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N
When it comes to Dating/Love/Marriage etc. Well it not an easy thing because it consists of two people coming together in the same interest, but also they have a great different. Dating is good. It's just like making a friend, but with more interest on the love, marriage aspect. For me personally. When it comes to dating. I rather think of the person as a friend than lover. You can't break up with a friend(it hard to do), but you can break up with a lover in an instance.
Of course, we could always look at what scripture says and go with that … naaaaahhhhh. Ok, If we were really interested in God’s opinion, we could go to 1 CO. 7
1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
(Context determines meaning. Are we talking about holding hands? Nope. Look at the next verse. What kind of touching puts you at risk of this?)
1Co 7:2 But because of fornication, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
(To summarize the N.T. reason for getting married, it is to avoid fornication, because if you don’t, get married, you will have premarital sex eventually, or some other type of “fornication”. Basically the rest follows along this line. If you aren’t signing up for the “job” because you do not have the issue, i.e. struggling with things that could easily lead to fornication, then you have no business advertising by dating. Go out with groups if you enjoy the company and fellowship, but, according to scripture, don’t date. Here’s the job description you are advertising for if you do choose to date
1Co 7:3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
1Co 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
(This is the one place in scripture where you both have equal authority over each other. If EITHER OF YOU, EVER wants to, then you do, UNLESS YOU BOTH agree not to for a short period of time, and then … back to it. THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE SIGNING ON FOR.)
1Co 7:5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(As just stated, Self-control, i.e. being at risk of fornication if you do not get married is, as I said, a repeated theme. It’s also why you are never to deprive your spouse EVER, unless it is by agreement. )
1Co 7:6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
(Yes, getting married, as a result of dating, is a concession, not a command. Now for what is better, remaining single, and the fact that it is a matter of “Giftedness” that determines whether or not you should get married or not. If you are gifted with “Self-control” and are not at risk of committing fornication, remain single. If you have the other area of “Giftedness”, uncontrollable lust, get married and use that gift with each other.)
1Co 7:7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
(What’s better? Again, singleness.)
1Co 7:8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
(Again, the only reason to get married, and thus to date: IF YOU DO NOT HAVE SELF-CONTROL, GET MARRIED. Better that than to burn with passion.)
1Co 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
(Then the stuff on already being married and dealing with that …)
7:10 -24
(Back to the topic on getting married or remaining single, dating to get married or not. It is not a command to get married, it is not a command, not to. Keep that in mind.)
1Co 7:25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy.
1Co 7:26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
1Co 7:27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
(Stay as you are … IF YOU CAN. But if you get married because inappropriate touching will lead to fornication and you don’t have self-control, get married… second verse same as the first …)
1Co 7:28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.
(Getting married means having more trouble. Getting married means that your time, life, body … s not your own. Getting married means that you are no longer free to decide by yourself how you will serve the Lord … that pretty much sums the next few verses up, along with seeking to redeem as much time as you can for the Lord, considering your … uh … handicap. So to speak.)
1Co 7:29 But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none;
1Co 7:30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess;
1Co 7:31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.
1Co 7:32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord;
1Co 7:33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,
1Co 7:34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1Co 7:35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
(Back to the lack of self-control, back to the it is better not to touch a woman … even if this is you, you both, that is, if you need to get married because things are getting out of hand, or rather into hand, then get married. Here’s the kicker. YOU HAVE NOT SINNED. Remember the one gift in this manner, one the gift in the other part. )
1Co 7:36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry.
(Back to the other side of the issue … If you are firm in your own heart. If you feel no constraints of the flesh, or risks in that manner, if you have authority over your own will and can prevent things from getting into hand … DO NOT GET MARRIED.)
1Co 7:37 But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.
(Ok, neither matter is an issue of sin. It is simply an area of giftedness, with one being a little better than the other from the serving the Lord standpoint, the having trouble in the world standpoint, being ordered by God to be your spouses sex toy at a moments notice … wait … I am married … I got married for the biblical reasons listed here … I like that. Where’s my wife?)
1Co 7:38 So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.
1Co 7:39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
1Co 7:40 But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.
(Keep in mind that while Paul doesn’t give a command here, one way or another, either he does have the Spirit of God, and thus we don’t have to scrap a lot of our N.T., or he doesn’t have the Spirit of God and we can scrap a lot of the scriptures. If you aren’t into cutting out entire books and letters of the scripture, then perhaps you should accept this as the teaching of the Lord.)
But this isn't about dating. Ok, let's say you find a Christian brother/sister of the opposite sex, and you both agree that this is not an issue, so you start "dating" and spending time together. Inevitably someone starts having feelings for the other, starts having desires, and what happens ... a lot of pain, the one whose desires got "turned on" doesn't have an outlet, and the troubles begin. Why play with fire? Go out as a group and don't risk messing with things that aren't already "turned on" so to speak.
Does this make sense. Otherwise, what you see here is what you will have.
1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
(Context determines meaning. Are we talking about holding hands? Nope. Look at the next verse. What kind of touching puts you at risk of this?)
1Co 7:2 But because of fornication, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
(To summarize the N.T. reason for getting married, it is to avoid fornication, because if you don’t, get married, you will have premarital sex eventually, or some other type of “fornication”. Basically the rest follows along this line. If you aren’t signing up for the “job” because you do not have the issue, i.e. struggling with things that could easily lead to fornication, then you have no business advertising by dating. Go out with groups if you enjoy the company and fellowship, but, according to scripture, don’t date. Here’s the job description you are advertising for if you do choose to date
1Co 7:3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
1Co 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
(This is the one place in scripture where you both have equal authority over each other. If EITHER OF YOU, EVER wants to, then you do, UNLESS YOU BOTH agree not to for a short period of time, and then … back to it. THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE SIGNING ON FOR.)
1Co 7:5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
(As just stated, Self-control, i.e. being at risk of fornication if you do not get married is, as I said, a repeated theme. It’s also why you are never to deprive your spouse EVER, unless it is by agreement. )
1Co 7:6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
(Yes, getting married, as a result of dating, is a concession, not a command. Now for what is better, remaining single, and the fact that it is a matter of “Giftedness” that determines whether or not you should get married or not. If you are gifted with “Self-control” and are not at risk of committing fornication, remain single. If you have the other area of “Giftedness”, uncontrollable lust, get married and use that gift with each other.)
1Co 7:7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
(What’s better? Again, singleness.)
1Co 7:8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
(Again, the only reason to get married, and thus to date: IF YOU DO NOT HAVE SELF-CONTROL, GET MARRIED. Better that than to burn with passion.)
1Co 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
(Then the stuff on already being married and dealing with that …)
7:10 -24
(Back to the topic on getting married or remaining single, dating to get married or not. It is not a command to get married, it is not a command, not to. Keep that in mind.)
1Co 7:25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy.
1Co 7:26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
1Co 7:27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
(Stay as you are … IF YOU CAN. But if you get married because inappropriate touching will lead to fornication and you don’t have self-control, get married… second verse same as the first …)
1Co 7:28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.
(Getting married means having more trouble. Getting married means that your time, life, body … s not your own. Getting married means that you are no longer free to decide by yourself how you will serve the Lord … that pretty much sums the next few verses up, along with seeking to redeem as much time as you can for the Lord, considering your … uh … handicap. So to speak.)
1Co 7:29 But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none;
1Co 7:30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess;
1Co 7:31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.
1Co 7:32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord;
1Co 7:33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,
1Co 7:34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1Co 7:35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
(Back to the lack of self-control, back to the it is better not to touch a woman … even if this is you, you both, that is, if you need to get married because things are getting out of hand, or rather into hand, then get married. Here’s the kicker. YOU HAVE NOT SINNED. Remember the one gift in this manner, one the gift in the other part. )
1Co 7:36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry.
(Back to the other side of the issue … If you are firm in your own heart. If you feel no constraints of the flesh, or risks in that manner, if you have authority over your own will and can prevent things from getting into hand … DO NOT GET MARRIED.)
1Co 7:37 But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.
(Ok, neither matter is an issue of sin. It is simply an area of giftedness, with one being a little better than the other from the serving the Lord standpoint, the having trouble in the world standpoint, being ordered by God to be your spouses sex toy at a moments notice … wait … I am married … I got married for the biblical reasons listed here … I like that. Where’s my wife?)
1Co 7:38 So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.
1Co 7:39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
1Co 7:40 But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God.
(Keep in mind that while Paul doesn’t give a command here, one way or another, either he does have the Spirit of God, and thus we don’t have to scrap a lot of our N.T., or he doesn’t have the Spirit of God and we can scrap a lot of the scriptures. If you aren’t into cutting out entire books and letters of the scripture, then perhaps you should accept this as the teaching of the Lord.)
But this isn't about dating. Ok, let's say you find a Christian brother/sister of the opposite sex, and you both agree that this is not an issue, so you start "dating" and spending time together. Inevitably someone starts having feelings for the other, starts having desires, and what happens ... a lot of pain, the one whose desires got "turned on" doesn't have an outlet, and the troubles begin. Why play with fire? Go out as a group and don't risk messing with things that aren't already "turned on" so to speak.
Does this make sense. Otherwise, what you see here is what you will have.
I think the answer to your question lies in this recent thread about dating vs. courtship...
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/97586-awesome-thoughts-dating-courtship.html
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/97586-awesome-thoughts-dating-courtship.html
B
Well, if the goal of a godly relationship is to be part of a holy marriage, then what's wrong with "going steady" by being godly friends?
Dating is a really meaningless when the goal is to be married. You want to befriend the person to discover, over time, whether or not he is also considering you for marriage.
Dating is a really meaningless when the goal is to be married. You want to befriend the person to discover, over time, whether or not he is also considering you for marriage.
Well, if the goal of a godly relationship is to be part of a holy marriage, then what's wrong with "going steady" by being godly friends?
Dating is a really meaningless when the goal is to be married. You want to befriend the person to discover, over time, whether or not he is also considering you for marriage.
Dating is a really meaningless when the goal is to be married. You want to befriend the person to discover, over time, whether or not he is also considering you for marriage.
B
Well, however folks wish to phrase "it" (dating, going steady, courtship, moose-calling ) the process leading to holy marriage begins with spending a bunch of godly time together with the saint one's heart favors with God's approval.
As for how to spend that heavenly-quality time together, the exclusive friendship is directly proportional to the couple's quality time with the Savior.
When you bring the Lord along to all your activities together, and you include the Lord in all your thoughts and conversations, then the friendship flourishes to more holier thoughts of commitment, and the relationship is blessed and open and healthy in the eyes of the Lord.
Dating, therefore, becomes irrelevant in the entire process, would you agree?
) the process leading to holy marriage begins with spending a bunch of godly time together with the saint one's heart favors with God's approval. As for how to spend that heavenly-quality time together, the exclusive friendship is directly proportional to the couple's quality time with the Savior.
When you bring the Lord along to all your activities together, and you include the Lord in all your thoughts and conversations, then the friendship flourishes to more holier thoughts of commitment, and the relationship is blessed and open and healthy in the eyes of the Lord.
Dating, therefore, becomes irrelevant in the entire process, would you agree?
W
Friends first is ideal - at least, for yours truly. You don't have the same pressures of officially dating, and if you and the other person are on the same page re: friendship, you're both freer to be yourselves without one another getting the wrong idea about this or that.
If you've gotten to know each other better, you've both brought it to God, and want to take the next step of dating, go for it!
If you've gotten to know each other better, you've both brought it to God, and want to take the next step of dating, go for it!