let's talk about marriage and virginity

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Hannah_sweetheart

Guest
#1
#1
My sister doesn't want to get married because of statistics. She thinks that she'll have sex when she feels compatible with the person and when the prove they are loyal. But my thing is if you had that why wouldn't you get married anyways. Or wait to get married to that person when your lives are ready for marriage, or your ready to have a child. How would you not wanna confess your love to God your family and promise your commitment as in terms of forever and then have sex.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#2
#2
Sex should not be the drive and focus of the relationship. The relationship should be about what you can do for the other person. People make the mistake of making sex synonymous with love and relationships, but it's a wrong view. A friendship is a relationship, and I love those who are my friends, more than likely though, I will not have sex with them.

The most clear statement of purity and marriage in the bible is "Keep the marriage bed undefiled." Yes people should wait until they are married. Yes, people should keep themselves as pure as possible, though it is difficult, more so for some than others. Personally I just think there's more to think about in terms of relationships than just sex.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#3
#3
I'm not sure it's healthy to get married just so you can have sex, or to get married just because you slipped up and had sex. What do you guys think about that?
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#4
Sep 17, 2013
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#4
Nope... Neither are good reasons alone to get married.
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#5
Sep 19, 2012
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#5
I guess it all depends upon your priorities, and Whom you desire to serve.

If I wasn't a Christian, I doubt I'd see the point of marriage before sex, either.

God's word and laws for us aren't casual suggestions, but made for our benefit. He created us, sex, and marriage, and as His child, it always serves us to place our trust in Him and be obedient.
 
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Hannah_sweetheart

Guest
#6
#6
Thanks guys:)
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
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#7
It is always a good thing to wait until marriage as this is in accordance to God's will and desire. After that it is called making love and not sex. Sadly, I do not speak from experience but we are only human. If there was another marriage in my future I would definitely wait until marriage. I would do this out of respect for my future wife. As of this writing, it does not appear likely that I will ever be married again but those are my intentions.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#8
Jan 8, 2013
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#8
gypsygirl said:
I guess it all depends upon your priorities, and Whom you desire to serve.

If I wasn't a Christian, I doubt I'd see the point of marriage before sex, either.

God's word and laws for us aren't casual suggestions, but made for our benefit. He created us, sex, and marriage, and as His child, it always serves us to place our trust in Him and be obedient.
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I could not have possibly said it better myself :)
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#9
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#9
Hannah_sweetheart said:
My sister doesn't want to get married because of statistics. She thinks that she'll have sex when she feels compatible with the person and when the prove they are loyal. But my thing is if you had that why wouldn't you get married anyways. Or wait to get married to that person when your lives are ready for marriage, or your ready to have a child. How would you not wanna confess your love to God your family and promise your commitment as in terms of forever and then have sex.
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What your sister may not understand is that the statistics for break-ups between unmarried domestic partners are much much higher than between married partners. The risk to your heart, your soul, your emotional well-being, and your physical body are the same or worse. She may believe that she can hook up with partners throughout her life and be protected from "statistics" or from the damage of divorce, but she would still be going through those things. Only it's more likely that she will go through them multiple times with multiple different people, causing herself more and more damage with each break.

Something for even non-Christians to think about.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#10
Jan 24, 2011
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#10
Grace-Like-Rain took the words right out of my mouth!

Sadly, serial monogamy is the standard, because commitment is left out of the relationship equation. When the slightest thing happens, it is easy to pick up and leave, sometimes even if children are involved. I had many friends like that before I became a Christian. It is a worldly standard, and one which does not work.

I think the biggest problem with your sister, though, is not her view on marriage. She needs Jesus Christ to understand what God's values and ideals are for us to live the best life possible. Without Christ, the Bible is just a set of regulations the world laughs at. With Jesus, the whole world becomes a better place, and life becomes better, in terms of knowing how to live the way God wants us too.

Pray for your sister, and tell her the good news. No sense engaging in conversations about marriage, with someone who does not know the God who created marriage.
 
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Hannah_sweetheart

Guest
#11
#11
Thank you guys you've gave me a lot of things to think and talk about with my sister:)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#12
Mar 26, 2014
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#12
Just to add on to what everyone has said; if you view purity as some kind of bargain you are making where if I keep myself pure then I'll get a pure spouse and that is the reason you do it, eventually the statistics will convince you it's not worth it. Purity is a decision to invest in yourself, respect yourself, and not sell yourself for a bargain price ( ie. anything less than a lifetime commitment). Having that kind of self respect will improve all your relationships, and requiring that high of a price will ensure that the other party recognizes your true value and doesn't treat you with an easy come easy go attitude.
 
Yowie

Yowie

Senior Member
#13
Aug 31, 2013
193
1
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#13
Donkeyfish07 said:
I'm not sure it's healthy to get married just so you can have sex, or to get married just because you slipped up and had sex. What do you guys think about that?
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I don't think it's healthy marry for either of those reasons.

I honestly think a lot of young christians get married so they can have "guilt free sex".
 
Test_F_i_2_Luv

Test_F_i_2_Luv

Senior Member
#14
Jan 24, 2009
1,601
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#14
Hannah_sweetheart said:
My sister doesn't want to get married because of statistics. She thinks that she'll have sex when she feels compatible with the person and when the prove they are loyal. But my thing is if you had that why wouldn't you get married anyways. Or wait to get married to that person when your lives are ready for marriage, or your ready to have a child. How would you not wanna confess your love to God your family and promise your commitment as in terms of forever and then have sex.
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Feelings and emotions never, of course, misguide or skew our thinking, or cause us to be irrational or confused.

Tossing sex in the mix is just asking for more trouble, as it connects two people in the most intimate way possible.


 
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eternaljoy907

Guest
#15
#15
I grew up in church my whole childhood and had a good upbringing from a single parent. Got straight As in high school and went to college with the goals of ill graduate, travel, and own many dogs lol. 3 months into school I met the father of my 3 beautiful children.... But this story is lacking in a crucial thing- Marriage! I'm not regretting not marrying him for the fact I found out he was a narcissist leading a double life after 6 years being together and 3 children later. but what I'm really disappointed in myself is that him never making the commitment of marriage should have been a HUGE red flag. after all if you claim and act to be so in love, marriage is an obvious choice. Now I'm a single mom of 3 and have made the vow to remain abstinent until I am married. Yes sex before marriage is a sin and a dead end.
 
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churchalive

Guest
#16
#16
The truth is : as old fashioned as it might seem, sex before marriage is prohibited in Christianity. We can't try do adopt the modern way of doing things as God's way is the prefered way. And he says fornication is a sin. My wife left me because of ministerial commitments and I've never been married since then. Do I get the urge to have sex? Yes!. Do I respond to it? No!. This is where self control and discipline comes into play. Getting married just to have sex has its consequences. If the sex is not as good as one expects, they adultery might be an option. A man that can overcome sexual temptations can achieve anything . Let's stay pure.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#18
Mar 26, 2014
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#18
tourist said:
What is sex?
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You've been married twice, right tourist? If you haven't figured it out by now there may not be any hope left for you on that front.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#19
Mar 13, 2014
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#19
cinder said:
You've been married twice, right tourist? If you haven't figured it out by now there may not be any hope left for you on that front.
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I forget as it has been some time. You are correct, I am quite hopeless :)
 
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churchalive

Guest
#20
#20
@ eternaljoy, the Bible says 'do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers'. A man the does not respect God will not respect you. And since you already have 3 kids with the guy, the most sensible thing is to remain with him and try and solidify you relationship at least.
 
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