If I Just Died Today

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Levichevett

Guest
#1
#1
A few days ago my brother found out that I started cutting again and he threw away all my knives and razors so now everything's just building up and the thoughts r getting more stronger and I can't deal with them anymore. So my parents were already pretty mad at me over that. But today I poured my sleeping pills down the sink because I don't want them I don't like sleeping. Now their downstairs arguing cos my parents want to send me away to some mental hospital but my brother won't let them do that to me. And right now I'm really scared and I don't know how to cope with anything and I just really want to drink this bleach but I know I can't and they keep saying y would God care if I died and I can't tell them y and bad stuff keeps happening because of me and I'm so messed up and I want to cut it all out so I can feel better again but they won't let me and I just want to be able to not think for a bit that's all y can't I move on from anything I'm crying over new things and I'm still crying over what happened years ago I want to be able to stop
 
T

TheSearcherOfTheLight

Guest
#2
#2
I'm not the better one to tell you something, but God is next to you. Invoke Him, He will answer you. You will never be sent to a mental hospital, is Satan's lie.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#3
Levichevett said:
A few days ago my brother found out that I started cutting again and he threw away all my knives and razors so now everything's just building up and the thoughts r getting more stronger and I can't deal with them anymore. So my parents were already pretty mad at me over that. But today I poured my sleeping pills down the sink because I don't want them I don't like sleeping. Now their downstairs arguing cos my parents want to send me away to some mental hospital but my brother won't let them do that to me. And right now I'm really scared and I don't know how to cope with anything and I just really want to drink this bleach but I know I can't and they keep saying y would God care if I died and I can't tell them y and bad stuff keeps happening because of me and I'm so messed up and I want to cut it all out so I can feel better again but they won't let me and I just want to be able to not think for a bit that's all y can't I move on from anything I'm crying over new things and I'm still crying over what happened years ago I want to be able to stop
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First of all, I applaud your brother for throwing out your knives and razors. Cutting yourself won't take away the pain. Neither will drinking bleach. God created you!! OF COURSE HE CARES ABOUT YOU. I'm proud of you for dumping your sleeping pills. They aren't a solution either. As for past and present hurts, lay them at Jesus' feet and leave them there. Let him bear your burdens from now on. You cannot live in the present, if you're holding onto the hurts of the past. Let them go and move on.

I'm not trying to scare you, but if you keep up this suicidal behavior, your parents most likely WILL have you committed somewhere, at least for counseling. And your brother will have no control over what your parents do. THEY are your guardians. Your brother is not.. :/

To avoid any more misery, give this all to God, for he IS in control of what happens to you. You may not care about yourself, or your body, but I assure you God DOES. :)
 
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JustAnotherUser

Guest
#4
#4
I'm not sure how your hospitals are ran, but maybe if possible you can try searching for evaluation centers that will have you stay for a certain period of time and then have you discharged once improvement starts. From my understanding, you would be given therapy and have certain medications to take if it's needed while finding healthier outlets along with teen support (if they have those type of support groups, but I don't see why they wouldn't.)

I don't know if this would be the first time or if you're acquainted on being sent somewhere due to mental illnesses as well as how extensive it is given with history. But you aren't alone when dealing with these type of struggles. I remember how alone I felt when feeling that something was wrong, which wasn't too long ago; but the subjects of adolescent mental illness wasn't as apparent as to how it's starting to surface now. Anyone who sees you less for them likely have little to no education on the mental health subject as it is an increase academic being taught in the recent decades. Things happen and unfortunately some are going to have a harder road than others, but it's not impossible to overcome the earlier you realize that there is a problem.

Try talking to your parents. If they're not completely open on the subject then tell them that you want to seek for a professional to talk to. You are kept under your parents care until you reach the legal age of being eligible as independent, but until then you are able to then you are going to need to have some sort of communications set in order to progress and overcome your struggles. Stay safe.
 
Elisabet

Elisabet

Senior Member
#5
Jul 11, 2015
824
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#5
God walks with you, through the good and bad times, He is always by your side. Of course He loves you and He cares about you. You're special in His sight and there is only one "you" in the whole world.

Once my parents also found that i cut and they said if bad things happen it doesn't mean you have a bad life.

I think in the deepest part of your heart you still want to recover and be a better person. Do not let your past control your future. Change your mindset. God gave you this life because He knows that youre strong enough to live it.

Cutting is an addiction and its really hard to stop, even when you want to recover so badly. Sometimes we also need professional help. It doesnt have to be elder people, but it must be someone more experienced than you, and they should understand you.

Sometimes you just have to calm yourself. Talk to God in your prayers, read the Bible and you'll realize that you're not alone. Stay strong!
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#6
Apr 22, 2013
12,935
8,662
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#6
Levichevett said:
A few days ago my brother found out that I started cutting again and he threw away all my knives and razors so now everything's just building up and the thoughts r getting more stronger and I can't deal with them anymore. So my parents were already pretty mad at me over that. But today I poured my sleeping pills down the sink because I don't want them I don't like sleeping. Now their downstairs arguing cos my parents want to send me away to some mental hospital but my brother won't let them do that to me. And right now I'm really scared and I don't know how to cope with anything and I just really want to drink this bleach but I know I can't and they keep saying y would God care if I died and I can't tell them y and bad stuff keeps happening because of me and I'm so messed up and I want to cut it all out so I can feel better again but they won't let me and I just want to be able to not think for a bit that's all y can't I move on from anything I'm crying over new things and I'm still crying over what happened years ago I want to be able to stop
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My heart breaks for you and how you are feeling. It's going to be ok. There is a woman in our Bible study who's 17 yr old son suffers from a very similar situation as yours. Praise God you are reaching out!

Levi, you are here for a reason. You say you are Spiritually unsure. The 1st step is accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and Believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead. Without this nothing else I say will really matter. Please let us know if you have taken this step, then we can render further help. And remember, you were led here for SOME reason. I would submit that it is the Lord tugging at you.
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#7
#7
Dear Levi, Please contact one of these places to talk to someone right away. Tell them your situation and that you need help and guidance right now. I pray in Jesus' name the Lord help you and guide you to the right person who can assist you in your time of depression and grief. My heart goes out to you, dear. You are not alone!

Crisis Text Line

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

The Alliance of Suicide Prevention Charities |

United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines, United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines, United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines, United Kingdom Suicide Hotlines!
 
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jogoldie

Senior Member
#8
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
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#8
My brother...its so sad you feel this way....I think your looking too far ahead.......you see...nothing last forever..
and things in life change so quickly.......thats why God instructs us to live each day.....tomorrow will take care of itself.....
I also learned recently that the depression in teens today are at a staggering level.....the reason given for this ......is that
people today are so self centered.....always focusing on themselves and their problems......this techno world we live in....
has caused us to be loners....never needing to seek out company......since now ....company can be at the end of our fingers.....
anytime we want........it use to be ....we had to visit people in person......imagine that......
I find when im all worried about myself ......when things seem so desperate ...I focus on others....I figure..if im going through something
others might be too......
There is a man in my neighborhood......everyday I watch him walk across the field nextdoor....he carrys large bags of cans that
he has spent the day....in dumpsters...on the side of the highway.....and places I would never want to walk past....
As I complain about having to go to work.....in the airconditioned store....and comfort I have......makes me feel so ashamed...
This man does this for his family.....this is how he makes his living......should I whine about my cushy job......puts things
in a new perspective for me.......reach out to others my friend.....find a group and ask for help.......this is why
your parents are reacting this way......if you dont want them to help you......help yourself.....sit them down.....tell them you
want help......but most of all stay with God through this.....focus on Him.....life is a roller coaster...and the dips and turns can
be scary....i try to make them an adventure.....you can do this with Gods help..........may you find peace
and joy soon......jo
 
Z

zoii

Banned
#9
Apr 8, 2015
895
18
0
#9
Its not so bad being hooked into a teen mental health service. They refer you to counsellors or groups n its the start of the road you need to take. Sounds like uve cut b4 so u probably know this anyway, but it doesnt sound like you can handle things. Counselling is the way to go...n talking to ur rents.... cutting not so good but way better than drinking bleach. Noone can help u here... u need to get it at your end. If ur thinking a rope then your rents r right... u need to hook back into youth mental health coz ur losing control.... listen to them.
 
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Levichevett

Guest
#10
#10
I'm ok now and their not sending me away so it's fine
 
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JustAnotherUser

Guest
#11
#11
Levichevett said:
I'm ok now and their not sending me away so it's fine
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Just take care of yourself. I would still advise that you reach out to someone about these issues since it's hard to overcome them alone.
 
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Levichevett

Guest
#13
#13
Their tryna get in touch with my old counsellor but I don't c y. It's not gonna work. I hate them I hate everyone I don't trust them. I don't like them so I don't talk to them. U either stay silent until they give up or if they seem like there not gonna give up u pretend to be making progress and then u can go. Their so easy to lie to. Oh and they've reordered my sleeping pills so that means Their going to start making me go to sleep again and I don't want that I don't want any of that anymore
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#14
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#14
Levichevett said:
Their tryna get in touch with my old counsellor but I don't c y. It's not gonna work. I hate them I hate everyone I don't trust them. I don't like them so I don't talk to them. U either stay silent until they give up or if they seem like there not gonna give up u pretend to be making progress and then u can go. Their so easy to lie to. Oh and they've reordered my sleeping pills so that means Their going to start making me go to sleep again and I don't want that I don't want any of that anymore
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I'm gonna be a little more blunt than the others here. You tell US you want help, yet you say you don't want to talk to your counselor. Why even bother asking for help on here if you're just going to ignore the help you are being offered there at home? Your counselor knows you better than we do. Talking is therapeutic, Levi. You really should give it a try with your counselor and BE HONEST.

As for your sleeping pills having been renewed, just because they are prescribed does NOT mean you have to take them if you don't want to, unless it affects your health.
 
Z

zoii

Banned
#15
Apr 8, 2015
895
18
0
#15
Levichevett said:
Their tryna get in touch with my old counsellor but I don't c y. It's not gonna work. I hate them I hate everyone I don't trust them. I don't like them so I don't talk to them. U either stay silent until they give up or if they seem like there not gonna give up u pretend to be making progress and then u can go. Their so easy to lie to. Oh and they've reordered my sleeping pills so that means Their going to start making me go to sleep again and I don't want that I don't want any of that anymore
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Dude noone is more of an expert at being angry with counsellors than me..... fact is I wasnt really angry at HER I was angry at someone else. Not talking to your counsellor - Dude whats the point, its not a flippin game and its not like u won anything..... but u could gain something if you let them do their stuff....

Look my counsellor told me to journal - I told her that if she thought journalling was so f***** good why doesnt she fill it in herself. 2 years later and my journal is full of my story in art n poems, n while cutting is not exactly behind me I'm not the person I was.

My advice is - The only advice to get is NOT here but from your professional counsillor who knows you, your story and your family.

I dont know if your hooked into any groups - they can be good but as u may know when your with cutters n ana freaks you can kinda feed of them which isnt so good.... so good but dont get dragged down blackholes.
Zoii
 
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Levichevett

Guest
#16
#16
I don't have a choice with the sleeping pills. They make me take me.

as for the counsellor, it's stupid. U get forced to go there and then they ask u a load of dumb questions like 'how r u feeling right now?' 'Umm pretty frigging angry cos I don't wanna be here' it's just pointless. And then they tell u that whatever u say won't be ever told to somebody else. Well that's obviously a lie. And they don't even know me they just go on what other ppl say and them ppl don't even know me enough to say anything anyway. If I was honest to them they'd think I was crazy so y would I do that to myself. Counselling is stressful not helpful.
 
Channa

Channa

Senior Member
#17
Mar 1, 2014
381
2
18
#17
Levi, please pray to our God. I will pray too.
About the counsellor. Sometimes it's stupid, but it can be helpful. Why don't you try it?
My mom is a counsellor and she may never ever say anything about the people.
If she do so, she may get quit.
Only if the person is in lifedanger, she may search for help.
God bless,
 
M

mar09

Senior Member
#18
Sep 17, 2014
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#18
Just remembering lines of a song saying: Help me believe and trust You one more time...If only we would really believe-- and obey one day at a time.
 
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