Q
Hi. I dont want to be really negative here, but im having a really hard time being positive at all. When i was younger i had a good childhood and i was fine until i turned eleven. Ever since puberty i have felt as though ive been a mess. I also felt like at age 14 i had a huge falling out, and i became a very negative person. At 14 i felt no one understood me, at that God didnt seem to care. Everything i wanted was harshly denied and given no explaination and i went on a downward spiral. My 3 crushes (all a few months apart) rejected me, then when i turned to music, my parents denied what i wanted to listen to. I prayed to God, but He just seemed to be silent. So now im 17, and am still struggling with problems. I dont see my best friends often anymore, and i feel so alone. I also struggle inwardly with a problem that probably only 0.1% of Christians ever face, and it is destroying me. Some may say its my fault, but i cant help but think it isnt. I would never have chosen this...Would i really have made a choice to be something that makes me dislike myself?! I also struggle with self image alot. I fall into the trap of sin alot...and i sometimes want to stop completely, othertimes i dont. I have asked God to take away this problem i have from me, but He wont. Why doesn't He help me? I want Him to take it from me, but He wont. Im so tired of fighting who I am. I just want it to just FREAKING STOP! Im sorry if this is hard to read or offends anyone. What am i doing wrong? Should i be fighting harder. I just dont understand this at all. Its like i was destined for this to happen to me, and i feel like it may never change . I want to be a better Christian, but i cant overcome this. I know God said He will never give us something we cant handle, but at this point for me, j cant handle it, and i feel like God isnt helping me. I know He still loves me, but it doesn't always feel like it