know she is worth the wait. There are so few things we can control in life, but to be able to tell your wife that she was worth the wait - it is important.
I think God commanded us to wait both to prevent harm, but also as this great reward.
I would think the real issue is whether we focus on Jesus and also to grow in our relationship with him . Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (ESV) - The Grace and love of God empowers me to love and serve others
R
I used to be i a sexual relationship and I was a "Christian." After turning from talking like a Christian to actually living like one, I realized a few things...
1. Surround yourself with people who feel the same way you do. Don't try and help people who are addicted to sex if you aren't strong enough to even trust yourself.
2. Stay away from possible situations. You choose to be in a situation, be alert and make sure you don't find yourself in a situation where you have to choose between your values and sex.
3. If something sexual comes your way, follow what the Bible says: FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY... Don't stick around to see the outcome, flee!!!! Take Joseph as an example, what did he do when Potiphar's wife tried to seduce him?? He ran like a mad man... FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY.
To come down to the question. YES, it is difficult. The devil is always waiting for a more favorable and opportune moment to lead us into temptation, if he did this with Jesus, we must know he will try the same with us. (Luke 4:13).
The fact is that we as people are not made for pre - marital sex, that's why it eats away at you the more you do it. All you need to do is realize that what ever is closed by a bating suit is a present for your future husband/wife and rely on God's power and the Holy Spirit to lead you where it is safe... and remember... FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY, not like other sins where we must resist the devil and he will flee from us, we must flee sexual immorality.
I know what I speak of, God is the only reason why I still keep out...
be blessed
1. Surround yourself with people who feel the same way you do. Don't try and help people who are addicted to sex if you aren't strong enough to even trust yourself.
2. Stay away from possible situations. You choose to be in a situation, be alert and make sure you don't find yourself in a situation where you have to choose between your values and sex.
3. If something sexual comes your way, follow what the Bible says: FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY... Don't stick around to see the outcome, flee!!!! Take Joseph as an example, what did he do when Potiphar's wife tried to seduce him?? He ran like a mad man... FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY.
To come down to the question. YES, it is difficult. The devil is always waiting for a more favorable and opportune moment to lead us into temptation, if he did this with Jesus, we must know he will try the same with us. (Luke 4:13).
The fact is that we as people are not made for pre - marital sex, that's why it eats away at you the more you do it. All you need to do is realize that what ever is closed by a bating suit is a present for your future husband/wife and rely on God's power and the Holy Spirit to lead you where it is safe... and remember... FLEE SEXUAL IMMORALITY, not like other sins where we must resist the devil and he will flee from us, we must flee sexual immorality.
I know what I speak of, God is the only reason why I still keep out...
be blessed