Need some advice!

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Talmidium

Guest
#1
Hey bro's and sisters in Christ! So i live in a area that is made up of 4 towns all within 10 miles of each other and this area largly consists of adults 50+. So for me its been hard to find someone to share my life with. The sad thing is most of the girls around my age here have no interests in serving God or are married. So my question is that since most of the single ladys where i live are around 18 to 20 do you think its wierd if me being a 26 year old youth pastor, trying to find someone around those ages? Thanks yall.
 

hoss2576

Senior Member
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#2
A 6-8 year age gap isn't necessarily all that big, but it does seem to make a bigger difference when that gap occurs. There are still a lot of things going to happen and change in the age you are talking about, and honestly I would be more reluctant because you are going to be in a different place than an 18 year old. It would be different if you were 38, and she were 30 in my mind, because paths and most life decisions have been set to course by that point.

I wouldn't confine yourself to the little geographic area you are talking about and don't stress about finding that person. Focus on your work in youth ministry. I know through my own experiences, I intereacted with more people when i was doing youth work than in any other time. Between youth camps, conferences, joint church events, I met many new people. I know saying "don't worry about it" is easier said than done, but use your singleness while you have it as an opportunity to pour more into the youth you are working with.
 
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Ho11y

Guest
#3
So my question is that since most of the single ladys where i live are around 18 to 20 do you think its wierd if me being a 26 year old youth pastor, trying to find someone around those ages?
Dating 18-20 year olds?



Ok, but seriously

 
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sassylady

Guest
#4
Not weird, but you should certainly be cautious. Even a Christian lady at that age is a bit immature in some ways than a 26 year old youth pastor. I would concentrate on doing what the Lord leads you to do and He will bring the help mate into your life.
 

AzureAfire

Senior Member
Apr 16, 2013
477
16
18
#5
Hello, Talmidium :) Welcome to CC!!!

It's good that you are actively serving in a church ministry, and that you are after a girl who desires to serve our LORD :)

I know that it is a guy's job to find his mate :) after all, he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains our GOD's favor (Proverbs 18:22). This verse applies to one to whom HE has genuinely placed the desire to marry in that person's heart. Meaning most of us XD

But, i would like to say that, first: Don't let the statistics bother you. You pointed out "most" of the girls your age are either married, or interested with the things of GOD.

Most, but NOT all :) so here's the second advice: Don't settle!!!

There is nothing wrong with ending up with someone younger. But don't pursue them just because you see them as your only :eek: viable option :( I agree with hoss2576. That age group your considering still has to go through A LOT of significant life experiences that they need to shape their character, and determine how they see life and themselves, and how they would relate to others. You wouldn't want to end up with someone who's immature, and would make you feel more like a parent, or someone who's holding her back from so many things they would still want to experience or explore in her life.

You know what? :) Rest easy. Our LORD knows EXACTLY what your heart desires. To the letter :) and HE will grant you that, and so much more. Everything HE knows that will truly delight you AND be good for you. For everything HE does is for our good, and for HIS glory.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. :)

In my case, when I stopped struggling, and learned to truly, completely entrust to Papa GOD every aspect of my life, including my love life (which I just couldn't submit to HIM at all for years), and to not worry about ending up with anybody at all (which was easier said than done XD I was mortified at the thought of ending up alone...dying alone. It was a grave source of depression and desperation in my life o.o;)....when I finally saw that Papa GOD is ALL THAT I NEED, and the True Source of Joy and Delight in my life :eek: that was when I finally received what my heart was crying for. True peace and comfort...true joy :eek: True love, fashioned after HIS love :eek: everything I have ever longed and hoped for, and everything I never expected. HE made the impossible happen!!! :eek:

I know you are familiar with this verse, but I hope you discover the hidden treasure I have found here:

Matthew 6:33 Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)


33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Last piece of advice, and the most important: Focus on HIM.


There's nothing wrong with longing for that special someone. Nothing wrong with desiring to find her and be with her at last. Nothing wrong with looking. But don't let it be your focus. Don't let it be an idol in your life. It was mine, for many years....and in the process of wanting it so badly, I fell into A LOT of unnecessary heartache. And worse, I wasted so many years I could've come to know Father GOD and HIS Word more deeply and intimately...

i used to really dislike this verse, to be honest. I didn't like the idea of submitting my love life to HIM o.o; and I struggled so hard with seeking HIS kingdom. I never felt adequate or holy or righteous enough to want to seek HIM and HIS righteousness...I was just trying to follow this advice, in hopes of getting the supposed reward of HIM adding to me what I desired to get....I kept praying and demanding what I saw would make me happy. And, because I was so stubborn, HE did answer my prayer. I did get what I asked for, but at the same time, I didn't. I really just wanted to be happy....I thought I was. But in the end, I just became more miserable and broken with my choices.

When I finally learned to let go, and to truly focus on HIM and desire HIM, that was when that verse became clear to me. That was when I learned that IT IS THE BEST ADVICE THERE IS :) Now, it's my favorite go-to verse :eek: To set me straight and inspire me, and to help brethren in their struggles.

You see, I found the truth in that verse that I have been overlooking for so many years, all caught up in my pursuit of happiness....of that reward, that treasure that was supposed to fulfill me.

And what is the truth???

This: the our LORD IS The Reward. The Treasure beyond compare :eek: the One True Source of Joy, Fulfillment, Inspiration, and Love we could ever need!!!! Everything else that HE bestows upon us is just a bonus :) at HIS perfect time, when HE sees that you are truly ready for that blessing of a mate (and when she is ready for you, too), HE Himself will bring you together :eek: count on it.

I hope that, when you discover this beautiful truth, you'd start seeing life with fresh new eyes, expectant of what amazing and awe-inspiring thing HE would reveal to you, from day to day :) dare to expect only the very best HE has in store for you, and so much more. Because our GOD, indeed, is an AWESOME GOD!!!! :eek:

[video]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x2B2PL7oapw[/video]
 
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Talmidium

Guest
#6
Hello, Talmidium :) Welcome to CC!!!

It's good that you are actively serving in a church ministry, and that you are after a girl who desires to serve our LORD :)

I know that it is a guy's job to find his mate :) after all, he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains our GOD's favor (Proverbs 18:22). This verse applies to one to whom HE has genuinely placed the desire to marry in that person's heart. Meaning most of us XD

But, i would like to say that, first: Don't let the statistics bother you. You pointed out "most" of the girls your age are either married, or interested with the things of GOD.

Most, but NOT all :) so here's the second advice: Don't settle!!!

There is nothing wrong with ending up with someone younger. But don't pursue them just because you see them as your only :eek: viable option :( I agree with hoss2576. That age group your considering still has to go through A LOT of significant life experiences that they need to shape their character, and determine how they see life and themselves, and how they would relate to others. You wouldn't want to end up with someone who's immature, and would make you feel more like a parent, or someone who's holding her back from so many things they would still want to experience or explore in her life.

You know what? :) Rest easy. Our LORD knows EXACTLY what your heart desires. To the letter :) and HE will grant you that, and so much more. Everything HE knows that will truly delight you AND be good for you. For everything HE does is for our good, and for HIS glory.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. :)

In my case, when I stopped struggling, and learned to truly, completely entrust to Papa GOD every aspect of my life, including my love life (which I just couldn't submit to HIM at all for years), and to not worry about ending up with anybody at all (which was easier said than done XD I was mortified at the thought of ending up alone...dying alone. It was a grave source of depression and desperation in my life o.o;)....when I finally saw that Papa GOD is ALL THAT I NEED, and the True Source of Joy and Delight in my life :eek: that was when I finally received what my heart was crying for. True peace and comfort...true joy :eek: True love, fashioned after HIS love :eek: everything I have ever longed and hoped for, and everything I never expected. HE made the impossible happen!!! :eek:

I know you are familiar with this verse, but I hope you discover the hidden treasure I have found here:

Matthew 6:33 Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)


33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Last piece of advice, and the most important: Focus on HIM.


There's nothing wrong with longing for that special someone. Nothing wrong with desiring to find her and be with her at last. Nothing wrong with looking. But don't let it be your focus. Don't let it be an idol in your life. It was mine, for many years....and in the process of wanting it so badly, I fell into A LOT of unnecessary heartache. And worse, I wasted so many years I could've come to know Father GOD and HIS Word more deeply and intimately...

i used to really dislike this verse, to be honest. I didn't like the idea of submitting my love life to HIM o.o; and I struggled so hard with seeking HIS kingdom. I never felt adequate or holy or righteous enough to want to seek HIM and HIS righteousness...I was just trying to follow this advice, in hopes of getting the supposed reward of HIM adding to me what I desired to get....I kept praying and demanding what I saw would make me happy. And, because I was so stubborn, HE did answer my prayer. I did get what I asked for, but at the same time, I didn't. I really just wanted to be happy....I thought I was. But in the end, I just became more miserable and broken with my choices.

When I finally learned to let go, and to truly focus on HIM and desire HIM, that was when that verse became clear to me. That was when I learned that IT IS THE BEST ADVICE THERE IS :) Now, it's my favorite go-to verse :eek: To set me straight and inspire me, and to help brethren in their struggles.

You see, I found the truth in that verse that I have been overlooking for so many years, all caught up in my pursuit of happiness....of that reward, that treasure that was supposed to fulfill me.

And what is the truth???

This: the our LORD IS The Reward. The Treasure beyond compare :eek: the One True Source of Joy, Fulfillment, Inspiration, and Love we could ever need!!!! Everything else that HE bestows upon us is just a bonus :) at HIS perfect time, when HE sees that you are truly ready for that blessing of a mate (and when she is ready for you, too), HE Himself will bring you together :eek: count on it.

I hope that, when you discover this beautiful truth, you'd start seeing life with fresh new eyes, expectant of what amazing and awe-inspiring thing HE would reveal to you, from day to day :) dare to expect only the very best HE has in store for you, and so much more. Because our GOD, indeed, is an AWESOME GOD!!!! :eek:

[video]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x2B2PL7oapw[/video]
I understand what ya mean, i havnt pursued a relationship in years im just kinda ready to see what i can find. And it seems like all the girls that are single are quite younger then me. Like you said mosy of them are immature so i dont pursue them bc ik what i want. I want someone that just has a passion for Yahweh, and being in his pressance. Someone that has a love for Gods Word and desires to share it. I just havnt found that that girl yet. But i dont want to count a lady out bc maybe she is younger. Like my best friends wife just turned 19 but they been together since she was 15 been married for 3 years has 2 beautiful boys and they both have such a heart for God and he is a month older then me.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
Weird? No. Wise? That's another story. At 18-20 peoples minds are not even finished developing. There can often still be a 'high school' mentality. Sometimes even through college this mentality continues. You're at that rough age where people who are going to grow up start actually growing up, but age wise immature people are in range to date.

Something to consider though. If you, as a youth pastor, were to date someone 18, that's still kind of in range for your youth (assuming it goes up to 17, as most do). That's kind of like dating one of the 'kids' you're teaching. How awkward would you feel introducing someone their age to them as your girlfriend? Or how do you think it would cause you to be perceived by your youth? Or even some of their parents? 'Hey mom, pastor Tals new girlfriend is only 2 years older than me'. How do you think a parent would respond to that?

When people tell stories that there is 'no one around' do to age or whatever reasons, i'm reminded of a friend of a friend (oh yes, one of those). She refused to date, instead she prayed and waited for God to bring her someone at the right time. She struggled often as she got into her 30s and still didn't see anyone she even saw as a prospect. In her mid-30s she met a man. At her own church. They had both been members there for years, yet had never really met. They ended up marrying. Both virgins. Neither had ever dated. Similar age range. Same church. Same beliefs. So it wasn't that no one was there, it was just they hadn't been aware of each other until the right time.
 
K

kennethcadwell

Guest
#8
Hey bro's and sisters in Christ! So i live in a area that is made up of 4 towns all within 10 miles of each other and this area largly consists of adults 50+. So for me its been hard to find someone to share my life with. The sad thing is most of the girls around my age here have no interests in serving God or are married. So my question is that since most of the single ladys where i live are around 18 to 20 do you think its wierd if me being a 26 year old youth pastor, trying to find someone around those ages? Thanks yall.
There is nothing in wrong with that at all.

There is nothing in God's law against this, and He even told us to follow mans laws as long as they don't go against His.
The public law makes a person a legal adult at 18, so that would not be against that either.

People only have a problem with it because it is against their own personal standards.

Try to find one who is in God, but if not then at least try and find one who has an open mind.

Because if they are open minded then they could be brought to the truth in Jesus.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
Some open minded people never come to Christ while some close minded people do. The logic that dating an 'open minded person' because the 'might' (and they might not) come to Christ is incorrect thinking.
 
A

Angel0401

Guest
#10
Shalom brother! :)
Brother, age doesn't matter if God destined you to be partner.
I just remember this verse:
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and received es favor from the Lord."
Prov 18:22