I Dont Understand?

[Quake10]

Hi. I dont want to be really negative here, but im having a really hard time being positive at all. When i was younger i had a good childhood and i was fine until i turned eleven. Ever since puberty i have felt as though ive been a mess. I also felt like at age 14 i had a huge falling out, and i became a very negative person. At 14 i felt no one understood me, at that God didnt seem to care. Everything i wanted was harshly denied and given no explaination and i went on a downward spiral. My 3 crushes (all a few months apart) rejected me, then when i turned to music, my parents denied what i wanted to listen to. I prayed to God, but He just seemed to be silent. So now im 17, and am still struggling with problems. I dont see my best friends often anymore, and i feel so alone. I also struggle inwardly with a problem that probably only 0.1% of Christians ever face, and it is destroying me. Some may say its my fault, but i cant help but think it isnt. I would never have chosen this...Would i really have made a choice to be something that makes me dislike myself?! I also struggle with self image alot. I fall into the trap of sin alot...and i sometimes want to stop completely, othertimes i dont. I have asked God to take away this problem i have from me, but He wont. Why doesn't He help me? I want Him to take it from me, but He wont. Im so tired of fighting who I am. I just want it to just FREAKING STOP! Im sorry if this is hard to read or offends anyone. What am i doing wrong? Should i be fighting harder. I just dont understand this at all. Its like i was destined for this to happen to me, and i feel like it may never change . I want to be a better Christian, but i cant overcome this. I know God said He will never give us something we cant handle, but at this point for me, j cant handle it, and i feel like God isnt helping me. I know He still loves me, but it doesn't always feel like it

 

[Quake10]

And when i say falling out, i dont mean i turned away, but i felt i strayed from Him.

 

[Ugly]

In other words you're a normal teen? Including the belief that you face an issue that almost no one else has to deal with.
And fighting with yourself? That's part of being Christian. That will never stop because there is a constant war against your flesh and spirit.
Believe it or not, you sound like many other teens. What you're going through is nothing new, and is quite common.
And i don't know what this .1% issue is, though i'm pretty sure you're basing that number off of no facts at all and pure speculation. So whether or not it's your fault i can't say.

Would you ever make a choice that would make you dislike yourself? Absolutely you would. Maybe not consciously, but people do such things all the time. Have you ever made a choice to sin? Ever? 'Oh, it won't be a big deal to do it this once'. Humans are self destructive by nature.

Hopefully you can begin o realize that what you think is unique to you is not, in this case. You're still a teen. Your hormones are still going. Your brain is still developing. You're searching for identity. Still learning about the world. Still figuring out God. Just don't freak out. Slow down and think through what you're doing. Because right now your reaction is not a beneficial one, and is only causing you to dislike yourself (hmm) even more.
Sometimes God may be silent for a reason. Sometimes we silence God in our lives, even without knowing it, because we stop listening.

Keep in mind, one of the biggest flaws in people (and i'm not excluding myself at all) is the inability to own up to our choices. Much if not most of the things that happen in our lives are a result of our own choices. But rather than see and admit to it people prefer to point fingers or say 'look what happened to me'.
I was faced with that when i developed major health issues. I could've blamed God, blamed bad luck or whatever else. But the reality is it was my fault. I made bad choices that lead up to it. Do i like myself for making those choices? Nope.

 

[Quake10]

Not to be disrespectful, but normal? Haha, no. I wasnt exaggerating either about the 0.1% percent....i have probably 200 Christian friends and none have the same issue as me. And normal is just what society thinks of as the norm, when in reality, its just a made up presupposition of how we act. Just cause im a teen dorsnt mean i exaggerate, or make an issue that isnt special to me special. While i agree with you on some points many i disagree with. I know u mean well, but you are in a sense judging me

 

[zeroturbulence]

Can you be a little it more specific about the problem? I know there are people here who'd like to help you but its hard to help if one doesn't know what the problem is. I can tell that you are suffering a lot and I wish I could give you some advice, but I can't tell from your posts what it is you need help with.

 

[NateDaGrimes]

Not to be disrespectful, but normal? Haha, no. I wasnt exaggerating either about the 0.1% percent....i have probably 200 Christian friends and none have the same issue as me. And normal is just what society thinks of as the norm, when in reality, its just a made up presupposition of how we act. Just cause im a teen dorsnt mean i exaggerate, or make an issue that isnt special to me special. While i agree with you on some points many i disagree with. I know u mean well, but you are in a sense judging me

society should be thinking we are crazy, those teens must be doing something wrong then.

 

[VyMajoris]

Start reading your Bible more. I'm not saying you don't. But you have to know where to read. I usually read in Proverbs. Pray that God will reveal anything you have been doing wrong. We all sin that's a fact (Romans 3:23), but ask God to reveal any sins you have committed that you don't even know about (I'm not saying you haven't but here's the verse) (Proverbs 28:13) , he will reveal to you anything you have done, once you confess you'll feel a lot better (1 John 1:9), pray that God will give you wisdom (James 1:5). I hope this helps .

 

[Channa]

We don't understand things. We don't understand God and we shall never understand God as a human. God gave us the bible. As VyMajoris says, you could read your Bible more. There may be things that will lead you to a bit more wisdom.
I think you need trust in God. Trust that he will lead you. Maybe you could start with that. Itsn't just something, trust in God, but everyday you can come closer to it.

Remember that God made you with a purpose. You're his creation. His own. He don't just like you. He L O V E S you! You may remember that He's the way out of these feelings.

I pray for you. I'm sure more people do.

 

[Quake10]

Thank you all for your answers. I feel as though right now, im in a big transition period and trying to figure out who I am. Im searching very hard and its very tough for me. I especially appreciate Channa and VyMajoris advice. I actually just started recently reading the Bible frequently. I feel i have been so messed up for awhile, and i feel as though im going through a rekindling period. I just sometimes feel so broken inside. Thank you all so much for your advice, and your prayers for me Channa.

 

[Quake10]

Thank you all for your answers. I feel as though right now, im in a big transition period and trying to figure out who I am. Im searching very hard and its very tough for me. I especially appreciate Channa and VyMajoris advice. I actually just started recently reading the Bible frequently. I feel i have been so messed up for awhile, and i feel as though im going through a rekindling period. I just sometimes feel so broken inside. Thank you all so much for your advice, and your prayers for me Channa.

 

[Jakob]

When I read your thread, I felt like I was reading a part of myself, with the whole thing
Feel free to message me, I think it would be good for you, cause I have, or am in that progress to, so I can relate to some of the stuff you wrote.