Meeting people online.... any thoughts

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rawnreal

Guest
#1
I am going to be very honest here... I have a difficult time being single due to conditional love by my dad (or so it felt) and not much closeness/bonding with my family. I am not willing to settle in a relationship with a man who is not convicted in his heart to become more like Christ, but I find that when I am single and that empty piece in me hurts, I end up going online and hoping that someone will find me. I am aware that God is my "portion" but the truth is physical affection is something God cant give. And I have not found His voice to be audible on a consistent basis... So it is difficult for me to live without a strong desire to find the person God has for me, as I love to share deep thoughts and moments. I don't know how to feel about meeting people online... in some ways it seems desperate, but in other ways it seems sensible. Ive lived in the same town for years, and have a hard time going to Church out here(long explanation). I dont know where else to look other than the internet, but meeting people offline has not worked out?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
It's not desperate. And it can actually be easier in many cases. I've dated more people online than off. Really, they are just people, same as the ones near where you live. You're just opening yourself up to meet more people than you likely will in 'real life'. At least as far as randomly meeting people. My personal opinion is dating sites do come across as more desperate.
But there are lots of people who meet online and marry, and not on dating sites. While this isn't a dating site, there still have been people who met and married on this site.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#3
I am going to be very honest here... I have a difficult time being single due to conditional love by my dad (or so it felt) and not much closeness/bonding with my family. I am not willing to settle in a relationship with a man who is not convicted in his heart to become more like Christ, but I find that when I am single and that empty piece in me hurts, I end up going online and hoping that someone will find me. I am aware that God is my "portion" but the truth is physical affection is something God cant give. And I have not found His voice to be audible on a consistent basis... So it is difficult for me to live without a strong desire to find the person God has for me, as I love to share deep thoughts and moments. I don't know how to feel about meeting people online... in some ways it seems desperate, but in other ways it seems sensible. Ive lived in the same town for years, and have a hard time going to Church out here(long explanation). I dont know where else to look other than the internet, but meeting people offline has not worked out?

There is nothing wrong with meeting people online. As long as it is not a dating site, it sounds normal with me. I spend at least an hour or two on the web (reading articles, on CC, YouTube, etc.), so I am open to meeting a date online. Just not through dating site, because I prefer dating a friend. Nobody comes to a dating site to make a friend, so that's a big 'NO' for me.

Other offline places that I could suggest are - your favourite coffee shop, at the beach, at a language class, during any singles-only event at your church, a friend's party, etc. Never date a guy who you have met at a bar. Guys come to a bar for other reasons, which I will not post here.
 
I

Inu

Guest
#4
I am going to be very honest here... I have a difficult time being single due to conditional love by my dad (or so it felt) and not much closeness/bonding with my family. I am not willing to settle in a relationship with a man who is not convicted in his heart to become more like Christ, but I find that when I am single and that empty piece in me hurts, I end up going online and hoping that someone will find me. I am aware that God is my "portion" but the truth is physical affection is something God cant give. And I have not found His voice to be audible on a consistent basis... So it is difficult for me to live without a strong desire to find the person God has for me, as I love to share deep thoughts and moments. I don't know how to feel about meeting people online... in some ways it seems desperate, but in other ways it seems sensible. Ive lived in the same town for years, and have a hard time going to Church out here(long explanation). I dont know where else to look other than the internet, but meeting people offline has not worked out?
It's good to meet people online, especially if you are an introvert and find it difficult to meet people offline. Just be cautious when doing so because even though there are real benefits of meeting people online, you don't really know them... I have read some real horrific stories and people posing to be good people. I work in the Foreign Exchange industry and have come across some messed up stories that I won't mention here. You need to use discernment in this case.

In saying all of this, you will meet some great people(like I have) online... You just need to sift them out from the potential serial killer, scammers, and psychotic ones....:)
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#5
There is nothing wrong with meeting people online. As long as it is not a dating site, it sounds normal with me. I spend at least an hour or two on the web (reading articles, on CC, YouTube, etc.), so I am open to meeting a date online. Just not through dating site, because I prefer dating a friend. Nobody comes to a dating site to make a friend, so that's a big 'NO' for me.

Other offline places that I could suggest are - your favourite coffee shop, at the beach, at a language class, during any singles-only event at your church, a friend's party, etc. Never date a guy who you have met at a bar. Guys come to a bar for other reasons, which I will not post here.
Are you talking about SEX?
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#8
I originally came on CC because it was a Christian site and I wanted to fellowship and meet people who love the Lord and discuss different topics I never thought about meeting someone online really and then it happened that I ran across someone in a thread I liked the way he responded to that thread and we seemed to be in and out of some of the different threads and then we started chatting with each other. We will be meeting this Sunday 9/21 - I think it is great in that we chatted our way to friendship and it has developed into more. Who knew? I certainly wasn't expecting it, but I kind of like it a lot. So it is possible to meet someone even when you aren't looking for it.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#9
Very cool, JesusLives. I wasn't looking for someone and Arlene wasn't looking either. But then she heard about me on CC and was curious. Around the same time I found myself drawn to her because of her amazing character and her intriguing combination of godly wisdom and creative silliness. I really saw God shining through her. Arlene had to be fairly forthright (I was rather oblivious) but eventually she got my attention and the rest is history. Roll on September 27!
 
J

Jorina

Guest
#10
I dont think there anything bad about meeting people online, but i think it is important to keep in mind that you eventually will have to meet in real life (if you are looking for more then friendship online). So really be yourself and remember that it could take some time to get comfortable with eachother after spending time with eachother online. I find it much easier to be open and vulnerable when im chatting online then in real life. So try to go to online sites where you can meet people who will think the same about important things like your relationship with the Lord. Become friends with people and dont be pussing to much on the fact that you want it to be more then friendship. If its how the Lord has planned it for you, it will be good. But you will never (well, hardly ever) get anything good out of a relationship that you got yourself in because you just needed to be in a relationship.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#11
One thing to keep in mind, it's a lot easier to play a role online, especially when the interface is text based. For example, now you have met me because I posted here in this thread you started. But have you really met me?
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#12
True, but regular open and honest phone conversation helps to get to know someone better prior to meeting them in person.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#13
Aye, talking to someone over a long period of time you can get to know him. Or he could be a good actor. Just offering a word of caution.
 
J

Jorina

Guest
#14
Aye, talking to someone over a long period of time you can get to know him. Or he could be a good actor. Just offering a word of caution.
But in the end that will be something we can never be sure of whether you meet someone in real or online. We can never truly know eachother eventhough it may feel like we do. But sometimes you just have to take that risk because you feel like that person could be true and you deserve to take the chance at getting to know them better for they turn you into a better person when you're with them. It is allright to take risks like that if you trust in the Lord to go with you on that path and to be there to catch you when you do fall. I try to thank the Lord for uncertain moments and confusing times in my life because they take my eyes of myself and how im doing well and draw them to the Lord to seek for help and for directions. Sometimes the people you met online turn out to be very different and might even hurt you, but you have to keep trying as long as the Lord allows. It is better to feel pain and grow and keep a chance at real friendship/love then to be feeling neutral/just okay and stop growing and close every door to a possible new friend/lover.
 
H

Hauted1972

Guest
#15
I met a lady playing songpop believe it or not lol. It didn't end well, but no worse than it would have been had she been local. Just make sure you meet in a public place at first to be safe. That goes for us guys too. Being alone with a woman at her house without knowing her leaves the door open to a lot of stuff. Meet them online, get to know them before you get serious is my advice.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#16
But in the end that will be something we can never be sure of whether you meet someone in real or online. We can never truly know eachother eventhough it may feel like we do. But sometimes you just have to take that risk because you feel like that person could be true and you deserve to take the chance at getting to know them better for they turn you into a better person when you're with them. It is allright to take risks like that if you trust in the Lord to go with you on that path and to be there to catch you when you do fall. I try to thank the Lord for uncertain moments and confusing times in my life because they take my eyes of myself and how im doing well and draw them to the Lord to seek for help and for directions. Sometimes the people you met online turn out to be very different and might even hurt you, but you have to keep trying as long as the Lord allows. It is better to feel pain and grow and keep a chance at real friendship/love then to be feeling neutral/just okay and stop growing and close every door to a possible new friend/lover.
This is true. Of course christians have an advantage in this regard, as we have an advisor who can't be fooled. ;) One who is far from God can be easily fooled on a forum or chatroom, but if you are closer to God than you are to any guy or girl you might date, you can't go wrong. You'll just... know about a person. Can't explain it, but you just will.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#17
Aye, talking to someone over a long period of time you can get to know him. Or he could be a good actor. Just offering a word of caution.
Maybe. Yes, but be careful and always meet up in a public place and let loved ones know of your plans.
 
A

Abster

Guest
#18
When I was into the online dating scene I came to find the pros to be that I would meet men that I would otherwise not meet. Working the 9-5 grind doesnt allow for much socializing and I am also a single mom of two so when I do have free time, I am leading Girl Scout troop meeting or taking a pre-teen shopping. So the internet allowed me to meet people and get to know them one message at a time. I wouldnt have likely met them otherwise and it also helped that when I met them on a dating site, we were both had the same intentions in the way that we wanted to date. Now for the cons: Just because someone wants to date doesnt mean there is some blanket definition of dating. It gets complicated. Some people are dating casually, dating to seek marriage, dating to make friends. It gets really complex. The other issue for me was I grew tired of logging into a site and constructing a profile to advertise myself and entice men saying "pick me, pick me!" If I truly believe I am a wonderfully made, why am I spending time convincing everyone else? It just became pretty lame for me and I had no interest in indulging in it. It does allow you to meet plenty of people you wouldnt otherwise run into but there are some folks you are better off NOT meeting and there lies the problem. Online dating exposes you to way more than you would be if you weren't doing it. I am not knocking people that decide to go that route because I once did, however those days have come to an end for me. Its just too convenient. In one month you can go on 5 dates and meet a dozen people. Its hard to focus on one when you are interacting with many. I just don't think its a great way to find someone and the best thing to do is stop looking and let love find you. Thats my two cents. Chuck it, put it in your pocket... whichever you prefer. lol
 
B

BananaPie

Guest
#19
...and the rest is history. Roll on September 27!
Y'all meeting in September or was that November? You two are so in my heart and prayer. :)
 
B

BananaPie

Guest
#20
...I don't know how to feel about meeting people online... in some ways it seems desperate, but in other ways it seems sensible.
There are a few godly couples who met here on CC; they became friends and continued their relationship into holy marriage. But the broader reality of the internet is fertile ground for ill laughter and ghastly intentions.

You may want to browse through the
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/85202-o-o-internet-catfishing.html thread. The Lord be your wisdom. :)
 
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