What is it that Christian guys are waiting to see in a girl before asking her out?

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Louise31

Guest
#1
#1
I'm curious as to what Christian guys are waiting to see in a Christian girl before they will ask her out? I understand that for some guys it's just about being scared of rejection etc. but for as a Christian girl I don't know how I'm supposed to let a guy I like know 'hey if you ask me out I won't reject you'. It's really hard to have to wait for a guy to ask you out (and I won't ask a guy out myself because to me if he can't take the lead in asking me out how can I be sure that he'll take the lead in a marriage or family). But what can a Christian girl do to let a guy know that she would like to be asked out?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
For you? Nothing much. Guys are not wired to pick up on 'signals' by their nature. Women like to speak in hints and signals. This is why i believe that 'its the mens role' to ask women out or speak up first is nonsense. A mans ability to speak up in his interest does not automatically equate to him being unable to lead his family. And if you don't know a guy well enough to know if he is able to do so, then why are you that interested?
Really the most you can do is the stereotypical stuff. If you aren't willing to speak up for what you want and think it's someone elses job to notice what you want, then all you can do is the old, normal flirty stuff and hope you're being clear.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#3
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
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#3
Louise31 said:
I'm curious as to what Christian guys are waiting to see in a Christian girl before they will ask her out?
Click to expand...
What are we waiting to see in a Christian girl before we ask her out? Hmm, I can tell you what I wait to see -

- The conviction in her faith (why does she believe in Christ?)

- Does she come across as being needy, clingy, stalkerish, or any other peculiar type of person?

- Do I know her enough - her past, her present and her future?

- Do we share common interests?

- Is she likely to be a boost or a drag for me?

- Last of all, is she sending out mixed signals when she does not intend to encourage a romantic relationship with me?


Louise31 said:
But what can a Christian girl do to let a guy know that she would like to be asked out?
Click to expand...
Here's the problem. Women always communicate in hints and gestures. Reading a woman's mind is like reading a script in hieroglyphics. We always wonder 'She likes me. She likes me not. Does she? Does she not?' We men fail miserably at it because we emphasize on direct communication. If you like a guy first, tell him directly. There is nothing wrong in letting him know that you like him. It does not reflect his capacity to take the lead in the relationship. But whether he would accept or not, it is up to him.

A man hesitates to ask a girl out because he is not sure whether she likes him the way he likes her. Imagine he goes up to her and asks her out. And she says 'But I have only thought of you as a really close friend!' OR worse, 'I have always thought of you as the brother I never had!' Women need to make things a little simpler. Along with your hints and gestures, please throw in some direct phrases that would convey the message clearly.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
8,156
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#4
If a man is good friends with a woman, he is hesitant to ask her out because if she turns him down it will make their friendship awkward. I would elaborate but it's too early in the day. Need more caffeine.
 
I

Inu

Guest
#5
#5
Roh_Chris said:
Here's the problem. Women always communicate in hints and gestures. Reading a woman's mind is like reading a script in hieroglyphics. We always wonder 'She likes me. She likes me not. Does she? Does she not?' We men fail miserably at it because we emphasize on direct communication. If you like a guy first, tell him directly. There is nothing wrong in letting him know that you like him. It does not reflect his capacity to take the lead in the relationship. But whether he would accept or not, it is up to him.

A man hesitates to ask a girl out because he is not sure whether she likes him the way he likes her. Imagine he goes up to her and asks her out. And she says 'But I have only thought of you as a really close friend!' OR worse, 'I have always thought of you as the brother I never had!' Women need to make things a little simpler. Along with your hints and gestures, please throw in some direct phrases that would convey the message clearly.
Click to expand...
Okay, so I have to say, I understand where you guys are coming from but trust me when I say that it's the same for a lot of woman too.... Not sure how to read the guy, is he into me... is he not..., fear of being rejected... It's familiar emotions for a female who is interested in a guy but does not know what the outcome of expressing her feelings may be...

Man or woman, you will never know if that person really likes you if you don't take that step and try to initiate a conversation that leads to a possible date or relationship.
 
L

Louise31

Guest
#6
#6
Roh_Chris said:
Here's the problem. Women always communicate in hints and gestures. Reading a woman's mind is like reading a script in hieroglyphics. We always wonder 'She likes me. She likes me not. Does she? Does she not?' We men fail miserably at it because we emphasize on direct communication. If you like a guy first, tell him directly. There is nothing wrong in letting him know that you like him. It does not reflect his capacity to take the lead in the relationship. But whether he would accept or not, it is up to him.

A man hesitates to ask a girl out because he is not sure whether she likes him the way he likes her. Imagine he goes up to her and asks her out. And she says 'But I have only thought of you as a really close friend!' OR worse, 'I have always thought of you as the brother I never had!' Women need to make things a little simpler. Along with your hints and gestures, please throw in some direct phrases that would convey the message clearly.
Click to expand...


How do you just slide something like that into conversation without making things really awkward? I feel like being too straight forward would come across as weird. Here we are having a lovely normal conversation then I say something like 'I like you' and all of a sudden he realises that I haven't been focusing on the conversation but for all he knows I could be planning the weddig and 5 kids names in my head. Or am I reading into it more than a guy would?
 
MartyrNdaMaKn

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
#7
Jan 22, 2013
4,482
12
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#7
When I find out myself, I will be the first to let you know.
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#8
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#8
You could say something like, "Hey we should hang out more," or if you would like to be more direct, "Hey we should get to know each other better," or, "I'd like to get to know you better."

You could just ask him.

Personally, I like to know someone fairly well before - so just be prepared to chat, get to know the person and hang out a bit before perhaps.

I don't know...
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#9
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#9
Inu said:
Man or woman, you will never know if that person really likes you if you don't take that step and try to initiate a conversation that leads to a possible date or relationship.
Click to expand...
You have a point. Maybe the problem is the same for both the sexes.


Louise31 said:
How do you just slide something like that into conversation without making things really awkward? I feel like being too straight forward would come across as weird. Here we are having a lovely normal conversation then I say something like 'I like you' and all of a sudden he realises that I haven't been focusing on the conversation but for all he knows I could be planning the weddig and 5 kids names in my head. Or am I reading into it more than a guy would?
Click to expand...
Well, that's why you first need to make him feel comfortable with you. You have to try and make him open up, though it depends on his personality. Things are easier when you both are emotionally comfortable with each other. You cannot tell him that you like him without at least being sure if he likes to spend his time with you. Feel his pulse and then take the plunge. And make sure the occasion is right and he is in the right frame of mind. Giving him a hint of what you want to talk about before you meet him would also help him be prepared for it. And above all, keep it in prayer.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#11
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#11
Louise31 said:
I'm curious as to what Christian guys are waiting to see in a Christian girl before they will ask her out? I understand that for some guys it's just about being scared of rejection etc. but for as a Christian girl I don't know how I'm supposed to let a guy I like know 'hey if you ask me out I won't reject you'. It's really hard to have to wait for a guy to ask you out (and I won't ask a guy out myself because to me if he can't take the lead in asking me out how can I be sure that he'll take the lead in a marriage or family). But what can a Christian girl do to let a guy know that she would like to be asked out?
Click to expand...
I think Christian guys are more careful and picky about asking out. The Christian guy actually thinks long term. Contrast that with the secular guy who may just go for a pretty face. Christian guy may take his time. I believe this is probably a huge factor for Christian guys and why a Christian guy may not ask a Christian girl out.

Take me for instance, I don't like it when Christian girls where short shorts. I like scouting out Christian girls who wear skirts or dresses and if they're not around, jeans. I think its a sign of modesty. Next, I'd find out if she is actually a Christian... talk about her faith... testimony perhaps. Then get to know her a bit... see what's she like... is she fairly nice? Also, look for any feminism, bad behavior, liberalism... all the same. And if in the conversation she isn't like this and there's some kind of connection* then maybe she's one to ask out. :)

I mean just look at what Christian guys say on these forums. You hear them thinking about character and other long-term things.

Anyways, if you want to get the attention of a Christian guy... just be nice, smile, compliment the guy. All this should be easy to do since you like the guy already. Basically, show subtle interest. Unfortunately, I think this is a tough strategy but eventually he'll get the idea. Also, you just being pleasant around him... is probably just going to help you out.

I think a thing most guys really like in a woman is just how pleasant she can be. Contrast that with an angry, princess-complex, egotistical, thinks the world should do her bidding... liberal feminist. The pleasant, classy, modest Christian girl is far better.
 
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cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#14
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#14
Ok I've got the solution, we need to get t-shirts made for everyone:

For the girls: One modest woman of godly character waiting for a godly man to ask her out.

For the guys: I don't want to break your heart so I'm going to spend time getting to know you before asking you out, please be patient.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#15
Mar 13, 2014
41,304
16,297
113
69
Tennessee
#15
Louise31 said:
I'm curious as to what Christian guys are waiting to see in a Christian girl before they will ask her out? I understand that for some guys it's just about being scared of rejection etc. but for as a Christian girl I don't know how I'm supposed to let a guy I like know 'hey if you ask me out I won't reject you'. It's really hard to have to wait for a guy to ask you out (and I won't ask a guy out myself because to me if he can't take the lead in asking me out how can I be sure that he'll take the lead in a marriage or family). But what can a Christian girl do to let a guy know that she would like to be asked out?
Click to expand...
For myself I have no fear of rejection as I believe that nothing ventured, nothing gained. What you can do to let a guy know that you would like to be asked out? I suggest that you show genuine interest in him as a man for starters. After that don't be afraid to show a little affection and perhaps, sing him a song. If he can't take this hint then he must be brain dead and his heart lacks warmth and intimacy. Do not marry a zombie
 
MartyrNdaMaKn

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
#16
Jan 22, 2013
4,482
12
38
#16
cinder said:
Ok I've got the solution, we need to get t-shirts made for everyone:

For the girls: One modest woman of godly character waiting for a godly man to ask her out.

For the guys: I don't want to break your heart so I'm going to spend time getting to know you before asking you out, please be patient.
Click to expand...
Or you can state pros and cons on the shirts. Mine would read, looking for a lady who can cook and clean.
 
J

jeremyPJ

Guest
#17
#17
If you are in a worship group that meets outside the church during the week, that would be a more relaxed setting. Some churches have those. A few folks could all agree to go out, bowling, a movie, whatever and get to know each other better that way. Just an idea...
 
R

Raine

Guest
#18
#18
Roh_Chris said:
You have a point. Maybe the problem is the same for both the sexes.




Well, that's why you first need to make him feel comfortable with you. You have to try and make him open up, though it depends on his personality. Things are easier when you both are emotionally comfortable with each other. You cannot tell him that you like him without at least being sure if he likes to spend his time with you. Feel his pulse and then take the plunge. And make sure the occasion is right and he is in the right frame of mind. Giving him a hint of what you want to talk about before you meet him would also help him be prepared for it. And above all, keep it in prayer.
Click to expand...
That's so true! I have enjoyed my guy friendships most when we had interest in each other, but since we were comfortable with one another and open with each other we could simply expressed our interest in each other with no pressure. Then, if that interest went nowhere we were ok with it. Things would just return to friendship and negative feelings never developed between us. I think my male friends actually have more respect for me due to this kind of honest friendship because then they do not feel like you are making them guess or playing with their heart.
cinder said:
Ok I've got the solution, we need to get t-shirts made for everyone:

For the girls: One modest woman of godly character waiting for a godly man to ask her out.

For the guys: I don't want to break your heart so I'm going to spend time getting to know you before asking you out, please be patient.
Click to expand...
Yessss!!! I am definitely one of those naive girls who gives my heart away too fast to guys who do not take the time to know me first and end up hurt. I would like to believe that I am wiser now. Great point cinder.
 
A

arwen-undomiel

Guest
#20
#20
this is what i've learned from talking to the guys on here...this is what they need:


girl-is-interested-in-me.jpg
 
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