I noticed your name "WannaBMedStudent" That sounds like an awesome thing to strive for. I do not know what is preventing you from pursuing that goal. But it is an awesome goal. In life we have goals...things we aspire to do. Please do not let whatever is happening in your life to cloud that goal. Ha! I noticed that I have gone overboard on goals. I just want to let you know that I am praying for you. We all live in a sinful world. Our human nature, born to sin, can steer us in the wrong direction if we do not keep our focus on God. Our nation is falling away from God. If you truly love our Creator and repent of your sin, you can be free. The shame of your sin is easily forgiven. The Shame you will harbor in your heart is much tougher. For although God forgives you, your personal forgiveness is the hardest. And breaking free of your sin is even harder. I am no master of my own sinful nature - for I fail daily. I just want to encourage you to find a friend to confide in. If there is none you trust, know that God is always available.