Proposing to my gf

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M

MyWorld

Guest
#1
#1
This might be really crazy but I want to propose to my girlfriend. We've been together for over a year and we had a child 2 months ago. That's given us so much responsibility you know and we both want to become better people for our child so we can raise him to hopefully not make the same mistakes that we did. I can't see me having a future without her by my side. Proposing to her may be taking things too fast but we truly love each other. Honestly my son makes me feel like the proudest Father and she'd make me feel like the proudest husband. God gave us a child to make us into better people together and I want that so bad. I would like some Christian voices to talk me out of this if it really is that insane but have you ever felt so strongly that something is the right thing to do that it's always on your mind? That's how I feel about this. But I also don't want to propose and then be rejected and not be able to see my son as much. I really think that we could make this a good, happy Christian family.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#2
I see that you're only 16. I'm pretty direct in my responses, so hopefully you can handle raw truth. :) For one, you're too young to be having sex, AND certainly way too young and immature to be getting married. Premarital sex is a sin and goes against God's word, so the two of you need to repent, if you haven't already. You also need to stop having sex, focus on being teenagers and get ALOT of experience under your belts first before you even think of getting married. God did NOT "give you" this baby. Unprotected sex did. :/ The two of you know NOTHING about being good parents, or taking care of all of a babies' needs. So obviously you wouldn't have a clue about knowing how to be good spouses. If you get married this young, it's pretty much a given that you'll divorce within 10 years. Wait until you're both 21 or so, and are better able to understand all the ramifications and consequences of what you're doing.

I think you're confused and somewhat reluctant. In one sentence you say that you want a family and marriage so badly, yet in the sentence following that, you say that you want some christian voices to talk you out of it.. That tells me that you are NOT at all ready to be a husband, father OR family.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#3
#3
Blue has great points regarding if you're really ready. Additionally I want to state that you can be a better person on your own and should seek that goal and knowing fully who you are and where you want your life to go. Sixteen is very young for all that you have been through thus far and you have more emotional and christian growing ahead of you. Good luck!
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#4
#4
I advise you to seek counseling immediately, young man. Your life, her life and your precious baby's life are all too important to let public opinion determine your fate. Call your pastor or a counseling center in your area today. God bless & keep you!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
You're 16, slept with your girlfriend and believe God wanted you to have this baby? Clearly you are not ready spiritually to be the head of a household.
You are moving too fast. I'm sure at 16 dating for a year seems like some great accomplishment, but it's not. That is just the beginning. And adding the stress of a wife, baby, working + school. Or trying to get work without and education, and this fairytale romance you have created in your head will crash and burn in a heartbeat.
Myers in the US we have tv shows about pregnant teens. Basically it's a bunch of overly dramatic children trying to raise a baby in dysfunction.
As mentioned above, you don't need a baby or a spouse to change you, you just need to be willing to change. Just because a situation works towards that doesn't make it Godly, it just means God used an unGodly situation for His good.
 
C

coby

Guest
#6
#6
MyWorld said:
This might be really crazy but I want to propose to my girlfriend. We've been together for over a year and we had a child 2 months ago. That's given us so much responsibility you know and we both want to become better people for our child so we can raise him to hopefully not make the same mistakes that we did. I can't see me having a future without her by my side. Proposing to her may be taking things too fast but we truly love each other. Honestly my son makes me feel like the proudest Father and she'd make me feel like the proudest husband. God gave us a child to make us into better people together and I want that so bad. I would like some Christian voices to talk me out of this if it really is that insane but have you ever felt so strongly that something is the right thing to do that it's always on your mind? That's how I feel about this. But I also don't want to propose and then be rejected and not be able to see my son as much. I really think that we could make this a good, happy Christian family.
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My former sister in law married when she was 18 I think, don't even think you can marry here with 16, but she had a kid with 16 and her parents also helped them raise the kid. They're still together after all these years. They're in their fifties now. Now it's considered weird, but in the Bible it was totally normal. Paul said marry if you can't control yourself.
What does she and what do her parents think about marriage?
 
R

ramx2016

Guest
#7
#7
Man you guys can clear a room... geez.... beat the poor kid down on his 2nd post...?

Nice.... :/
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#8
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#8
ramx2016 said:
Man you guys can clear a room... geez.... beat the poor kid down on his 2nd post...?

Nice.... :/
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​He told us to talk him out of proposing. Hopefully he's pondering our advice and will take it. :)
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#9
#9
blue_ladybug said:
​He told us to talk him out of proposing. Hopefully he's pondering our advice and will take it. :)
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I know one thing he probably ISN'T pondering ....

:/
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#10
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#10
ramx2016 said:
I know one thing he probably ISN'T pondering ....

:/
What he wants to do is foolish. He's 16, and seems unsure as to whether he truly wants to propose or not. Hopefully he will decide not to. If he has to come to a chat site to ask us to talk him out of proposing, that should tell you he's not ready for that commitment at all. :/
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T

Txroads

Guest
#11
#11
MyWorld said:
This might be really crazy but I want to propose to my girlfriend. We've been together for over a year and we had a child 2 months ago. That's given us so much responsibility you know and we both want to become better people for our child so we can raise him to hopefully not make the same mistakes that we did. I can't see me having a future without her by my side. Proposing to her may be taking things too fast but we truly love each other. Honestly my son makes me feel like the proudest Father and she'd make me feel like the proudest husband. God gave us a child to make us into better people together and I want that so bad. I would like some Christian voices to talk me out of this if it really is that insane but have you ever felt so strongly that something is the right thing to do that it's always on your mind? That's how I feel about this. But I also don't want to propose and then be rejected and not be able to see my son as much. I really think that we could make this a good, happy Christian family.
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((LOUD WHISTLE)).......slow down there son!.... Sweet sassafrass...... Looky here son..... Listen cause things folks are tellin you is all outta love.... Somehow it don't seem. Likenyoubgit any male influence in your life so I'm gonna try and take this as easy as i can.... You better have a seat.... First off, your 16.... You gotta learn to be 16 first.. Then you gotta learn what it is to be a man before you can become a husband.. Then you gotta learn what it means to be a husband before you can be a father..... And before ANY of that you gotta make real sure you got God in your life to show you how to be all those other things. It's good that you want to take care of your responsibilities. But that little gal of yours has the same road you do.. She's got to learn what it is to be a woman first, then a wife and then a mother.. Y'all can go through this together and learn along the way and see where God is gonna lead both yall. You don't get married just because you had a baby.. The baby will bring you two together, but there's no guarantee you ever gonna stay together as young as you are unless you put God right in the middle of it.... Both of y'all,...... You've got a road ahead... But it ain't alone..... Catch up to yourself first..... God bless the both of ya...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
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Tennessee
#12
You're too young to be getting married. You may have had a child together but that hardly means that God gave you a child to turn you into better people together. Hold off on the proposal for awhile but do your best to be involved in your child's life. That also means that you have to do your best to provide whatever financial support that you can. I really don't envy you but can only pray for God to provide clarity and some sense of direction.
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#13
#13
I'm a-thinkin' that you need to at LEAST finish schools first. I really don't know anything about you or your girlfriend or your faith and maturity level, but marriage is a pretty big step for a 16-year-old. (I know...I'm sixteen too...almost seventeen...I'm even an emotionally stable sixteen...and I'd like a year or two yet before marriage). Not to say that no one has ever done it or that it can't be done; but at least the way you posted here, it sounds like you're more focused on "love" than on commitment. Marriage is hard work...are you prepared to find a home and provide for a wife and family? Think beyond the hearts and flowers and be practical here.

I suggest getting advice from people who know you; some young people can handle marriage/family at an early age...other times it ends in a mess of divorce and heartache...sometimes worse. Talk to someone who knows you and get their views on if they think you're ready.

As a general suggestion (not taking into account personality differences) Sixteen is too young to get married. You need to be out of school and have a house/apartment and a job that you can support a family on. Work really hard on your relationship with God and on your schoolwork. Grow emotionally and spiritually and put the idea of marriage out of your head for a few years. If she really loves you, she'll respect your choice and wait for you. If she doesn't wait...she sure isn't going to stick around when you're married.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#14
#14
I'm not going to add much advice as you have received very good advice from the posts so far...just know that you need parental consent at that age (each state is different but the overall state law is age 16 you need parental consent....) Otherwise you have to wait till age 18....

What lady blue said is right, you are living in sin and need to repent of that and get right with God. Sex outside of marriage is a sin...there is no gray area....so repent of that first and pray to God. Next, like Tinuviel said you need to set aside all the "fluff" of being in love/infatuation...and get real with what you will have to do/face in life to provide for your gf and baby...also do you love her and the child for who they are or just for her sex? It is a honest question you need to answer and no I'm not being hard just being realistic....

Like txroads said you need to slow down, maturity comes with age and life experience....I know I wasn't that mature 10 yrs ago compared to where I am now....at age 16 people are generally impulsive and don't think of long term consequences for actions....Also if I were you I would gather your parents, and her parents along with her...and have a true discussion about what to do....her parents may be mad she's pregnant but now both your family and her family are involved in this child's life and need to decide what's best for the child and you guys in general.....

Don't propose yet....sit down, think with a clear head, and most importantly pray because you need it :) and then ask your parents and her parents for opinions along with your gf present...


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_marriage_in_the_United_States
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#15
#15
Ultimatum77 said:
I'm not going to add much advice as you have received very good advice from the posts so far...just know that you need parental consent at that age (each state is different but the overall state law is age 16 you need parental consent....) Otherwise you have to wait till age 18....

What lady blue said is right, you are living in sin and need to repent of that and get right with God. Sex outside of marriage is a sin...there is no gray area....so repent of that first and pray to God. Next, like Tinuviel said you need to set aside all the "fluff" of being in love/infatuation...and get real with what you will have to do/face in life to provide for your gf and baby...also do you love her and the child for who they are or just for her sex? It is a honest question you need to answer and no I'm not being hard just being realistic....

Like txroads said you need to slow down, maturity comes with age and life experience....I know I wasn't that mature 10 yrs ago compared to where I am now....at age 16 people are generally impulsive and don't think of long term consequences for actions....Also if I were you I would gather your parents, and her parents along with her...and have a true discussion about what to do....her parents may be mad she's pregnant but now both your family and her family are involved in this child's life and need to decide what's best for the child and you guys in general.....

Don't propose yet....sit down, think with a clear head, and most importantly pray because you need it :) and then ask your parents and her parents for opinions along with your gf present...


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_marriage_in_the_United_States
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My bad I just noticed the UK Flag :) Still check the laws there...for your age....
 
R

Richie_2uk

Guest
#16
#16
blue_ladybug said:
ramx2016 said:
I know one thing he probably ISN'T pondering ....

:/
What he wants to do is foolish. He's 16, and seems unsure as to whether he truly wants to propose or not. Hopefully he will decide not to. If he has to come to a chat site to ask us to talk him out of proposing, that should tell you he's not ready for that commitment at all. :/
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This what happens when we give time and advice to the young. there are a small minute percentage of young people who will listen and even a smaller minute percentage of those who respond. I know one thing is clear especially on CC. that there are those who post a thread and then immediately go do something else, forgetting the post they put up. I think CC could benefit to have some sort of alert system, so when a post has been replied to, an alert shows up on the person screen, rather than a blue highlight in notifications. I don't its a only suggestion. Just throwing it out there. But there are those who writes a post and then leave and not bothered with any responses. Weird I know, but that's the young for you, I don't mean to sound harsh on them, but once a young person who don't know how this site works, posts up a thread, they immediately is distracted looking around the site which by then they had forgotten there post. and by the time they find out about the replies or responses. People has pointed there finger a them for not responding or replying and paints a picture that they are just trolls or idiots who are messing around, Though Im not saying thats the case for all new young people who join. but a good majority. Perhaps another thrwon out there as to when a person join CC, maybe they go through like a rules page and a brief of how the site works as they are filling in the registry form? I don't know another idea to through out.

But to be fair, there are some really good points and good positive replies and great advice for him for when he does decides and realizes that he can come back to read them.
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Colt45Bullet

Guest
#17
#17
I think you should get married to her. I mean, what can you do? You are a father now, which makes you, ready or not, the head of a family. You can't just break up with her and get another girl to marry, then you would be abandoning your first child. So yes, you should propose to her, but stay in school and finish so you can get into a college or trade school to provide for them.
 
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Colt45Bullet

Guest
#18
#18
But it is imperative that you know what you are getting your self into. I know a guy that just woke up one morning on Fathers Day, and left his wife and kids. He killed himself Sunday night by shooting himself in the head. Realize what you have gotten yourself into.
 
M

MyWorld

Guest
#19
#19
I think I'm going to wait until I leave school and get a job and then bring it up with her
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#20
#20
Sounds like a plan sir.

Also - I'm glad to see you came back...

A
 
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