"Getting" and "Keeping"

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
There are a lot of threads about how to find someone, meet someone, attract someone, etc. in this forum. But what then?

You find someone. You meet someone. You attract someone. You "hit it off". Whatever you want to call it...

BUT, attraction will only get you so far. What then?

THE QUESTION OF THE THREAD:
WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GO THE DISTANCE? GET THROUGH THE "FOR BETTER/FOR WORSE" STUFF?

I, of course, realize that some relationships are not going to work out because a person is not the person you initially believed them to be, red flags pop up, etc. I'm talking about what happens once you have sifted through all of that (as much as possible), have prayed A LOT and have decided (with God's help, of course) that this person is the person you'd like to spend the rest of your life with.

Married folks, please feel free to chime in here. Who better to answer? :)

Okay...GO!

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B

biscuit

Guest
#2
#2
It is one's upbringing, religious beliefs, family values moral conviction that are important to me. What I found to be a great nuisance when getting serious with a woman, was her 'inability' to breakaway from family & friends. Instead of two minds forging as one, it was forging everything around them. I find very few women are just incapable of standing on their two feet alone, independently, willing to work with a man as a duo. This was a HUGE RED FLAG to me. A woman & man who are serious about each other should be able to plan together "without outside interference," for better or worse The bigger problem starts when family, friends and etc. are added into the equation. The couple need to learn to solve their own problems without outside interference. going to family & friends should be the last resort.

I am sure some women have the same problem.
 
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B

biscuit

Guest
#3
#3
What will get & keep a couple together through dating, engagement & marriage will be:

 LOVE
RESPECT
TRUST
FAITH
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#4
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#4
God should be the center of the relationship and He needs to be in first place. My failed marriage was lack of communication, lack of respect and lack of putting God in His rightful place. Given a second chance God will have first place in our lives and then it would be a pleasure to give love, respect and trust to my spouse.

Of course getting married at 17 was probably one of my first mistakes. At 59 now I have learned a thing or two and would be able to be a much better partner in a marriage.
 
H

Ho11y

Guest
#5
#5
I'd also like to ask the married people: How can i better hide my crazy until AFTER the wedding? :D
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#6
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#6
Ho11y said:
I'd also like to ask the married people: How can i better hide my crazy until AFTER the wedding? :D
Click to expand...
I wouldn't know. I don't even try to hide my 'crazy' anymore. Of course, I am currently not married but that is subject to change.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#7
#7
I feel uniquely unqualified to answer this question despite having lots of experience in somehow managing to stay married. All's I can say is...God works miracles.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
Personally i like to slowly and systematically destroy relationships through waves of self doubt, fear and insecurity. Gradually pushing the person away until they get tired of it and finally leave. That way, when i say 'i knew they would leave me one day' i can feel justified in my belief. :p
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,268
113
#9
Jullianna said:
There are a lot of threads about how to find someone, meet someone, attract someone, etc. in this forum. But what then?

You find someone. You meet someone. You attract someone. You "hit it off". Whatever you want to call it...

BUT, attraction will only get you so far. What then?

THE QUESTION OF THE THREAD:
WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GO THE DISTANCE? GET THROUGH THE "FOR BETTER/FOR WORSE" STUFF?

I, of course, realize that some relationships are not going to work out because a person is not the person you initially believed them to be, red flags pop up, etc. I'm talking about what happens once you have sifted through all of that (as much as possible), have prayed A LOT and have decided (with God's help, of course) that this person is the person you'd like to spend the rest of your life with.

Married folks, please feel free to chime in here. Who better to answer? :)

Okay...GO!
Click to expand...
Although I've never been married or anything, I do have some thoughts on this from my exhaustive study of reading advice columns and women's magazine articles as I was growing up :p

I hate to sound cliche but the answer is really akin to what Jesus and the bible says about love (patience, forgiveness, kindness, humility (admitting when you are wrong), honor, etc..).

Of course it also has to be a two-way street.. if one partner does everything in their power to destroy the relationship then its going to fail no matter what. That's the real secret though isn't it?? The secret is connecting two people that are willing to give the bible's version of love an honest try.
 
S

Shouryu

Guest
#10
#10
Ho11y said:
I'd also like to ask the married people: How can i better hide my crazy until AFTER the wedding? :D
Click to expand...
My crazy is about the only thing that attracts women to me, which is why I have it on full display at all times.

Of course, crazy does tend to attract...well...more crazy.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#11
#11
I'm just glad Zero brought donuts to the thread :)
 
Loveneverfails

Loveneverfails

Senior Member
#12
Feb 18, 2013
1,294
26
0
#12
- Being quick to listen and forgive, slow to speak or assume.
- open, honest communication, always flavored with grace and kindness.
- putting the other person's needs above your own.
- Being gracious and understanding.
- Supporting his/her endeavors, celebrating their successes, and not mocking or condemning their failures.
- Not discussing important matters when one of you is already angry/irritated.
- Approaching problems as a team, with the goal being to resolve the problem rather than to "win" the argument.
- Study their character, personality, and mannerisms. The more you know them, the more sensitive you will be to subtle clues, such as being aware of when they may need their space vs. when they may need a listening ear.
- one of the most powerful blessings you can give your partner is to continually nurture your relationship with Christ. If we are to love others as He loves us, how can we do that without being intimately acquainted with Him?


I say this not as someone who has mastered these things, but as someone who has been on the receiving end of this treatment. It was sure enough to "keep" me. I'm learning every day to be better.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#13
#13
Shouryu said:
My crazy is about the only thing that attracts women to me, which is why I have it on full display at all times.

Of course, crazy does tend to attract...well...more crazy.
Click to expand...

Same here.

But seriously, I don't have a bad boy complex, and I'm conservative enough that if people didn't see my crazy side, they'd think I have no idea how to have fun. Showing off the crazy is a necessary evil.

This way at least people know I can laugh at the dumbest things, and perhaps I can spread some mirth in the process.


Though attracting crazy.... yeah it usually seems to be the wrong kind of crazy. Deeply disturbed crazy, or needs rescuing crazy (run)!
 
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