Help! I don't know if I should wait for this guy...

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Keaxian

Guest
#1
#1
I've liked this guy for 2+ years and wondered why I'm not moving on and recently read a (Christian) book, first book in a long time, and saw that a man waited 3 years... This is what I've been struggling with. When I finally said "God I'm just going to wait for your will to work while I strive for you" my Mom brought home the book. I feel like I need to wait another year before I try to shove out the feelings...
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Here's a problem. People see someone elses story and think of it as a template from God. God worked in that mans life that way because that's how God chose to work in his life. That does not mean three is a magical number. It doesn't mean it's a sign. If you go around living your life based off of the way God works in other peoples lives then you aren't living the life God meant for you. You're not following God's lead for you. You're not following God's formula (by the way, there isn't one). You are just desperate for an answer and figure if it worked for one person then that must be the way to do it. Wrong.
God has a plan for YOUR life. And that plan has nothing to do with the plan He had for anyone else. Stop applying things that have nothing at all to do with you, or with how God works in your life, to your life. Find out how God wants to work in your life.

And guess what? Not moving on isn't a sign from God. It's a sign that you are clinging on to something that isn't going to happen. Just because you emotionally sit stagnant and dwell on someone doesn't mean anything spiritual. I was engaged at 20. For 20 years i haven't stopped thinking about her. But i know, now, that it would not have been a good idea to marry her. That doesn't mean anything spiritual.

You aren't moving on because you're holding on. Stop holding on and you can move on easier. Maybe there will always be a little part of him that sticks with you, but humans make connections. Doesn't mean it's from God, it means you're a normal human.
And as much as you're going to hate hearing it, at your age the chances of anything long term coming out of this are very slim. Yes, it does happen, but it's rare. And you haven't actually heard God tell you anything, you just assume it's God and look for reasons to validate holding on.
 
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Keaxian

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you for the lengthy advice but I just put a simple thing in my post...I've prayed long and hard about it and I think God put me in his life to witness to him. He claims to be a Christian but I'm not entirely sure because he doesn't seem to live his faith. About the 3 years thing I just thought it was funny because other people have said give it one more year...I'm more concerned with why I cant see to get rid of him.

I wrote him a letter telling him I was sorry for writing him but that I was tired of the awkwardness between us...I had written him before and told him I would leave him alone from then on. He is one of my only 2 friends. I still just want to be friends and build a relationship...as FRIENDS. For a while because I felt my personal feelings would cloud my judgement of how to act, what to say, etc. So I pushed him out of my mind and buried in the bible. It took a summer to do so, but I was successful. I saw him for the first time in months and thought I'm fine I don't have to talk to him, he probably doesn't even want to talk. Hes super shy and doesn't usually go talk to people. He came and talked TO ME... I prayed and said God either please help me keep my fleshly desires away and be friends or remove him from my thoughts completely. It been a year and I've become more and more concerned about his spiritual well being.

At the same time sometimes he acts like he just wants to be friends and I'm totally fine with that, then he gets all nervous and flirty, and acts like he likes me...I'm just so confused on what God's plan is and wondered if anyone would make any sense out of what I just said...and no hes not all of why I'm confused...
 
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LOLOKGal

LOLOKGal

Senior Member
#4
Nov 13, 2015
774
89
28
#4
Hello Keaxian! :) After reading both of your post, my first impression of him is... He's not to sure himself, and that's okay. I don't remember if you mentioned if he's the same age as you or not, but I'm assuming so. If that's the case, then you both have time. I think it's good what you're doing, just remaining friends with him. Loving him as Christ wants us to. Also, during this time there's a video serious on youtube that's WONDERFUL to watch really before anyone starts dating. Even if this boy is not the one God has for you, these videos will still be good to help prepare you for your future husband - which will be a few more years down the road for you. :D Each one is about 15 minutes long. Not hard to watch. I think you'll enjoy them.

Here's links to those videos on Youtube.
Love, Sex, and Dating, with Andy Stanley


Part 1: https://youtu.be/FXJe7tsgZqM


Part 2: https://youtu.be/qkBvd9bK6e8


Part 3: https://youtu.be/_MMGp9TQCig


Part 4: https://youtu.be/kErMFz2qWp8
 
D

DoubtingSam

Guest
#5
#5
Keaxian said:
Thank you for the lengthy advice but I just put a simple thing in my post...I've prayed long and hard about it and I think God put me in his life to witness to him. He claims to be a Christian but I'm not entirely sure because he doesn't seem to live his faith. About the 3 years thing I just thought it was funny because other people have said give it one more year...I'm more concerned with why I cant see to get rid of him.

I wrote him a letter telling him I was sorry for writing him but that I was tired of the awkwardness between us...I had written him before and told him I would leave him alone from then on. He is one of my only 2 friends. I still just want to be friends and build a relationship...as FRIENDS. For a while because I felt my personal feelings would cloud my judgement of how to act, what to say, etc. So I pushed him out of my mind and buried in the bible. It took a summer to do so, but I was successful. I saw him for the first time in months and thought I'm fine I don't have to talk to him, he probably doesn't even want to talk. Hes super shy and doesn't usually go talk to people. He came and talked TO ME... I prayed and said God either please help me keep my fleshly desires away and be friends or remove him from my thoughts completely. It been a year and I've become more and more concerned about his spiritual well being.

At the same time sometimes he acts like he just wants to be friends and I'm totally fine with that, then he gets all nervous and flirty, and acts like he likes me...I'm just so confused on what God's plan is and wondered if anyone would make any sense out of what I just said...and no hes not all of why I'm confused...
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You're 16 years old. I was in love at 16 but look back and laugh now. Everyone does with time. Don't take this the wrong way, because I'm sure you really do feel things at your age. But you have a lifetime ahead of you, and neither one of you have even begun to scratch the surface of who you will be in your twenties and thirties. It's pretty rare that a relationship that starts out in the teen years ends up evolving into a long-term relationship or marriage. And if it does, there is a lot of learning along the way, because you will both go through a lot of changes. You are going to meet so many cool people as you grow into an adult. And you are going to have many options and will have your pick of the litter if you just focus on being a Godly person. There is nothing more attractive than someone that really loves God.
 
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