Ex Drama

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L

Levichevett

Guest
#1
#1
First of, things werent great with my ex when we were together. He was very controlling, very sadistic, very hurtful, but I love him anyway because Im just a bit of an idiot like that. I still hang out with him quite a bit because he means a lot to me and he has a lot of problems and I want to help him.
So essentially the other day he invited me to a party and I knew if i went id end up getting high and then make a lot of bad decisions that id probably regret. So I didnt go. He was pretty pissed at me for not going so you know i went to his to say sorry and explain why i didnt wanna go. He seemed to be ok with it so we were just chilling and that and then he kept like trying to get me to have sex with him and he wouldnt listen to me so I got up and left. And now hes really mad at me saying that I dont care about him and stuff and saying all these horrible things about me and its really upsetting you know. He'll never understand how much i love him. Hes even changed my Netflix password so I somehow need to sort that out to. After everything hes put me through youd think Id have learnt to stop giving him all these chances but I wont ill still forgive him because I cant give up on him not being able to change.
I made the right decisions didnt I? How come being good makes me feel so bad like I should have just gone to that party because then all this wouldnt have happened and everything would still be fine and I wouldnt have to feel like crap for tryna do something right. At least when you do something wrong you get why ppl are mad at you for it.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
There's a reason why he's your EX. What you're feeling isn't love, it is pity..compassion.. not love. He doesn't love you or he wouldn't be so controlling and sadistic and angry.. You made the right decision not to go to the party, and to not let him pressure you into sex. BUT as long as you "hang out" with him, that temptation is always gonna be there. Drop him like a hot potato NOW, before you REALLY mess things up. Focus on God! Leave the girls (and boys) alone.
 
L

Levichevett

Guest
#3
#3
blue_ladybug said:
There's a reason why he's your EX. What you're feeling isn't love, it is pity..compassion.. not love. He doesn't love you or he wouldn't be so controlling and sadistic and angry.. You made the right decision not to go to the party, and to not let him pressure you into sex. BUT as long as you "hang out" with him, that temptation is always gonna be there. Drop him like a hot potato NOW, before you REALLY mess things up. Focus on God! Leave the girls (and boys) alone.
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i can't leave him. It'd break him. I'm the only one who's stuck with him through it all. Ik he acts like he doesn't feel anything and he doesn't care but deep down he's just scared to let himself be loved. I can't hurt him like that.
 
Mo0448

Mo0448

Senior Member
#4
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
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#4
Levichevett said:
i can't leave him. It'd break him. I'm the only one who's stuck with him through it all. Ik he acts like he doesn't feel anything and he doesn't care but deep down he's just scared to let himself be loved. I can't hurt him like that.
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Everything blue has said I agree with...he sounds like an immature guy (most guys his age are), and while he is "insecure" or "scared" as you mentioned it...it isn't your responsibility to "stick" with him at the cost of your pain and suffering...you're 14 go be a 14 year old...Pray for him if he isn't a Christian...and if he is pray twice as much ;) but really though drop him haha
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
Levichevett said:
i can't leave him. It'd break him. I'm the only one who's stuck with him through it all. Ik he acts like he doesn't feel anything and he doesn't care but deep down he's just scared to let himself be loved. I can't hurt him like that.
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Levi, I stuck with Thomas (an ex) for TEN YEARS while he was in prison. TEN YEARS. And you know what, he used me during that time. For letters, phone calls, money.. Even after he got out I still stuck by him. Two weeks later, he told me he was still in love with an old ex of his and wanted to get her back, or try to, since she already had another guy. Thomas left me feeling really stupid for wasting ten+ years on him.

Your ex wasn't afraid of hurting YOU by being mean and sadistic. Don't make excuses for him. YOU cannot change him. Only GOD can do that. So hand him over to God and let him take it from there. No offense but your ex needs GOD'S love alottttt more than he needs YOURS right now. His life is obviously screwed up. Yours is too.. don't mess it up any more by thinking he'll change if you "stick with him."
 
Z

zoii

Banned
#6
Apr 8, 2015
895
18
0
#6
blue_ladybug said:
There's a reason why he's your EX. What you're feeling isn't love, it is pity..compassion.. not love. He doesn't love you or he wouldn't be so controlling and sadistic and angry.. You made the right decision not to go to the party, and to not let him pressure you into sex. BUT as long as you "hang out" with him, that temptation is always gonna be there. Drop him like a hot potato NOW, before you REALLY mess things up. Focus on God! Leave the girls (and boys) alone.
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hahahaha I seriously dont know if u actually meant to be funny or not - maybe its just i was imagining your voice saying this...the message was good but....sigh why am I chuckling reading it.....could be my weird sense of humour when none was intended.

Levi - wow - dude u do walk difficult paths. :) i think ladyblue is onto something here. You know one of the things I worry for u is that youre a risk taker - and not in a good way. Levi noone here can tie u down so u cant have sex...thats ur choice so..Number One if u ARE going to u better be using protection. Dont repeat ur mistakes.

Secondly... ugh u dont need me to go through all the risks coz u know them as well as i do... u so need to start keeping a journal (or some way of processing whats in your head) coz i fear one day one of ur risks is going to do you (or someone else) irreversible harm.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#7
zoii said:
hahahaha I seriously dont know if u actually meant to be funny or not - maybe its just i was imagining your voice saying this...the message was good but....sigh why am I chuckling reading it.....could be my weird sense of humour when none was intended.

Levi - wow - dude u do walk difficult paths. :) i think ladyblue is onto something here. You know one of the things I worry for u is that youre a risk taker - and not in a good way. Levi noone here can tie u down so u cant have sex...thats ur choice so..Number One if u ARE going to u better be using protection. Dont repeat ur mistakes.

Secondly... ugh u dont need me to go through all the risks coz u know them as well as i do... u so need to start keeping a journal (or some way of processing whats in your head) coz i fear one day one of ur risks is going to do you (or someone else) irreversible harm.
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Actually I was NOT trying to be funny, so YOUR humor must have seen something I missed. Two, you've NEVER heard my voice soooo... :confused: Three, good advice to Levi.. :)
 
G

Galahad

Guest
#8
#8
Levi, go back and read the first three responses. Then read your post again. What do you see in theirs that's not in yours? Clue: It's not what you said, it's what you didn't say that is the problem.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#9
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#9
You cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Likewise, you cannot change someone who doesn't want to be changed.. If you think you're helping him by sticking with him, you're mistaken. What he needs right now is GOD, not YOU.. Let God stick with him and straighten out his life.. YOU have your own screwed up life to work on without the burden of HIS life on you..
 
L

Levichevett

Guest
#10
#10
I dont know if I can stop
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#11
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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113
#11
Levichevett said:
I dont know if I can stop
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You don't have to stop caring about him.. You just need to stop waiting for him to change. He cannot and will not change on his own. No matter how long you hang around him. Only GOD can change him. So step back and get out of God's way and let Him work on your friend. Be a source of support, NOT enablement for your friend.
 
L

Levichevett

Guest
#12
#12
What if God wants me to help him?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#13
Levichevett said:
What if God wants me to help him?
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God doesn't need your help in helping your friend. By hanging around him, you are only HINDERING God's work. Step out of His way and let the Lord do His thing.. :)
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#15
#15
Levichevett said:
i can't leave him. It'd break him. I'm the only one who's stuck with him through it all. Ik he acts like he doesn't feel anything and he doesn't care but deep down he's just scared to let himself be loved. I can't hurt him like that.
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And that is HIS problem, not yours.

Do not try to change a man, or you'll end up miserable.
 
L

Levichevett

Guest
#16
#16
But I have been helping him. He has got so much better and he's opening up so much more. I don't think I'm doing anything bad.
 
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