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I agree with Ugly's response. I also have my own health issues, so it would be very unlikely of me being with someone who also has health problems, especially if I have to care for them as well as myself. Having health problems of your own is hard enough, without having to try and take care of a spouse, etc, with health problems also.
A
I would not rule out anyone God has put in my life. Whatever the sickness or mental disability I can always love them with the love God has for them. Now would some sickness preclude an intimate relationship, yes especially with sexual diseases like aids. Does that mean I can't love them, heck no. As long as they are living for God, who am I to judge them?
Yes! Why not?
I´m currently healthy, but i don´t know if I´m dying tomorrow or in a week or a month. sometimes I wish I knew they knew they were sick, because I consider important they could warn those who approach them but, as I know people´s mind, I would dare to say most of those who could be sick, mentally or physically, would not warn any person, at the moment of dating, because too few people are really willing to miss a chance to be loved, enjoyed or shared.
I´m thankful those I dated (or planed to be dating) told me who they were, in advance and, to my records, I know who had mental illnesses, heart problems, etc., though I ignored who had AIDS or any STDs.
In my mind I have rehearsed loving blind or other sick persons but, I have the hunch they are more afraid of me than I am of them (btw, it´s not my fault, because love is not afraid of loving).
I´m currently healthy, but i don´t know if I´m dying tomorrow or in a week or a month. sometimes I wish I knew they knew they were sick, because I consider important they could warn those who approach them but, as I know people´s mind, I would dare to say most of those who could be sick, mentally or physically, would not warn any person, at the moment of dating, because too few people are really willing to miss a chance to be loved, enjoyed or shared.
I´m thankful those I dated (or planed to be dating) told me who they were, in advance and, to my records, I know who had mental illnesses, heart problems, etc., though I ignored who had AIDS or any STDs.
In my mind I have rehearsed loving blind or other sick persons but, I have the hunch they are more afraid of me than I am of them (btw, it´s not my fault, because love is not afraid of loving).
H
No. That's setting yourself up for stress, hurt, sadness, disappointment.. etc.. etc... I especially wouldn't date anyone with a mental illness. I'm assuming that's what you meant by mental disease.
With mental illness you never know what you're going to get. People are already crazy.... add a mental illness into the mix and it's just a disaster.
I would actually date someone with cancer or AIDS over a person with a mental illness.
With mental illness you never know what you're going to get. People are already crazy.... add a mental illness into the mix and it's just a disaster.
I would actually date someone with cancer or AIDS over a person with a mental illness.
I married a woman who had debilitating arthritis along with other health issues. She was mobile at the time of our marriage but we both knew that in a few years she would no longer be able to walk. She was very honest and open right from the start of our relationship. Her health was serious concern for me because of my love for her but it was not an issue in starting and pursuing a relationship. Everyone has issues of one sort or another and sometimes these accumulate over a period of years and they are to be expected, and possibly resolved in a loving way. This is especially true as you get older as we start to accumulate baggage. If you cannot accept a person for who they are or the struggles they are enduring alone than it is best not to get started down the path of a relationship. It all depends on the capacity in your heart for sharing your love and the abilities that God has given you or your desire to be the best loving and faithful husband or wife that you can be.
I have no regrets about marriage, even though it was hard and very much a struggle. My decision to marry this woman was the best one that I ever made and was a result of considerable prayer and reflection on what it was that I truly desired in a woman, and that was to be loved and accepted for the man that I was. She is gone now but I still have love in my heart for her and always will.
I have no regrets about marriage, even though it was hard and very much a struggle. My decision to marry this woman was the best one that I ever made and was a result of considerable prayer and reflection on what it was that I truly desired in a woman, and that was to be loved and accepted for the man that I was. She is gone now but I still have love in my heart for her and always will.
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I find myself agreeing with Holly and then I read posts like Tourist's and I'm like, "Wow, I wish I could be that kind of person, too!"
I dated a single dad with severe alcoholism for 3 years. I know this isn't necessarily a terminal disease or mental illness, but I can tell you from my experience that I wound up using all my resources to pay for him and his children while he sat around in a drunken stupor. OF COURSE not every situation is like this but I was very naive going into the situation. I even thought it might be God's calling for me to care for his kids.
Allow me to be blunt. The entire situation was a living hell. I'm not saying this to discourage anyone, but to be honest. If you are faced with the decision of whether or not to enter into a relationship that includes these issues, find out as much as you can about the issue, talk to people who have dealt with it, and make sure you are able to take care of yourself as well and have a good support network.
After this experience, I think I could be friends with someone who has these issues, limiting my support to friendship only, but would most likely not choose to date them.
I also had a friend several years ago who, in her 20's, was engaged to a young man who had leukemia. As heartbreaking as it was, his treatment was not successful and she was there with him, holding his hand when he took his last breath in the hospital.
But, as others have pointed out, we will all die someday and we never know when tragedy may strike.
So... I can't say "never" with absolute certainty. God has this way of changing my mind about things...
I dated a single dad with severe alcoholism for 3 years. I know this isn't necessarily a terminal disease or mental illness, but I can tell you from my experience that I wound up using all my resources to pay for him and his children while he sat around in a drunken stupor. OF COURSE not every situation is like this but I was very naive going into the situation. I even thought it might be God's calling for me to care for his kids.
Allow me to be blunt. The entire situation was a living hell. I'm not saying this to discourage anyone, but to be honest. If you are faced with the decision of whether or not to enter into a relationship that includes these issues, find out as much as you can about the issue, talk to people who have dealt with it, and make sure you are able to take care of yourself as well and have a good support network.
After this experience, I think I could be friends with someone who has these issues, limiting my support to friendship only, but would most likely not choose to date them.
I also had a friend several years ago who, in her 20's, was engaged to a young man who had leukemia. As heartbreaking as it was, his treatment was not successful and she was there with him, holding his hand when he took his last breath in the hospital.
But, as others have pointed out, we will all die someday and we never know when tragedy may strike.
So... I can't say "never" with absolute certainty. God has this way of changing my mind about things...
A
I grew up with a mentally ill father (alcoholic too) combine his illness severity and alcohol and prescription drugs...you get hell on earth. About 10 years ago I was diagnosed as bipolar. You can imagine the hell I went through thinking about my dad and his crazy friends as the only ones I ever had as an example. I did not want to be like my dad! I railed against God for this cruel twist in my life. You know what God said to me? He said, you are not your father. Yes I had a few rough years but with God guiding me, we found what worked for me. I am now stable, happy and full of God's joy. I do still have a few depressed days but I lean on God for comfort and I know that it will pass. I have a greater understanding for those with mental illnesses now. I know how hard it can be and I can testify to God's healing power, Grace and love.
I would definitely say not to date someone with a mental illness if they are not close to God and not walking out the healing process for their illness. Like any illness, mental illness requires care and diligence. It means eating healthy, exercising, taking meds or other treatments, doctor visits and therapy.
there are mentally ill people that do not act crazy. I am one.
L
it's good when completely heartless people just make it obvious they're living without a heart... makes it a lot easier than trying to figure out if someone has no sense of compassion. i guess i should be grateful when people don't hide that fact about themselves, though i'm used to narcissists and sociopaths (and psychopaths) trying to hide their mental illnesses.
you're right... we live in a crazy world and if that kind of response is normal i guess so is mental illness then. by the way, you have one. it's called a cluster b personality disorder. it's common with people who lack empathy and compassion.
you're right... we live in a crazy world and if that kind of response is normal i guess so is mental illness then. by the way, you have one. it's called a cluster b personality disorder. it's common with people who lack empathy and compassion.
I completely understand what you're saying, but the thing is, how do you know that she doesn't struggle with these things?
I've struggled with depression all my life, including things like cutting and suicide attempts. I understand Holly's point of view because for me, and I speak only for me, not her, but I know how difficult it's been in my own life. I could not feasibly at this point take care of both myself and another person with the same issues. We might very likely wind up committing suicide together, and I say that in all seriousness because I myself would be very hesitant about dating someone with severe depression.
I praise God that He's brought me through a lot of it now, but a relationship like that would suck me into a downward spiral faster than pulling the plug from a bathtub.
Sometimes we say what we do because of personal experience. I've known many people who are dealing with bipolar parents and terminally ill relatives and it's a living hell. Now in some cases, it might be preparing them for such a relationship. But most of the people I've talked to who are dealing with this would never knowingly enter into a relationship with that kind of issue.
Lav, I completely respect you and just read your last post, but I have to say, Holly is far from heartless. She's listened to me and prayed with/for me many times here. She is a very real person and more direct that most are used to (because she's honest--many are thinking the same things but afraid to say it) and I totally respect her and love her for that.
I've struggled with depression all my life, including things like cutting and suicide attempts. I understand Holly's point of view because for me, and I speak only for me, not her, but I know how difficult it's been in my own life. I could not feasibly at this point take care of both myself and another person with the same issues. We might very likely wind up committing suicide together, and I say that in all seriousness because I myself would be very hesitant about dating someone with severe depression.
I praise God that He's brought me through a lot of it now, but a relationship like that would suck me into a downward spiral faster than pulling the plug from a bathtub.
Sometimes we say what we do because of personal experience. I've known many people who are dealing with bipolar parents and terminally ill relatives and it's a living hell. Now in some cases, it might be preparing them for such a relationship. But most of the people I've talked to who are dealing with this would never knowingly enter into a relationship with that kind of issue.
Lav, I completely respect you and just read your last post, but I have to say, Holly is far from heartless. She's listened to me and prayed with/for me many times here. She is a very real person and more direct that most are used to (because she's honest--many are thinking the same things but afraid to say it) and I totally respect her and love her for that.
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