There was once in my life when the Lord seemed so faar away. It happened when everything seemed to be right, the environment was so okay, it was something that happened inside my heart.
I knew i havent lost my faith, it was juz hard to pray, hard to read the bible, and i was slowly losing focuz. and i began to notice the changes in my life, the emptiness in my heart. and i was like... 'what happened?' i knew there was something wrong but i didnt know what it was. i always prayed. 'forgive me from my sins for not trusting You, for being unfaithful.. '... and then the next day, i said the exact same words again. and i did that for like a while. and i wasnt sincere, my mind was floating while i was praying ... and i got tired,.......God's image in my heart was slowly fading away.. i didnt like going to church.. i had so many reasons, i started to love the world, i listened more to worldy music than songs of praise and worship... i got easily irritated :-/ and i was aware that i was not doing the right thing... and that worsen the situation, when I pray, i felt guilty..
until one time, i checked out a video, ive already seen before, .. 'everything' by lifehouse.. it was juzt kinda reminded me of so many things.. they started coming into my mind.. and i felt i needed God more,.. right on that moment (when i felt the Holy Spirit was waking me up), i didnt let go of the chance, i prayed with all my heart for God to change my life, and (some thoughts was like telling me, i wasnt worthy to talk to God anymore) and everytime that thought comes to my mind, i prayed more, i cried louder, to cover that voice on my mind.. thats what i did for a few days, i prayed continuosly without listening to myself. coz i was afraid that when i stop, the guilt feeling i had before would consume me again, and will separate me from God... again.
Then I started reading more of God's word, listened to sermons, talked to mature christians.. and continued praying.. it WAS hard, there was a war inside my heart. and I realized (from reading more of God's word), that those thoughts that separated me from God were OF COURSE not from Him.. and i told myself, then if not from God, then it was from Satan...it was satan's plan to let me 'feel' like God wasnt listening to me, God wasnt hearing my cry, that God will not forgive me from my sins... and it was satan's plan to take my life away from God. and i can hear a voice inside me, saying, what happend to u? wake up! wake up!.. and I've been there already, and i knew that I had to get back on track, so i decided to listen to the little voice...and laid it ALL down at His feet, i told Jesus, i coudlnt fight the enemy inside me, .. i laid it ALL down before Him, i let go. and had Him take over,.. He broke the chain that was choking me. He wiped away the mud and dust on my robe.. He will never leave me nor forsake me...
