What are your struggles as a single Christian?

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Abster

Guest
#1
#1
I've been religious for years but within the past two, Ive built a relationship with God. Everything is different now. I understand the term "born again". My friendships are changing, my spending has changed (I take tithing seriously), and dating....forget about it! As pleased as I am, it gets overwhelming at times when you are so different and going through a life that hasnt changed along with you. What are your struggles as a single Christian?
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#2
#2
It's so hard to even find friends. Most people my age like to party and drink. I'm more of a homebody. I feel really lonely sometimes and it makes me want a relationship even more. But then I remember that God is always with me and that if I need a friend to talk to, he is there. Just remember to let God write your love story. Don't go chasing after guys because you could end up with a man that God doesn't want you to be with.
For example, I've only dated one guy before, when I was 19. I was devastated when he told me he didn't want to date anymore. I cried and asked God "why?" LOL we went on 3 dates only. A year later I found out he was racing his car while drinking alcohol. He totaled his car and lost his job. Morale of the story, I thank God I didn't end up with that guy! So just be patient and develop your relationship with Christ first.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#3
Aug 13, 2014
24,969
8,193
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#3
I've been single all my life - never even been on a date before - but I find the hardest part of being a single christian is most of my friends are married, so when we all get together I feel very much like a third or fifth wheel. Oddly this feeling is WORSE as the crowd of friends increases. It's nothing my friends do to make me feel unwelcome, it's just that I'm a single guy and all of them are not.
 
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Abster

Guest
#4
#4
Its tough when you've changed and your friends are still unsaved and suddenly you are the designated bible thumper. But honestly things that once held my interest no longer do. I am sooo with you on clubbing and drinking. No thanks! I like to sit at home and watch the food network. Lol as for being the third or fifth wheel...I'm living that life but I'd actually rather be single than with the wrong man. Its not always easy....but Im learning. Im glad I'm not the only one who looks around sometimes and says "really?!!!" Lol
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
I was raised as a 'Christian', which to me meant believing in God and being a good person. But at 14 i got saved. My friendships came and went, so it wasn't an issue for me. And i was never popular, so that wasn't affected. But going through high school as a Christian metal head didn't help me fit in any. Wearing Christian t-shirts to school, carrying a bible. Then going to church with long hair. So i get the point about being the 'bible thumper'. But, i embraced it. That's why i wore the shirts and carried a bible. I was 'that guy that carries a bible'. And i didn't care if people didn't like it.
Do to my boldness i actually got a lot of respect for being the only person (yes, only) in my high school to be a Christian, and standing up for it. I'm sure i got trashed a lot too. Fortunately not a lot of it to my face. But still, it was who i was and people had the choice to accept me that way, or move on. And if they couldn't accept and respect it i didn't bother with them.

As far as the single aspect, well, that was mostly my own issues. Focusing more on being single and how 'horrible' it was rather than just focusing on more productive areas of my life. I find with most Christian singles, they are their own worst enemies.
 
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Abster

Guest
#6
#6
There is a courage that comes along with being Christian. You cant concern yourself with the opinions of others. As for the single Christian comment: spot on! I felt conviction there. I'm the only one making myself miserable in that regard but I'm working on it.
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#7
#7
Lynx said:
I've been single all my life - never even been on a date before - but I find the hardest part of being a single christian is most of my friends are married, so when we all get together I feel very much like a third or fifth wheel. Oddly this feeling is WORSE as the crowd of friends increases. It's nothing my friends do to make me feel unwelcome, it's just that I'm a single guy and all of them are not.
Click to expand...
I struggle with that, too. It's amplified some now that I am "single again."
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#8
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#8
being alone is all I know, been alone so long now it has changed me, I am pretty much very damaged goods. I don't like people in general, I don't like anyone touching me. I don't like people being around me, I am not romantic, I am cold, ect. ect. it is what it is I accepted it.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#9
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#9
For me it's the physical connection. Just holding hands or hugging. Also miss staying up talking on the phone. Its also weird seeing people your age getting married or engaged. Having kids. While you're just struggling to maintain your own life. That's probably why I'm still single. It took a year to get over one relationship and then I met someone in April online and after things got deeper she met someone else. So I'm still suffering from some pain and trust issues from that.
 
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Charcoal

Guest
#10
#10
Most of my struggles are more common to that of any single parent who values the children they are raising. In particular, I am torn between my cultural role as a man to be a provider for my family and my factual role as the #1 adult in these kids lives to try to be home and be there for them as much as possible. I can totally understand the perpetuating cycle of poverty that frequently accompanies single parenting, as many single parents often take horrid little retail or food service jobs that let them be off when they need to be home (and frequently fire them for staying home with sick kids)....fortunately that's not currently my story.

The 5th wheel syndrome is thick and difficult.

I find it difficult to meet other Christian singles, platonic or otherwise, because I know everyone at my (relatively large church) and can't just up an visit other churches because my kids deserve the consistency of going to the church they have always gone to.

The whole sexual purity thing... well, let's face the reality of it: if you have trouble with that as a single person, you will have trouble with that as a married person. If you don't have trouble with it as a married person, you won't have trouble with it when you are single again.
I'm holding good ground there, but I know that it can be a struggle.

As a plus side, I am the master of my own toilet seat, LOL.
 
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Abster

Guest
#11
#11
I miss intimacy....not to be mistaken with sexuality. I was miserable in my marriage but even the brief moments of intimacy were enough to make me hopeful to experience that again with the right man. Im trying to build a new foundation of.friends. I cant hang out with women who get dressed each morning to attract men. The other half of.my friends are married. Im in the unique situation of understanding the union of.marriage but being in a holding pattern of solitude. I think I'll start knitting again, hike some trails and stay busy in ministries. Lamenting over these things yields absolutely nothing although I find comfort in knowing Im not alone.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#12
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#12
I miss physical and emotional affection. Comfort through touch. Playfulness. Other than that I love being single at this point in my life.
 
E

enneal

Guest
#13
#13
I am a single christian, Iits better to be alone than being with someone that makes you feel your alone.
God is with us, were not alone spiritually. At the right time and His perfect timing. It will happen!
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#14
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#14
Abster said:
Its tough when you've changed and your friends are still unsaved and suddenly you are the designated bible thumper. But honestly things that once held my interest no longer do. I am sooo with you on clubbing and drinking. No thanks! I like to sit at home and watch the food network. Lol as for being the third or fifth wheel...I'm living that life but I'd actually rather be single than with the wrong man. Its not always easy....but Im learning. Im glad I'm not the only one who looks around sometimes and says "really?!!!" Lol
Click to expand...

 
A

Abster

Guest
#15
#15
Hahahaha! I love that image! I just want to grab your hand...you feel my pain! :D
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#16
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
129
63
#16
Abster said:
Hahahaha! I love that image! I just want to grab your hand...you feel my pain! :D
Click to expand...


I'd also rather be single than end up in the type of relationship I was in last time. Yes, I do feel your pain. :)
 
A

Abster

Guest
#17
#17
Preach!
If its be single or be with my ex husband...I'll gladly have a seat and pla solitaire and praise the Lord the entire game!
 
C

Charcoal

Guest
#18
#18
Sounds like we should introduce your ex & mine. :-0
 
A

Abster

Guest
#19
#19
Its always disappointing when you encounter someone who is just terrible and then you realize that there are more like them. Its unbelievably unfortunate. I pray for him now but it was a conscious effort. Im glad he came up because honestly, it makes me quit my pity party over being single and praise God for deliverance.
 
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arwen-undomiel

Guest
#20
#20
There is a lot I struggle with. Too much. I don't feel like giving thought to it, so I get emotional about it. It serves no purpose thinking about it. Avoidance is key, until it bubbles up and I have a session of crying and then carry on.
 
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