I need advice from someone wise and won't prosecute me!

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Baileybug0304

Guest
#1
#1
This will be alittle long but I really need help...I am 15 years old and I have no idea who to turn to! Now I am not the typical teenage girl that falls in love with every boy she meets,my last relationship lasted 10 months. My mom would sit me down and talk to me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do and I agreed and I would promise it would never happen. Well whenever I got around my ex I told him what I promised her and what I did not want to do which was dirty sexual acts but some how he always got around it and there we were again figuring out a way to sneak off. I betrayed her many, times. Now I see that we are no longer together it was a big, big mistake. She had trust in me and I abused it,but I'm asking for another chance but everytime I ask she brings up that I betray her trust. Now I will say that me and my ex went to fornicate but something felt very wrong and I told him to stop,but she will not believe me! I've tried and tried to tell her nothing happened but yet she will not believe me. Recently I started dating a new boy,he is 15 and a Boy Scout. He has never done anything wrong and his parents are highly strict. I moved up to where he lives not too long ago and now we are moving back home and I want to spend as much time as possible with him. She will not allow me to go to his house because she says she can not trust us! Now my question is how do I earn her trust back if she will not give me the chance!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#2
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#2
Once trust is broken it is a long and slow process to restore it. You realize what happened with your ex was a mistake. But have you figured out why you were willing to let it happen and how to keep from getting to the place in a new relationship where it will happen again? This is a critical point if you don't want to repeat those past mistakes because I can assure you that once you get all emotionally involved in another relationship, you'll probably be just as vulnerable as before. Your mom sounds like a pretty decent mom, turn to her, she's on your side for your long term good.

As for the new guy, how much time passed between these relationships? Are you learning to stand as your own person or are you training yourself to be defined by if you have a boyfriend or not? Has your mother met this guy? As for wise advice, honor your mother. She is trying to protect you and keep you safe. Keep you safe from the hormonal craziness you're still learning how to deal with emotionally. Keep you safe from the less than honorable guys who have only one thing on their minds. And keep you away from the opportunity to make foolish choices. Let your mom get to know this guy, she has more life experience and will have a better perspective on how good of a guy he is now and how good of a guy he is likely to become. If she knows and can trust him, then it will be easier for her to trust the two of you to be together. Hang out at your house with your mom there if she's okay with that, or ask your mom to invite his family over for dinner and games one night.

Also don't build your whole life around the new bf. Don't make it your goal to spend as much time as possible with just him, but involve yourself in a wide circle of friends and activities (include him in those things if you want, but don't spend lots of time alone with him at this stage of the game). This will give you a much better support system if things don't work out, and it will also let you see how he acts towards other people. That's a very important thing to pay attention to in someone you are dating, how he treats others and not just how he treats you.

Also, remember that any guy you start dating you will either have to marry or break up with. Be cautious about who you are willing to date and give your heart to.
 
Z

zoii

Banned
#3
Apr 8, 2015
895
18
0
#3
Baileybug0304 said:
This will be alittle long but I really need help...I am 15 years old and I have no idea who to turn to! Now I am not the typical teenage girl that falls in love with every boy she meets,my last relationship lasted 10 months. My mom would sit me down and talk to me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do and I agreed and I would promise it would never happen. Well whenever I got around my ex I told him what I promised her and what I did not want to do which was dirty sexual acts but some how he always got around it and there we were again figuring out a way to sneak off. I betrayed her many, times. Now I see that we are no longer together it was a big, big mistake. She had trust in me and I abused it,but I'm asking for another chance but everytime I ask she brings up that I betray her trust. Now I will say that me and my ex went to fornicate but something felt very wrong and I told him to stop,but she will not believe me! I've tried and tried to tell her nothing happened but yet she will not believe me. Recently I started dating a new boy,he is 15 and a Boy Scout. He has never done anything wrong and his parents are highly strict. I moved up to where he lives not too long ago and now we are moving back home and I want to spend as much time as possible with him. She will not allow me to go to his house because she says she can not trust us! Now my question is how do I earn her trust back if she will not give me the chance!
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Heya :) Dont feel too bad.... i bet most parents did similar stuff or thought about it. If your mum is cool then time will change everything including you, her and what you think. This from someone who has Zero experience in this, but i sure have tons in other areas a lot rougher.
Take care :)
Zoii
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#4
#4
Baileybug0304 said:
This will be alittle long but I really need help...I am 15 years old and I have no idea who to turn to! Now I am not the typical teenage girl that falls in love with every boy she meets,my last relationship lasted 10 months. My mom would sit me down and talk to me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do and I agreed and I would promise it would never happen. Well whenever I got around my ex I told him what I promised her and what I did not want to do which was dirty sexual acts but some how he always got around it and there we were again figuring out a way to sneak off. I betrayed her many, times. Now I see that we are no longer together it was a big, big mistake. She had trust in me and I abused it,but I'm asking for another chance but everytime I ask she brings up that I betray her trust. Now I will say that me and my ex went to fornicate but something felt very wrong and I told him to stop,but she will not believe me! I've tried and tried to tell her nothing happened but yet she will not believe me. Recently I started dating a new boy,he is 15 and a Boy Scout. He has never done anything wrong and his parents are highly strict. I moved up to where he lives not too long ago and now we are moving back home and I want to spend as much time as possible with him. She will not allow me to go to his house because she says she can not trust us! Now my question is how do I earn her trust back if she will not give me the chance!
Click to expand...
Don't argue with your mom. If she doesn't believe you that you at first rejected the advances and all, don't argue.
If she doesn't want you going to see the other boy, don't go.
She won't see a change until you stop trying to down play or minimize your part. Okay.
No matter what you say, trust was broken.

The very notion of asking your mom for permission to visit the other boy after what happened with you and the other boy, is a most telling truth. You don't fully understand or accept the responsibility of what you did.

She has every reason to not trust you, as you know. Don't worsen it by then asking for a privilege identical to the same privilege that led you to break the trust.

Additionally, you will have to become more responsible around the house. Do things with out being told. Be on time. Do chores. Help your mom. Etc.

Do what is right today with your mistake (we all make mistakes) and tomorrow you will be all the better.
 
MadeInGodsImage

MadeInGodsImage

Senior Member
#5
Mar 30, 2015
147
1
16
#5
Some really good advices in the above posts. :) Definitely you must stop trying to convince your mom that she can trust you by using words, when you promised your mom, you gave her your word, but since you didn't keep the promise it would be difficult for her to trust your words easily about this matter. Your actions can do a better job in getting her trust back. :) I would suggest that you first apologize to your mom for breaking your promise, and then show your mom that your a responsible woman through your actions. Once she sees that, she should start regaining her trust for you.

It's understandable that you want to spend time with your bf before leaving the place, but it's also understandable that your mom won't simply agree to it, so why don't you try doing it in terms with your mom? For example, ask your mom if it's okay for your bf to come to your house while your mom is there instead of going to his house. It would be a great chance for your mom to meet your bf and if he's a good guy like you say he is, your mom would feel better as well. :)
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#6
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#6
cinder said:
Once trust is broken it is a long and slow process to restore it. You realize what happened with your ex was a mistake. But have you figured out why you were willing to let it happen and how to keep from getting to the place in a new relationship where it will happen again? This is a critical point if you don't want to repeat those past mistakes because I can assure you that once you get all emotionally involved in another relationship, you'll probably be just as vulnerable as before. Your mom sounds like a pretty decent mom, turn to her, she's on your side for your long term good.

As for the new guy, how much time passed between these relationships? Are you learning to stand as your own person or are you training yourself to be defined by if you have a boyfriend or not? Has your mother met this guy? As for wise advice, honor your mother. She is trying to protect you and keep you safe. Keep you safe from the hormonal craziness you're still learning how to deal with emotionally. Keep you safe from the less than honorable guys who have only one thing on their minds. And keep you away from the opportunity to make foolish choices. Let your mom get to know this guy, she has more life experience and will have a better perspective on how good of a guy he is now and how good of a guy he is likely to become. If she knows and can trust him, then it will be easier for her to trust the two of you to be together. Hang out at your house with your mom there if she's okay with that, or ask your mom to invite his family over for dinner and games one night.

Also don't build your whole life around the new bf. Don't make it your goal to spend as much time as possible with just him, but involve yourself in a wide circle of friends and activities (include him in those things if you want, but don't spend lots of time alone with him at this stage of the game). This will give you a much better support system if things don't work out, and it will also let you see how he acts towards other people. That's a very important thing to pay attention to in someone you are dating, how he treats others and not just how he treats you.

Also, remember that any guy you start dating you will either have to marry or break up with. Be cautious about who you are willing to date and give your heart to.
Click to expand...
Wow. You are a lot wiser than I have been giving you credit for.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#7
You're 15 years old. That's wayyy too young to be dating, and wayy too young to be having sex. I hope you used protection with your ex, because if you didn't, there's a good chance he may have given you an STD. Go and get tested. Now you're onto another relationship, and once again, you're too young to be dating. Go enjoy being a kid, and save dating and having sex until you're an adult and know what you're doing. Btw, why should your mother trust you after you betrayed her so many times? People can only take so much of being lied to before they refuse to give the other person another chance..In my opinion, you're mom is right not to trust you, because you have snuck around against her wishes too many times. She is your mother and you need to honor her and stop finding ways to go sneak around with your new bf. My question to you is, why are you so eager to pursue another relationship knowing that it will probably go just like the first one did, with you sneaking around to see him? If both your mother and his parents object to the two of you seeing each other, then wouldn't it be obvious that you need to leave him alone and honor their wishes? Put off dating for a few years, go enjoy being a kid.
 
MadeInGodsImage

MadeInGodsImage

Senior Member
#8
Mar 30, 2015
147
1
16
#8
MadeInGodsImage said:
For example, ask your mom if it's okay for your bf to come to your house while your mom is there instead of going to his house. It would be a great chance for your mom to meet your bf and if he's a good guy like you say he is, your mom would feel better as well. :)
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cinder said:
Hang out at your house with your mom there if she's okay with that, or ask your mom to invite his family over for dinner and games one night.
.
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I apologize Cinder. When I read your post completely now that's when I realised that I just brought up the same example, I didn't see that before I posted. :/
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#9
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#9
MadeInGodsImage said:
I apologize Cinder. When I read your post completely now that's when I realised that I just brought up the same example, I didn't see that before I posted. :/
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That's not something you need to apologize for. If anything hearing it from multiple people just shows that a lot of people think it is good advice.
 
MadeInGodsImage

MadeInGodsImage

Senior Member
#10
Mar 30, 2015
147
1
16
#10
cinder said:
That's not something you need to apologize for. If anything hearing it from multiple people just shows that a lot of people think it is good advice.
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Right. Nvm then. :) Sometimes I have seen people criticising others for copying the ideas, not here on CC, but on other forums. So if my advice would be something similar, then I tend to keep quiet.
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#11
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
764
113
39
Australia
#11
Baileybug0304 said:
This will be alittle long but I really need help...I am 15 years old and I have no idea who to turn to! Now I am not the typical teenage girl that falls in love with every boy she meets,my last relationship lasted 10 months. My mom would sit me down and talk to me and tell me what I should and shouldn't do and I agreed and I would promise it would never happen. Well whenever I got around my ex I told him what I promised her and what I did not want to do which was dirty sexual acts but some how he always got around it and there we were again figuring out a way to sneak off. I betrayed her many, times. Now I see that we are no longer together it was a big, big mistake. She had trust in me and I abused it,but I'm asking for another chance but everytime I ask she brings up that I betray her trust. Now I will say that me and my ex went to fornicate but something felt very wrong and I told him to stop,but she will not believe me! I've tried and tried to tell her nothing happened but yet she will not believe me. Recently I started dating a new boy,he is 15 and a Boy Scout. He has never done anything wrong and his parents are highly strict. I moved up to where he lives not too long ago and now we are moving back home and I want to spend as much time as possible with him. She will not allow me to go to his house because she says she can not trust us! Now my question is how do I earn her trust back if she will not give me the chance!
Click to expand...
Look at this way, your relationship with your mother is infinitely more important than some fling with a guy. She's doing what she thinks best to protect you from doing something stupid, as you have shown in the past you are capable of doing.
Listen to your mother because she is right, you may not see it now but you will in time as you grow older and mature.
 
T

TheTruthAboutTheTruth

Guest
#12
#12
Well to be honest you're going to have to be obedient and listen to her so you can find favor in her sight because if you keep trying to see this boy knowing that she already told you no then she's never going to trust you but if obey and talk to her and PRAY for her to have an open mind and be more understanding then you'll be fine because at the end of the day she is only doing this because she loves you and she doesn't want to see anything bad happen to you.
 
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